I'LL MISS YOU
I'll Miss You
~*~by andrea~*~
***NOTE*** this story is completely fictional. if you have any comments, you can email me at the addy at the bottom of the page or at purpleprincess82@yahoo.com. this story is based on me, my three friends, and the moffatts. arin=bob; ethan=scott; jeremy=clint; landon=dave; gwen=me; candi=my friend misty; kendall=my friend pnut; and hallie=my sister hilary.
“hey, you!” gwendolyn hunter greeted her friend arin barnes. he looked up and smiled weakly at her.
“hi!” he sat upright in his hospital bed. seeing gwen always made him feel better. he watched as she took a seat next to him.
“how are you?”
“i’m okay. my breathing’s back to normal.”
“good. are you coming home soon? trig just isn’t the same without you.” arin’s expression turned bleak.
“i don’t think i’m going home.” gwen’s face went blank.
“wh- what do you mean?”
“gwen, I’m not exactly healthy.”
“do you have to keep reminding me?”
“yes.”
“why?” gwen hated to be reminded of arin’s condition. for as long as they had been friends, gwen had only known arin with his illness. they had met when they were both five, just months after arin was diagnosed with the fatal disease, cystic fibrosis.
“i want you to be able to move on.”
“what?!”
“it’s no secret that i’m going to die, gwen.”
“well, i haven’t seen you in two weeks, and this is your ‘great to see you again’ speech?”
“i’m sorry. but, i’ve been thinking about this a lot.”
“arin, you don’t need to think about it. you’re gonna get better just like you always do.”
“gwen, my lungs are really bad.”
“but, i thought you said your breathing was back to normal.”
“it is, but the doctor said that the incident really messed my lungs up. they're about as normal as they're gonna get.”
gwen sighed as she reflected back on the incident three weeks ago. she and arin were working the late shift together at the local pizza place. when one of the electric ovens short circuited, the whole place erupted in flames. the smoke had become too much for arin, and he had instantly passed out.
“well, i wish you could come home.”
“me too.”
“i hate to do this, but i promised my mom i’d only be a few minutes, so i’d better get going.”
“okay. will you come visit me tomorrow?”
“yeah. i’ll drive myself over, so i can stay longer.”
“good.” he smiled, and she smiled back. then she slowly walked out of the room.
* * *
“oh, come on, gwen! arin’s not gonna die!” gwen’s friend kendall blair said. as soon as gwen had gotten home that night, she called kendall and her other friends, candi Bryce and hallie Conrad.
kendall had dark hair that extended past her shoulders and bright, blue eyes. She was 15 and the most athletic of the four girls.
“he seemed so serious, though,” gwen replied.
“he’ll be okay,” candi assured her. candi was the more sensible one of the the group, possibly because she was the oldest. she was 17 years old and an avid high school soccer player. she had small, blue-grey eyes and chin-lenth blonde hair. "if he can survive an intense soccer game, he can survive this.” gwen managed a small smile.
“i wish i could know for sure whether you guys are right or not. i’ve never even begun to envision my ife without arin, and suddenly i feel like i’m forced to.”
“why’d he just spring the whole death thing on you like that?” hallie inquired. she was the youngest of the four girls at 14. but she was also the tallest. she was 5'10", which helped her gain her position on the school basketball team. she had long, wavy, brown hair and blue eyes. she was one of the more sensible ones of the group, but she was also one who could find good in any situation.
“i guess he’s been thinking about it for a while.” just then the girls heard a soft knock on the door.
“come in,” the girls said. three guys walked in.
“hey, guys,” gwen greeted them. they waved. since arin had been in the hospital, his brothers spent a lot of time with gwen and her friends.
“we’re not interrupting anything, are we?” ethan asked. he was the oldest of the four guys at 17. he was about 5’9” and fairly muscular. he had shoulder length, brown hair with the front strands bleached white and bright, blue eyes. he and candi had been going out for over a year.
“no,” candi answered. ethan walked over and sat next to her. he slipped his arm around her waist, and she leaned against him.
“so, how is arin?” jeremy asked. he was the second oldest of the family at 16, but the oldest of triplets (him, arin, and their brother landon). he was about 5’7” and had the build of an avid high school wrestler. his hair was shaved with just his bangs in the front, which were usually spiked and styled. he had dark brown eyes, which accented his seemingly perfect complexion.
“he’s doing okay,” gwen answered slowly, careful not to sound too upset.
“good,” landon said. “i can’t wait for him to come home.” gwen smiled weakly and looked down. landon walked over and sat next to hallie, who was his girlfriend of three years. he was about 5’6”. he was the baby of the family, but only by a few minutes. his brown hair hung evenly around his face and ended just above his ears.
