Another Late Night

Bronze Zetsuai RATING=PG-13

By: Lady Setsuna

http://www.angelfire.com/pa3/celebration

lady_setsuna@hotmail.com

silentjealousy@vampirehunter.com

(this was originally written back in December of 1998, but unfortunately it was stolen by some renegade draglings. Luckily I have since been able to coax them into giving it back with lots of chocolate peanut butter cups and candy kisses) {REALLY}

January 03, 2000

This is dedicated to Rei.... I love ya tons!!! ThanX for being my pal!

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The blinding lights lit up the small stage, illuminating everything in sight with their multicolored radiance. They flashed off and on with the undulating rhythm of the music that flooded the arena. The audience writhed and squirmed it's way closer to the stage, desperately trying to get near the singer.

His face was pale white, except for his ruby red lips, and his piercing blue eyes that made him seem ethereal, almost unearthly. Dressed simply from head to foot in the black the clothes that wirled about his thin frame, he moved in time with each delicate movement of his body. He seemed at home here on the stage. The audience completely belonged to him, they beckoned and called to him, they wanted him. Koji regarded all of them with interest. As long as he was on the stage, he was the center of their attention for a few hours. He had done many shows before, all the same, nothing ever changing. The songs may have changed, and the faces in the crowd changed from place to place, but it was always Koji Nanjo standing in the spotlight, singing his passionate songs of endless desire and pain. Tonight felt different for some reason. He had a strange sense of dread from the moment he had entered the dressing room, and he couldn't quite be sure why. Eventually he put the feelings aside and prepared to go on. What was that feeling?

"Thank you..and Goodnight!" Koji had finished his last encore, (that was the third one tonight) and headed off to the dressing room. He passed several press agents on his way back and simply pushed them aside. He didn't feel like dealing with their petty annoyances tonight. Reaching his room, he threw off his stage clothes and turned on the shower. The feeling of dread still wasn't completely gone. He walked once around the room, patiently waiting for the water to heat up and spied a letter neatly folded up on the vanity table. Reaching down, he instantly knew who it was from. The precise handwriting on the front was unmistakable Izumi's. ‘Always neat, the eternal perfectionist.’ Laughing to himself, Koji opened the letter and read it. "Koji-I can’t wait to see you tonight at dinner. Hurry home!---Love Izumi." Koji looked at the letter, with a slight frown on his face. He knew better than to break dinner date with Izumi. Sighing, Koji hopped in the shower and let the warm soothing waters flow over his body. He was tired and sore, but wasn't going to let that stop him from having a good time tonight. Perhaps a few drinks of champagne at the Club and a new pack of cigarettes might get this feeling of unease out of his mind. Stepping out of the shower, Koji noted the time and threw on some clothes, hurrying out to the garage. He cursed as he saw the limo driving off. Making a mental note to speak with the driver about leaving early without permission from his employer was going to be the first thing on his list of things to do in the morning. Returning to the dressing room, Koji was astonished to notice that it was late, much more time had passed while he was in the show than he origionaly thought. Rummaging through his backpack, he found his keys to his motorcycle and smiled. It was too nice of a night to waste in a limo anyway.

Koji put on some fresh clothes and ran a brush through his long blonde hair. He picked up his pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. The last one in the pack. He put it back in. No use wasting one, he'd be riding the bike soon anyway. Picking up his backpack, he pulled the dressing room door open and walked out into the nearly empty halls. The stadium was utterly deserted at this hour, the only people choosing to stay late were the janitors and a few underage minor groupies that were probably going to get grounded for staying out past their curfews. All of the musicians and stage hands were already out partying and having a good time. "And I'll be joining them shortly" thought Koji. He walked out into the dimly-lit parking lot where his bike was parked. Never liking the limos and fancy cars that his managers always bought for him, he peered at his motorcycle. The feeling of freedom that he got from riding was incomparable. He walked over to the bike and put the key in. He was preparing to get on when he heard a quiet soft whimpering in the shadows behind him. His first instinct was just to ignore it, and drive off but something made him curious. Cautiously he walked over to the dark corner, listening intently. The noise stopped for a moment. "Hello? Is someone there?" he said quietly. Nothing, no response. "Hello?" Again, nothing. Shrugging his shoulders he turned and walked back to the bike. He mounted the bike when he heard the sound again. He got off the bike and threw his backpack down next to it. Walking over to the corner, he looked desperately for the source of the noise. Slightly starled, he glanced over on the shadows. Looking into the darkness, he saw the disheveled form of a young girl cowered in the corner. She was dressed in a simple school uniform, a little dirty and worn from sitting on the ground in the parking garage, but still respectable. She had long black hair that surrounded her dark eyes. Her face was all red and puffy from crying. Clutched tightly at her chest was a school bag. Moving closer to her, the girl shied away from Koji. "Hey, what are you doing here? Are you all right?" he asked with pity.

