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Rainbow Reflections

If I had known my folks were planning for sure to name me "Iris" when I checked in here to Mother Earth...I maybe should have considered cancelling the reservation. As it is said by the wise ones, "Some things we are better off not knowing."
S M I L E

Iris means the "Rainbow Goddess"...It takes both sun and the rain to make a rainbow...This name has described my life well. For me, life has been full of both sun and rain.

I have noticed, that in children's stories there are often beautiful grains of truth for all ages. Two of my favorite stories are, "The Velveteen Rabbit"...where you must love enough to become "real".....and "Puff the Magic Dragon"...where little boys (and girls) grow up...and only the dragons live on remembering these beautiful beings.

The words I am about to reveal are not magical....They are about my life...and my brushes with the "final chapter of life as known here on Mother Earth" It has been said, fact is often stranger than fiction. Even now, as I write this, I am all too aware of the ridicule that I could face..and yet the story of life needs to be told....It has been said that each journey of a thousand steps starts with the first step....and also the question has been asked, "Where will you step next?" Reflecting on the next step, gives me the courage to begin this journey of sharing the inner core of the rainbow.....

My brother, Ric, had one of those "gun incidents" that so tragically kill children. One time...and all it takes is ONE...my Father did not unload his gun from his hunting trip...My brother picked up the gun, thought it was empty as it usually was, and pulled the trigger. At that moment, he tells me, I walked into the room. The bullet landed right in front of me. Ric to this day can recount that story vividly. I was to young to remember...only a few years old. I don't know if there were other brushes that I simply don't remember.

I do know that my childhood "brushes with death" does not end there. When I was just big enough to ride a bike, Booty Reyes saved me from a hot wire that had dropped from a telephone pole....he ran to me and grabbed me and my bike and barely got me to safety before the wire hit the cement and frizzled itself out...

Then, there was the night my Dad had a dream that he was in a boat and couldn't reach me at the Kaw River....I was lost in the water calling out, "Daddy" and he could not get to me....Dad would never fish there...he said the waters were too dirty. Also, there were horror stories about people drowning there....It was well known if you had an "accident" in the Kaw you would not come out alive.....There was an undercurrent there that is deadly. Probably you can even find some information on internet about the Kaw River in Lawrence. I wonder how many people this River has snuffed the life out of. I remember many from when I was there. It was impossible that my Dad could know that his young and adventerous daughter went walking on the dam of the Kaw....I found a "walking stick" and thought it would keep me "safe". Only it got caught in the deadly undercurrent and was grabbed out of my hand. I told my best friend that I was going in after it....I was caught in the current on one leg....and realized it was stronger than me...only my friend's grabbing my suspenders pulled me back to safety in the nick of time....

Dad rescued me once from falling in water that was over my head....and told me I needed to be careful indeed.

When I was seventeen (not long after Gary's death...see page on this site)...I had a NDE....From what I understand, I had a serious reaction to some medication I was on...I laid down very dizzy and didn't have the slightest idea that my young life force was flowing away...
The next thing I remember was going through a "tunnel" and then came the water and whirlpool that was pulling me through....Then, things became very focused...I saw a beautiful white light being full of love and mercy. Then, there was this body of water....separating me from this being....I wanted so badly to be near this being....I was asked, "Do you believe in me?" My response was, "Yes" This loving entity said to me, "Then walk across the water...." I started walking.....half way through I realized..."Hey, I can't do this...How can I walk on water?" At that point, I began sinking....I looked up and saw this loving entity and heard, "Do you believe in me?" Again I said, "Yes" and walked the rest of the way on water....Then, the scene changed again.....There was a gate and this loving entity was standing next to the gate...I wanted so much to go into that gate.....The words I heard from this loving light of being was, "You cannot enter yet. Your time is not yet." I entreated, "....but if you don't let me in now, I might not be able to make it back later...My response from this loving being was, "Remember the water? Life is like that water....you begin walking in faith...half way through doubts may arise...it is your faith in me that will see you through...and when it is your time, I will be waiting here to open the gate for you." The next thing I remember was being shaken..."Iris.....Iris....Honey, are you ok? Please....please.....talk to me...are you ok?" I opened my eyes...and again I became aware of this level of life.

Working nights I constantly found myself waking up "across the other line" and jerking back to the other side...so many night nurses have died just that way. People who work nights need to use extra caution to stay alert as they drive home. I could relate many stories about this....but for now, I wish to relate another story:

SURVIVING THE VALLEY OF DEATH

One night I dreamed that I had an automobile accident. The most vivid part of the dream involved landing in a water filled ditch. That day I went to work and shared my dream with our secretary.

