Ami wandered through her palace, her steps echoing in the empty hallways. Her servants wouldn’t return until the morning, so for the first time in her life she was truly alone. She had never noticed just how vast and empty the palace was….with David around it had always felt warm and cozy. She wrapped her arms around herself and shuddered, the thought calling forth another wave of grief. It washed over her and she fought back the tears that threatened to spill over and continued pacing the halls. She walked into the study, the room cold and dark without the usual homey fire burning on the hearth. She walked around the edge of the room, running her hand over the wall as she went. When she reached the mantel over the fireplace she stopped, looking at the portrait of her parents which hung above it. They looked as regal as always, and the prodigy who had painted it had created life in their eyes. Whenever she looked at it, she had the uncanny feeling that wherever they were they could see her and were smiling down on her. The thought was a comfort to her always, and she came here often to consult her parents for advice. They never answered her, but really that was not what mattered to her. What mattered was that she knew they were listening, as she knew they were now. She could almost feel their presence around her, and she closed her eyes. Softly, she began to speak.
“Mother……father…….I must ask you……why did you never tell me? Why did you let all this happen? You must have known about all this….” She opened her eyes and looked directly at her parents’ faces on the canvas. “I remember…..when I was young you used to consult Rei’s mother often….she could predict the future, much like Rei herself often can…..in all the times that she read your future, she never once saw this? I refuse to believe that!” This last she shouted, glaring at her parents’ faces with eyes full of tears. She breathed deep for a moment, then took a step back, not letting herself lower her eyes. She spoke only a single word, softly, but with such pain that the painted faces on the canvas almost winced. “Why?”
She lowered her eyes, and her shoulders shook as she let fall the tears she had been holding back since she arrived. The room was silent except for the heartbreaking sound of her weeping. She hadn’t expected an answer from them, not really. She never did, and until now it hadn’t mattered. But she had hoped……maybe this once……they would emerge from the painting as she had dreamt they would so many times, and somehow give her even a little piece of their wisdom and knowledge, make her understand why all of this had to happen. But deep down she knew this time would be no different. She would pour her heart out to them and be met only with empty stares. She had known it, so why did it still hurt her so much?
She turned away from her parent’s ethereal gaze and walked slowly out of the room, her shoulders slumped in despair. She walked the rest of the way to her bed chamber in silence, not thinking or feeling anything, her body, mind, and soul suddenly numb. She felt cold and lost, as if she were trapped underwater in a frozen lake and couldn’t swim. She felt herself sink deeper and deeper…….once again she wrapped her arms around herself, shivering.
Finally she reached the door, and slowly she turned the handle and opened it. Standing motionless in the doorway, she surveyed the room beyond. Her eyes ran over the large canopy bed, covered in soft pillows and thick, warm blankets; her bookshelf, full of novels and works of science and philosophy; the grand picture-window, framed by the soft white chiffon curtains; the dark wood armoir in the corner, and next to it a desk with a large oval mirror above it, the surface covered with makeup, bottles of perfume, and hair accessories; the pale blue shag carpet, soft and springy beneath her feet; all these things which had once been a familiar source of comfort to her, now felt alien and strange. She realized now that her palace had only felt like home because David made it so. His presence had been such a ray of light in her life, his smile able to cheer her on her darkest days, his tenderness a comfort when she was sad or lonely……without him it all felt so….empty…..
She walked over to the desk and pulled out the cushioned chair, sinking into it wearily. She looked at herself in the mirror, studying the person she saw there. She raised a hand to her face, running her fingers lightly over her forehead, her cheekbones, her lips. She looked herself in the eye and could see nothing there but the hazy blue of her irises and the vacant blackness in her pupils. There was nothing memorable about this face, no great beauty. How could David have fallen in love with anyone as ordinary as she?
She reached her hands behind her head and drew her long deep blue hair over her shoulder. It fell like trickles of ocean water, catching the light in shiny ribbons. She ran her fingers through it, slowly. ~~~David’s face, tear-streaked and dirty. He looked at her with an expression of grief etched on his face. His laughing brown eyes had lost their warmth, and were filled with despair. He reached a shaking hand up to touch her face, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. Sighing. he ran his trembling fingers through it, almost caressing it.
“Your hair is so soft……..beautiful…..I’ve always loved it….the way it frames your face………….the way it falls down your back…….like a waterfall……so…..beautiful……..” he said softly, his hand falling limply to his chest. His eyes closed, as if in sleep, but it wasn’t sleep at all……..~~~
A tear traced a path down Ami’s cheek. So that had been it. That was what had made him fall in love with her…..she drew her eyes away from the reflection in the mirror and looked down at the desk top. Her eyes passed slowly over the objects that lay there, until they spotted a pair of silver shears lying next to a bottle of rose-scent. She reached out a trembling hand and picked them up. She slipped her finger and thumb through the holes and snipped the air slowly, turning the blades this way and that, letting them reflect the light in blinding whiteness. Looking once again at her reflection, she was struck with sudden resolve. She held up the shears and opened them, bringing them towards her hair, eyes closed against tears of sorrow…..
*Ami wait……*
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