January 15, 2001 Philadelphia

Justin beats his head along to the punk rock music and closes his eyes as the drugs start to take effect. God that felt good. He could loose himself in this void. A new year a new Justin. What could he do this year to surprise the fans? He was thinking about shaving his head, but that might make some of them have a heart attack. God he hated having to think of their opinions before his own.

The band on the stage was great. The music was fast and the crowd was surging along to it. Justin opens his eyes swaying his head back and forth to the drumbeats of the music as he bends down towards the table. He picks up a rolled up dollar bill and quickly snorts a line of the fine china white powder placed before him. He rubs his nose quickly after he finishes and then stands up from his seat.

He needed a drink

Justin stands up stumbling a bit before making his way over to the bar and taking a seat on one of the stools. JC would have killed him if he knew he was drinking in a place like this. He would have told him that the glasses probably weren’t even clean. Too fucking bad for JC though. Let him spend his days with his money-digging girlfriend drinking fine wine and visiting museums.

“Can I help you?” a voice asks as Justin looks up and locks eyes with a pair of crystal blue eyes that could pierce even darkness.

“Uh…a beer is good,” Justin says smiling at her.

“A beer?” the girl says taking a hand and moving her long black hair behind her ears, “how old are you?”

“Old enough,” Justin says.

“Ok…what did you take then hun?” she asks.

“Take? Well I want to take a beer.”

“What drug hunny?” she says simply as Justin stares at her oddly for calling him hunny. Only his mother called him hunny.

“Who said I took a drug,” Justin says staring at her.

“You look like you did,” she says.

“I’m fine,” Justin snaps standing up quickly and walking away from the bar. He didn’t need a beer, “I’m fine,” he mutters again sitting down and taking another hit, “Maybe I’m not fine,” he says as the room starts to spin quickly and soon enough the world fades into blackness.

Justin opens his eyes slowly letting them close a few times before fully opening them and looking around at his surroundings. His head felt horrible and he had this horrible pain in both his throat and his stomach. God what had he taken? It was probably at that moment that he noticed the club was completely empty and almost completely silent if it wasn’t for the fact that he could hear a few glasses clinging together as people cleaned up. Oh shit JC was going to kill him. And with that thought he sprang up out of the booth he had passed out in, only to fall onto the floor in a heap of uncoordinated limbs.

“Easy there sunshine,” a voice says from behind him and he turns his head enough to see the female bartender standing behind the bar cleaning up. She had her jet-black hair pilled onto of her head now in a sloppy bun, but nothing could take away from the beauty that she had. Not ever the fact that there were now dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes stare at him before looking at the ground again. She was pale though. Britney would have said she needed to get sun, but her paleness suited her. If she were any darker it wouldn’t work. She was wearing a tight black t-shirt that much he could tell from looking at her behind the bar.

“What time is it?”

“7: 15 in the morning,” she says smiling at her brightly.

“Shit,” Justin mutters dropping his head on the ground again, “JC is gonna kill me.”

“Girlfriend?”

“Band mate.”

“So you’re gay?”

“What?” Justin says looking up at her, “You really have no idea who I am do you?”

“Should I?” she asks as her eyes stare at him.

“No,” he says, “I’m a nobody druggy. Don’t worry about it.”

“What you take?” she asks as he hears her footsteps walking towards him.

Justin looks at her and sees that she is wearing a pair of boots, fish net stockings and a short black skirt that showed off her long legs. She had to be taller then JC from what she looked like.

“What did you take?” she asks walking over to him and kneeling on the floor by him.

“Nothing,” Justin says.

“C’mon I can help you now just tell me,” she says feeling his head.

“Something hard.”

“Something hard,” she says, “Cocaine.”

“How’d you know that?”

“You don’t have track marks hunny,” she says motioning to his arms and once again using the term hunny.

“I don’t like needles,” Justin mutters.

“Right,” she says standing up, “Now c’mon stand up pretty boy.”

“I’m not a pretty boy,” he snaps. He’d rather have her call him hunny.

“Right…you don’t think I’ve seen plenty of you. Come down here listen to music, get high, pass out and then I’m left to take care off. Trying to live a different life. Most likely trying to get away from something,” she says as Justin stands up, “Nice clothes, very clean, not a scratch on you,” she says looking at him, “What’s your name?”

“Justin.”

“Justin,” she says repeating it, “Not bad.”

