Brian’s heart was in his throat as he made it to the top of the steps. Justin’s door was already thrown wide open. He knew Nick was already inside. He had already heard him scream when he was only halfway up the stairs. Kevin was standing beside the door staring inside pale and unmoving. He made his way to his cousin’s side quickly and looked into the dark room. AJ and JC came running up behind them panting.

Kevin stood like a stone wall between them and the entrance to Justin’s room. Brian turned his head slightly and sees JC trying to look over Kevin’s shoulders before finally just pushing his was past Kevin and into the darkness of the room.

“Justin!” JC yells walking through the room.

Brian looks at AJ and AJ nods before the two of them push their way into the room as well. Kevin followed close behind in small unsure steps.

“Justin!” JC yells looking around the room.

AJ scans the room before walking over the large kings sized bed and pulling the sleeping boy from the mess of comforters and sheets.

“He ok?” Kevin asks walking over to AJ.

AJ nods calmly before looking over at the bathroom door that JC is standing in front of.

Brian turns around and looks towards the bathroom door where JC is standing. There were soft sobs escaping through the door out to all their ears. Brian slowly walks towards the door and stares inside the darkness. He could see Nick’s tall figure standing and looking down at the blue tiles. Justin was sitting there slumped against the wall and clutching a gun in his one good hand. That’s when he realized the sobs weren’t Nick’s, but Justin’s.

Justin was sitting on the cold tiles gun gripped in one hand and sobbing hysterically. His feet made small movements as his legs kicked out softly as he sobbed. Nick was towering above him standing before squatting down to make eye contact with him. Brian got a good look of Justin’s face then as tears streamed down them in small rivers. His eyes were large and puffy even in the darkness. He looked like a wreck.

“Just,” Nick says softly.

“Don’t,” Justin sobs softly, “Don’t, Nick.”

“Just, gimmie the gun,” Nick says softly holding out his right hand to take the gun.

“Don’t!” Justin yells pulling the gun up again and holding it to his head.

“Justin,” Nick says again, “C’mon, man, please don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me alone in this world. Remember we said we would get out together? We would make it together? Remember? Ness didn’t work so hard to have you quit like this.”

Justin stares at him as a fresh set of tears make their way down his cheeks, “I couldn’t do it, Nick. I couldn’t,” Justin sobs as he lowers the gun, “I tried. God knows I tried.”

Nick nods calmly as he reaches forward and pries the gun out of his hand.

Justin looks up quickly at the others gathered in the doorway. He looks over at AJ holding his son for a moment before breaking down.

“Leave,” Nick says softly.

“Huh?” Brian asks.

“Leave,” Nick says stronger standing up and turning to look at them, “I’ll handle this,” he says handing JC the gun, “Get rid of it. I should have known he would bring something to protect himself with,” he says before looking over his shoulder at Justin for a moment, “Take Alex somewhere else.”

“Nick, he needs help,” JC says softly.

“Fine, you stay, but that’s it,” Nick says softly.

AJ looks at him before nodding slowly and walking from the room carrying Alex.

Kevin sighs heavily and nods before turning and following AJ.

Brian looks over at Nick, “Nick…”

“I’ll be fine, Bri,” Nick says placing a hand on his shoulder, “I’ll be fine,” he says again before turning around to face Justin again.

JC looks at Brian and nods before Brian turns around and walks out of the room slowly jogging to catch up with AJ and Kevin.

Nick looks over at JC as the three leave, “I need to get outta here.”

JC stares at Nick as Justin lies stretched out half asleep and half awake at the same time on the bed. Nick shakes his head for a second and walks over to the large glass doors to the left of the bed and stares out them before opening them. A soft warm breeze flows through the opening and licks across Justin’s dazed body before reaching JC himself. Nick sighs again before stepping out onto the small balcony and closing the doors behind himself. JC stares at the closed door for a second before walking around the large king sized bed and opening the doors.

“Hey,” Nick says calmly turning to look over his left shoulder at JC. It takes JC a second before he notices the large black circles under the younger man’s eyes created by the soft light coming from the waning moon. It took those few second for JC to realize that Nick had probably seen and been through more hell in his few years then most people do in their entire lives. And it all showed through in the form of the two dark circles under his eyes now. The tiredness, the weariness, the pain, the suffering, the emotional stress…it all showed through in Nick’s eyes. If JC had eyes that mirrored a bright open sky Nick’s mirrored a dark ocean being churned about in a hurricane.

“He ok you think?” JC asks calmly walking over to stand beside Nick as he looks over the balcony.

Nick nods his head softly, “Yeah, he will be now…He…he just woke up and it hit him for the first time really I think. Like he touched upon it before, but this time…this time it hit him.”

“What did?” JC asks.

“That he’s alone,” Nick says calmly as he turns to look at JC, “He realized that he was alone.”

“He’s not alone…I mean…”

“No, JC you don’t get it do you…he’s alone. I may be his friend, but I am never with him twenty-four seven. I am never there in the middle of the night like this. I won’t be if we go back…I’ll be…I’ll be somewhere else…” Nick sighs before going back into his thought, “Yes, his son is here, but…it’s not the same. Justin was an enigma wrapped in a mystery if that makes any sense to you. He…Justin, he…,” Nick takes a second and smiles softly at JC before nodding to himself, “You knew Justin before. He was quite possibly the most self-absorbed egomaniac that I had ever met in my life, but he was scared to death of being alone. Petrified. He would wake up in the middle of the night at his own house before and panic when he realized the help was gone. He would turn into a maniac…run out to a bar, a club, a movie, just so he would have a constant flow of faces, people, contact, adoration. Didn’t you ever notice how he always had people around him be it help, girls, security, or visiting friends? He was never alone…ever.

