“No one understands me like her,” Justin says simply to AJ, “You’ll never understand what I’m saying,” he sighs, “No one ever does.”

AJ looks at Justin and frowns, “You aren’t a very positive person at times.”

Justin stares at him oddly as Kevin walks into the kitchen and looks at them, “What’s going on?”

“Nothin,” they both say.

“Just talkin,” Justin says shrugging.

“I was, uh, talking to Brian,” Kevin says to them, “and um we think Nick needs to get some professional help. Anything that could help him. There is something very wrong with him...very.”

AJ nods, “Defiantly…not that I’m one to talk, but he needs it.”

Justin looks between the two of them and shakes his head, “A.) Nick is never going to trust someone he doesn’t know. B.) If we do find someone how will we know to trust them. C.) There is no way in hell Nick will agree to it in the first place.”

Kevin nods, “Yeah, we thought about all that…he…he needs it though Justin you know it too.”

Justin nods, “I know.”

“What if we found someone he knew,” AJ says.

“That just happens to be a psychiatrist,” Justin says.

“Yeah,” AJ says, “Why not?”

Justin looks at him oddly, “Who the hell do we know that that applies to?”

Kevin looks at AJ as both of them turn to look at Justin, “You might not like this idea…”

“…but it’s the only one we got,” AJ adds.

Justin looks between the two, “What,” he smirks, “Is Britney a psychiatrist now?”

“Not exactly,” AJ says.

Justin’s face falls quickly, “What…who is it?”

“You remember Josh?” AJ says slowly.

“NO!” Justin yells before backing up slowly from them both.

“Whoa, it’s only an idea,” AJ says, “No harm to you. You don’t even have to see him.”

“No. No. No. No,” Justin says pacing around in a small circle, “No, I left him for a reason. I never talked to him for reasons. I HATE him,” Justin says looking at them both coldly before beginning to pace again.

“Justin who else will we get?” Kevin says beginning to plead.

“We can trust him,” AJ says, “and you don’t hate him.”

Justin shakes his head vehemently.

“Justin, this is about Nick not you. He was pulling his own hair out a few nights ago for Christ’s sake,” Kevin says, “He is having these nightmares and wakes up screaming in the night. We can all hear him. Then AJ said you caught him was a razor. Justin, we need to do something.”

“What?” Justin asks, “Get him some pills and wish him the best of luck.”

“Justin,” AJ pleads, “If you’re his friend you’ll do this. Just for now. Nick might not even agree, but we need to try,” he sighs, “I don’t want to see him go over the edge again. He’s got too many demons to not help him.”

Justin lets out a loud sigh before nodding, “Ok. Ok, but if I don’t want to see him don’t let him near me.”

Kevin nods steadily, “Of course.”

“Ok,” Justin says, “Ok. Get JC’s ass in here,” he says before turning and walking out of the room quickly.

AJ watches his back walk up the stairs and sighs.

“You heard him…” Kevin says calmly, “Get Chasez.”

JC Chasez sits chewing the end of right pointer finger as Kevin Richardson stares at him from across the table. JC exhales loudly and pulls the finger out of his mouth before looking at Kevin dead in the eyes. He takes his right hand and scratches his forehead before exhaling again. His right knee was bouncing up and down nervously as Kevin sips coffee at the kitchen table. Kevin hald expected him to get up and bolt from the room any second.

“You ok?” Kevin asks.

“Huh?” JC asks as he looks at Kevin steadily.

“You ok?” Kevin asks putting down his coffee.

“Yeah. Yeah,” JC says, “Just…anxious.”

Kevin nods, “Understandable.”

“All around me are familiar faces. Worn out places. Worn out faces…”

“You sure you can do this?” Kevin asks JC.

“Yeah,” JC says, “If I don’t who will?”

Kevin shrugs, “How’d you get into this anyway?”

JC shrugs, “Just was always fascinated by the human mind after…” he says trailing off.

“What happened to Justin and Nick?” Kevin offers, “More so Nick?”

JC looks at him and then nods slowly, “You can say that.”

“You sureee you can do this?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” JC says waving off the comment.

Kevin nods, “Ok,” he says calmly as a small hard haired little boy runs into the kitchen.

His small face still showed the signs of chubby baby fat. His blue eyes shine eerily even in the sun filled room. His small blue overalls show signs of dirt on the knees…he had been in the garden again. Kevin knew that he was probably missing a few more petunias now. In one hand he clutched a small blue toy Mustang car. In the other he clutched a half full box a grape juice, part of which was dripping on Kevin’s new wood floors. His small pink lips open to say something, but stop short.