She did not answer him. Koji took another step closer still to her. She tried to get closer to the wall, but she was already pressed tightly against it. He noticed her discomfort. "Hey, I am not going to hurt you, I just want to know if you want help. Are you hurt or anything?" Still not answering, she turned her head away from him. Koji did not know what to do. He thought about going to get help, but by the time that he got back here, she would probably be gone. "Okay, fine if you don't want my help, that's okay with me, I have a party to go to anyway. See ya around kid." Koji walked back to his bike and picked up his bag. He wondered if he should really leave her here like this, but is was clear that she didn't want his help, so he prepared to leave. He put his hand on the key and was going to turn it when he heard her soft, quiet voice from behind him.

"Um...would you happen to have a cigarette that I could borrow?" she whimpered. Koji got off the bike and walked half way back to her. He was still uneasy about this girl.

"Sure, I have one left, you can have it if you come out of that dark corner." There was no response for a moment, Koji thought that she might not give up her safe hiding spot, but eventually she emerged from the shadows, still clutching her bookbag. She walked over to the nearest curb and sat down. Koji could see that she was not physically harmed in any way. He opened the pack and handed her the last cigarette. She accepted it with a shaking hand. Sitting down next to her, Koji offered her the lighter. As she reached for it, her sleeve fell away from her wrist and he could clearly see a jagged cut there, still bleeding a bit, most of the blood now dried and crusty in her sleeve.

"Thanks." The girl said, lighting the cigarette. Then noticing him staring at her, she quickly pushed her sleeve back down. She pushed her hair away from her face and tried to regain some composure. "You can go now, you don't have to stay here."

"I have no place to go." he smiled at her.

She looked at him with interest. "I thought you said that you had a party or something to go to?"

He looked at his watch, it was 11:30 p.m. "Ah, the party will happen with or without me. Besides it can be most annoying when everyone there wants your autograph!" he laughed.

The girl just stared at him. "Why would they want that? Are you some kind of star or something?" she asked.

Koji was silent for a moment. "Nobody important. You must not be from around here."

"No, I am not. I just came here tonight because...." the girl stopped and stared off into the distance at the edge of the railing of the parking garage. Koji followed her gaze and suddenly remembered that they were on the 10th floor of the stadium's parking garage. His face grew pale, wondering she if was planning on killing herself. Obviously from the look of her wrists, she had already tried and failed miserably. Something was holding her back, something important that just would not let her take that final step. She was so young, he thought to himself... could something really be that bad that she couldn't deal with it?

A sudden cold breeze blew in through the garage, sending the smoke from the cigarette into the night air. He looked at her thin form slightly shivering and took his jacket off and offered it to her. "Take this."

"No, thanks I am fine. You can go now." she spoke without emotion.

"I think that I'll stay a little while longer, if you don't mind?"

"It's a public place, do whatever you want." The tone of her voice was mocking.

Koji felt completely helpless, he didn't know what to do, or say to this girl. Why was it up to him to save her? What cruel game was fate playing with him this time? "Well then I guess that I could enjoy your company for a little while longer." He extended his hand for a handshake, which felt a little awkward. "My name's Koji, and yours is?"

She ignored his handshake. "The name's Rei." Then noticing that her cigarette had gone almost totally unsmoked, she took a long drag off of it, inhaling deeply. She coughed viciously as the smoke hit her lungs. Noticing Koji staring at her, she immediately got defensive. "Not my usual brand." She said between coughs. Blinking back the tears, she regained her composure. "I guess you are wondering what the Hell a girl like me is doing out here, at this time of night, and in this condition." She paused to wipe a stray tear away from her eye."

"Well I was a bit curious." Koji said.