“Well what’s your name then?” Justin asks her looking at her hard. The sweetness in her was slowly sounding like audacity now.

“My name,” she says looking at him and smiling, “Is Ness.”

“Just Ness?”

“Just Ness,” she says, “Door out is over there. Bus stop is down the street a little it will take you anywhere.”

“Who said I was leaving,” Justin says.

“Who said you can stay? The place is closed if you haven’t noticed. I think you have a home by the looks of you.”

“I don’t. Not here,” he says.

“What do you want then?” she asks walking up to him.

“Nothing,” he says looking her in the eyes. She was tall only a few inches shorter then himself, two at the most.

“Oh God not another one,” she says looking at him.

“Another one?” Justin says.

“One of you. One of you, who stick around till now then stands there with that look on your face.”

“What look is that?” Justin asks folding his arms across his chest.

“That fuck me I’m hot look,” she says simply walking away from him back behind the bar of the club.

Justin stares at her oddly and smiles slightly.

“See I’ve been here long enough,” she says to him.

Justin smiles slightly at her again.

“Now seriously what do you want?” she asks ducking down and coming back up with a few empty bottles in her hands.

“I dunno,” Justin says walking towards the bar and sitting on one of the stools, “You still owe me a beer.”

“You still owe me ID,” she smiles at him.

“Ok, I don’t have ID, but I am twenty-one,” he says watching her walk back and forth behind the bar, “Look I’ll pay you extra for the beer,” he says reaching into his pocket and producing his wallet, “Beer costs what here two dollars?”

“Three,” she says from the other end of the bar.

“Ok three,” he says, “I’ll give you twenty.”

She stops where she is standing and turns around to look at him, “Twenty? For one beer?”

“For one beer,” Justin nods holding a twenty-dollar bill out and smirking.

“No,” she says simply.

“Forty,” he says producing another twenty as her eyes widen, “How about a hundred? How about two?” he asks taking out a wad of bills.

“You’re going to pay that for a beer?” she asks walking up to him.

“I paid five hundred for a bottle of Cristal before,” he says, “nothing big.”

“You’re a dealer aren’t you?” she says simply, “Should have figured.”

“I am not a dealer,” Justin snaps, “I told you already… I’m in a band.”

“No one I know in a band makes that much,” she says, “Especially if they are supporting their drug habit.”

“Ok,” he sighs, “It’s not exactly a bad…it’s more of a vocal group,” he says as she stifles the laughter, “See that’s the same fucking reaction I get every time,” he says harshly, “If you had any idea who I was you would be catering to my every need,” he says and realizes immediately that he should have never started the sentence by the way she looked at him. Now he had to finish it, “If you knew who I was…You’d give me every beer I’d ask for…You’d you’d be spread out on the floor with me fucking your brains out,” he says as she erupts into a fit of laughter.

She walks up to him and leans on the bar staring at him, “Sunshine if I wanted you to fuck me you’d already be doing it by now,” she says simply before pushing off the bar and going back to her work, “Now humor me who are you?” she asks picking up a bottle of vodka that was empty still laughing slightly.

“Justin Timberlake,” he says simply looking down at the bar saying it with more pain then joy.

She stops laughing and stares at him hard, “Holy fuck…you’re serious,” she says taking in his features.

He nods slowly before looking up at her again.

“NESS,” a deep male voice yells as an older middle-aged man walks into the room. His arms were tattooed, but aging was taking over his body as his brown hair was thinning and turning gray. His stomach protruded slightly over his jeans, “What the hell did I tell you about keeping people later then closing hours?” he asks her folding his arms across his chest.

She sighs and rolls her eyes walking out from behind the bar and standing near Justin, “Yeah, Walt, because we’re gonna drink all the beers and steal money. Because this place just makes so much,” she snaps, “And I’ve done that sooo many other times right?”

“Ness, you’ve been warned before…”

“What are you talking about? This has never happened before. What are you going to do fire me? Like you can get anyone to replace me? No one will work so often for such little money,” she spits out.

“Ness, you’re a fucking recovering junkie with a record you’re lucky I took you,’ he spits out.

Justin looks at her shortly and then down at the floor. That’s how she knew it was cocaine then.

“Don’t fucking lecture me on my past,” she snaps, “Don’t fucking judge me like that. Yes, Walt, I was going to steal the money, which you already took form me to count, get drunk, with what little is left, and then fuck my boyfriend all over the place, probably getting more disease from the floor then anyplace!”

