December 2000 challenge was to write a story with the title "I'll Be Home for Solstice" and include the following items listed above (which are in bold type within the text). As always, no copyright infringements of anyone with lawyers intended.
What’s wrong?” Alcmene demanded suspiciously as she accepted the bouquet that Iolaus offered her. “You never give me flowers unless you’re trying to apologize for something.”
The hunter shifted uncomfortably under her penetrating gaze. She had always had the ability to see right through him in a way that no other could, not even Hercules, and this was not the first time he squirmed before her as she read his mind.
“I’m sorry, Alcmene, but I’m not staying. I have a few things to take care of.”
Alcmene shot a glance at her son who had been shaking hands with Jason. Hercules merely shrugged his shoulders at her look. He had spent the better part of their journey trying to convince his friend to postpone his “errand” until after the holidays, but to no avail.
“It’s almost solstice, Iolaus. What do you have to do that could be more important than spending the holiday with your family?” Alcmene’s tones were gentler now, and the hunter found himself blushing. It was very hard for him to refuse the woman who had always been such a source of kindness and comfort to him, but he had resolved to deal with the task at hand.
“I’ve still got a few days until solstice,” he offered. “With any luck, I can be back here in time.”
“Promise me that you’ll try,” Alcmene asked. “It won’t be the same without you here.”
Iolaus could not refuse her that, so he promised her that he would do his best to return in time for solstice. His friends wanted him to stay in Thebes for the night, as evening was already fast approaching, but Iolaus was anxious to be on his way. The hunter said his goodbyes, glanced longingly at the beginnings of the feast that Alcmene was preparing, and left the warmth of the house.
Pulling out the scroll that had he had accepted on Hercules’ behalf, Iolaus reread the message quickly. It was from an innkeeper in the relatively nearby village of Orchomenus who was asking for the demigod’s help. The scroll had been delivered while Hercules had been otherwise occupied, and the hunter had decided against telling him of it’s arrival. Normally, Iolaus would not have even thought about keeping something like that from his partner, but this time was different.
Hercules had promised Alcmene, sworn to her, that he would be home for Solstice this year. And the demigod was not just playing the dutiful son, but he was actually looking forward to the festivities. Iphicles and Rena were set to visit, and Alcmene and Jason had gone all out with their preparations. Hercules had talked of nothing but for the last few weeks. Iolaus wasn’t sure what the demigod would have done if he’d gotten the scroll, but the hunter was sure of one thing. No matter if he’d gone home or gone to Orchomenus, Iolaus knew that Hercules would be tormenting himself. If he went to Thebes, he’d be worrying about the innocent people that could be getting hurt because of his refusal to help. And if he went to Orchomenus, he’d be beating himself up over breaking his word to his mother. So, just this once, Iolaus decided that he would “accidentally forget” to mention the scroll to his partner.
This is the best way, the hunter thought to himself. Hercules could keep his promise to Alcmene and have a good holiday with his family, which he definitely deserved. Iolaus rationalized that he could journey to Orchomenus and survey the situation. More than likely, he’d be able to handle it himself. And if he couldn’t, then he could always call on the demigod to back him up.
The night soon became too dark for travel, so Iolaus stopped and built a small fire. As he crouched beside it, he couldn’t help thinking of the cozy home he had left behind. Hercules had seemed a little disappointed when the hunter declared his intentions of not stopping in Thebes, but wisely he had not pressed for details when it became apparent that Iolaus did not want to share them. He had too much trust and respect for his partner to question his actions, and Iolaus had been counting on that to keep his mission secret. But now, a part of him was wishing that he hadn’t be so clandestine. There was just something about the Solstice season that made even the most solitary hermits long to be with people they care about.
The hunter did not sleep well that night, as conflicting thoughts kept turning over and over in his mind. He began to wonder if he had made the right decision. True, his intentions had been honorable, but he had to admit to himself that it hadn’t been his choice to make. If the situation was reversed, Iolaus knew he’d be furious with Hercules for hiding something from him.
“Well, it’s too late now,” he sighed out loud, rising from the ground and kicking out the dying embers of the fire. Digging in his pack, he pulled out the hunk of bread that Alcmene had given to him before he left. Wolfing it down quickly, the hunter continued on his way to Orchomenus. The journey took him the better part of the day, but finally he reached the town and met with Typhoeus.
“Normally if you came to our village this time of year, you’d be swamped in decorations and festivities,” the innkeeper told him, setting a tankard before his guest. Fortunately, it hadn’t seemed to bother the man that Iolaus had shown up in place of Hercules.
