I guess I should start off my saying I’m an inconsiderate asshole for not telling you guys about what was going on with Nick and Justin. I figured if I tried to tell you all this in person one of you would interrupt me and then all hell would break loose. Nick suggested I tell you all this through a letter…said AJ would probably pop me one in the jaw if I came around the house again after letting him and Justin vanish again. If it’s any help you can come and clock me one if you want, AJ. I figure I kind of deserve it right about now.

Now I figure I might as well start off this whole thing by telling you why I sent this letter in the first place. Nick…Nick told me a lot two nights before he left again. Told me pretty much everything that you guys have been asking before. He just let it all come out after Justin…well Justin’s crashing and burning. Don’t call me asking why Nick didn’t tell you this himself. I’m not sure. Maybe he just felt like he couldn’t provide all the right answers and it bothered him. Who knows with Nick though right? Anyway I am going to try and explain everything as well as I remember Nick telling me it. Just…just sit down as you read this I guess.

Nick knew you all knew what was going on in his mind somewhat in the past. Between the cutting, burning, pot smoking and erratic behavior he figured you had a firm grasp of all of that, so he seemed to leave that all out. He said if you wanted to know about that go back to his journal. He emphasized journal not diary.

I can’t emphasis more before you read the following that from talking to Nick that night I know that he didn’t fake the depression like syndromes or the behavior. He truly believed in all of it and had no way to personally control it. In other words…Nick was never a faker. I take that all back. I’m not sure who I said it to, but I know I said it once before and I take it back right now. Nick never faked any of it. It was all real to him and other parts…other parts were games for him and Justin. Just games and puzzles, riddles more like. They didn’t like to be controlled by their emotions and they both were, so they controlled other things…like their past.

I know you all are probably reading or hearing those last two sentences and have no idea what I am talking about, but you will. So I say this with all the sincerity that I can…Justin and Nick lied. They flat out lied their asses off to you all and me. You have already seen how well Justin can pull it off when he blatantly lied to you all in Sicily. I can only see it as a way to cover their tracks. Ness probably knew all of the truth, but she would never tell it all. She would have never turned in Justin and Nick and well…she never will now. Justin and Nick both didn’t like people to get close to them, probably still don’t. They have what they wanted a circle of very few and trusted friends. And now because of that they didn’t need anyone else to get close to them, so they put up the defensive shields and carried on a lie. A lie so well planned out and contrived it still baffles even me how they pulled it off. Not to look down on them both, but I had never pegged either of them as being thinkers and they were geniuses in their own art of manipulation. I tip my hat to both of them because they have perfected the craft and could probably talk their way out of a murder.

So here it is the full truth as far as I know it…

Nick started the plan first though Justin did give him the idea from one of his absent minded drugged up states. Most of what is in Nick’s journal is all fact. He swears by this and has already told me of the lines planned within it. Now Justin in his drugged up state one night conveyed the idea of running away…vanishing in oblivion. Gone without a trace. Nick started working from there on and slowly but surely pulled Justin into it. Justin never was a good leader, always the eternal follower even with Ness. So it began to build from there and it grew and grew and grew until what it is now. “An intricate play of lies off of lies,” as Nick told me.

Now to play off of what Nick told you. Yes, there was a Snap. Actually a very real person. I know AJ can vouch for me here because the night Justin tried to shoot himself him and I were pouring over a police record from a Snap Michael Brower. There was just one catch that we both found in it. Snap Brower died about four months after Nick met him. It was a catch, a loose thread, which Nick and Justin never planned on us finding out. Neither thought any of you would take the initiative and root through file after file looking for a Snap. Low and behold AJ did, but word never got to the two about it. All the background given about Snap from Nick is basically true too, the crowd he ran with, his upbringing, all true. Now here comes the catch…plan and simple the incident about Snap being shoot, faking a death, demanding money for blackmail…yeah that all never happened. I just think Nick and Justin enjoyed creating lavish false stories like that. Creating lies like that always worked before for them. Probably would have worked too.

Now back to Snap. Yes, Nick knew him, but Snap never knew Nick as Nick Carter…he just knew him as a well off kid. Snap was as much Justin’s drug dealer as he was Nick’s travel agent. I take it he was a young man of many talents. He was the one supposed to make everything happen planning out Nick’s flights, transportation and shit for his getaway…until he died of a heroin overdose. That through a wrench into Nick’s plans, not so much Justin’s. So from then on Nick was on his own. He planned it all out.