“You…you’re fired!”

“Oh please no! What will I do now!” she snaps before storming across the floor and out the door.

Justin looks at the man then runs out after her quickly, “Hey! Hey!” he yells catching up to her as she walks down the road swiftly.

She looks at him before slowing her pace down, “What?” she sighs.

“Did I cause that?” he asks staring at her.

“No. No, that happens every night I work. Every night I get fired and the next night I get rehired,” she says.

He nods at her then smirks.

“What?” she asks self-consciously.

“So I guess I am your boyfriend now right?” he says.

“No,” she says simply, “but you can walk me home,” she says lacing an arm through his.

June 2, 2001 Boston

“You have got to be fucking me!” Ness yells looking down at Justin paced out on the floor of the hotel room. His eyes were shut and his lips were slowly turning blue, “You fucking selfish bastard!” she yells punching him hard in the solar plexus before doing it again and throwing cold water on him. He takes a deep breath and slowly opens his eyes staring at her.

“Hey babe,” he says groggily.

“Fuck you!” she spits at him standing up and walking over to the dresser and throwing out her few clothing items.

“Hey,” he says, “Hey where you going?”

“What did I tell you? Huh? I told you if you didn’t clean it up I’m gone, Justin,” she says sharply, “I don’t need another junkie in my life.”

“You…you can’t leave,” he says ruling over onto his stomach and crawling across the floor, “No…no Ness,” he says obviously still high.

“Nooo let Britney do this for you,” she says saying Britney with venom, “I’m sure she’ll catch on how to save you from an overdose real fast. I’m sure she’ll love it as much as I do.”

“Nooo Ness,” he whines from the ground crawling up to her and holding onto her legs, “Don’t leave. I don’t want her.”

“That’s why she’s your girlfriend right? She still is right. I do recall you taking her out to dinner last night right? Photo up RIGHT!”

“Noo Ness not now,” he says as she steps out of his grip and he puts his hands over his face, “Please I’ll get you whatever you want. I’ll get you a car, a house…anything.”

She stares at him and throws a glass of orange juice on him, “Fuck you! I’m not some whore for hire!”

“No. No. That’s not what I meant,” he says quickly attempting to stand up and run over to her, “Please…please,” he cries out, “No one else cares about me. You see it. You have to see it! No one else has been up here to check me. No one is ever here to check up on me. You see the way they just want money out of me. They want me to sing and dance through a show and then I can die for all they care. PLEASE!” he cries out as tears run down his eyes.

She stares at him and sighs loudly throwing herself on the bed, “I’m really going to regret this one day,” she says as he crawls up next to her and buries his face in her hair.

“I love you,” he mumbles to her.

It never felt like he meant it though.

October 7, 2001 Atlanta

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dearrr Ness. Happy birthday to you,” Justin sings to her as the two of them sit crossed legged on their bed in the hotel suite, “Blow it out,” he says smiling at her and looking at the candle on the cake.

She smiles at him and blows it out quickly. Time like this when he was sober made everything worth it.

He smiles his million-watt smile and kisses her quickly, “I love you,” he says as a pounding is heard on their door. He turns his head to stare at the door and Ness could see the anger rising in his eyes again. Oh no not now. He stands up quickly and marches over to the door, “What!” he yells at the closed door.

“Justin get out here!” JC yells, “We need to do an interview.”

“Fuck you. Fuck them. Fuck the press,” Justin yells, “I’m not leaving here. Tell them I’m fucking Brit…” he starts to yell but stops abruptly and tenses all over his body, “Oh fuck,” he mutters, “I’m sorry baby,” he says turning to look at Ness, “I didn’t mean it to sound that way. You know that right?”

“Why is she dealing with you!” JC yells through the door, “You’re fucking using her for your own gain!”

Oh no there is was a reason to get mad. Justin’s hands clench in fists and fire lights in his. He grabs onto the door and throws it open staring at JC with clench teeth, “Take it back,” he hisses, “TAKE. IT. BACK!” he yells at him as JC takes a shocked step backwards, “NOW!”

“Justin please,” Ness says softly, “Please not now. Not now. Not on my birthday,” she says fitting back tears.

Justin’s expression softens and he turns around to look at her then nods slowly.