“What happened this year?” Iolaus inquired, taking a long drink of the ale.
“Hera,” Typhoeus said grimly. “She decided that solstice took worship away from her, so she outlawed it. Most of the villagers went along with it. I mean, we’d be crazy not to. But Father Solstice ignored her order.”
“Who?” the hunter asked curiously.
“Father Solstice,” the innkeeper replied with a grin. “Everyone calls him that. I can’t even remember what his real name is. He loves solstice, always has. He worked in carpentry as a younger man, and now he spends the whole year carving little toys and presents. And every solstice he distributes them to the children in the village. This year was no different, and Hera found out.”
“What did she do to him?”
“Carried him off. Rumor has it she’s holding him in her temple outside of town. Please, Iolaus. You just have to get him back. The children are devastated. Actually, the whole village is devastated. He’s the very symbol of the peace and goodwill of solstice, and we’re lost without him.”
“I’ll do what I can to bring him back,” Iolaus reassured him, draining his mug and rising to his feet. “I kind of like the idea of being the guy that brought solstice back to Orchomenus.”
Darkness was beginning to fall as the hunter made his way to Hera’s temple, but he didn’t mind. Rescue missions were generally more successful under the cover of night, and he had promised Alcmene that he would try to be back before Solstice, so time was of the essence. From the cover of the bushes that surrounded the temple, Iolaus prowled silently around the building, surveying the layout carefully. There was only one entrance, and it seemed to be rather heavily guarded. The hunter crouched, watching for a few minutes as he tried to think of something, but a faint noise caught his attention.
“I don’t believe it,” he whispered to himself as he crept around to the back of the temple. The shadowy figure attempting to catch his grappling hook on the ledge of a window could be no other.
“I think you’re a little short, Autolycus,” Iolaus whispered in the thief’s ear. Autolycus gasped theatrically at the shock of finding someone directly behind him, but recovered his composure quickly as he identified his new companion.
“Well, you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Blondie,” he sneered. The hunter crossed his arms over his chest and even though he couldn’t see in the darkness, the thief could tangibly feel the glare coming at him. Autolycus looked back up at the window in the upper level of the temple. His hook was just a tiny bit too short to reach it, so he retracted the prongs and tucked his tool safely back inside his tunic. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I should be asking you the same question,” the hunter replied.
“I asked you first.”
“If you must know, I’m here for Father Solstice.”
“Right,” Autolycus said slowly. “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but have you, perhaps, been hitting the eggnog a little too hard tonight?”
“Look, it’s a long story. Hera kidnapped Father Solstice from Orchomenus and... Why am I even bothering to tell you this? I have to get someone out of the temple, and what I don’t need you is you and one of your harebrained schemes screwing things up!”
“I resent that,” the thief protested. “After all, who was it that saved us when Ares laid that curse on us?”
“Hercules,” the hunter reminded him.
“Oh yeah. But who was it that kept you from losing your head in the meantime? If it wasn’t for me...”
“Number one,” Iolaus said in annoyance. “I was not losing my head. And if I was, it was because I was permanently chained to YOU. Number two, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have gotten into half the trouble I’ve gotten into in my lifetime. And number three, you promised you would never mention that incident ever again.”
“Well don’t go away mad,” Autolycus wheedled, following the hunter as he turned to stalk off into the darkness. “I have a proposition for you.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” Iolaus insisted.
“The way I see it,” the thief continued, unperturbed. “You need to get in the temple, as do I. As my first means of entry seems to be a bit inadequate, I need to revert to the proverbial plan B. For that, I could use a partner.”
“Forget it, Autolycus,” the hunter told him. “Your grappling hook isn’t the only inadequate thing about you. You and I are not partners. We never were, and we never will be. I don‘t want any part of whatever you‘re trying to steal this time.”
“Fine,” Autolycus said grandly. “Then I’ll just sit back and watch you slip in past all those guards.”
Iolaus stopped to bang his head gently against a nearby tree.
“Why me?” he whispered to the night air. With a martyred sigh, he turned back to the thief. “Before we do anything, I want to know exactly why you want inside Hera’s temple.”
“I have honorable intentions, I assure you.” Autolycus ignored the loud snort of disbelief that his companion felt compelled to make. “It appears that Humbug Hera had her goons collect a rather hefty offering in the neighboring village. I’m just here to get it back. In the spirit of Solstice and all.”
“Minus how much for yourself?” the hunter asked wryly.
“Nothing. Well, maybe just a small percentage as insurance for my trouble. But they’ll get almost all of it back. Now, about my plan. Just follow me, and let me do all the talking.”
