Brian rubs his eyes trying to wake himself up and then yawns loudly walking into the kitchen as the others look up at him. AJ was already up and had come over to Kevin’s early that morning. Kevin was sitting at the table reading the paper while munching on some toast as Justin sits on a counter chewing on some cereal swinging his legs back and forth.

“Where’s Ness?” Brian asks Justin.

Justin swallows the mouthful he has and points upwards, “Sleeping still. I don’t think she likes the time change at all. Alex is in the living room playing with May hopefully he won’t get beat up this time,” he says as he shovels another spoonful into his mouth.

Brian had gained a new appreciation for Justin last night while they both played pool with Nick. Brian didn’t know what he really expected Justin to be like, but it was far from what he really was he supposed. Justin and Nick were probably best friends now as much as Brian hated to admit. He still liked the idea that Nick and himself were best friends but times had changed and so had Nick. Last night was probably the first time Brian had seen Nick genuinely seem to relax. He smiled freely and joked around as he played pool and then watched as Justin and Brian played each other. No matter how many years had passed Nick was still horrible at pool.

Brian still wanted to know what had happened to Nick, but he was happy with Nick just being back. Nick could talk for hours too on end now. A big change from the way he left where he would only mutter sentences that were mostly incoherent to Brian once and a while. He went on and on about his house and what it was like where he lived. Brian just wanted to know where it was though and Nick trusted him enough to tell him of course he made him swear not to tell anyone else not even Leigh Ann. Justin on the other hand said if he opened his mouth they would hunt him down and throw him to the wild cats that lived outside his house and ate the fish from his fountain in his front yard and had on more then one occasion attacked him while he came home late.

Brian could see it now clearly though that Nick was happy where he was now and more then anything he wanted Nick to be happy, so he let his questions stop for once and his life and just listened. And to be honest he had learned more just listening then he thought he ever would by asking questions. He only wished that the others would understand that as well.

Kevin smiles at Brian as he walks into the kitchen. AJ was sitting across from him at the table and he raises an eyebrow then looks at Kevin as Brian walks over to Justin and hopes on the counter sitting next to him. Kevin could only shrug in reply though. He knew about as much as AJ seemed to know about whatever was going on. Kevin looks over as Justin dumps his bowl into the sink and then jumps off of the counter.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes ok. I’m just gonna go out front for a few minutes,” he says looking at them all and then walking out of the room.

“What was that about?” AJ asks.

Brian shrugs, “He’s a good guy AJ just give a chance.”

“Whatever,” AJ mumbles.

Kevin stares at AJ and then looks down at his paper but not paying much attention to the words. Kevin really wasn’t sure what was wrong with AJ. He was sure that other then Brian AJ would be the most receiving person towards Nick, but the whole thing had been turned upside down and he had been the first person to accept Nick, next came Brian and he wasn’t sure if AJ accepted him yet. Kevin had a good idea why though. AJ was the type of person that you could read like a book with his emotions and feelings. Now was a time that he could read them all. He had a feeling that AJ was still upset with the fact that Justin didn’t tell them where Nick was and when he found out Nick told him to that that about killed him inside. More then anything AJ had wanted the band to be whole again and Nick and had stopped that from happening. Nick had stopped the very thing that AJ wanted so much and now it was impossible with Howie gone.

As for Kevin? Kevin was happy enough with having his little brother back even if it was for the time being only. Nick was happy and healthy again and that was really all that mattered. Did he want to know what happened? Of course he did they all wanted to know, but for right now he just wanted to be happy himself.

He wanted to put the demons to rest for good.

“I’m gonna go smoke. I’ll be back in a second ok,” AJ says standing up and walking out of the kitchen.

He makes his way through the house and out the back door fishing into his pocket for a Marlboro Extra Light. No it wasn’t just Light anymore because Isabella said Extra light was better for him, so he smoked them now. Damn, no lighter, he thinks as he steps on to the back porch and sees Justin perched on a railing back facing AJ. He was holding a cigarette to his lips with his right hand and takes it down after a few seconds then blows the smoke out of his nose.

“You smoke?” AJ says as Justin turns around quickly and stares at him.