Working as a hospice nurse, being "tuned in" to the angel's presence was almost a "daily routine". Frequently, I could feel the angels who came to take my patient's home. Sometimes, the curtains would be brushed by their presence. My hospice patient might recognize them, smile and comment on their presence. Some would use their last bit of earthly energy to reach towards them. Family members even commented on the presence of the angels. On occasion, I have even seen them. The angels are well known at the time of birth and the time of death.

Hospice work is simultaneously very demanding and very rewarding. The hours are long and draining. The emotional involvement is like no other type of nursing. I prayed daily to be a real vessel in Creator's world. I knew Creator understood how I felt. "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". I prayed to overcome my flesh and constantly cast my cares upon the one who understands all things. Daily, I took this Creator's light and renewed energy on my shoulders in exchange for all the "draining of energy" that I had experienced. My body was challenged but it held up through many turbulent tests.

When I had that dream I was frightened. I knew I was pushing myself hard. I felt compelled to reach out to these individuals who I loved. The needs were so great. I wondered if the dream represented my "clay body's" response to all this. On my own the situation would have been "out of control" and overwhelming.

During my daily hospice rounds I lived what I loved. I was able to reach out to those in need. With Creator's help, I was a vessel making a difference. My hospice patient's and their families were frequently a role model of courage and faith in action. We talked deeply of life and death. We worked together to help them have the highest quality of life despite the frequent overwhelming circumstances. Soon, the dream I'd had was almost forgotten in the business of daily living.....

On one of my weekends off I had to make a trip from Arkansas to Oklahoma. When it came time to make this trip, I was exhausted. An overwhelming feeling warned me not to make this trip. The angel voices always warn us if we will only listen. I contributed this "undesired feeling" as my very tired imagination and convinced myself all would be ok. However, procrastination became a keyword. Instead of leaving early as I'd planned, I found many things to keep me busy at home. Time passed quickly. By afternoon I had to decide. Was I going or staying? I reasoned that I had to go. I had given my word to a friend. "It's not that far" I told myself. Dragging my feet, I left with great reluctance.

During my trip I felt so drained......so exhausted......I began feeling angry. I didn't want to do this. I wanted to be in Oklahoma but not to have to travel by myself when I was SO exhausted. I began speeding to make the trip go faster. The clay body was hard at work. Soon, I was stopped by flashing red lights. "What you sow you will reap" was evidenced when I received the ticket I had earned.

That clay body of mine was being stubborn. I HAD to make this trip. I reasoned that the ticket was unfair I simply was in a position where I HAD to speed. I HAD to get there. I had people waiting on my arrival. I couldn't let them down. The Big "I" had forgotten to turn things over to the one who created us. I was caught in a whirlwind of self made decisions.

My plan had been to stop at a convenience store before getting on the Cherokee turnpike. I bought a soda and got change. My heated anger had simmered out. When I got back in the truck I heard a voice, "PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON." I thought, "GREAT! Now, I am hearing things..." Nevertheless, I did as I was instructed. I wondered why THAT message had been so clearly delivered. Once in a while I had been lax about wearing a seat belt.

In Hospice work, I frequently lived getting in and out of my auto on my hospice rounds. A seat belt wasn't always the first thing on my mind.

When I began driving on the turnpike everything looked fine. I began relaxing. The turnpike is a smooth, four lane road. I had left behind the rough, hilly roads of the Ozarks. After driving for a while, I began becoming "road hypnotized". I looked away briefly to avoid eye strain. The road was so smooth......No major catastrophes. My clay body relaxed more.....Must have just been my over tired imagination hearing voices again.....

The next time I remember looking at the road I was no longer in control of the truck. I jerked the wheel in a futile attempt. At that moment I realized, "This could be it." I determined to stay as alert as I could.....even if it meant seeing how I would leave this world....the angels protected and assured me. My "clay" body would have been frightened beyond measure. Instead, I was calm. The Angels and the world of spirit had taken over. I knew I didn't have control but someone bigger than me did. The automobile twisted and turned in so many directions. For a while I could not feel the road under me. My truck came to a stop hitting hard on the passenger side. It was still running.

Immediately, my dream flashed in my mind. It had come true. I was in an embankment of water. All I could think of was, "I have to get out of here". I felt my head to check for blood. It was dry. I opened the small window on the back of the truck and crawled out. Touching the ground with my feet felt so good......The truck was in water, I was not.....People were standing above the embankment. They said, "You are alive! Are you ok? Is there anyone else in there? Don't try to walk up! We will come and help you." After assuring them that no one else was in the truck and I was fine we walked up the embankment. One person on each side of me held on to me and helped me up.