JC looks around Justin and her and frowns sympathetically. He looks at Ness and nods at her slowly apologizing as quietly as he can to her. He knew it was a lie. He knew damn well, but he needed to get Justin to open the door somehow.

Justin turns around and begins to close the door slowly with his eyes locked on JC. With only inches left sticks his head out and glares at JC, “I’ll slit your throat in your sleep if you EVER say that again,” he says softly, “I’ll stab you in the eye with a syringe. Just be thankful she hates to see me beat the shit out of you,” he says before closing and locking the door softly.

JC is left staring at the door with a look of shock, horror and disbelief all in one.

“I’m sorry,” Justin says to Ness as he crawls on the bed again, “I’m sorry. Please I let my temper get out of hand I know. I’m sorry.”

“He is only trying to help you,” she says softly before looking up at him and seeing the hurt in his eyes.

“You’re taking his side?” he asks, “After what he just said about you? You’re taking his side.”

“I’m just saying he wants the best for you…but he’s going about it wrong. Justin I’ve been where you were before. The fact that I’m even with you goes against everything I promised myself before…”

“So go,” he says shifting his mood abruptly.

“Go?” she asks staring at him, “Yeah…yeah I’ll go,” she says staring at him and standing up.

He looks down at the bed and sighs as she begins moving around the hotel room grabbing her things and throwing them into a duffel bag, “You don’t have any money.”

“I’ll hitchhike,” she says simply still running around the room.

“You can’t do that,” he says.

“Why not? I did it all the time before?”

“Ness…”

“Don’t start with me!” she yells at him as he suddenly looks at her shocked, “All you do is play mind games! You love me and then you hate me. You want to show me to the world, but you don’t want your mother to even know. You swear sobriety and then I find you passed out in the bathroom with a syringe in your arm. You love your music and then you hate your life. You want to be closer with your friends, but all you do is push them away. You swear you’ll never hurt me, but…but then all you do is that…” she says starting at him, “It’s enough to make me go INSANE!” she yells at him pulling at her hair, “I don’t want to end up in some Sid and Nancy relationship. I don’t need to go back there. I don’t. Because I know…I know you want to stay with Britney. I know you want that fake life you two make together, the one that doesn’t exist. So why don’t you run with it. See if she’ll deal with it all. See if anyone will,” she says simply throwing the duffel bag over her shoulder and staring at him.

Justin stares at her before closing his eyes and letting out a sob, “Why don’t you believe me!” he cries.

“Because with you there is no TRUTH!”

Justin stares at her and stands up slowly. He begins backing up away from the bed slowly then turns around and looks out a window. He opens it slowly and stares at the cars driving by below.

“Justin,” she says slowly, “Justin,” she says as he leans over the window and closes his eyes. He pushes his upper body out the window complete and feels his feet loose their grip on the hotel floor. He feels a moment of panic as his hands slip and be looses his hold completely before feeling her grabbing onto his waistband of his pants, “Jesus Christ!” she yells at him as she pulls him back into the hotel room as they both fall to the ground.

“Don’t touch me!” he yells at her curling up in a ball and crying to himself.

She stares at him silently before moving over slowly and wrapping her arms around him as he cries.

Someone begins to pound on the hotel door again in the distance and the cycle starts again. It always did.

January 4,2002 Los Angeles

“I wanna be normal,” Nick Carter says holding a joint in one hand and passing it to Justin as he takes a drag.

“Who doesn’t,” Justin sighs before offering it to Ness who pushes it away. He smiles at her softly and kisses her cheek, “Make me normal.”

Nick stares at him and shakes his head softly before reaching up and scratching his forehead with his right hand. His arm had a fresh large gash running down the lateral side of it.

Ness stares at it before moving closer to Justin and wrapping her arms around his waist, “Why’d you do that?” she asks Nick.

Nick shrugs and looks at her wrists, “Why’d you do it before.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Justin snaps at him before she can answer. He wraps an arm around her waist and softly thumbs the area around her hip knowing exactly where to find the other scars.

“I know why I did it,” she says, “but why do you?”

Nick stares at her before rubbing his right leg, “To take my mind of things. I don’t have to deal with other pain if I’m dealing with that pain.”

“Then we did it for the same reason,” she says.

“You did…I do,” he says correcting her.

“Can we please not talk about this,” Justin says, “I hate it when you two talk about this.”