"It's none of your business, really." Rei said with the mocking tone in her voice. Looking over, she hoped to get a shocked reaction from Koji. Much to her disappointment, he simply sat there, waiting for her to make a move. Sighing she shook her head. "Since you did give me a cigarette and have been trying to be so nice to me, I'll tell you...I was in love and I hate myself for it." Rei's eyes went dark and teary again. She couldn’t bring her gaze up to Koji as she first started speaking. "You see, I loved someone who wouldn't love me back." Rei’s gaze drifted off to the vast emptiness in the parking garage. "Her name was Emily. I saw her and instantly knew that she was the only one for me. Ignoring the taunting of my friends and family, I pursued her. I tried time and time again to express my feelings for her, but every time I was rejected. It's not that I wasn't pretty enough, or anything like that, but she just couldn't...no..wouldn't feel the same things for me! I am not sure if it’s was because she wasn’t into the whole ‘gay’ thing or not, but when I look back on it, I don’t think that it really matters anyway." Rei shifted nervously on the curb. "Anyway 2 days ago, this Emily left. Without warning, without notice to anyone. Even her family was left without a clue as to where she was. I know that it was only a matter of hours, but they felt like YEARS to me. I didn't sleep, eat, or do anything.. I just was there, not completely existing as a whole person. Then the news came, my love was dead. Some freak car accident. I couldn’t even be there for her in the last few moments of her life!" Rei couldn't stop herself from crying now. "All I wanted to do is just hold her close to me, to feel her body against mine, just for a little while." She let the tears run down her cheeks. "I didn’t think it was going to end like that, so suddenly. There was so much that I wanted to tell her, to share with her." She got quiet for a moment. The only noise that could be heard was the dull sound of traffic below, then her emotions broke though. "I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW!!!" she shouted. Her high voice echoed eerily in the cold concrete walls of the garage."I was so involved with my obsession with her, that I failed not to notice something very important, that I was making her crazy. She left because of ME! I could have saved Emily’s life damnit! If I hadn’t been such a twit! It was all my fault!....Now there is nothing to do but to make amends. A life for a life." Her wide eyes looked over at Koji, searching for his understanding.

Koji stared right at her, unmoving. "That's not it, you are not to blame Rei." Koji whispered, his voice sounded a bit emotionless. "Love doesn't work that way."

Rei got off the curb and threw her bag down. "LOVE? Don't speak to me about love. That wasn't love after all! It was just my stupid infatuation with another person. I am only 15 years old! According to what my parents, I haven’t the slightest clue about things like that. I am just another stupid teenager just going though a rebellion thing." Rei kicked her bag across the parking lot, sending it slamming into the wall. "I don’t even care anymore. Do you know what I did tonight? Do you want to see how utterly pathetic I am?" She fiercely grabbed her sleeves and pushed them up, ripping the thin fabric to pieces. "See this?" Rei flashed her wrists at Koji. "I tried to commit suicide by using a razor, but I just couldn't push hard enough. I whimped out! So I came here....I sat out here for a while when I heard the music from inside. There was something to that just hit a nerve in my thick skull. I was sitting here, just thinking, almost as if waiting. When the music ended I realized that I was being a whimp again, so I smoked a few more cigarettes and decided that I was going to hurl myself off the edge over there." She pointed to the spot where she was sitting earlier. She noticed Koji's slightly pale expression. "What? You think I am nuts too?" She laughed hysterically. "Well I guess that I am! My life completely sucks, and I am going to end it and save everybody the misery of having to listen to my bullshit." She took a step back over to the edge. "See you later! This is Rei signing off once and for all." Nearing the rail, she smirked at Koji. "Oh yeah tell the meat wagon that comes to scrape my remains up off the steet to send the bill to my parents, it should give them a good laugh."

Koji stared up at her. "Please sit down." he asked quietly.

"No way! You aren't my boss...and you know what? I am tired of being here with you, I think that it's time for me to say goodnight." Placing one of her feet on the railing, and reaching out to the stone pillar, she pulled herself up. A sudden gust of wind kicked up, sending her knotted, unkept hair flying out around her. Rei smiled and closed her eyes for a moment, waiting for the ground to rush up to her.

Koji hurried over and grabbed her arm as she leaned forward. Rei yelped in pain as Koji’s hand closed over her brusied wrist and held her in place. "Ouch, what the Hell do you think that you are doing? Let go of me!" she shouted.

"I am going to teach you a lesson." Koji thought back of his own troubled past. Memories of bloodstained bathroom sinks filled with his own crimson blood flooded back into his mind. This girl was too young and pretty to die. He was not going to let her go so easily. He pulled harder on her wrist and threw her to the ground in one quick motion. She hit hard, her body impacting the concrete floor without mercy.

Gasping for breath, the look of harted gleaming in her eyes, she sat still. "Hey, Fucker! That hurt!" she shouted.

