One day I was visiting a friend of mine in the Tennesee backwoods. We set in handmade rockers on her front porch.

Talk from her husband and his life long pal, Baldie could be heard easily. "Archie, ya still make de bes' moonshine to be foun." The old man speaking was the legend of the Smokey Mountains. Folks said he just might be as old as those old rocks and woods he loved so much. Baldy had two loves of life: banjo playing and Archie's moonshine. You couldn't really count the Smoky Mountains (or the accompanying woods that were so thick you had to cut through if you wanted to see the rest of the world),as one of his loves 'cause they were sure 'nuff a part of him....and same with ol' Arch.

Archie was a toothless wonder. All folks in the "round about" parts knew the local moonshiner. Archie and Baldy would spin many a tall tale. They'd seen so much happen in these magical mountains...You couldn't blame them if they decided to believe their own yarns. Most folks had a difficult time separating fact from fiction in this land of lore.

Baldy spoke, "Do you recollect that old rattlesnake? He sur' nuff was bigger'n my garden hose. Why he sur made short work of dat ol' hose-one gulp an down it wen' in dat ol' snake's throat. Looked sur nuf like dry time had come to my ol' place'n here"

Archie jawed his straw and answered slowly, "Ya ran over him with your ol' truck. Then, he ate that, too. I sure 'nuff reckon I recollect 'dat ol' varmit."
Baldie took a swig of his favorite juice then spoke, "Why ya tried to help me. Ya chopped offun his head with 'un' urun's ax. That ol' snake he sur' wasn't gona have none of this dyin' stuff. He only grab de ax wis his mouf' and gulp! Dat was sure nuf' de en of your'uns ax." Archie looked thoughtful, "He sure gav me a scare. Didn't look like he'd have no end. Sure 'nuf figured we'd be be' nex'uns in his ol' belly. Why, I declare never did see the like afore. He was a eatin' and drinkin' plum all in his'uns sight, he sure was."

Baldy was quiet for a minute then spoke memories aloud, "Why, he come closer and closer to us...We sur' nuff swere we'd breathed our last." Archie picked up without missing a beat, "Yeah, Baldie. Recollect how dat ol' varmet snuck right upuns to us.....ever so almighty close...We drank de best of our white lightnin' and out jumps de flame..."
Baldie quickly added, "Why it burned dat ol' snake to a crispy brown."
Archie spoke as he relived the memory,"Baldy, I know I was sure nuf pleased as possum to get your truck and water spout hose back." Baldie agreed, "I sure nuff was pleased as pie an' I was jus plum tickled you'un got your ax back. I'un wast... Baldy paused, took a swig then continued, "As I'un wst sayin, I wast tickled plum more 'un I can say for your white lightnin'....it sur' nuf saved us."

Archie looked at his white lightning then spoke, "It's sur nuf a good thing, Baldie. Dis' ol' dry Tennessee...hear tell some folks can drink and sell it to be drunk most any time da wanta." Baldie spoke, "I reckon tis must be so. Recollect when dat guy from Hollywood shown' up 'ere?" Archie answered, "Sur' nuf do, Baldy. I declare some big hittin fella he were to......As I recollect, he said sometin' bout Holly....Hollywood...."

Baldie jumped in, "he mit'un' of said he'st from Californie. He sur' nuf talked funny. I think he sur nuf must av ben what dem der city folks call alien...a spaceship critter as I recollect..What do you think, Archie?" Archie responded, "If'n he wasn't, he was sure almighty a wishin' he wast when he left here in such a nigh hurry."

Baldy spoke defiantly, "He ought'n' av sneaked and near bouts stole my music. Why you know, Archie, my'un banjo strummin and the words he called songs..well, they was born here an da surely gonna die here. Aint no un stealin' my music away to da big city for no green paper or any other way. Aint nuf money in dis world to buy away what's rightly mine."

Archie laughed, "Do ya recollect when he was tellin' ya bout der moonshine?" Baldie looked serious, "I do,Archie. Moonshine all day and night, too. Dat was when I was most tempted to up an leave an go wif him to dat place called Holly...urmmmm Holleeeewood. I just don't fancy der' white lightnin is as good asun ours.
Vell, evun ifun it was some kind of near truth, the Mrs...why....she sure would be after meun then ...be hangin' my ol' hide out to dry...be on me sure fire'bout layin' my jug down fore the good Lord gets ruffled up like...sure would get no rest then."