Now from the mishap to working everything out again. Of course Nick and Justin both had been planning so much of this out long before we knew. You get a good sense for dates when it deals with the journal. Of course you may be wondering why Nick never mentioned this in any entries…the only thing I can say is he knew he would leave it behind early on. And frankly he didn’t want you all to know all the lies. As he said, “I may have been a bit crazy, but I wasn’t stupid.” From there dates were put in. The schedule changed and the date moved up for both Justin and Nick.

The plans originally went like this…Nick would go first, a few months before and Justin would follow shortly afterward meeting up with him later. Now Nick pulled off his end, but Justin being the eternal screw up got caught cheating on Ness when she returned from a trip to visit her family. In a panic and with the horrified realization that she would leave him he pushed up plans for him to leave about two months and a half early. That’s why I figure Ness didn’t think twice about it…she knew she would have been leaving anyway in the long run. I doubt Justin ever kept anything from her. Original plans for Justin disappearing act where that he was the go the same route that Nick went in the night disappearing from all existence. This of course came a complete shock to Nick upon finding out via TV and paper that Justin had run off and quit NSYNC, blatantly telling me this the night he left, that Justin had jumped the gun far too soon and contacting him put Nick in danger of being found out. Justin of course knew this and decided upon a second location in Sicily where he went with Ness.

The two eventually met up again and it came as a shock to both of them when they stumbled upon each other one day. From then on they kept in touch and traveled the distances needed to keep up their friendship with Nick eventually becoming to godfather of Justin and Ness’s son. This was kept up going back and forth for a good amount of time until you showed up at Justin’s doorstep prodding him with questions. Though the two had figured out a plan before for such an occasion and Justin in turn booted you all out as politely as possible before leading you to Nick’s house where you discovered a sort of hidden chest. And for the record the story Ness told you at the house about Nick and the night before he left was another lie. There is no documentation about it in the journal and Nick could only say that the three of them had again planned the story to feed you all some supplemental material before shipping you back to the states.

From there you worked your own way through everything and eventually met me getting the videos and pictures. Those of which Nick and Justin took with them back to their homes. Nick mentioned something about Justin wanting to sink them to the bottom of the Mediterranean or blowing them up. And at a certain point Nick of course sent you that video telling you he was alright and applauding you all for your accomplishments.

Howie dieing of course was unexpected and Nick felt a need to come to the funeral and visit you all. Justin and his family followed close behind as a favor to Nick. From there on the two conceived the whole Snap false past lie. Planned it out from the beginning. Justin was the one, if you remember, who first mentioned the name and led you off the road. Creating the outlandish story was a way for them to remain unknown and yet still giving you something you wanted, though a lie. Quite frankly the two just wanted out…they wanted out for good before it drove them both completely crazy. The lies just helped them to escape the past as well.

Ness once told Nick that he wore masks in front of people. People like you and me and even her and Justin. He wasn’t happy about the idea of her thinking he blatantly lied to her and Justin. But of course she didn’t see it as that…she saw it as a defense mechanism. Justin did the same as well. Ness was the one who wanted them both to tell the truth. The one who wanted Justin to get back in contact with Joey, Chris, Lance and I. I think in some cases she was the rock they both needed.

Nick loves you all and he pointed it out to me on many occasions. The lying, the masks, the vanishing, was for him a buffer that kept you all from falling into his own painful reality. Though it wasn’t the best way to do it…it was the only way he knew how to do it. He did it with the best intentions at heart. And now he just wants to be back in his own safe reality. He couldn’t live in a world where he didn’t belong, so he left it, as Justin did the same.

And Nick wanted me to tell you this is how the great escape went…He waited until the cover of night before sneaking out of his hotel window and ran to a small car he had rented earlier that day. From there he drove to a small rest stop and bought a car for sale in the parking lot, paid in full cash there. He drove in that second car for house before pulling off to the side of the road and abandoning it. He picked up a ride from a trucker from there and got let off outside an airport. From the airport he got on a plane and flew to Europe. From Europe he got onto another plane and began switching plans all over the continent. Spent days jumping from plane to plane trying to find a small place to live and finally he found it. So he stayed and that’s where he lives today. Don’t ask me where I’m not sure.

I guess that is all I can share with you all. Kevin you are a great man. Nick wanted me to tell you that and how much he valued your helping him out and trying to offer the benefit of the doubt when he came with Justin. Brian…Nick just says stop stressing out. You worry too much. Go be a dad and a husband. Be alive for once. And AJ…Nick says take the Prowler he wants you to have it. Anyone that would look through case files for a Snap deserves it.

I guess that is all for now. I’ll be in touch you guys. Thanks for letting me a part of this. It gave me a sense of closure I thought I would never have and I am eternally grateful.

P.S: Nick says Justin and him are sorry about burning the house down and all. It just deserved it though.