“What do you want from me?”

“You know what I want Nick. I want you to get your fucking act together.”

“I’m trying. I’m trying so hard. Just please back off.”

“Well it’s not really helping any is it Nick?”

“Just back off a little.”

“Back off? Back off? Back off to the extent like we did when you took those 25 sleeping pills and almost killed yourself. How would your public react if they knew you did that? Well?”

“Just SHUTUP!”

“C’mon Nick how would they react if they knew that their perfect little Nick Carter was a psychopath who cut himself and did drug, hell suicidal too”

“SHUTUP! SHUTUP! SHUTUP!”

“It’s all here on video Nick. Can you imagine how much money I would get for this one tape?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well how about this question then. How much will you give me for this one tape?”

“How much do you want?”

“I’ll let you know later Nick. Just remember someone is always watching you, so don’t even think of running away again. No more little stunts or else you’re gonna end up being found with slit wrists and they won’t be self inflicted.”

Nick sits straight up in bed and looks around the room franticly. He tries to slow down his breathing and wipes his face of the cold sweat that had broken out on it. The flashbacks were coming back again full force. He closes his eyes and sees the face again. The face of the person he had seen over and over again pushing even farther over the edge then he already was at the time. Now it was time to face that person again even if it was only in his head, but mind games were the worst kind of torture for Nick and he knew he needed to make them stop. Of course the only way to make them stop was to face the person who created them and he wasn’t ready for that yet. Not at all.

Kevin looks over at the couch in front of the TV were Justin was sitting with his son on his lap watching what seemed to be Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory to him. May was sitting on the floor in front of them playing with her dolls looking up at the TV every once and a while.

Kevin goes back to looking down at the omelet he was making wondering when Kristin would be done cleaning their room so she could come down and finish it for him.

“Hey,” a voice says from behind him and he turns around to face Justin Timberlake, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Uh can you put down the knife first,” Justin says staring at the knife Kevin is holding in his hand that he was using to dice the vegetables with.

“Oh sure,” Kevin says putting it down and folding his arms across his chest, “What’s the question.”

“Uh,” Justin starts moving closer to him and starting to talk softer, “What videos was Nick talking about to me last night? He was saying you guys watched videos that my group took of me.”

“Yeah,” Kevin says, “Um JC gave them to us. I don’t think they trusted you very much so they set up a camera in your room and video taped you doing well everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything,” Kevin emphasizes.

“Jesus,” Justin mutters, “How bad is it?”

“Pretty bad.”

“Damn,” he mutters looking over his shoulder at Ness who was walking down the stairs, “Uh…” he starts to say looking at Kevin.

“Everythinggggg,” Kevin says.

“And people wonder why I left the damn group,” he mutters.

“Let me ask you something now,” Kevin says.

“Ok fair enough.”

“Would you have told us about Nick?”

“No.”

“Why? You know we wanted to know and we needed to see him.”

“But he didn’t want to be seen,” Justin says, “Trust me Nick and I have spent many the nights talking about what was going on in our lives during those times and he really did not want to be seen anymore. He didn’t want to be Nick Carter anymore and honestly if I would have stayed he would have killed himself. That was his only other option.”

Kevin shakes his head, “It’s just hard to understand you know.”

Justin nods, “I understand, but how much do you really know about what was going on in Nick’s head?”

“A good amount, like about the drugs, the cutting, the mental instability…”

“Did you know about Snap?”

“What?”

“Not what who,” Justin says shaking his head, “It’s really not my place to talk about it.”

“No what.”

“No really it’s not my place to say anything. I promised Nick not to talk about it and I’m gonna hold to my word because he’s helped me through a hell of a lot.”

“Papa!” Alex yells from the couch.

“What?” Justin asks.

“She took my car,” Alex yells in English with a thick Italian accent.

Justin shakes his head and looks at Kevin, “My son is a wuss,” he mutters walking over to the couch with Kevin, “What happened?” he asks.

“She took my car,” he says pointing to May who is holding a small red Hot Wheels car in her small hand.

“Well take it back,” Justin says as Kevin turns his head to stare at him, “Are you going to let a little girl take your stuff? What did I teach you?”

Alex takes the car away from her as May hit him in the face and takes it back.

“Oh God,” Justin mutters picking Alex up and trying to calm him down, “Well it’s May’s car now. C’mon we’ll go get you another one Alex,” Justin says carrying him towards the steps and back upstairs.

“It’s not my fault,” Ness says from the chair, “He’s the one that babies him not me.”