“What’s up, Alex?” Kevin asks turning around to look at the small boy.

JC’s eyes stay locked on the small boy as his small shoulders shrug in reply. Then as quickly as he came he went running out of the room. In a mix of small tapping footsteps and squeaking Nikes, “that’s…”

“Justin’s boy,” Kevin finishes for him.”

JC nods, “Thought so. It looks like him.”

Kevin nods, “Yeah…he’s a good dad.”

JC nods, “I had a feeling he would be.”

Footsteps are heard down the hall from them, as a person becomes closer and closer. Midway through a second set of steps joins in.

“Hey,” Justin says solemnly from his place in the archway to the kitchen.

Nick stands firmly planted next to him as he looks at the floor tiles.

“Hey,” JC says to Justin, “Long time no see.”

Justin snorts, “Yeah, I wanted it that way.”

Nick rolls his eyes before looking over at Justin, “Swallow your pride for once please.”

Justin looks at him sharply before rolling his own blue eyes, “Fine,” he puffs folding his arms across his chest.

Kevin looks between JC and Justin and shakes his head, “C’mon Justin lets get outta here,” he says standing up from his seat.

Justin looks over at him oddly before looking back at Nick.

“Go ahead,” Nick says calmly, “I volunteered for this. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright,” Justin sighs as Kevin walks up to him.

“I just saw your son run by let’s go find him,” Kevin says to Justin, “I think he’s tearing up my garden again.”

“I told ya before he’s helping you…” Justin says jokingly as he follows behind Kevin closely.

Nick stays standing in the archway as JC stares at him, “So…”

“So?” JC says.

“So what now?” Nick asks.

“Whatever you want to talk about,” JC says to him, “Wanna go sit somewhere else?”

“Yeah,” Nick says, “Yeah.”

JC nods picking up his black messenger bag, “Lead on then.”

“Bright and early for the daily races. Going nowhere. Going nowhere…”

Nick sits calmly chewing a bit of grass between his teeth. JC sits across from him absentmindedly-picking strands of grass out from Kevin’s lawn. Behind them loamed Kevin’s house separated by a few yards of grass and foliage. The shade offered by the lone weeping willow in the yard surrounds them as the bright Orlando sunshine beams down everywhere else.

“You look old,” Nick says looking at JC.

“Huh?” JC asks looking up at him with his blue eyes.

“You look old,” Nick says. It was the truth. JC had developed small signs of wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. His once flowing brown hair now had hints of gray in it and his eyes looked somewhat hallowed. The thing was he wasn’t even that old.

JC nods, “That’s what stress does to you.”

“Don’t I know it,” Nick smirks slightly.

“So, Nick, how have you been?” JC asks.

“Good,” Nick nods, “Got my life in order back at home. Got a good job. Good friends. Good life in general.”

“Its just here that gets you?”

Nick nods, “Yeah…it just never stops here.”

“What?”

“Nightmares…memories…shit like that,” Nick says.

JC nods, “Think maybe it would help if you go home?”

Nick nods, “Oh yeah…I know it would, but…”

“You don’t want to leave your friends again,” JC offers.

“Yeah,” Nick says.

“Especially after what happened to Howie?”

“Especially after that,” Nick says.

“It’s not your fault Nick,” JC says calmly.

“I know that,” Nick says, “It’s just that…I dunno. He left with part of him empty. He never knew the truth. I want to explain to them all the truth. Make them understand.”

JC nods, “Truth has prices Nick.”

“I know,” Nick sighs, “Sometimes I just get so sick of it all…I…I wish I was like Justin,” Nick says looking over at Justin a few yards away laying out on the grass with Ness lounging on him calmly. A few feet away their son sits playing with his toy cars spread out across the grass, “I wish I could just get over it all like he did.”

“He had help,” JC says looking over at him, “And his…it was more drugs then anything, Nick.”

“And mine is more in my head…” Nick says.

“Yeah,” JC nods, “Unfortunately. So…what can you tell me Nick?”

Nick leans back on the grass and sighs, “Where you want me to start?”

“Anywhere you want.”

Nick nods, “Ok, first what did they tell you?”

“They gave me the synopsis of the story you told them. You can pick up there if you want,” JC offers.

Nick shakes his head no, “No…I dunno where to start.”

“Well,” JC sighs, “What do you see in your nightmares?”

Nick scrunches his eyebrows together creating lines across his tanned forehead as he thinks, “I see…I see a lot o darkness. Darkness that is trying to swallow me whole. With this sense that it is coming to get me…like it will never go away. I hear the voices in my head start up again…”

“What do they say?” JC says calmly.