“Would you rather us talk about cocaine,” Nick says.

Justin shoots him a look before looking down at the ground thumbing the carpet, “I think…I think I need to get out of here.”

Nick nods, “Makes two of us.”

“We can leave now,” he says simply looking at Ness, “Just like that vanish.”

“I don’t want to vanish yet,” she says as his face falls slightly.

Nick cell phone rings sharply as he groans and reaches into his pocket answering it, “Yeah. Yeah. Ok. Ok. Jesus fine. You’re not my mother you know.”

Justin stares at him taking another drag off the joint before blowing the smoke out into Nick’s face.

Nick flips him off as Justin smirks, “Yeah ok. Alright. Alright,” he says grabbing the joint from Justin and taking a drag off, “I’ll be right there,” he says into the phone blowing out the smoke at the same time.

“Are your people calling you?” Justin smirks.

“Yeah,” Nick shakes his head, “Fucking assholes. I hate them all,” he says taking another drag and handing it back to Justin.

“Can you drive?” Justin asks.

“Like you can?” Nick asks him standing up slowly.

“No,” Justin says, “but I could get you a ride or something.”

“I’m fine,” Nick says simply.

Justin nods calmly as his eyes begin to glaze over again and he leans into Ness more, “I’ll see ya around then.”

“Yeah,” Nick says walking out of the hotel room.

Justin looks at the closed door and smirks, “At least I know someone is more fucked up then me.”

January 31, 2002 San Diego

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Justin says to himself walking around the room, “I’m gonna break his fucking neck! I…” Justin lets out a scream and punches the wall breaking through the plaster, “Fucking inconsiderate asshole,” he says.

Ness follows Justin’s pacing body with her eyes as she quietly sits on their bed with her knees against her chest and a bandage on her arm.

“On my fucking birthday too…asshole,” he hisses as he touches his bruised face softly.

“Maybe if you weren’t passed out in the bathroom again it wouldn’t have happened,” Ness says softly referring to the chain of events that set off Justin and Nick throwing each other into the wall and trying to kill each other.

Justin stares at her sadly and stops pacing, “I’m sorry. If he ever tries anything like that on you again…I’ll I’ll kill him.”

“You don’t get it do you?” she says to him.

“What? Get what?”

“Justin…Nick wants to be killed,” she says to him, “He wants to be hurt. He wants to go overboard.”

“You’re not mad at him,” he says calmly.

“Am I mad at him for trying something? No. Am I mad at him for hitting me? Yes, but right now I’m too worried about him and you to be mad,” she says calmly.

He stares at her, “Let him cut himself. Who gives a fuck? Maybe he deserves it.”

“So when I cut myself I deserved it?”

“No…stop twisting my words around please just once don’t do it.”

“You didn’t see the way you looked though,” she says holding her legs tighter, “You would have killed him. I know it. I know that look. You would have stabbed him.”

Justin stares at her and doesn’t respond at first, “…yeah I damn well would have.”

February 15, 2002 Austin

Justin keeps his arms wrapped around Ness’s waist as he hums softly to himself. He rocks her slowly from side to side as the door opens and JC walks in three steps before stopping dead in his tracks.

“Umm Justin,” JC says looking at him.

Justin stares at him from where his head rests on Ness shoulder, “Yeah.”

“You coming to rehearsal or what?”

“No,” Justin says simply.

JC stares at him blankly, “You know you could use the work right?”

“I said no,” he says firmly.

“Justin…”

“No.”

“Justin stop playing Sid and…” he starts as he sees Justin’s anger begin to flicker in his eyes, “Listen I’ll make you a deal. You come to rehearsal…I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the week.”

Justin stares at him suspiciously, “You swear.”

“I swear.”

“Under no conditions will you bother me?”

“Yes,” JC nods.

“Say you’ll tell Britney I have a virus and can’t go out or be bothered and we have a deal,” he says simply.

JC stares at him and smothers a smile slightly, “Ok. Deal.”

“Alright,” he says as he stands up off the bed, “I’ll be right back,” he says as he walks towards the bathroom.

“Justin don’t take anything,” Ness yells after him, “You promised for today.”

Justin turns around and smiles at her, “I know. I swear,” he says holding a hand over his heart and walking into the bathroom shutting the door behind himself.

Ness sighs slightly as she looks at the closed door before looking down at her hands in her lap.