“is he coming home?” jeremy asked, noticing the expression on gwen’s face. gwen instantly broke into tears and attempted to tell arin’s brothers what she had told her friends moments ago.
“he’s crazy,” ethan commented.
“yeah. he’s not gonna die,” jeremy added, looking slightly unconvinced. he reached down, grabbed kendall’s hand, and laced his fingers through hers. she rested her head on his shoulder as a signal of reassurance.
“i’m hoping he won’t,” gwen stated, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“i can take you back to the hospital,” ethan offered. gwen’s features lit up slightly.
"don't you want to see him?"
"we all saw him earlier, and my mom doesn't want us to go back to see him without her. but, i can still take you."
“will you?” ethan nodded. gwen and candi followed him out to his black dodge ram truck, and he drove gwen to the hospital.
as soon as he pulled up in front of the hospital, gwen thanked him and ran inside. she hurried to arin’s room and was not surprised to find him sleeping when she walked in.
she sat down next to his bed and looked at him. years of memories flooded her mind, and a wave of depression washed over her.
she had suddenly come to realize how important arin was to her. they had been through so much together. she couldn’t let him go now.
“gwen?” arin said in a weak, raspy voice. gwen jumped and turned to face him.
“hi,” she whispered. arin smiled weakly at her.
“i thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow.”
“i couldn’t wait that long.”
“me neither.”
“how are you feeling?”
“like someone dropped an anvil on my chest.” he laughed, but was cut short by a coughing fit. “i wish the pain would just go away.” gwen felt the tears spring to her eyes.
“i wish i could help it go away.”
“you’ve helped enough.” arin reached for her hand and grabbed it.
“yeah, but i can help you fight this, and you’ll be back in school and playing soccer in no time.”
“gwen, i don't want to fight it anymore. i’ve been fighting for three weeks, and I’m losing.”
“arin, please don’t talk like that. you’ll only lose if you give up.”
“gwen, i’m ready to give up. i’m happy. you being there for me has helped me so much, and now i only wish i could pay you back.” the tears poured from gwen’s eyes, and she knew that arin would no longer be a part of her existence when the night was over.
“you have been there for me. and, i’m tired of watching you go through so much pain.”
“i knew you would understand. and, i’m glad i got to see you again. tomorrow would have been too late.”
"how do you know?"
"there's no use denying the inevitable." gwen knew he was right.
"why didn't you tell me this earlier? i would have visited you sooner."
"i just found out today how bad things really are, and i didn't want you to know that the doctors had told me that i was on my final day. i hate to see you cry." he reached up and wiped a few tears from her face.
"who’s going to let me copy their trig homework and tutor me in french?”
“i’m sure you’ll find someone. i don’t want to have to leave you, gwen. but, it hurts too much to fight back. and, i’d rather die here with you than anywhere else.”
“i don’t know if i should be flattered or upset,” gwen said, attempting to joke. but, neither of them laughed. "this is so confusing. i feel like i'm living in a dream or something. i have no idea what to do."
"i'm just as confused as you are. but, living with a disease like this, you expect death at any time."
"you tell me that all the time. but, why does it have to be now? you've got so much left to live for."
"maybe i do, but i don't think i wanna spend the rest of my life like this. hooked up to machines that breathe for me, extensive use of needles. i'm tired of being sick."
"i understand. but, i can't imagine what i'm gonna do without you."
"i guess that's a compliment. but, seriously, gwen. people do move on, and that's what i want you to do. i don't want to think that you're gonna be upset over this forever."
"but what if i am?"
"i'm not telling you to forget about me. i'm just saying that you can move on. promise me you won't be one of those secluded people who never stop crying over people they've lost."
"but--"
"promise me. please." gwen sighed.
"i promise."
"thank you."
"i still don't understand why this is happening to you now."
"well, if not now, we'd have to do this some other time."
"i can handle that."
"i can't. i can't bear living like this any longer. i told you. this is not the way i wanted my life to be."
"i know, but i--"
“i love you, gwen. i only wish i could have told you that sooner.” gwen’s eyes widened.
"i love you too, arin.” he grabbed her hand again.
“i’ll miss you.” gwen watched as his eyes slowly closed and listened as the rhythmic sound of his breathing came to a stop.
"i’ll miss you, too,” she whispered. she sat in silence, playing the conversation over and over in her mind. the promise she made to arin rang in her ears.
"i hope i can move on," she finally said. her voice sounded hollow and empty as it echoed off the large, white walls of the room. "i'll try."
she looked down. she was still holding onto arin's hand. she realized that once she let go of his hand, she would let him go as well. she hesitantly stood up and looked at him one last time. she wiped the tears from her eyes and slowly let go of arin's hand. then she walked out of the room to retrieve the nurse.
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