“I wonder about you sometimes.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wonder about you…like a kid wonders about his lost puppy…you know the one that keeps shitting on the carpet, but he loves it anyway.”

“Gee…thanks Just…I think.”

“No problem…Nick they’re gonna make me talk to him aren’t they?”

“Probably.”

“Damn.”

“You’ll be fine…”

“I hate him.”

“Justin.”

“I HATE him.”

*sigh*

“He’s not coming anywhere near her…”

“I know. I know.”

“Nowhere.”

“I know…”

“This place just keeps stressing me the FUCK out.”

“I know…”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I could really go for some fucking coke right now…”

“…yeah I hear ya.”

“You defiantly killed it,” Nick says looking down at rose bush.

Justin shakes his head and lets out and exasperated sigh, “Damn…you think Kevin will believe I didn’t mean to fall in it?”

“No…I think he figures you’re a pain junkie who likes thorns to stick in his ass,” Nick says staring at him.

Justin makes a face at him and shakes his head.

“JUSTIN!”

Justin turns around and stares at the open door to Kevin’s house, “Duty calls,” he says to Nick as Nick nods and Justin goes running off toward the door.

Nick watches Justin’s back retreat into the darkness and shade of the house before looking down at the half crumpled rose bush…Kevin was going to kill him.

*****

“What?” Justin asks reaching Ness, “You called me right?”

Ness stares at him and nods calmly, “I need you to go talk to Josh…”

Justin’s eyes light up and he looks over her shoulders at JC standing outside Kevin’s library door patiently.

“They’re all doing it baby,” Ness says staring up at him.

Justin lets out a snort as he stares at JC, “You’re gonna hate me if I don’t do it won’t you?”

“I could never hate you,” she says softly looking at him.

Justin smiles softly and kisses her forehead, “Ok…ok…” he brushes past her and locks eyes with JC, “Lets get this over with Chasez,” he mutters walking into the library as JC follows close behind shutting the door behind them.

“Justin I…”

Justin raises a hand and throws himself onto a leather couch in the corner, “Let’s get this over with. It’s about Nick remember that…not about me.”

“Justin…”

“No. No. No. You all dicked me over and it’s the past now…You’re a psychiatrist now so act like one. Get down to business c’mon,” Justin says staring at him folding his arms across his chest.

“Ok…ok,” JC says sitting down in a chair and staring at Justin, “Have you ever talked to Nick about he feels.”

“No…”

“Justin…”

“We both don’t ask each other…it’s the past. We both hate our pasts, so we don’t talk about them,” Justin says firmly.

“Did you ever get the feeling that Nick resented you before?” JC asks as a blank stare comes form Justin.

“Resented me?” Justin asks, “Now…no he’s my best friend.”

“Ok, before then?”

“N…I guess…a little,” Justin says as he clams down slowly.

“He had a thing for Ness before didn’t he?”

“Knock it off,” Justin snaps, “That doesn’t matter now. So what he was a little jealous of me. Tons of guys in the world were jealous of me even though they hated to admit it.”

“He didn’t like the fact that you were become bigger then him did he?”

“I dunno…a little…it bugged him a little,” Justin says staring at JC.

JC nods.

“Why does that matter?” Justin asks.

“I can’t tell you that, Justin,” JC says calmly.

Justin nods calmly folding his arms across his chest again.

“He seem better to you…more stable.”

“At home he is…here I don’t trust him,” Justin sighs, “I don’t trust myself here.”

JC stares calmly, “How are you then?”

“What does that have to do with Nick?”

“I’m just asking, Justin.”

“I’m fine,” Justin says calmly, “I have a beautiful wife who loves me and an adorable son. I live my life how I want to live it now. I do what I want…”

JC nods.

“And I’m clean before you even ask it,” Justin says staring at him coldly, “I know you thought Nick and I aided fuel to each others fires. I know you thought, and probably still think, that an addict helping another person in trouble was the stupidest thing we could have done. But guess what? We were the only ones who listened to each other…”

“Justin, we tried to talk to you…”

“No, no you didn’t…you didn’t give a fuck until I started hanging around with Nick and bringing Ness around. I know you hated her too…”

“I never hated her Justin.”

“You sure as hell acted like it. You treated her like shit,” Justin says as his fists begin to clench.