“You know you’re the only one he listens too,” JC says to her as she looks at him.

She nods, “I know. I don’t want it to be that way, but I know.”

“How’s his habit?” “It’s getting better,” she says simply, “I’m keeping him away from syringes.”

JC nods, “You know I don’t mean to offend you that much, but it’s like there’s no other way to get through to him.”

She stares at him for a second, “You know I don’t do drugs. Don’t make it out like I do do them. Instigating things with him isn’t helping. He wants to be normal and he doesn’t understand that he can’t be. I just…I don’t know what I can do anymore.”

He nods silently before going to say something as a toilet flushes in the background as the bathroom door opens and Justin walks out calmly. He looks at JC as he walks over to the bed and kisses Ness sweetly before turning his attention to JC.

“I’m guessing you need me now?” he asks. JC nods slowly as he turns around to go out the door and Justin follows close behind.

“Love you,” Justin says peeking his head around the closing door.

“Love you,” Ness says to the closing door.

March 5, 2002 Seattle

“Will you please talk to me,” Justin says softly as he sits on the floor of the hotel room as Ness stays stretched out on the bed.

She says nothing in reply.

“Please Ness…I’m sorry about the pills. I really am. Please. I didn’t mean to take that many. I know…I know you’ve had enough. I’m sorry,” he says digging a joint out of his pocket and lighting it.

“I’m sick of saving you from the point of death,” Ness says simply, “I think I should do it to you a few times and then you’ll see how I feel.”

“I’m so fucking sorry Ness. So fucking sorry,” he says before taking a drag off the joint as he hears a knock on the door.

“Just open up…it’s Nick,” Nick yells at the door.

Justin sighs before standing up slowly and walking over to the door opening it for Nick.

“Hey man you ok?” Nick asks as he walks in and shuts the door behind him, “I mean seriously you even scarred me,” he says.

Justin waves the comment off before taking another drag off the joint and walking over to the bed. He lies down next to Ness putting his head on her back and drawing small circles on it with his fingertips.

“You think of everything, Carter, don’t you?” Justin says as he stumbles around the room. Fuck he was high off his ass.

Nick stares at him oddly.

“Justin knock it off,” Ness says.

“You’re not going anywhere…anywhere. Hear me? You have this great plan and then everything will fall thru,” he says as he smirks with a far away looking in his eyes, “You’re stuck here just like I am. Welcome to HELL!” he yells out smiling, “Bright, shiny, flashy, popular, HELL! You’re stuck. I’m stuck. We’re all fucking stuck. There is no getting out of this business. You’re going to stay here just like I am and we’re going to end up just like Cobain. Bomb right to the head,” he smiles, “But hell you’re going faster before I am at least…” he says as Nick punches him across the face and the two fall to the ground.

“Knock it off!” Ness yells at them.

The two begin rolling around on the floor exchanging punches as Ness stands by watching everything unfold.

“Take it back!” Nick yells at Justin as the two ram each other into the wall and a vase falls of a shelf and breaks on the floor.

“Nick stop!” Ness yells as grabs onto his back and tries to pull him off, “Nick!” she yells as Nick throws her off into the wall behind him. A thud is heard as her head hits the wall and she falls to the floor suddenly. Justin and Nick stop and stay locked onto each other as they stare at her.

“Oh God,” Justin yells as he lets go of Nick and runs over to her, “Ness, baby?” he says as he kneels down next to her, “C’mon wake up.”

“Justin…fuck I’m sorry,” Nick says.

“SHUT UP!” Justin yells at him as he picks her up and carries her to the bed.

Nick looks at them guiltily as he walks over to the TV and turns it on quietly.

Justin stares down at Ness on the bed and moves her hair from her face. If there was one cure for snapping just out of a high this was it.

“Fuck you!” Ness yells at Nick as she pushes him into the wall, “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry Ness,” Nick says as his back hits the wall.

“What the hell have I ever done to you!” she yells hitting him.

Nick looks at her sadly as he lets her hit him only blocking the punches thrown at his head.

Justin stands behind Ness with his arms folded across his chest watching silently.

Nick stares at Ness and frowns sadly as she continues to hit him. He knew. He knew it the back of his mind that she was hitting him for reasons that didn’t include throwing her into a wall. He knew she was getting out anger that she had deep within her subconscious. He just let her get it all out.

