GRIEF... SURVIVAL...
GROWTH...
There is an appointed time for everything,
and time for every affair under the heavens.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.
ecclesiastes 3:1-8

GRIEF: This is an emotional responses to the loss of something significant in our lives. As a survivor, you will fell shock, disbelief and conflicting emtions. These are all common emotions. The grief process is unique to every individual. Take the time to grieve, only you know how you feel. Don't let no one else tell you how to feel or what you have to do, you know yourself.

*SHOCK: This is a temporary condition caused by an over-whelming loss. You are not able to comprehend the magnitude of the situation. Symptoms of shock my inclued: panic, confusion, disorganization, and numbness. Support of a friend and family is crucial at this time. Give a {{hug}} dont be afraid to tell them you love them, they really need to know this.

EMOTIONAL RELEASE: your loss now becomes a reality. Express and releasing your feelings is a necessary part of the grieving process. Find some time to be alone. Emotional reactions may include: outbursts of weeping, which is ok, searching, guilt, idealization, and loneliness.

*DEPRESSION, LONELINESS, AND ISOLATION: These are typical reactions caused by intense emotional suffering. Following the ceremonial activities the bereaved may be apathetic, lacking of interest in their own life.

*PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION: Weight loss, weight gain, fatigue, pain, headaches, and insomnia are a few common symptoms.

* PANIC: This can include: intense hysterical anxiety, irrational fear and loss of control.

*GUILT FEELINGS: Many times we feel guilty after the loss of a loved one. Could I have prevented this? No, you could not have, unless you intentional murdered someone it is not your fault. Death after a lengthly illness may bring relief to a bereaved.

*HOSTILITY, FEAR, ANGER: These antagonistic feelings towards others may include blaming others for your loss. Such feelings are normal but should not be encouraged. Fear that can be overcome in time includes: fear of loneliness, fear that can overcome in time includes: fear of loneliness, fear of another death, fear of losing your sanity and fear of the unknown. Anger is a normal response to grief. Confront your anger.

* INABLITY TO RENEW NORMAL ACTIVITES: Day to day activites seem overwhelming. Many are left feeling isolated and alone in there grief.

*OVERCOMING GRIEF: Emotional well-being gradually returns. Healing is when you have more days good then bad days. The grief process varies with each individual.

*READJUSTMENT: You can emerge stronger after this period of mourning.

GUIDELINES FOR HEALING

*ACCEPTANCE; Do not try to be "brave." take time to cry

* TALK: Share your grief with someone who will listen without passing judgement.

*KEEP BUSY: Do purposeful work that occupies the mind, but avoid frantic activity.

*TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Bereavement can be a threat of your health. You are important, your life is valuable, care for it.

*EAT WELL: At this time of emotional and physical depletion, your body needs nourishment. Be good to yourself.

*EXERCISE REGULARLY: Depression can be decreased by the bio-chemical changes due to exercising, and you will sleep better. An hour long walk everyday is ideal for many people.

*ELIMINATE GUILT: Guilt is self-destruction. Guilt will hinder your ability to overcome grief.

*ACCEPTANCE: Coming to the realization that death is part of life.

* JOIN A BEREAVEMENT GROUP: You will make new friends who have been through this experience and can help you understand.

*ASSOCIATE WITH FRIENDS: This may be difficult, but it is important to talk with others of your loss.

*POSTPONE MAJOR DECISIONS: For instance, wait before selling your house or changing jobs.

*KEEP A JOURNAL: Writing down your thoughts will help you express your feelings and record your progress.

*TURN GRIEF INTO CREATIVE ENGERY: Find a way to help others. Directing your energies towards helping others will accelerate the grieving process.

*PROFESSIONAL HELP: Sometimes, talking to a trained counselor or your clergy will help you with your grief. Dont allow crippling grief to continue. There comes a time to live again.

*ALCOHOL AND DRUGS: Try not to turn to them. Alcohol and most drugs being a depressant, how much more depressed do you want to feel? Also, most drugs are hallucigents, the last thing you need to do is see, hear, or feel the deceased.