"It should, I threw you pretty hard. I could have thrown you harder and broken every single bone in your pretty body and left you there to suffer, but you want the easy way out don't you?" Koji sneered at her. "All you want is a release from reality because you lost your dreams. It’s a coward’s way out."

Rei rubbed her wrists. "Asshole, you don't know anything!"

"Oh don't I?" Koji unbuttoned his shirt sleeves and rolled them up. He knelt down next to Rei. "See, take a look." Rei stared at the deep scars that crossed both Koji's wrists. They were not that old, even still a little pink and swollen from where the stitches had been removed. Her wounds were nothing compared to his. "I too have know that kind of love."

The girl sat up. "Big deal. Everyone at one time or another has thought about doing themselves in, it just looks like you decided to go for the psycho pention a little early."

Koji pulled his arm back and smacked Rei across the face. The slap echoed loudly. Then nothing but silence. Rei brought her hand up to her lips and wiped them, a small spot of blood could be seen on her dirty skin. "What the fuck did you do that for?"

"I made an error, I thought that you were someone who needed my help, and now I can see that you are nothing but a scared little child that needed to be punished." Koji got up and straightened up his sleeves, his back turned to her. "Rei, I can’t even pretend to know anything about you, but from what I see, there is someone inside of you that wants to be loved, very badly. It is like a hunger of sorts, everyday you can feel it there, inside yourself, just trying to gnaw it’s way out. You have to keep feeding it or else it will devour you. You have been trying to run from it, and now you have backed yourself into a dark corner and you think that there is no way out." Koji turned back to face her. "I think that you are wrong, there is a better way of dealing with the pain. Sometimes we just can’t see it that clearly, which is something that I have learned the hard way myself."

Rei blinked and held her hand up to her face, which was starting to turn red from Koji’s slap. "So, you tried to off yourself because you were depressed?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Happens all the time."

"I nearly succeeded too. I would have died if someone had not interfered. Like you, I have known all about that desire which makes it impossible to think about anything or anyone else. I tried everything possible to make this person love me. You see, I am not that much older than you Rei, and have been though heaven and hell in my mad quest for my desires. I know now that love is not something gained with material things or half empty words, but with actions and patience."

Rei laughed at Koji. "That's easy enough for you to say, you didn't cause the one you loved pain like I have."

He turned away from her and looked at the twinking lights of the city below them. "Yes, I have...I have caused more pain to the one that I love than I would dream of inflicting on my worst enemy. But you CAN learn to love...and be loved. You just have to know it's certain limits." The word 'limits' escaped from Koji's lips with contempt. Koji clutched at the railing, his hands turning white as he clenched the bar tightly. He thought of Izumi and how he had hurt him. Those days had come and gone so slowly Koji honestly thought that he would die from the agony of living, but now things were different. They were at a standstill. Izumi no longer despised him, and Koji had been able to control his feelings. Tonight’s events were just a test, a test of his will. How could he let himself get upset with Izumi tonight for missing one dinner date? It seemed so petty and inconsequential compared to everything else that surrounded them in the past. And now this girl trying to commit suicide, something inside of Koji snapped and made him want to slap her for drenching up such memories within him, but instead he walked over to her and held her tightly in his arms. More than ever now, he felt that there was a reason for him being here.

"Hey! Let go!" Rei started to protest, but Koji held onto her tightly until she stopped squirming. The warmth from his embrace comforted her a little. ‘When was the last time that someone had hugged her’? She couldn't remember. She drowned herself in him, taking in each feeling with hunger. He smelled of sweet cologne and cigarettes. With great daring, Rei put her arms around Koji and returned the embrace, she wasn’t quite sure who he was, but to her he was a angel. She seized hold of his thin body and didn't want to let go. In her dreams, she wanted to hold her lover like this. To feel their body up against hers would be heaven. To have someone wipe away her tears and say those sweet words to her as no one else could. Rei knew that she was lonely, but she no longer wanted to kill herself, she just wanted to live, and be held like this forever. 'Is that too much to ask?' she thought. Her tears soaked into Koji's silk shirt and embarrassed, she pulled away from him. "Oh look, I am so sorry, I got your shirt all wet!" she giggled. "I'm so sorry about that." Rei noticed that he didn't reply. She looked up at him and saw that he too was crying. "Koji!" The cold breeze blew through the garage again and for the first time, Rei noticed how cold she really was. She shivered uncontrollably. Turning around glad to give him a moment to collect himself, she looked for her bag and was surprised to feel the cold touch of Koji's leather jacket on her shoulders.

