The more I watched him, the more my heart broke and I felt like I just wanted to die. He was so loving to me, and I didn't deserve it. There was a trust there, and I knew if he ever found out who the father of my baby was, the trust would be gone. If he knew, he'd never be able to look at me again, not without a look of hatred or disgust. He may tell me different, but I knew, deep inside, that if the identity of the father was ever revealed, it would break Lance's heart into a million pieces, to think that I would give myself to that man before I would to him.
I couldn't take it, laying there any longer, knowing what I had done and how badly it would hurt him, the one person I could honestly say I loved more than life itself. I got up from the bed and dressed myself, before walking out into the living room of my small apartment. I sat down on the couch and wrapped a blanket around me, curling up into a ball as I began to cry. Before I knew it I had allowed sobs to overtake me, violently shaking my body. All I could think about was how I had found someone who truly cared for me, and who I loved, and I had screwed it all up. I cried for what felt like forever, but in reality was probably, at most half an hour, before I felt Lance's arms close in around me.
"Shhh . . . baby, don't cry, what's wrong?" He pulled me in close to him, and held me tight, resting his head on mine, and allowing me to cry. Finally I was able to calm myself down enough that I could form words.
"It just hit me how badly I messed up. I am so sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"For getting pregnant. If I had know then what I know now, it never would have happened. I just can't help but think that this has ruined anything that we could have ever had between us."
"Baby, it won't ruin anything, I love you just the same now as I did before I knew you were pregnant."
"But I'm carrying someone else's baby, you can't tell me that doesn't bother you."
"I'm not going to lie to you, it does, I wish to hell that it were mine, but that doesn't change the love I have for you. I already told you, we'll tell the others that it's mine. Then we can get married and raise it together, as our baby."
"I don't know Lance . . ."
"Just say yes."
"How will you be able to live everyday, knowing that you are raising someone else's baby?"
"People have done it before. Besides, I'll be that child's father as far as love and commitment go."
"This is such a big decision Lance. I have to think about myself, the baby, you . . ."
"I want this Mandi."
I sighed as I looked into his eyes. I loved him so much, and I couldn't help but think of what it would do to him if he ever found out. But my heart was telling me to go along with it, as long as we loved each other, that was all that mattered, that the Lord would help us through it. I was stuck in a battle between my head and my heart, finally, my heart won out.
"Okay, Lance, I'll marry you, and you can raise my baby as if it were yours."
Chapter Five
Chapter Three
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