I found out that I was pregnant for the first time on May 16, 1996. This was a Thursday. I had taken a test on the previous Monday, and it came out negative. I knew in my heart that I was in fact pregnant. I was having pains that I never felt before. I knew it was not regular cramping. I was about 2 1/2 weeks late for my period, which I never was. I started craving milk. I could never drink alot of milk before, due to having a lactose intolerance. So I was 99% sure that this first test was not right. The day I found out that I was indeed pregnant, I ended up at the ER. I was having such bad pains I was doubled over. They took a blood and urine test and it came up positive. I was in so much pain I did not know how to react. They did an ultrasound but could not find anything. They said it was probably because I was only a few days pregnant. They sent me home and told me to take it easy the next few days.
~~~Friday May 17 1996~~~
I woke up in the morning feeling a little bit better. I was relieved at this until I went to the bathroom. I noticed that I was spotting. I got really scared by this point. I told my husband, (We were still dating at the time), that I thought I was loosing the baby. He told me to just lay down, and take it easy and see how I was later. The pains started coming back around dinner time and I was spotting heavier. I told him that I wanted to go back to the ER. He took me and they got me in right away. A doctor came in to examine me, and I told him I just found out the night before that I was pregnant. After checking me he said that my cervix was still closed, and that it was a threatened abortion. I just about flipped out on him for using that kind of explaination. They again sent me home telling me to stay on bed rest. There was really nothing they could do to stop what was happening. I was too early, and at that point they thought I was just a few days pregnant. Scared and feeling so helpless we returned home. I prayed that my baby would be fine. My husband said almost immeadiately that he thought it was a girl. This surprised me, but I thought to myself I dont care what it is I just want my baby to be healthy.
~~~Saturday May 18, 1996~~~
I dont remember much of the day until early evening. I remember that I put a roast in for dinner and then laid back down. When Lewis got home from work, I told him that I was in even more pain. He asked if I wanted to go to the hospital again. I was scared to go so I told him no I will just lie down. I did not eat dinner, as I did not feel well. It was around 9pm that I could not take anymore pain. I told Lewis that I was ready to go to the hospital. I felt bad for making him wait so long, but as i said I was scared to go for what they would tell me. When we arrived, the same receptionist was working as the previous night. She knew what was going on. She told me that she would get me right back. They had all my information from the previous 2 nights there, so they just took me right back. The same nurse as the night before was on as well. I knew her from high school. I remember telling her I know that I am loosing my baby. she held my hand for a minute then went to get something. She came back with a urine speciman cup. She help me get up and walked me to the bathroom. While I was in there, I had the worst pain that I had ever had in my life till that point. I knew I had lost the baby at that moment. I told the nurse that I expelled something in the toilet. She went to look but I had flushed not thinking. The doctor came in to check me and said that I had a natural abortion. I was yelling at this point why are you calling it that. I just lost my baby and you are calling it a natural abortion. The doctor knew I was not in any kind of condition to get a medical explaination and left to go get Lewis. I saw Lewis coming to the room and the first thing I said I lost the baby. He was not sure how to react and sat down holding my hand while I cried. They decided to admit me to do a D&E the next morning.
I was not sure how to react. At that time we had no computer to find support online. There was no support groups for miscarriages around here. People acted like I should just forget about it and move on.
I never did get a period after my D&E, I called my OBGYN's office and told them I was pregnant again. The nurse said I dont think you are hun it is probably your body still thinking it is. She told me to wait another month to take a test to be sure. I found out that I was indeed pregnant again the day after my husbands birthday July 24, 1996. We have a happy healthy 4 year old son. But after all of that I was still hurting inside over the loss of my first baby. I never really grieved. After we lost our third child Aaron in March 2000. I was grieving for him, and I had a dream. I saw Aaron holding a little girls hand. I knew that I was just blessed with seeing the little girl that I lost. She was so beautiful. It confirmed what we believed all along. That my first baby was a girl. I had nicknamed her sweetness. But never gave her a real name until recently. We thought long and hard and came up with Makayla Renee'. Makayla and Aaron are together holding hands in Heaven, this gives me some peace after 5 years. The day we lost Makayla is a special day for our family in another way. May 18 2000, 2 months and 4 days after we lost Aaron, we got blessed with a nephew. So I can now look back on that day that haunted me for so long, and reflect on good things. God does work in mysterious ways.
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