Ness stops slowly and stares at him sadly before cringing at the pain in her back. She backs off towards the bed slowly as Justin watches her turning around once she passes him.

Nick stares at the two of them and sighs.

Justin stares at him calmly before turning around and following Ness close behind.

“Good bye,” Nick says softly before turning around and walking out of the room.

May 10,2002 New York

Justin stares at the wall and sobs quietly to himself. He was alone. He hated being alone. Ness was off visiting family. She would be back tomorrow, but he hated not having her to hold onto. Without her there was no one he could talk to. No one understood him, but her. Well Nick did. Nick always understood where he was coming from. And now Nick…Nick was gone. Nick had gone somewhere. Be it heaven, hell or another country he had gone somewhere. Justin hated him for that. He hated that he got out.

“What’s wrong?” a female voice purrs in the background as an attractive blond walks up and wraps two skinny arms around his shoulders.

Justin shivers slightly and shrugs them off. A body. She was nothing more then a body.

She runs a hand around his neck and curls up next to him.

He felt dirty. He had his clothes on, but he still felt dirty. He wanted her off him.

“Justin?” a voice says softly from the darkness near the door.

Justin’s head shoots up and his eyes widen. No.

“Justin,” it says again as the lights come on suddenly illuminating the room. Then he saw her eyes. Her crystal blue eyes.

“Ness,” he chokes out, “Ness…” he starts out throwing off the other girl and standing up quickly.

Ness stares at him coldly before looking at the girl.

“Get out,” Justin says to the girl, “GET OUT!” he yells as her eyes widen, “NOW!”

She stands up quickly, “asshole,” she mutters as she passes by him and out of the room.

“Ness…Ness…I…I…” Justin stares at her.

“Shut up,” she says to him calmly.

Justin shuts his mouth and walks up to her, “Hit me.”

She stares at him oddly, “What?”

“Hit me,” he says, “as hard as you can. I deserve it.”

She stares at him silently.

“Please Ness say something,” he says sobbing, “You know she means nothing to me. You know that. You know…” he says as he stares at her.

“Here’s the thing…I’m not even surprised,” she says coldly, “I knew this was coming. I knew it. I knew you were going to fuck up this relationship besides with drugs.”

“Don’t say that,” Justin cries, “No…please don’t say that.”

Ness stares at him, “I need to get out of here. This isn’t healthy Justin.”

Justin stares at her and nods. He stops crying suddenly and nods again, “You’re right.”

“Huh?”

“You’re right,” he says walking over to his suitcase that was the size of a small refrigerator and pulling it into the middle of the room where she stood already with hers. He pulls another smaller bag off the floor by the foot of the bed and walks up to her, “Let’s go.”

“What?” she asks.

“We’re leaving,” he says, “I have enough money. I never unpack my suitcase so everything I need is in here. Nick got out we can too.”

“Nick. Nick could be dead Justin,” she says staring at him, “Justin please think rationally.”

“I am,” he says calmly sliding on his shoes, “For once in my life I am. Please…come with me. We can go anywhere you want. Live anywhere. Be anything.”

She stares at him for a second exhaling loudly.

He reaches forward and grabs her right hand, “C’mon. A bus to the airport drives by here every hour. We can make the next one if we go now.”

She stares at him again before nodding slowly, “Ok,” she says softly.

Justin smiles widely and kisses her cheek as he pulls her out the room door. He pulls her down the hallway hand in hand as they make their way to the elevators. In the elevator he pulls out a black baseball hat and puts it on his head along with a pair of sunglasses. He looks at her and smiles his hundred-watt smile again before lacing his fingers through hers again as the doors open and they steps out into the lobby. He wheels his suitcase through the lobby with the second suitcase sitting on top of it. The larger had a mix of both his and Ness’s clothing while the smaller contained toiletries and such along with some CDs, his wallet, a Discman, a photo album, a notebook, some hats, a book, cough drops, a small radio, an mp3 player and gum. He goes through the automatic doors with Ness. It was 2am in the morning and the warm May air greets them with a light breeze. A small shuttle bus pulls up as the two walk out and stops in front of them.

“Justin?” a voice says from behind him as he turns around to look at JC who was just coming in from a long night of partying. On his arm was a skinny brunette, not his girlfriend, “Where are you going?” he asks as Justin hoists his large suitcase onto the bus as Ness steps on to pull it farther in. She puts hers on a small ledge as she takes Justin’s second bag and puts it down as well.

