I put off doing this page for a while because at first it was hard for me to do because of becoming emotional and then I waited because I wasn't sure how much to put in here. There were complications that happened that day and until I receive the reports I still don't know everything that happened but I am glad it is over and that you are doing so much better!
The morning of August 8th, 2003 I awoke with a strong contraction. Right away I knew that this was it and that you were going to join our family today. I got up and looked at the time. Daddy had already left for work and was an hour and a half away. I called him to tell him that I believed I was in labor and going to call the doctor. Daddy said he would leave work and for me not to have you until he got to the hospital. I laughed because you were ready to come out long before this and with how fast your other sisters were born I didn't know if you would wait or not.
I called the doctor and told them my contractions were strong and that I believed you were ready. You were not due until the 25th of August but you were pushing your way through the last two months trying hard to see us. The doctor said to go to the hospital to be checked out.
After another strong contraction I got your sisters up and then went next door to ask our neighbor, Shanna, if she could drive us to the hospital. Boy was she both excited and nervous when she saw me! She just walked right out the door and headed over to our house as soon as I told her that I needed to go to the hospital and came in our house telling your sisters to hurry up. I think she was afraid of you being born in the van!
When we got to the hospital the doctor checked me and sure enough I was far enough along that there was no turning back or waiting any longer. Today was the day! I became so excited as I got into my hospital gown and felt you kick for what would be one of the last times within my belly. I couldn't wait to see you but at the same time I knew I would miss feeling you inside me. One day you will understand what I mean.
It wasn't long before it was time for the doctor to break my water. This is when some things started to go wrong. You see, it was green which meant that you were taking in your bowels and having it go into your lungs which can cause problems. Our doctor told us of some things that may happen and we had to prepare.
Soon I was told to push, and that is when I began to feel a lot of pain. You were stuck and I pushed and pushed but you didn't seem to be able to get through. I started to get nervous by the way the doctor was acting which only made things worse, but then your head finally came through. The cord was around your neck and was quickly taken off. They brought you right over to clean out your lungs then said you had to go to the intensive care unit to make sure everything was ok.
My arms ached for you. I kept wondering how much longer before you would be back with me and then we would all be fine and happy. But after a while they said it would be longer for you to come back because you were having some seizures. This got daddy and I very nervous.
Time went on and finally they said that you would have to stay in NICU. Your tone was very low and they needed to help you with some things. I was lost and confused and upset. I didn't want to hear you were having problems. I wanted you in my arms. I wanted to feed you, kiss you, hug you and most of all to bond with you.
When I got to go to the NICU department everyone there was so sweet and nice which made things easier then what it could have been. We had to put on gowns and scrub up extremely well before we could see you. When I first saw you I wanted to cry. You were so beautiful, but seeing the needles and all really tore at my heart. When I held you I teared up. You were so tiny and looked like an angel.
Our doctor came over and explained all that was going on with you. It was like a blur because so much was said. The main thing was your low tone. I didn't understand what he was meaning so he then explained that your muscles were like that of a rag doll. You did not have any muscle control. Also, there were some signs that bothered him and he wanted you tested for Turner's Syndrom. He had to explain what that was as well and gave us paperwork to read. I read everything within an hour then prayed.
After the next day I was released and cried the whole way home. When we pulled into our driveway I spent about 45 minutes just sitting outside crying because I didn't want to go inside without you. I hated you not being with us. I spent every moment possible back at the hospital to be with you. So many family members and friends were praying for you. The doctors took the tests for Turner's Syndrom and said it would be a couple of days before the results came back. Oh how I hated that wait!
After a couple more days you started to improve. You began to get stronger and your muscle tone was getting much better. The nurses there said how strong you seem which I smiled because Brianna means "strong one".
On your fourth day in NICU I bought you a Winnie-The-Pooh bear and showed it to you. It was strange but you smiled as though you were truly liking him. At this age babies really don't know how to smile to show happiness, but you seemed to have done just that! Each time since then, whenever I sung the Winnie-The-Pooh song and showed him to you, you smiled. That was when I knew that I would get you anything to do with this "silly ole bear" if this is what brings you joy. Seeing the needle in your head made my blood run cold...so because of what you had to go through I wanted to make you happy. Since then and up until now (you are 7 months old) you have always gotten excited when seeing Winnie-The-Pooh and I did buy you just about everything I could so far. Keep in mind though that there is SO much out there that I would be buying forever ok? So when you are older and reading this you may still have more things to get! *L*
Since the day you were born I handed out little sweet-tart candies that were shaped like pacifiers. Kim, the nurse that was there during delivery fell in love with them. I promised her I would buy a bag the next time were were in Erie, PA because that is where I got them from. I still owe them to her! Hopefully soon we will make a trip there and I can get them for her.
Finally you were released and what a joyous day that was! I was nervous because you still had some breathing problems, but at least you were coming home! Everyone wanted to hold you and love you and be with you. When you came through the door of our house I knew that FINALLY we are all together as a family.
Mommy loves you Brianna...all the way up to Jesus...and I always will!!!