Iolaus knew Autolycus well enough not to take anything he said at face value, but he had to admit it would be difficult getting into the temple alone. He sighed again and followed the thief as he strode broadly up to the door, resolving that if they somehow did manage to get inside, he could keep a close watch and hopefully keep both of them out of trouble.
“Autolycus, how is it that every time our paths cross, it ends up as a huge embarrassment for me?”
“Quit complaining,” the thief told him. “You wanted in, and we’re in. It’s not like you’re any stranger to playing the fool. Here, put this on.”
Iolaus caught the hat that the thief tossed him and stared at it distastefully. The jester’s cap was a garish red and green, with jingle bells dangling merrily from each frond.
“Was this really your great idea?” Iolaus demanded of Autolycus. “You actually sat down and said to yourself ‘Hey, I need a plan B. I know, I’ll dress up like an idiot.’ I mean, this is something you actually planned out?”
“Will you hurry up?” the thief hissed. “We’re almost on.”
With a heavy sigh, Iolaus pulled on the ridiculous hat.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he muttered to himself. His only consolation was that Autolycus was similarly dressed. During his travels with Hercules, Iolaus had noticed that whenever a stupid disguise was called for, it was always him, and not the demigod, that got stuck giving the performance. “Well,” he tried to console himself. “It’s not like I haven’t done this before. It could be worse. At least we didn’t have to dress up like women.”
“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it,” the thief told him. “Come on, let’s get this over with. Once we have them distracted, you can duck out and go for Cousin Solstice.”
Iolaus followed Autolycus out before the cluster of Hera’s guards, not even feeling it was worth correcting him. He had to admit that the thief had told a convincing story. As was his way, Autolycus had very animatedly told the guards at the temple’s door that they were poor traveling minstrels, on their way to Corinth, and would trade a performance for the chance to rest by the fire. Maybe a bit of food. And to the hunter’s utter disbelief, the guards had agreed. The men were a tad on the slow witted side, and were eager for something to break up the monotony of the job. And perhaps, they were just missing the festivities that would normally be going on for Solstice. Before their employer had outlawed it.
“Good evening, gentlemen,” Autolycus bellowed grandly, to a very scattered applause. “And now, sit back and prepare yourselves for the singing and dancing talents, not to mention the comedic genius, of the world renowned team of Vaudicles and Villus.”
“Don’t build them up, you idiot,” Iolaus thought to himself, dutifully taking a bow only to be knocked on his face by his “partner”. After a few more attempts at slapstick that didn’t exactly have them rolling in the aisles, the comedic team started in on what the hunter generously referred to as “jokes”.
“Say Villus, this is a nice temple we’re in,” Autolycus began.
“It sure is, Vaudicles,” the hunter agreed. “We used to have one just like it back home, but it burnt down.”
“Holy smoke!” the thief shouted. Both performers paused, hearing the faint sound of insects chirping outside.
“That was our best joke,” Iolaus whispered desperately.
“Forget the jokes,” Autolycus whispered back. “Start on the poetry.”
“I once had a dog name of Harriet,” the hunter began. “I was sad when one day I buried it.”
“She was on Grandma’s heel,” Autolycus added. “And got under the wheel.”
“When my Grandma got run over by a chariot,” the duo shouted.
As objects began to whiz past the duo’s ears and comments that were definitely not in the spirit of solstice flew just as fast, they quickly regrouped.
“Stall them,” the thief whispered. “Keep them busy and I’ll go find Uncle Solstice.”
“Me?” the hunter squeaked. “I thought you were going to stay and keep them busy while I went after Father Solstice.” But Autolycus was already addressing the crowd of angry guards.
“And now gentlemen, may I present the golden voiced talents of my partner.”
Iolaus grabbed the thief by the arm as he tried to rush by.
“What are you doing?” he demanded. “I can’t sing.”
“They won’t know the difference,” Autolycus told him. “Just make something up. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” The thief disappeared behind the tapestry that they had set up as a makeshift curtain, and Iolaus was left staring into some very unsatisfied faces. Every song that he’d ever sang in his lifetime made a rapid retreat from the hunter’s brain as he froze before the unruly crowd. But he knew he had to sing something, because he needed to live long enough to be able to kill his partner.