Ness….Ness made it alright not to have them around anymore. He could wake up at four in the morning and be assured that she would be there, that there would always be someone there for him. You people treat me with more caution because I ran away, went frickin crazy…”

“Nick…”

“No, I know people say that…don’t doubt I kinda did, but Justin was there to. He was in more then I was. He was the one having meaningless sex, taking drugs enough to kill a horse, and drinking more liquor then a bar can hold. I…I think you need to take a step back and not treat him as an instigator. He wasn’t one,” Nick sighs as he looks up at the moon before back at JC, “You don’t understand do you?”

“No,” JC says calmly, “No I think I do.”

Nick shakes his head and sighs, “Even if I get him home…I can feel it, something bad will happen. I think he should move in with me, but I am really not in any shape to take care of anyone let alone someone in Justin’s condition and a toddler. I am hardly getting good at taking care of myself right. I just don’t know what the fuck to do, man. Don’t know.”

JC sighs and looks over his shoulder at the now sleeping Justin, “How can he sleep…”

“I gave him some sleeping pills,” Nick says calmly, “Nothing major just over the counter shit I use at times too.”

JC reaches up and rubs the back of his neck.

“Hey, JC…” Nick says calmly looking at the moon again.

“Yeah,” JC says turning to look at Nick’s side profile.

“You think I crazy?”

“No,” JC says flatly.

“Think I was before?”

“Possibly…”

Nick smiles to himself and nods, “Yeah I thought the same too. You still think I might have been faking it?”

“What?” JC asks staring at him hard.

“You still think I might have been faking all that shit?”

JC stares at him for a second and blinks once before answering, “No.”

Nick nods, “I still get some residual affects from all of it from time to time especially when I’m here.”

JC nods calmly, “Ever think of therapy?”

Nick snort softly, “Right…”

“They can’t tell you know…”

“I dunno…maybe later back home and all.”

JC nods again calmly, “Leaving then?”

Nick nods, “On top of all my priorities as of now.”

JC sighs, “You ever gonna explain everything to us all.”

Nick sighs, “You know…that is what Ness had been telling Justin and I to do since we got here. She was always a persuasive little bitch,” Nick smiles softly, “Never took any of my shit that is for sure…”

JC looks at his profile softly.

“That is what happens if you hang around me too long though. You get fucked. Everyone always gets fucked.”

“Nick…”

“Tell the guys I don’t blame them anymore. I just felt like saying that for whatever reason at the time. Made me feel better I guest.”

“Nick, it wasn’t your faul…”

“JC, just save it ok,” Nick says turning to look JC in the eye again, “I kinda had enough of it psychiatry talk. Just…just be JC Chasez for now ok?”

JC nods, “Ok…alright.”

“I wanna leave tomorrow night…we’re gonna need your help ok?”

“Alright…”

“Don’t tell the others…”

“No, no, Nick, you can’t do that again,” JC says sighing.

“Have to Doc,” Nick says calmly, “If I say something they will pry too much. They’ll try to persuade me not to go or they’ll pry too much when I go. They’ll wanna know where I’m going and frankly, JC, I don’t want visitors who worry over me like them. I love them too much to have them worry like that. I know it sounds stupid saying that, but I would just rather them feel like I left, but I’m ok. They’ll know why I left after all. I’ll go straight to me place. Let Justin and Alex get settled there I guess. Then go by myself to his old house and get some things from the house clothes, toys and shit. Then maybe when he’s ready enough I’ll take him back there and he can go through everything. That sound ok?” Nick asks turning to JC anxiously, “I don’t wanna push him too much.”

“You think maybe his mom…”

“ No, no, no…His mom loves him, but hated Ness…hated her with a passion especially after he quit and gave everything up to move to Sicily with her. It will only cause him more stress.”

JC nods, “Ok, bad idea.”

Nick nods, “Yeah.”

“You wanna leave tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, I need you to drive us to the airport and see us off. I think it will do him go to see you there now. Help us carry some of the bags into bag check…”

“What about her things?”

“Huh?”

“Ness’s things…her clothes…”

“Oh…oh I’ll pack them. I think he’ll want them for now.”

“Good plan,” JC says, “And Alex.”

“I love the rug rat honestly,” Nick says, “I have enough rooms at my place. I have three in all, two bathrooms, a kitchen, dining area, sitting area, balcony, car, boat…He knows my place too.”

“Ok, and what time will you be leaving?”

“Late,” Nick says calmly, “Real late. I’m thinking around four in the morning or so. Sneak out and get in the car maybe load it before hand.”

“Ok.”

“Thanks, JC.”

“Huh?”

“Thanks for helping me,” Nick says calmly.

“Don’t worry about it…I kinda see it as a way to pay back Justin for all the shit I said to him before.”

Nick smiles softly and nods, “JC, if I tell you something…will you tell it to the guys after we leave.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Swear by that degree you have?”

“Yeah, I swear by it…”

“Ok,” Nick nods, “Ok, well then this is how it really all goes.”