|
Jokes
1. Two people were fighting in a village. The first person says its a day and second person says its a night. They stopped one stranger to solve this problem, immediately the stranger said. I don't know because it is not my village. *********************************************************************************************************** 2. Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how u did exam, for that he replied ;Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!; *********************************************************************************************************** 3.This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him ;what happend ,why r u doing like that and why r u getting scared.sardarji replies if it is human beings they might be know about the truth ie movie.they r animals ,how they can know about this. *********************************************************************************************************** 4. EMPLOYMENT? Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes *********************************************************************************************************** 5. TO LOOSE WEIGHT... The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for = 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home." *********************************************************************************************************** 6. Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon ? Pupil : The moon. Teacher : Why ? Pupil : The moon gives us light when we need it, but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it *********************************************************************************************************** 7. Good one Four guys -an American, a Cuban, a Scotsman and an Indian Computer Programmer, were on a cruise ship. As they were standing on the open deck, watching the waves and chatting, each one started showing off. The Cuban took out an expensive Cuban cigar, lit it, took just one puff and tossed it into the sea. The other guy's were flabbergasted. They asked him why he had to throw away such an expesive thing. The Cuban replied, "Where I come from, we have plenty of it. So, it is no big deal". Not to be outdone, the Scotsman pulled out a new bottle of expensive scotch whisky, opened it, took just one sip and threw the bottle into the sea. He simply looked at the others and said "It is no big deal! We have plenty of that stuff where I come from". The American just grabbed the Indian Programmer and threw him into the sea. *********************************************************************************************************** 8. Wife : Dear, can man live with devil. Husband : why not, right now what I am doing Wife : Why are you behaving now-a-days like a devil. Husband : Do you remember, when I met with an accident last time, you gave blood to me. *********************************************************************************************************** 9. Mary found Tom sleeping till 8:30 AM on Monday morning. Mary : Tom, it is 8:30, get ready and go to school. Tom : No, Mom i don't want to go to school. Mary : Can u give me two good reasons why u don't want to go to school. Tom : 1) All the children in the school hates me 2) All the teachers in the school hates me. Tom : Give me 2 reasons why i should get up Mary : 1) you are 55 years old 2) You are the principal of the school. *********************************************************************************************************** 10. Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. - What happened ?- asked Surjit. -Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday .-- How come ?--Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet.- - But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?- - Yaar, I bet on the highlights too - *********************************************************************************************************** 11. A sardargi comes to US and in the airport he goes near a vending machineand examines it for a while and finally he puts some quarters into it and againhe examines the machine and after thinking for a while he presses on of thebuttons and he gets a PEPSI can. He takes that and again examines the machineand puts some more quarters and after a while presses one more button and takesa 7UP . By this time there is a small queue behind him. and our sardargi repeatsthe same thing again and again . An American standing besides him gets confusedand asks the sardarge what he is doing .Sadarge replies "Can't you see I amWINNING" *********************************************************************************************************** 12. Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.They managed to get into a double- decker bus.Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.After a while when the rush is over,Santa went upstairs to see friendBannta Singh.He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seatsin front with both hands, scared to death.He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's going on? Why are you so scared ?I was enjoying my ride down there".Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver. " *********************************************************************************************************** 13. At the Interview --- Manager : Sorry,but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help. Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!! *********************************************************************************************************** 14. Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him "When will peace return to my country ?" God answered "You can never see peace in your country during your life time" Saddam wept bitterly and walked away. Nawaz Sharif approached God "When can I see a united Pakistan (with Kashmir) ?" God said" You can never annex Kashmir during your life time" Sharif wept bitterly and walked away. Next our Laloo Prasad Yadav approached God "When will Bihar become a civilized state ?" God wept bitterly and said "I can never see that happening even during MY life time" *********************************************************************************************************** 15. Four friends staying in one apartment along with one sardarji,every day they are keeping key at one place and lock the door while going out.one day sardarji got one idea,every day we r keeping key at same place.if anybody see this,they will cleanup the room.he got one idea,today i want to change the place of key.he kept the key some where else.but that information doesn't know to their roomates.he has to inform them, how......, again he got idea and write some note and attached to door about the key information and he went out. hahahahaaaa..... *********************************************************************************************************** 16. Once Banta bought a brand new Mercedes and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jallandhar to meet his friend He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening, and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraut mother ran and asked him " Arre puttar, ki hoya ?" (Oh Son! What Happened, you are too late?) The Banta got out, obviously very tired from a long journey,and said, " Oy, ye Mercedes wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik ?" (These Mercedes people are mad, they have put up four gears for moving forward and only one for reverse? *********************************************************************************************************** 17. Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on... Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down. At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,SINGLE". The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?". Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED." *********************************************************************************************************** 18.Banta singh went to a Doctor to treat his burned ears.The Doctor asked him about the cause of the accident. banta singh replied,"the phone rang while I was ironing, and I picked the iron instead of the receiver".The Doctor asked again, "then what happened to the other ear?"banta singh replied angrily,"the fool called again" . *********************************************************************************************************** 19.One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardarji. He was questioned . He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks. Then authorities questioned : Sardarji, are you mad! just to save life of one person you put lives of so many passengers under danger.You should have overran that person . Then Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close. *********************************************************************************************************** 20.To make a sardarji busy: Take a blank paper and write `P.T.O`on both sides of it´s corners. Give it to him, he will forget everything and will be engaged in turning the paper for hours together *********************************************************************************************************** 21.Father(Boy's side) : My son likes your daughter, lets talk about the dowry. Grandmother(Girl's Side): Is he in a project or Bench. Father: Project, has been working for past 1 year. Grandmother: Then Show me the paystubs. *********************************************************************************************************** 22.Gentleman on the phone with Doctor : Hello! doctor before 2 years I underwent vasctomy but now also my wife is pregnet.What is the problem. Doctor: Dear gentleman Please do vasctomy for you neighbour. Haaaaa Haaaaaaa *********************************************************************************************************** 23.There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap. The Pakistani fan is thinking "Ya Allah, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, "That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian fan instead and got slapped." The Indian fan was thinking to himself..."If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again." *********************************************************************************************************** 24.Sardarji cauht a bus and asked for a ticket.naturally,he got it.after that he asked for another.a man near him wondered and asked him why he has been ready for the second ticket? sardarji replied innocently that the second is spare for the first and he isalso with pass which is again spare for the first ticket.then the person stunned with open mouth. *********************************************************************************************************** 25.Sardarji landed in USA on a software assignment. One evening he landed himself in the bar and ordered for four pegs of scotch whisky. He continued to do regurlary. Bar-attender was confused and asked, why you are order four pegs, when in fact you are alone. Sardarji boldy confessed that other three pegs I take to remeber my friends Santa,Banta and Pinta back in Patiala. One day sardarji ordered only three pegs. Bar-attender was again confused asked sardarji now why are you taking only three pegs. Sardarji again boldy confessed that he stopped drinking. *********************************************************************************************************** 26. Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly. 2nd Child: Why are you crying? 1st Child: I came here for blood test. 2nd Child: So? Are you afraid? 1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger. At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished. 1st Child: Why are you crying now? 2nd Child: I have come for my urine test! *********************************************************************************************************** 27. Family Joke: Family: Husband, Wife and a Kid. Here you go... Couples are having very rough time to have sex, a simple reason kid is growing, then couples come up with one sign word "Typewriter" so who ever says I need typewriter, then both will get ready..... one fine evening after dinner, Dad: Munna(son) can you please tell your mom, daddy needs type writer, Then munna conveys the same to mom. Mom: Being busy with cleaning, she says Ribbon struck in the middle, tell to your dad After a while, Mom says to munna Tell to your dad typewriter is ready, munna conveys the same to dad Replies: Tell to your mom, Dad hand written the letter.. *********************************************************************************************************** 28. Two company managers of X and Y are sitting and chaatting about there subordinates, they have an arguments thaat his subordinates are more folish, the company X manager call's one of his subordinate and ask him to buy a steam car for two rupees, the subordinate takes two rupees and goes away. The company Y manager calls his subordinate asked him to go to his house and find whether he is there in house are not, he says yes and gon out. Both the employees meet outside and say that how foolish there managers are, the employee of X company says today is sunday how can he buy a car, the employee of Y says he is having a telephone beside his seet he can do a phone and find whetheer he is there is in home are not. *********************************************************************************************************** 29. A villager wants to buy a horse and so he went to nearby animal market to buy. he founds a nice horse and wants to buy it. he approaches the horse and hears from the owner of the horse saying that the horse will run continously 20 K.M.. By hearing this words the villager turns back to leave. Then the owner stops the villager and asks the reason for leaving after hearing the words. Then the villager replies that "I am not a fool to buy this horse because my village is only 10 K.M. from this place and if this horse runs continously for 20 K.M. again i have to walk back 10 K.M." *********************************************************************************************************** 30. There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were Sardar, and one was a Gujju. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the Gujju said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the Gujju saying he would get off, all of the Sardars started clapping.Problem solved. *********************************************************************************************************** 31. One person went to coffee hotel,there he took one coffee.in that he got one ant,he called server shouting at him.server told him that, pls don't shout sir, if my propritor listen means.he will charge for that also.hahahaha..... *********************************************************************************************************** 32. One pacient asked doctor, sir u told me that operation bill was 2000 (b4 taking operation).why did u put 2500 bill now.then Doctor replied, actully after did ur operation, i could not find my scissors.hope it was there in ur body itself.that's why i added scissor bill also to u..... *********************************************************************************************************** 33. Sudha and jyoti discussing. sudha said with jyoti,really u do shopping very well yeah.u can't waste money while taking any item. u will spend money very correct depends on the item.how u r doing like that.have u wasted ur money unnecssarly on any item.yeah in my life i made mistake only once.i spent money in lacks and bought that.what is that, she replied ie my husband. *********************************************************************************************************** 34. Wife is asking his husband, why u r feeling like so tired.u r working in government office.i know u don't have any work there.but u will sleep there always.then husband replied, do u think that will they provide pillows and bed sheets or what we have to sleep on wooden tables.that too he said in very harsh. *********************************************************************************************************** 35. One girl was visting mental hospital every month.one ward boy asked to other ward boy.why she was coming to hospital every month to see those two mental guys.then other ward boy replied one was her X-Bf and other was X-Husband. *********************************************************************************************************** 36. Husband telling to wife,just now one begger told my name after see my face.i think he was so inteligent.i gave him 25 dollars.then wife replied, he is not inteligent he saw ur name on our wall.we kept one board with ur name on our front wall.he saw that and told ur name. ***********************************************************************************************************
|