“You’re so fucking pathetic. Look at yourself…you’re nothing. A little insignificant nothing. You’re letting yourself go. We see the weight add up. We see your voice wear thin. Why can’t you be more like Justin…” Nick says as JC looks at him hard, “Justin is one of those that are born to reign. You…you’re lucky you got this far. Why can’t you learn the dance moves faster dumbass. Why can’t you get the beat? Why are you wasting so much time on shit you’ll never be able to do. Why can’t you be better…stronger…faster…smarter…thinner…hotter. You have the attention span of a three year old. Why can’t you ever fucking concetrate? You’re gonna fade away, Carter. Fade away into nothingness. No one will even know you’re gone.”

“Nick,” JC starts to say, “You…”

“Well I showed them huh?” Nick says looking at JC.

“Huh?”

“No one remembers the quitter Justin Timberlake. But they sure as hell still wonder what the hell happened to that Nick Carter,” Nick says as he smirks slightly.

“Their tears are filling up their glasses. No expression. No expression.”

JC sits at Kevin’s kitchen table leaning over a small pad of paper with a pen in hand.

“How’s it look?” AJ asks sitting down across from him.

“You don’t wanna know,” JC sighs.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t even know where his mind is going,” JC says calmly, “He shows tendencies of so many different cases right now. Part of me says he’s a classic schizophrenic…the other part of me says he’s the best damn faker I have ever fucking met.”

“Faker?” AJ stares at him, “Nick…Nick isn’t faking this shit.”

“How do you know?” JC asks.

“Look at the man…he…he’s fucking insane at times,” AJ says, “Pulling out his hair, burning himself, cutting himself…how can you say he is faking it.”

“AJ,” JC starts, “I have seen so much shit in my line of work. I work in a fucking institution after all. I once saw a hundred pound catatonic girl throw a hundred and seventy pound man across a room…the size of a ballroom. I have seen a girl stay in fetal position for twenty-five years straight. I once saw a man who believed he was Jesus Christ. Yeah, he almost drowned when he tried to walk across Lake Placid. I know the mind has hardly any restrictions. I know why you are seeing this is Nick…hell I see it too. If he isn’t a faker…” JC sighs, “If he isn’t he needs to be put on heavy medications. Right now his state of mind seems to change so fast it’s almost frightening.”

“What do you mean?” AJ asks.

“One second the guy is perfectly normal…bashful and such. The next he’s got that glazed over far out look over his eyes while he is saying how he showed the world that Nick Carter wasn’t some kind of burn out compared to Justin…Justin Timberlake…his supposed best friend. I…I need to see the journal. I need to see where I can touch and where I can’t. His emotional state is so sensitive right now I don’t know if I’ll say something that will send him into a tailspin.”

AJ nods slowly, “Ok…ok.”

“There is not doubt in my mind he has some kind of depression, but I’m afraid to give him medication because he also seems to have a addictive personality. And I don’t even know if that’s Nick…AJ, every person has masks. You have a serious mask on right now. I have a doctor’s mask on now. We both used to wear our entertainers’ masks…the thing with Nick is that he has sooo many masks. I don’t know if I’m talking to Nick who I need to help…or Nick who is putting up a crazy front to throw me off.”

AJ nods slowly, “I see.”

“Also…I…I would like to maybe spend a day with each of you to evaluate you all,” JC says looking away.

“Huh?”

“You, Kevin, Justin, Brian…”

AJ cringes at the naming of Justin, “I’ll do it…I’m sure Brian and Kevin will to. Anything to help Nick, but Justin…Justin does not want to see you JC.”

“I figured,” JC says softly, “but I think he is a very main part of this.”

AJ nods, “I’ll see what I can do…what have you got on this guy Snap?”

“Haven’t gotten there yet,” JC says looking at AJ, “I’ll try to touch on it tomorrow. Meanwhile my friends are gonna do some research on him for me.”

AJ nods, “Thanks for everything Josh…we mean it.”

JC nods, “Don’t worry about it.

“Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow. No tomorrow. No tomorrow.”

Nick stares out of his bedroom window into the night sky and sighs as he puts his face in his hands.

“And I find it kinda funny. I find kinda sad. The dreams in which I'm dying…”

No one would ever understand…ever. None of them would see it. None of them would understand how much it all hurt. How much it all killed him. How much he hated it all.

“…Are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you. I find it hard to take…”

They would all saw, ‘Look at him. Give him some pills. Let him get better on his own. It’s all in his head. It was all ever in his head.’ They would never try to understand.

“…When people run in circles it's a very very. Mad world. Mad world.”

But maybe this time…just maybe…they were right.