“Yeah…yeah started when I was sixteen. I’ve been trying to cut down though. Ness stopped and she says it’s better if I stop now.”

AJ nods.

“Want one?” Justin asks holding out his pack towards him.

“Got a lighter?” AJ asks holding up one of his.

Justin nods as he sticks the cigarette between his own lips and digs into his pockets and pulling out a lighter offering it to AJ.

AJ walks over and takes it lighting his cigarette and sitting on the railing spinning himself around to face the same way as Justin.

Justin takes the cigarette out of his mouth and blows out the smoke scratching his nose.

“Never knew you smoked,” AJ says.

“You wouldn’t,” Justin says, “Johnny didn’t ever let me smoke in public. Britney did too you know.”

AJ shakes his head and blows out some smoke.

“If you hate me you might as well tell me,” Justin says solemnly.

“I don’t hate you,” AJ says.

“You act like you do.”

“I…I’m just…I dunno ok.”

Justin nods and looks down at the ground, “He really doesn’t want you to hate him.”

“Who?” AJ asks taking a drag off of his cigarette.

“Nick, he thinks you hate him.”

“I don’t hate Nick. I’m just upset with him.”

“Why?”

“He left us.”

“That’s not the reason.”

“Why didn’t he let you tell us? Why did he keep locked up for so long until now? And now Howie died not even knowing that Nick was ok now. He didn’t deserve it.”

Justin flicks some ashes off his cigarette and sighs, “I know Howie didn’t deserve it. Howie was a good guy. He was always nice to me even though I wasn’t that nice to him in the past. Nick broke down when he found out about Howie. Ness called and told him. She said that I should stay with Nick that night because she was afraid of what he would do to himself if he was alone. That’s all he needs to do is start cutting himself again. He’s getting himself all worked up now and he’s trying to keep himself from doing it.”

“How do you know?”

“Caught him trying to do it last night,” Justin says then takes a drag off his cigarette.

“Jesus,” AJ mutters.

“Just talk to him. He worked out everything with Brian already and Kevin doesn’t seem to have any problems with him at all…surprisingly.”

“He trusted you with a lot AJ. No matter what he would tell me that you would always be there to treat him like a normal person and just go out with him to bars or clubs to get away from it all. He trusted you more then anyone,” Justin says dropping what is left of the cigarette into a cup full of water he brought out with himself, “I’m gonna go back in ok.”

“Alright,” AJ says, “Hey leave the cup out here ok?”

“Alright,” Justin says putting the cup down and walking back inside.

AJ sighs and drops his cigarette into the cup as well. He had to go find Nick.

Nick sits on his bed and flips through his journal occasionally stopping on a page and skimming the contents. God he never realized how bad the journal must have sounded to the guys. He looks up at his door as there is a soft knock on it and it opens slightly as AJ walks in and shuts the door behind himself.

“Hey,” AJ says standing by the door still.

“Hey,” Nick says, “What do ya want?”

“Just wanted to talk to you.”

“Ok,” Nick says, “Anything in particular?”

“Nick I don’t hate you,” AJ says flatly walking over to the bed and sitting down on an edge, “I’m just…there is so much going on in my head right now and when I try to talk to people it just gets all messed up.”

Nick smiles, “Trust me I know what you mean. Listen I expected someone to get pissed off at me, but I didn’t expect it to be you. I thought it would be Kevin.”

“I just can’t understand everything right now,” AJ says, “I just don’t want you to think I hate you.”

“You were talking to Justin weren’t you?”

AJ stares at him.

“Little shit always opens his mouth,” Nick mutters.

“He’s actually an ok guy from what he sounded like,” AJ says, “As much as I wanna hate him.”

Nick nods, “He’s a lot like the way you were before. Actually he is almost exactly like you. I don’t know what it is, but he is. You’d get a long with him I think.”

“Justin Timberlake like me?” AJ says.

“Yeah I know hard to believe,” Nick says.

“What happened to you Nick?” AJ asks staring at him.

“I don’t know AJ. I honestly don’t know,” he says, “I didn’t even feel like myself anymore. I…I don’t know who I was.”