“I never hated her, the others maybe though.”

“Lance was the worst out of all of you,” Justin snaps, “You only cared because you all though I would crash and burn taking you all with me. That’s why I ran to her and Nick. They listened to me. That’s why Nick came to me.”

“Justin…we just didn’t like the way you found each other,” JC states.

“Who…”

“And her past didn’t help either…”

“God forbid she wasn’t Britney!” Justin snaps, “God forbid she wasn’t a perfect girl from the south or from high society. You running around with your movie stars and shit. So what I liked a normal girl…”

“You liked a former heroine addict who cut herself…”

“She stopped that! She stopped it before she met me,” Justin snaps cutting JC off.

“Justin, you followed her around like some little puppy…”

“I did not,” Justin snaps.

“Yes, you did!” JC yells, “You ran around Philadelphia during our break looking for her the whole time. The day after you met her you went running back out to find her again. We didn’t know where you were for a day and a half.”

Justin stares at him coldly as he clenches his fists.

“Once she came on tour you wouldn’t leave her side…the worst thing was you were manipulating her like you did to us all the time…”

“I did not manipulate her!”

“Justin!” JC yells staring at him, “You pulled the girl from the only home she had. Had her quit her job to be with you? Then you continue to go out with Britney for PR’s sake. Keep her locked up in a hotel room most of the time. Take her out once and a while. You were destroying her, Justin! We all saw it. She was falling in love with you and we figured you were too high to realize that…”

“I told her all the time I loved her!”

“Did you mean it?”

“Yes!”

“Everytime! Everytime you told her you meant it? Even the first few times?” JC asks.

Justin stares at him hard.

“Or did you just want someone to cling to. Someone to be there when you came back from rehearsals and press shit. Someone to hold onto in the night. Someone to fuck! Someone to wake you up from your over doses. Someone innocent to pull down into the abyss of hell we were all in!”

“JC shut the hell up!” Justin yells standing up and staring at him, “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says as he begins to pace the room.

“How many times did she try to leave?”

“Shut up,” Justin whimpers pacing around the room.

“How’d you make her stay? Threaten to kill yourself?” JC asks standing up and following his pacing with his eyes.

“I love her!” Justin yells staring at JC, “I love her,” he begins to whimper.

“I know, Justin,” JC says calmly, “We knew you loved her when you left with her that night. I know you’re not any better though, Justin. Not where it counts. What happens if she dies? If she leaves you?”

Justin stares at him and wipes his eyes slowly.

“You’ll crumble. What about your son? She is what keeps you going. She has been since you found her. We could only get to you through her. Only get your attention if we insulted her. She was the one who got you to come in here now wasn’t she?” JC says staring at him sympathetically.

Justin stares at him and nods.

“Nick doesn’t have that, Justin. He doesn’t have a rock. He can collapse at any time. You need to keep an eye on him. Ness too. He only truly trusts you two.”

Justin nods calmly.

“I never hated her. I was just afraid that she would fall with you…afraid you would fall faster because of her. I never doubted her good intentions. I doubted yours early on though.”

Justin stares at him, “I cheated on her so many times,” he says softly, “So many. On tour…when she wasn’t there…too many.”

JC stares at him, “Just, you …”

“She never doubted me either. Or she didn’t want to. I think she knows. She knew they meant nothing though. I got caught the night I left. She tried to leave before, but I was positive she would that night. Nick always lectured me about cheating. I think he would have been a better boyfriend then I was at the time. He liked her enough. Nick may have been slightly insane, but he knew I was a fuck up. Nick…Nick gave us a place to go when no one else would. When Britney was around. I would run to his place or hotel room. Didn’t take much coaxing. I just needed to give him a few joints and he would let us have the run of the place. I think he enjoyed the company though.”

“She worry about him?”

“All the time,” Justin nods, “I always got upset hen she mentioned him like that…guess jealousy runs through me.”

“Happens to us all,” JC says calmly sitting back down.

Justin nods calmly, “I really do love her now though…I do.”

“I know, J. I know.”

Justin looks down at the floor blankly and stares at it emotionless.

“I guess you can go now if you want,” JC says.

“We done then?” Justin asks looking up at him.

“For now,” JC says simply. He didn’t want to push him any farther today, another time.