Kevin shakes his head and takes the car from May putting it in his pocket, “No more taking Alex’s things,” he says to her walking back to the kitchen to finish his omelet.

Nick finishes getting dressed and starts to put on his shoes as he sees Justin walk by carrying his son, the two talking franticly in Italian. Nick shakes his head and ties his shoes getting ready to go start his first day back in the States.

He walks downstairs and into the kitchen where Kevin is sitting at the table eating an omelet while reading the paper. Nick sighs loud enough for Kevin to hear, so he looks up and puts his paper down when Nick walks into the kitchen taking a seat across the table form him.

“Morning,” Nick smiles.

“Good morning want anything to eat?” Kevin asks standing up.

“Uh toast is fine.”

“You sure?”

“I ‘m used to eating a big lunch so I eat a small breakfast and dinner.”

“Ok,” Kevin says walking over to the toaster and putting two slices of bread into it.

“Uh Kevin.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

“For what?” Kevin asks turning around to look at him.

“For understanding me and not flipping out on me. It kind of surprised me that you would be the one to do that. I mean I know you and me didn’t really get along as well as we hoped in the past, but just well thanks for being you.”

Kevin stares at him and smiles, “You’re welcome Nick anytime.”

Nick smiles and looks down at the table.

“Are the guys coming over today?”

“Do you want them to?”

“Yeah we need to talk about some things especially me and AJ.”

“Don’t worry about him his emotions were running high last night,” Kevin says.

“I know I understand that, but still…”

Kevin shakes his head, “He’ll be calmed down by today you know AJ.”

“Do I?” Nick asks.

Kevin stares hard at him and frowns. It was actually a very good question. Did he know any of them still? Hell did any of them know him still?

“Kevin.”

“Yeah.”

“I think your toast is burning,” Nick says pointing towards the toaster.

“Jesus,” Kevin mutters turning around and pulling the toast out quickly.

Nick looks over his shoulder as Justin and Ness walk by talking feverishly in Italian and shakes his head.

“What’s wrong with them?” Kevin asks sitting the toast down in front of Nick.

“They’re arguing. They always argue about stupid stuff. This argument isn’t that stupid I guess though. She wants him to talk to the guys in his band and he refuses to,” Nick says and looks down at his toast, “You know cereal is always good too.”

“That burnt?” Kevin says as Nick nods.

Nick turns to look at the front door as the doorbell rings and Ness gets up to get the door.

“Brian is here,” she says as Brian walks in and she shuts the door behind him.

“Hey Bri,” Kev says handing Nick a bowl and a carton of milk, “What cereal do you want?”

“Uh do you have Frosted Flakes?”

“Yup,” Kevin says walking over to the cupboard and taking out the box as Brian walks into the kitchen.

“Hey Brian,” Nick says.

“Hey,” Brian smiles sitting down across from him, “How are you?”

“Pretty good,” he says as Kevin hands him the box of cereal and sits down next to him, “How’s AJ?”

“He’s cooling down,” Brian sighs, “I think he’s more mad at himself for blowing up now. Uh this is yours,” Brian says and puts Nick’s journal on the table and pushes it over to him.

“Oh Jesus I haven’t seen this in a long time,” Nick says picking it up and looking at the leather bound book.

“Yeah we uh…” Brian says.

“I know you read it,” Nick says, “You told me last night and I figured you would. It’s ok.”

“Ok,” Brian says.

“Uh is AJ coming over?” Nick asks, “I kind of need to talk to all of you.”

“I’m not sure,” Kevin says and looks at Brian.

“I didn’t see him this morning,” Brian says, “I can call and ask if you want.”

“Can you?” Nick says.

“Sure,” Brian says standing up and walking out of the room into the living room taking out his cell phone and calling AJ’s house.

“Hello?” a voice says answering the phone.

“Isabella is AJ there?” Brian asks.

“Yeah he’s…he’s doing it again Brian.”

Brian sighs, “Can you give the phone to him?”

“I’ll try,” she says, “hold on,” she says as she puts the phone down.

“Hello,” AJ says softly as he picks up the phone.

“AJ are you in that damned hole in the wall again?”

“So what if I am?”

Brian sighs again.

AJ was literally in a little hole in the wall. There is a small door he found in a wall in his basement that opened to a very small room that he had designated his safe place ever since Nick left. So now whenever he got himself worked up about something he would lock himself inside it and not come out for hours on end. Once he stayed in it for a full day and he scared Isabella to death. His mom was the one who finally got him to come out in the end.