An ambulance had been called. The paramedic insisted on taking me to the hospital on a backboard. My medical mind kicked in gear. I looked at the mangled truck. "How could anyone come out of there alive or at least not badly injured?" I asked myself. Maybe I had a partially severed spinal cord. I did have a headache. I knew my guardian angel had been with me. Why take unnecessary risks now? So, I consented to being strapped to the backboard. I had taken care of many people in my early days who had been strapped to a backboard. My empathy rose even higher after experiencing this discomfort firsthand. Nothing compares to being rolled across a busy highway in a contraption you are strapped down to. I did refuse the IV's.

The tests at the hospital confirmed my angel's protection. I had no broken bones, partially severed spinal cord or any serious damage......not even a scratch! Most of my discomfort came from a headache and not being able to scratch my nose because I couldn't move an inch.

I learned for the first time the facts of the accident. My truck had gone through all four lanes of traffic. Not one other car had been involved. This within itself was a maricle. Traffic was always heavy on the turnpike. Also, the speed limit was high. Hitting another car could have meant instant death not just for me but for other people, as well.

Another maricle was not far from where I had gone off the turnpike was a bridge. Had I gone over the bridge, I would have landed in the river.

My truck had been airborne for about 30 feet. After going over the embankment the impact of coming to a stop could have killed me. The angel wings cushioned the fall. The seat belt kept me in place. You could see the hood of the truck that was lifted but it looked like it was held in place and did not touch the windshield which would have crushed it and hurt me beyond life's capacity to survive. Just as in my dream, it landed on the passenger side not the driver's side!

The hood of my truck had been jarred loose but held in place by invisible hands. If it had gone through the windshield, it would have been at neck level.

Finally, the truck could have caught on fire. Divine protection kept me safe and unharmed as I was passing through the valley of death. I had witnessed my hospice patients walking through the valley of death and fearing no evil. Now, I had experienced it for myself. We both ended up on opposite sides of the "veil" that separates the " living " from the "dead". However, we had both been carried through the valley of death.

The people who were waiting for me in Oklahoma came and got me. On our way back we prayed and thanked God for my safety. I realized, again, how wondrously we were all made and protected. The free will of 'clay' flesh versus the spirit served to remind me that out of the most severe situations, good can come.

When I saw my hospice secretary she said, "That dream......you are ok......it's eerie......." How can you explain divine intervention to someone else? Words were not sufficient. They knew they were witnessing it first hand.

I now tell people, "My hospice patients weren't ready to see me, yet." The hospice license plate on my truck was saved. It serves to remind me that the "angels" are everywhere.

The angels surround us. I listen closer to those voices now. I have given up trying to rationalize them away. I have come to realize that we are never alone. We are loved more than we could ever understand. If we could only listen, all flowers and living beings would tell us how very much our creator loves us. We are protected by our Creator and the Angels.

Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed and very small........to think that the Creator of ALL and the Angels would intervene to "save" my life. I know my work isn't finished on earth, yet. When it is, I look forward to joining the many beloved ones I have on the "other side" of the valley of death.....It will be so wonderful to be guided to that Land of original Creation. The Angels will never sleep nor let us come to harm of any kind. There is no need to fear the Valley of Death, the Angels will take us by the hand and lead us home just as they led me back to this planet we are all traveling on at this time.

LIFE AND DEATH THOUGHTS:

I believe often we face what some would term the "bitterness" of death when we have to say goodbye to someone we love dearly before we are ready to. For me, this was particularly true when Mike died....The living was far worse than dying and escaping the pain was.

For me, death has always been a part of my life...The death of Mike put me on my hands and knees...as I implored the Great Creator to please take me home...I committed my Spirit into the hands of Great Creator...I felt I could not go on anymore...Many wondrous things happened to let me know that I am needed here....to finish the work that is before me and then there will be a special time for Mike and me and all those I love so dearly...

Until that time, my focus is on serving and giving and being all that I can be so that my "relatives" here..(and in Native terms that describes all who have a Spirit of Love...)may have a lighter load. Then, one day...it will be time to go home.....I will return from whence I came....the waters of life....Though we may be many tiny waves, we are all part of the same river.....Life is a blessed gift and that includes the last chapter of life...I will never fear death now...but on the other hand I will do all I can to live my life to the highest quality that I am able while I am on this level also.

Above all, when it comes my turn to leave here don't grieve for me when I am gone...look up and see the rainbow and you will know that I live on :-)MTVO from the heart for hearing my words....

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