"My babies . . . "
"You had a boy and a girl." The doctor informed me.
"How are they doing? Are they all right?"
"You're little boy is doing wonderful. He was six pounds, eight ounces, and surprisingly strong for as premature as he is. His lungs were underdeveloped, of course, so he is in an incubator for now, but he should be out in a few days and you should be able to take him home in a week or two."
"What about my baby girl?"
"I wish I had better news for you, Mrs. Bass. She's not doing well at all. She weighed only four pounds, ten ounces, and her lungs were far less developed than her brother's. She's been having severe respiratory distress and we've been having problems keeping her body temperature stable. It will be a miracle if she lasts the night. If she does, then she will have to stay here at least a month, maybe longer."
"No, please no, not my baby."
"May I see them, please?"
"If you like, just keep in mind that you won't be able to hold either of them, and be prepared for the fact that they will both be hooked up to several machines."
"I know, I just need to see them."
"Okay. You won't be able to be in there long, but I can allow you a short visit."
"That's all right. Just please let me see my babies."
Lance and the doctor carefully helped me into a wheelchair, then I was wheeled down a long hallway and into a door marked N.I.C.U. Lance wheeled the chair over to two incubators that were side by side and I got my first glance at my babies. They were so small, I couldn't believe it was possible that they were even alive. I held my hand up to the side of the incubator that held my daughter, wishing that I could reach straight through the hard plastic and hold her.
"Hey there, Brianna, this is your mommy talking. I want you to fight as hard as you can and get better. Mommy loves you so much already and she can't wait to take you home, so you just keep getting stronger, okay baby girl?" After I was done talking to Brianna, I turned my attention to the other incubator where her brother lay, not looking much better than her. "All I said to your sister goes the same for you little one. You're a strong little boy and I know you can beat this and come home very soon. We have two cribs at home that need babies in them, so you just get yourself all better so your daddy and me can take you home, you and your sister both."
I sat there for a few minutes more, just staring at my two sick little babies. I felt so helpless that there was nothing I could do for them and at the same time, guilty that they were in this situation. It kept running through my head that maybe this was my fault, maybe I had dome something to cause myself to go into premature labor. Finally Lance told me that it was time for me to go back to my room. After a bit of protesting on my part, he managed to pry me away from the twins and wheel me back to my room. Once back there, he helped me into my bed, then laid down next to me while I cried for my babies and what the future might hold for them.
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Thirteen
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