Archie asked, "Does ya reckon da good Lord really don't like white lightnin, Baldie?" Baldie answered, "Isun doesn't beleves it for a minute, Arch. Da good Lord sur' don't 'spect us to be dry as a old dead bone...why then we wouldn't evun be a breathun and no kind of plumb sense in that there."

"Baldie, ever hear tell of folks goin' plum loco on de juice?" Baldie answered, "Yeah, yeah. I've heard tell, seems it do help dem feel good but dey are crazier den a June Bug in May...why de sez it makes um hurt folks round bouts...an iffun dat be God's gospel truth, de sur nuf atta not sip on de juice..." Baldie looked sad.

Archie picked up on this note, turning the conversation back to its starting point, "Well, anyways, dat poor ol' boy from Hollywood...he sure don't know what hit him when he sipped our white lightning as he called it....the good ol' juice..."Baldie laughed and said, "Tweren't long till his lights were out." Archie chuckled and added, "He sur nuf slept like an ol bear." Baldie scratched his head and said, "Ya know, Arch, some city folks cotton to some oddball ways. He'un sur mus not of liked havin your gran chilrens layin der pat opposum and polecat by em.

When he woke and saw dat poleclat..well...I sur nuf swore he'd drunk to much white lightnin. Up he rose! Out da ol' door he run. Dor caught hisun shirttail. No ways was dat fella gonna stop. He was gone down dat ol road of un our un sure fire quick." Archie laughed, "He was sur gone, Baldie. Aint' herd hide nore hair of himum since."

Baldie asked, "Archie, do you recollect thos fellas goin' fishin...and dey was almighty sure they'd go fishin' on Sammie's land?" Archie responded, "Sur nuf do. "pears Sammie had other ideas. Can't say as I blame her....why, a woman folk all alone...and not old maid appearin....wellst, like I wast sayin', why...her eyes have to be peeled for any varments or she'd be crowded in on afore she aknew it, Baldie."

Baldie slapped his overalls in recollection and laughed, "I reckon dos poor fella's never supposed de'd get der pants filled with buckshot." Archie laughed, blew his nose and asked, "Dey don't know hows lucky that's all da got from dat sassy gal...Don't you reckon dos ol boys cleared out lickity split, Baldie?" Baldie laughed and answered, "In no time a'tall...surn...da mus have...if''n it'd be me..I sur nuf wouldn't have been a asking questions..."

Archie remembered, "Recollect Momma Dot when das fellas on der big what-chum-call it-ummm-oh...motorcycles come along up here..Pears da only come for to ask how to get some wheres here...directions they named it. Momma Dot out she went with her shotgun. Gal living nex doors to her was all alone and young. Momma Dot figured she might need help wif dos three strappling fellas...Momma Dot always worried about dat young un living so all alone like and no kin folk nearby...why Dotty took her right under her wing...and what a hen she can be..took after de Mrs....evens if she is my own grown off sprout....Ise has to say it..even if I ist jawin' a bits..all de ones livin all roun bouts calls her Momma Dot.....I right proud of her I do declare...Why,she been Momma aroun here to so many for longer den a coon's age....more so den even her own Mama....and ifun she'un wasn mine grown up young one well Ist surely would callst her Momma Dot jus like all the res of um."
Archie piped in, "Your grown young un there...you did a fine job Baldie....a fine job...rearing her on up."Baldie laughed, "Well, she'n sure wasn' haven none of this droppin in all of a sudden like.Does fella's almos dropped der pants tryin to get out of der. Smoke from dos bykes wast all dat wast left um dem." Archie looked at Baldie, "You'd sure nuf think they'd never sen a gun afore." Baldie added, "Reckon de must a forgot about how to get somewheres roun' bouts...cause de recollected real quick like how to get to goin and sure nuf was gone awful quick like when dat der gun and Momma Dot popped up." Archie laughed, "Da sure nuf was..Baldie, da sur nuf was!"

Baldie picked up his banjo. Tennessee born music floated through the skies. Archie kicked his old cement step on his porch and gulped some of his juice. Tall telling had been taken care of for a day's time.

Someday, I am going back to rock on my friend's porch. I hope Archie and Baldy will still be telling a few yarns. Someday one of their kinfolks will say, "Recollect ol' Baldie and Archie? The legends of Tennessee..they sure had to be......

They say you can't go back home and find things just like you left them and so it was when I returned to Tennessee. Baldy, Archie, Momma Dot and many of my loved ones from there only reside as the legends that they have become in those Smokey Mountains now...and still even so....every once in a while....I can hear old Baldy playing his banjo and Arch clapping and stomping right along....Yep.....The Legends of Tennessee they sure had to be......

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