“AJ, Nick wants you to come over to Kevin’s and talk with him.”

“Right.”

“I mean it AJ please just get out of that room and come over here. It’s not going to do you any good staying in it,” Brian says as Nick walks in and stares at him. Nick holds out his hand to Brian and nods. Brian hands him the phone and then leans against the wall staring at him.

“AJ get over here,” Nick says into the phone.

“I’m sorry Nick,” AJ says softly.

“AJ I really could care less that you punched Justin I’ve done it a few times myself, but it was just a really stressful day for me yesterday. I know it was the same for you too. Now just come over to Kevin’s I need to talk to all of you. I’m not going to talk unless you come too.”

“Alright I’ll be there in a few minutes,” AJ says hanging up quickly.

“He’s coming,” Nick says handing Brian back his phone.

Brian stares at the flames dancing in Kevin’s fire place and sighs. It was the same room AJ, Kevin, Howie and himself had sat in when they had first found Nick’s journal and now they were back only with Nick this time instead of Howie. AJ was sitting on the couch, well more or less lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Kevin was sitting on the couch on the other end with his hands folded. Brian was once again sitting on the floor Indian style by the fire. Nick on the other hand was sitting in a large leather chair looking at the fire as well.

AJ looks up over his shoulder as the large doors leading into the room open up with a squeak and Justin Timberlake walks inside the room over towards them. Nick looks over at him as he walks in and stares at the other three in the room.

Brian didn’t know what it was, but Justin and Nick looked old…older then they should of their ages. Nick more so then Justin. Justin actually seemed to have this glow coming off him now. His hair was short and plain brown and his wardrobe had been stripped down to a plain black t-shirt and denim jeans. Nick on the other hand was dressed in blue jeans, a black t-shirt and a black button down to go over it that was unbuttoned. His hair had the green, black and blue tips on it and his eyes seemed to have permanent circles under them in the light of the fire…well circles or shadows both led Brian to think the worst.

“Justin and I want to see the videos,” Nick says to them, “We think we have a right to it.”

“They’re downstairs,” Kevin says, “They’re locked away though.”

Nick nods, “We’ll watch them tomorrow then ok?” he says to Justin.

Justin nods and looks at AJ who turns around and faces Kevin folding his arms across his chest.

“Justin is gonna stay here when we talk,” Nick says, “If that’s ok with you guys. He may be able to answer some questions I can’t.”

“Whatever is comfortable for you,” Kevin says.

Justin sighs and crosses the room sitting down on the floor next to Brian.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Nick sighs.

“How about in the beginning,” Justin says staring at him.

“Well I know that dumbass,” Nick says.

“Well I know that dumbass,” Justin mimics, “Well if you knew that how come you didn’t start there?”

“Justin?”

“Yeah.”

“Shutup!”

“Sorry,” Justin says.

“Ok uh,” Nick says rubbing his face with his hands and then putting them down, “Do you guys have any question first.”

“How bad did it get?” Kevin asks.

“How bad did what get?”

“The cutting. The burning. All of it.”

Nick sighs and stands up and walks over to the table across from AJ. He picks up a leg and puts his foot on the table the pulls up his pant leg, “That’s how bad it got.”

AJ stares at him and then turns his face away quickly.

“Jesus,” Kevin mutters staring at the numerous small cuts and burns all up and down Nick’s one shin and calf.

“It’s on the other leg too,” Nick says taking his foot of the table and fixing his pant leg, “It looked a lot worse a few years ago though,” he says sitting down again.

“What about the drugs,” Kevin asks.

“They weren’t that bad,” Nick says, “Nah not bad at all. Mostly just pot once and a while. He was worse then me,” he says motioning towards Justin who looks down at the floor quickly.

“Why are we here Nick?” AJ asks softly.

“To tell you.”

“Tell us what?”

“Everything,” Nick sighs, “What you know is only part of the whole. It was worse. The stuff I didn’t write about because I was afraid someone would find it and tell everyone.”

“Who is Snap?” Kevin asks as AJ and Brian look at him then at Nick.

Nick stares at him and then looks over at Justin quickly.

“I didn’t tell him anything I swear,” Justin says, “I only said the name.”

“Well thanks a fucking lot,” Nick says, “I’ll tell you about Snap when I get to that part, but the story doesn’t start there,” Nick says.

“When did it all start to go downhill?” Kevin asks.

“After the Millennium tour.”

Brian looks at Nick and opens his mouth to speak a question that they were thinking, but didn’t want to ask. A question that had to be asked, “Were we that easy to leave behind?”