“Autolycus the red-handed thief,” he began, blurting out the first words that came to him. “Had some very itchy fingers. And if you ever saw him. You can bet he left with all your dinars. All of the law enforcement, tried to catch him in vain. Auto wouldn’t let anybody, put a stop to his game. Then one sunny summer morn, Hercules came to say. Auto with your dishonest ways, you’ll be in jail for the rest of your days. Now the thief is reformed. He’s paying society his due. But Auto the King of Thieves, I’ll never turn my back on you!”
Fortunately, as he concluded the tune, Iolaus was able to remember words to real songs. And contrary to all of Hercules’ teasing, his singing was not entirely off key. By his fourth number, the hunter was actually starting to get into his performance when he saw Autolycus frantically signaling to him from behind the tapestry.
“Wrap it up, songbird, and let’s get out of here,” the thief whispered loudly. Iolaus quickly finished his last song and bowed hastily before dashing behind the tapestry.
“I think I missed my true calling,” he sighed contentedly as he listened to the audience grudgingly clapping. “Wait a minute,” the hunter blurted as he looked around him. “Where’s Father Solstice?”
“Who?”
“Father Solstice, the guy we’re here to rescue.”
“Oh yeah,” Autolycus said slowly. “Well, you see...”
Whatever excuse the thief was about to utter was cut short as Iolaus grabbed him by the tunic.
“I knew you were up to something,” he hissed. “Like stealing the Othrys sapphire? You forget, my partner is the son of a god and he tells me about these things. Now come on, Autolycus, where is it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the thief sputtered. Iolaus thrust his hand into Autolycus’ tunic to check his hidden pockets.
“Whoa,” the thief cried. “Easy there, Blondie. That time I dressed up like a woman was strictly out of necessity. I’m not that kind of guy.”
“Then are you going to cough up that jewel, or do I have to search your pants?”
“I’ll have you know that the only jewels in my pants are the family jewels.”
“Well, if that isn’t a sapphire in your pants,” Iolaus said, indicating the bulge the thief was sporting. “Then you must be really happy to see me.”
“All right,” Autolycus conceded exasperatedly, retrieving the jewel and holding it out to the hunter.
“I’m not sure I want to touch it after seeing where it’s been,” Iolaus remarked. But he reached out and took the sapphire. The hunter turned the large jewel over in his palm and admired the sparkling enormity. Legend stated that when the gods defeated the titans on Mt. Othrys, Rhea began to sob. Wherever her tears fell, a sapphire formed. Hera collected them all, but after all the years that had past, only one was left. The largest one, the last to fall. It was undoubtedly worth a fortune, and the goddess had taken care to hide it, often moving it from temple to temple. Iolaus was not surprised that Autolycus had managed to find out where it was stashed.
“Are you going to stare at that thing all night, or are we going to get out of here?”
“There’s just one more thing,” the hunter said with a small grin. “Paybacks are a bitch.” Once more, he seized Autolycus’ tunic and pulled him out in front of the tapestry. “Gentleman, I give you the extraordinary dance stylings of Vaudicles the Magnificent.” Without waiting to see the thief in action, Iolaus ducked behind the tapestry and quickly made his way to the upper level of the temple. The building did not have a dungeon, so the hunter logically guessed that any captives would be held up there.
Iolaus encountered a few doors, trying all of them until he found one that was locked. Carefully working his knife in the keyhole, he was rewarded with a small click. Pushing the door open slightly, the hunter found an elderly man sitting at a table in the room.
“Are you Father Solstice?” he asked, entering the room and closing the door behind him.
“Yes, Iolaus. I am Hagios Nikolaos. I’ve been waiting for you.”
“How do you know my name? And how did you know I was coming?” the hunter asked curiously.
“I know a lot of things,” the old man replied mysteriously with a twinkle in his eye.
“Well, we have to get you out of here,” Iolaus told him, deciding he could question the man later. Father Solstice rose and collected his bright red cape, trimmed with white fur. He began to put it on, but paused and turned to the hunter.
“Do you hear what I hear?” he asked.
“Unfortunately,” Iolaus groaned as he identified the noise as Autolycus’ trademark yodel. Father Solstice chuckled broadly, his plump stomach shaking like a bowl full of jelly.
“That rascal does manage to attract even more trouble than you do,” the man said merrily.
Before the puzzled hunter could ask the question, the door to the room opened and Autolycus burst in. He slammed the door behind him and leaned on it heavily.
“What did you do now?” Iolaus demanded in annoyance.
“It’s not my fault,” the thief protested. “I was wowing the crowd with my amazing prowess, but as I attempted the Twanky Twiddle I happened to drop a few, uh, items, and anyhow... I think the guards are on to us.”