"I knew that you would be cold!" Koji smiled at her. Together, they laughed a lighthearted laugh. The sounds of the city had quieted down below them. It was now in the wee hours of the morning.

Rei looked at the crushed butt of the cigarette lying on the floor. "Hey, I don't suppose that you have another one of those?" She asked, wiping away her tears, trying to act like herself again.

Koji knew that he didn't have another pack, but he pretended to rummage through his backpack to avoid her beautiful dark eyes. "Nope, sorry that was my last."

"Well I better get running along now if I want to go buy another pack! The store that sells them to me closes soon." She removed his jacket hand handed it back to him. The coldness instantly hit her body causing it to shake.

"Keep the jacket. It's cold tonight." Koji got on his motorcycle. "Can I give you a ride somewhere?" he asked.

Rei walked over to the edge and gazed out to the horizon. "No, I think that I would like to walk home, the sun will be coming up soon and I think that I might like to see it. Kinda like the dawning of a new day if you know what I mean." She watched him stare at her with sadness. "Hey, don't worry about me, I am okay now. I guess that I just needed someone to listen to my ramblings for a little while."

Picking up his backpack, Koji put it on and started the bike. "Rei, if you ever need anything please...." He was cut off by Rei kissing him on the lips. With both of their lips pressed together, time stood still for a moment. Koji considered himself a taker when it came to life, and tonight was his chance to give a little back. That little bit of life was a scared and confused girl named Rei.

"I know. Thank you Koji." Rei zipped up Koji's leather jacket and headed down the stairs. She paused at the entrance to the stairs and smiled back at him. "Not quite the way down that I wanted, but it'll do!" She waved him goodbye and disappeared from sight.

Koji didn't remember the drive home. His mind was filled with memories of his own as well as the face of that young girl. So youthful and flawless, a perfect beauty. What was it that made him stay tonight? There was something of himself in her. Something that he wanted to forget, to leave buried in the past forever, but needed to be released.

Opening the door to their apartment, Koji stumbled in, tired and weary than he ever was before. The clumsily threw his bag and keys down on table, missing it completely and they crashed to the floor, knocking over a lamp in the process. Cursing to himself, he decided not to sleep in the bedroom, for fear of waking Izumi. Not bothering to even take his shoes off, Koji collapsed down onto the couch and fell into a restful sleep.

The next morning Koji awoke with a headache. He slowly sit up, holding his hand to his head. The endless pouding return with a terrible vengance. Izumi was working in the kitchen, making breakfast. The sounds of the plates and cooking untensils clanging together brought Koji into reality . Glancing out to the kitchen he spotted Izumi, a pitiful little apron tied around his waist, intent on his work. Instantly their gaze met and Koji knew what Izumi was thinking. He got up and walked over to the bar in the kitchen and pulled out one of the stools, sinking down onto it, trying to start off an explaniation. "Would you like a cup of coffee?" Izumi asked. Koji nodded, not saying a word. He did not know how he was going to say. The night’s events were strange to say the least, but would Izumi really even believe that he has managed to save the life of a girl? Sighing, he gratefully accepted the cup that Izumi had handed him. "Out late last night Koji?" Izumi asked. Again, Koji just nodded. He couldn’t seem to pick up any emotions that would give way Izumi’s mood in his voice.Izumi continued to make breakfast for the both of them. Resting his head on the counter top, Koji closed his eyes for a moment.

"You know the strangest thing happened to me this morning while I was on my morning jog." Izumi pulled off the apron and set it aside. "While leaving the apartment, I ran into this girl...she was pretty young, I guess you could say that she was about 15 or so, anyway she was on her way up to our apartment." Koji's eyes widened. "She told me the most interesting story." Izumi walked over to the coffee table and picked something up. "And she left this for you." Izumi handed Koji a large box wrapped in colored ribbon. Koji just stared at it in disbelief. "Well are you going to open it or just look at it?" Izumi laughed. He handed the box to Koji. There was no card attached to it. Ripping open the package, Koji found his own leather jacket inside. He reached inside the pockets and withdrew a brand new pack of cigarettes and a note. The note read. 'Koji--I found this address on a envelope in the pocket of the jacket. I hope that you don't mind, but I thought that you might need this back...I am not cold anymore. ----Yours Rei' Koji stared at the note for several long moments. She was going to be all right. For once in his life, he had done something right.

Izumi came over to the bar and took a seat next to him. He studied the look in Koji's eyes for a moment and then kissed him on the lips. "Another Late night?"