Justin nods, “I’ll talk to ya later, C,” he says turning around from where he stands and walking towards the door. He stops suddenly as he gets to the door with his hand on the knob, “I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Huh?” JC asks.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her,” Justin sighs opening the door and walking out as JC watches his back.

JC watches his back as he continues to walk away and sighs. Well he had two patients now.

“So what did he flip a shit on you?” Nick asks JC.

“Somewhat,” JC says, “He calmed down afterwards though. He has a lot built up inside.”

Nick nods, “Yeah, he does.”

“I don’ think he’s gonna be happy in an hour or so though?” JC sighs heavily.

“Why?” Nick looks at him oddly.

“Because Ness agreed to talk to me…”

“So…”

“Alone…without Justin…”

Nick grimaces, “He’s not gonna be happy with that.”

“He’s gonna wanna be there?”

Nick nods, “Defiantly.”

JC rubs his temples, “I need some coffee…black coffee.”

“Justin didn’t seem very happy with you when he came out,” Ness looks at JC intently from her seat across from him.

“No, I think I went too far too fast,” JC says simply, “I don’t think he was ready for it.”

Ness nods, “I know he’s very defensive of me.”

“He tell you what we talked about?”

“No, I just know how to read him well enough now,” she smiles partly.

JC nods, “Well…Nick?”

“Nick is Nick,” she sighs, “Over dramatic and attention seeking here.”

“He seeks attention?”

“Well he did before. I dunno if he is doing it again now. He would do I because the other guys would never listen to him. Never pay attention to him. I think that’s why he really cut himself for attention.”

“That’s what I figured,” JC nods.

“He was never into drugs though. I give that to him. He never fucked with them like Justin. He seemed to scared of them. All of his problems were emotional.”

“He ever violent?”

“He was always hostile back then. He would look so calm, but we knew he could snap at any time,” she says simple.

“You worry about him?”

“All the time…”

“And Justin…”

“Hated me doing it. He gets so jealous.”

JC nods, “So I’ve noticed.”

“Nick was always jealous of him too though. They were always jealous of each other. Nick could play drums. Justin couldn’t. Justin could dance amazingly. Nick couldn’t. Nick was free of drugs. Justin wasn’t. Justin had a girl. Nick didn’t. Nick and Justin always competed. Always. Competing he two of them and most of the time they didn’t even realize they were doing it,” she smiles suddenly, “I think that’s why they get along so well though. They relate very well to each other. Both didn’t have people to rely on in the industry. Both their band mates kind of looked over them…ermmm sorry…”

“No…no it’s ok go on.”

“They both saw their lives as hell. Justin once called it a, ‘bright flashy popular hell’. He said they were both stuck in it and the only way out was death, like Cobain. You never realized how much he was hurting until he was drunk or high then he just let it all out. No restrictions then. He crumbled. Nick…Nick always said how horrible his life was. He hated it. Wanted out. He got out. Justin got jealous. He wanted out. So he got out next. Not with the flare of Nick, but he got out.”

“Justin thinks Nick went out with flare.”

“They both think that,” she says simple, “I told you…they always compete.”

JC nods.

“Those two lived in some mad worlds.”

JC nods again, “They drag you in to?”

“Justin did at times,” she says softly, “He did it whenever he overdosed or shit like that.”

“I never hated you Ness.”

“Oh I know,” she smiles at him, “I know.”

“I felt so bad about all those things I said after you two left. Like maybe that pushed Justin a little to much.”

She shakes her head no violently, “Please, like Justin wouldn’t have done that anyway. He changed his mind because he finally got caught with his dick in another girl. That’s why he left. He left because he knew if he didn’t I would leave him. It was an unspoken ultimatum.”

JC stares at her calmly, “Do you have any resentment toward for his cheating?”

She stares at him for a second locking blue eyes on blue eyes, “I dunno. I try not to think about it,” she says softly looking away from him

JC frowns deeply and nods, “You can go if you want Ness. I’m sure Alex wants something to eat for lunch by now.”

She nods calmly standing up and looking at him smiling politely, “I’ll talk to you later then JC.”

JC nods calmly and smiles at him, “Yeah,” he says as he watches her walk away quickly. He was beginning to believe she as the best thing that ever happened to Justin.