“What was your first clue?” Iolaus shouted over the ruckus of the guards pounding on the door. With Autolycus’ help, he pushed the heavy oak table in front of the door to block it. “That won’t hold them for long. We have to find another way out of here.”
“Yeah, because if they get through that door, then it will be OUR chestnuts roasting on an open fire this solstice,” the thief agreed. “But don’t worry. Once again, yours truly has the situation well in hand.” He quickly produced his grappling hook.
“We already tried that, remember?” Iolaus reminded him.
“We couldn’t get in with it, but we can get out. It wasn’t short by very much. Just hang it out the window, rappel down as far as we can, then jump the rest.”
The hunter had to admit that they didn’t have any other choice, but he shot a concerned look at the elderly man’s girth.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Father Solstice told him as he noticed the glance. “But don’t worry. I may not be in the shape that I was in thirty years ago, but I assure you that I’m more agile than I look.”
“Ok,” Iolaus said doubtfully. “Let’s go.”
Autolycus attached the hook to the window ledge and dropped the length of rope out. Iolaus went first, instructing the thief to help Father Solstice next. The hunter wanted to start so that he could be there in case the elderly man had difficulty, but his fears were unfounded. Father Solstice moved with a strength and nimbleness that belied his physical appearance. Iolaus grinned as the man reached the end of the rope and leapt lightly down to the ground below.
“You must scale buildings on a regular basis,” the hunter joked and Father Solstice roared with laugher.
“Why couldn’t you have been that funny during our act?” Autolycus grumbled as he joined the pair.
“They were your jokes, brainiac,” the hunter retorted.
“It wasn’t the material,” Autolycus shot back. “It was your lousy timing.”
“Gentlemen,” Father Solstice interrupted. “Perhaps this is a discussion for another time?” He pointed to the window which they had just vacated. The guards had finally smashed their way into the room and were now fitting arrows to their bows.
“Brother Solstice is right,” the thief agreed. “Time for the magic portion of our act.”
“Making ourselves disappear,” Iolaus finished for him as the trio began running for the woods.
“Maybe you should think about relocating,” the hunter suggested as they arrived back at Orchomenus. Father Solstice nodded gravely.
“I’d miss this town,” he said sadly. “But perhaps it is time for me to move on. Somewhere up North, perhaps.”
“Whatever you decide, good luck.”
“Thank you, Iolaus,” Father Solstice said warmly. “Thank you both.”
“It was our pleasure, Father Solstice,” Autolycus boomed grandly. “Come back and visit us sometime.”
“I’ll do that,” the old man replied with a smile. “Once a year, to be sure.” He waved to his two rescuers and turned to walk into town. They watched him go for a minute, then began moving the opposite direction.
“I get the feeling there was more to him than meets the eye,” Iolaus mused. “I mean, how did he know all that stuff about us? And why did Hera go to the trouble of capturing him and holding him captive? Why didn’t she just kill him?”
“Maybe she couldn’t,” Autolycus answered absently, the questions obviously not weighing heavily on his mind.
“Maybe,” the hunter said thoughtfully. “There was definitely something special about him.”
“So, where are you headed now?” the thief asked casually.
“Back to Thebes,” Iolaus answered. “I promised Alcmene I’d be home for solstice. If I hurry, I can just make it.” He shot a sideways glance at his companion. “There’s room for one more if you’d like to join us,” he offered. “Alcmene would love it.”
“Aw, I’m touched, I really am,” Autolycus enthused. “Not to ruin this moment we’re having here or anything, but I can’t. I have a solstice promise of my own to keep.” To Iolaus’ surprise, he held up a bag of dinars and pointed off towards the village to the east.
“Just don’t forget your other promise,” the hunter cautioned.
“I know, I know. Not a word of this to anyone.”
“Autolycus,” Iolaus called out as the thief prepared to leave. The hunter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Thanks for your help.”
“What would you ever do without me?” Autolycus said smugly as he melted into the trees.
“I‘m sure he doesn‘t want me to answer that,” Iolaus muttered to himself. He stared at the spot where the thief had vanished as a thought occurred to him. He checked the small pouch at his belt where he had stored the sapphire, only to find it missing.
The hunter shook his head as he began his journey to Thebes. He decided to side with the generous spirit of solstice and let the thief go with his prize. After all, he did have to keep his promise to Alcmene, and besides, he didn’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity once Hera showed up to reclaim her treasure. He and Hercules could always recapture the jewel after the holidays, but for now, he was going home for solstice.
Disclaimer: No Grandmas were run over by chariots during the writing of this story, although I believe a few chestnuts were roasted over an open fire.
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