CHART OF GRIEF RECOVERY PROCESS

24-48 HOURS the impact of reality occurs.
5-7 DAYS mild depression
6-8 weeks this is most difficult adjustment
period. Acute symptoms of anxiety and depression occur:
*insomnia *loss of appetite
*overeating *fatigue
*tremors * acute mood swings
*decrease ability to concentrate and remember.
*loss of sex drive and desire

About 3 months
*irritablity and complaining
*physical and verbal abuse
*physical complaint

About 6 months
*depression

About 12 months
*Mild recurrent depression associated with birthdays, holidays, anniversary of the loss.

12.18,24 months
*Acceptance or resolution of grief

WAYS TO HELP OTHERS:

*LISTEN: One of the most helpful things you can do is share the bereaved one's pain by listening. Dont be afraid to ask "would you care to talk about it?"

*PROVIDE REASSURANCE: Assure them that they did all that was possible. Reassure them that what they are feeling; sadness, anger, guilt, or other emotions are not at all uncommon.

*BE AVAILABLE: Make yourself available; not just for a few days, but even months later. Prove yourself to be a true companion.

*TAKE APPROPRIATE INITIATIVE: Run arrands, watch the children, help clean the house, tell others how they may help. Recently bereaved persons are often so stunned that they do not even know what they need to do, so do not wait to be asked take the initiative. They will appreciate it very much.

*BE HOSPITABLE: Instead of a come any time invitation, set a time and day. If they refuse do not give up easily. Some gentle encouragement may be needed.

*BE PATIENT AND UNDERSTAND: Do not be to surprised what bereaved ones may say at first. Remember they are feeling angry and guilty. If emotional outbursts are directed at you, it will take insight and patience on you part not to respond with irritation.

*PRAY WITH THEM: Do not underestimate the value of your prayers with and for bereaved ones.

WHAT NOT TO DO

*DO NOT KEEP AWAY: Perhaps the truth is that we are keeping away because we are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. However, being avoided by friend and relatives only make the bereaved one feel lonelier, adding to the pain.

*DO NOT PRESSURE THEM TO STOP GRIEVING: Don't cry we may want to say, but it may be better to let the tears flow. It is important to let the bereaved ones show their emotions and really let them out. Don't assume that your have to hide your feeling to protect them, weep with the people who weep.

*DO NOT BE QUICK TO ADVISE THEM TO DISCARD THE DECEASED PERSONAL BELONGINGS: We may feel that it would be better for them to discard memories because some how they prolong the grief. Out of sight out of mind, but the bereaved person may need to let go of the deceased slowly.

*DO NOT AVOID MENTIONING THE DECEASED ONE: Some bereaved persons appreciate hearing friends tell of the specail qualities that endeared the deceased one to them.

*DONT SAY IT WAS FOR THE BEST: At least she is not suffering, or at least she is at peace. Such comments may imply to the survivors that they should not feel sad. However, they may be feeling very sad because they dearly miss their loved ones.

*IT IS BEST NOT TO SAY "I KNOW HOW YOUR FEEL: Do you really know? Everyone is there own person and reacts and feels differently in situations.

WAY TO EXPLAIN DEATH TO CHILDREN:

*BE TRUTHFUL: Dont hesitate to use the real words; death or die. Explain what has happend and also let them know that just because your sick does not mean you will die. Encourage their questions. What is death? Death means the body stopped working and can't do any of the things it used to do.

*It is not helpful to say the deceased is gone on a long journey. Fear of abandonment may concern your child, especially when a parent has become deceased. Children have minds of there own.

*SHOULD THE CHILD GO TO THE FUNERAL SERVICES: Parents should take into account the children's feelings. If they do not want to go, don't force them or in anyway make them feel guilty about not going. If they want to go give them detailed discription of what will take place. Also explain they may see lots of people that are crying because they are sad. Again let them ask question, and reassure them that they can leave if they need too.

*HOW DO CHILDREN REACT TO DEATH: Children often feel responible for the death because the child may at one time been angry with the person who died, the child may come to believe that anger made that person die. Offer comfort: Your thoughts or words is not what make people sick and die. A young child may need reassurances repeatedly. Much hugs and love is need in a child.

*DONT HIDE YOUR GRIEF: Crying in front of a child is both healthy and natural. Being honest about your grief lets them know that it is normal to grieve and at times to show your feelings.

* If anyone ever needs a listening ear please feel free to email me...I will listen nickii2675@aol.com >