AJ smiles slightly, “Jesus Nick it’s just that…God I don’t know,” he says standing up, “Listen the others are downstairs waiting for you,” AJ says and reaches into his pocket, “Here keep it,” he says handing something to Nick, “I’ll meet you downstairs ok,” he says and walks out of the room.

Nick stares and watches him leave and then looks down at the thing in his hand. An electric razor. Yeah he was defiantly going to have to kick Justin’s ass now.

“So how did you sleep Nick?” Kevin asks as Nick walks into the kitchen.

“Good,” Nick says walking over and sitting on the counter next to Brian and Justin.

AJ looks over at Nick and smiles.

“I wanna go out today,” Justin says, “I’m sick of being crammed in this house all day. We go out every day back in M….myyyyy place,” he says trying to cover for himself as Nick stares at him, “Uh I’m gonna go get my jacket. Yeah,” Justin says jumping off the counter and walking off.

“You think it’s a good idea for you to go out?” Kevin asks Nick.

Nick shrugs, “I don’t think many people will be looking for me now.”

“I dunno,” AJ says, “If us three go out and they see a tall blond guy with us people will jump to conclusions and then the press will be all over you.”

Kevin nods, “It’s a possibility Nick. I think it’s safer to wait till tonight and then go out.”

“Fine,” Nick sighs.

“Sorry but it’s for your own safety,” Kevin says.

“I know. I know,” Nick says.

“Are you gonna tell us what happened?” AJ asks.

“Huh?”

“You never finished telling us last night.”

“Oh that…yeah I guess,” Nick says rubbing the back of his neck, “Their isn’t much to explain. Uh Snap stuck around for a little. He liked mind games, you know like the kind Tyler Durden played with people in Fight Club. He had the ability to make you feel worthless and do shit you never thought you would do before.”

“Like?” Kevin says.

“Like cut here or cut there or take this or take that. And it was like he was always there. No matter where I went he was there when I turned around. It started to get to me after a while I think. I saw him when he wasn’t really there and I always heard his voice in my head. Like you ever see Crazy in Alabama and how the girl always hears the husband’s voice that she killed. That was how I heard it, well except for the being dead part. He left after a while though. You know got bored with me when there was nothing left to manipulate, so he left. But everything continued. I still saw him and still heard him in my head, “You’re being an ass Nick look no one cares what you’re doing to yourself. They have their own lives they don’t care about you. Look at yourself you’re a mess. What would your fans think of you if they saw you know? They’d hate you. Then you wouldn’t have anyone. Your group doesn’t care about you. You’re parents and family doesn’t care about you. And you don’t have any real friends to turn to do you?” It never stopped. I just wanted it to stop.”

“What did cutting have to do with it?” AJ says.

Nick shrugs, “It focused the pain on something else besides the hurt, so did the joints. I never felt strong enough to try anything stronger like Justin.”

“We cared about you Nick,” Brian says softly.

“You never acted like it,” Nick says, “I mean yeah you told me to calm down and take care of myself, but that came off like you wanted my image to be clean. I…I never got the impression that you really cared. You’d all brush me off so easily in the beginning because you had other things to do and I was left alone to think. Thinking did me in. By the end all those little brush-offs and the “let’s talk about it laters” added up to me thinking you didn’t care about me at all.”

Brian stares at him and then looks down at the floor.

“We never knew Nick,” Kevin says.

“I know,” Nick says, “and I understand that now, but back then….” He says trailing off again.

“Nick,” AJ says.

“Yeah,” Nick says looking over at him.

“I…I still have this if you want it,” AJ says standing up and walking over to him digging in his pocket and pulling out a set of keys, “They’re to your prowler…it’s at my house in my garage. I’ve kept it in pretty good condition. Never drove it though. I remember how much you liked it…even though it was purple.”

Nick’s eyes shine as he takes the keys and smiles, “I’ve told you a thousand times it’s not purple. Can I drive it? I mean people won’t recognize me in the car…right?” he says looking at Kevin.

“I dunno Nick,” Kevin says.

“That’s a yes,” Nick smirks hopping off the counter and pulling AJ by the sleeve out of the room.

“He always did that,” Kevin sighs looking at Brian who smiles.

“He’s Nick what are ya gonna do,” Brian smiles