“I quit JC,” Justin says calmly.

“What?” JC says shocked, “What do you mean you quit?”

“Just that…” Justin says, “I quit. I’m done. I’m doing this anymore. I’m leaving. Maybe I’ll end up Russia or somewhere. I’m gonna go try out being a civilian for a while,” he says as he steps onto the shuttle bus and looks down at JC’s shocked expression, “I’ll see ya around Josh,” he says as he walks to where Ness is sitting and sits down placing an arm around her shoulder as the doors shut with a whoosh. He holds up a hand and waves goodbye to JC through the window as the bus drives off into the warm night air as JC raises a hand to wave.

October 4,2002 Gozo

“You know what I love,” Justin says calmly stuffing a fork into his mouth, “I love that the catch of the day is actually the catch of the day,” he says smiling as he look at the view from where he sits on the balcony of the restaurant. The air was clean and fresh blowing off the Mediterranean Sea. The small boats below bob up and down in the waves as men cast their lines for fish. The tan ground curves its way up the slopes of the hills dotted with vegetation here and there. Every so often a large ferry would dock at the port below them carrying passengers from the island across from them Malta. And then they would see the Hydroplane take off across the water filled with passengers beginning their three-hour ride to Sicily. The place they now called home.

“I still don’t like fish,” Ness says calmly from across the table as she smiles her hair blowing in the soft breeze.

Justin shakes his head at her slightly and pokes another piece of swordfish with his fork, “Wanna go to the fest tonight?”

“Yeah,” she says calmly chewing on a piece of bread.

Justin nods his nicely tanned head as he stabs another piece of fish.

“How come we only come to this island to eat?” Ness asks.

“Because this restaurant ahs the bets food,” Justin says simply, “That and I know I’m only gonna eat pizza at the feast tonight.”

“Cause they have the best pizza over there right?” Ness smirks as she points towards Malta.

“Yup,” Justin smiles brightly.

He had been off the drugs for four months now and had been hard for him to get over them. The withdraw was hard on his body and he stayed up locked in the house in Sicily for the whole first month. Ness was in charge of keeping everything up around the house then. Buying furniture. Paying bills. Buying food. It was all hers to do, but she was happy to do it when the rewards were what they were. Having Justin healthy and clean was enough for her. Now…now he was normal.

She absent-mindedly begins to turn the ring on her right hand as she stares off into the distance over the sea, “You think the volcano will erupt back home?”

Justin shrugs calmly, “We’re no close to it. It might actually be kind of cool to see it now that you mention it. I could really go for a Popsicle right now. One of those cola flavored ones.”

She smiles at him brightly and runs a hand down the side of his face.

He leans into it and kisses her hand lightly, “You know its times like these where I really appreciate everything about NICK!” Justin yells out.

“What?” Ness asks him.

“NICK!” Justin says standing up and tripping over his own feet as he stares into the inside of the restaurant.

Ness stands up beside him as she turns around and stares, “Oh my God,” she says as she looks at the young short blond haired tanned male standing beside the owner of the restaurant joking and laughing. He looks up slowly and stares at them as the smile quickly vanishes. He makes his way through the archway out onto the balcony and stares at them both.

“Hey,” he smiles slightly.

Justin stares at him before breaking into a large smile and taking him into the hug, “Oh my God everyone thinks you’re dead,” he smiles laughing holding Nick’s head in his hands and shaking it.

“That’s great, Just,” he laughs as pulls Justin’s hands off his face, “but as you can see…I’m not.”

“What…How…I’m so confused,” Ness says staring at them.

Nick smiles brightly and nods, “I guess I can say the same. I live on Camino. I work here now.”

Justin nods, “We live on Sicily. We come here for food. Never saw you before.”

“Usually I’m in the kitchen with the women,” Nick smirks, “I guess you can say I got promoted now. I work the floor.”

“Clean and sober?” Justin asks him.

“Clean and sober,” Nick nods.

“Clean and sober,” Justin smiles for himself, “This is…this is so cool,” he smiles brightly, “Sit down with us. Eat…c’mon we gotta catch up on things.”

Nick nods smiling and sitting down with them, “Just promise me you won’ tell anyone I’m here.”

“Deal,” Justin smiles, “Now talk.”

“Ok,” Nick laughs, “Ok I’ll talk.”