Hi Mary -

Thanks for the compliments!  I'm glad you enjoy my
strange but true stories.  I find that humor helps me
to put things in the right perspective.  Really, being
on this list has jogged some of those crazy memories!

OK, now here's another true confession...after 14
years of being away from the Boo, I STILL HAVE
ISSUES!!!!!!  And I KNOW it's because I grew up in
that place!!!! ARGHGHGH!!!!

For example...I am *extremely, extremely, extremely*
sensitive to feeling like I have to behave according
to other people's rules or traditions.  It doesn't
matter if the rules are good rules - It just drives me
nuts! And when I challenge the rules and traditions it
drives everybody else nuts.  And I just have to
challenge - I can't help it.  I've just got to figure
it out for myself.  (Some people consider this
"rebellion".  Whatever!)  I'm getting a little better
a being civil when I challenge but really...it's tough
sometimes.  I utterly reject being put into
categories.  I just hate it with a smoking passion.

And now that I'm married, I feel "pressure" to conform
to everyone's opinion of what a "good" Christian wife
should be.  And the opinions are *always* based on a
scripture, of course.  But in the back of my mind I
always think, "They're trying to turn me into the
Stepford wives!!!! Nooooooooo!"  Sigh!

I'm terrified of losing my individuality and my
personality.  Not that my personality is anything
great...nobody's gonna pay me for it (LOL!) but I feel
paranoid about it.  (Really gotta figure out that "He
must increase, I must decrease" thing...) My most used
phrase has become "well, that's ok for you but I'm not
you..."  Frustrates people to no end.

I still have a hard time with witnessing/street
evangelism/sharing my faith.  And it's not because I
don't think Jesus is worth sharing with people.  But I
still feel like a cult member when I do.  I posted
about this earlier.

And I hate macho-ness.  Really disgusts me.  Sorry to
any of you macho-dudes out there!!!  Now, don't get me
wrong.  I *love* manliness (especially in my hubby but
we won't go there!  Ha! Ha!) - that is very cool!  But
imho, there's a big difference between a manly-man and
a macho-dude.

Having said all of that, I will now say that I look at
the Boo experience as one long nightmare.  When I left
in 1986 I wanted nothing to do with COBU, inboos,
xboos, and any form of deity.  I was not interested in
"being faithful" to Jesus because to me Jesus equaled
Cobu.

But...Jesus has been very merciful to me cuz I'm very
interested in Him now!  When I started to come around
to the real Jesus, I made (and still make) a conscious
decision to reject everything that I had been taught
in the Boo and start from scratch.  I started with "is
there really a God?"  And when the old stuff comes up
now, I consciously reject it.  Violently!  Maybe
that's not the best way to do it but that's what I do.
 I consciously, utterly reject EVERYTHING that I
learned in cobu.  And if I think it's important
enough, I'll search the scriptures and pray and wait
for an answer from the Lord.

I've been through a few churches since Boo and it
hasn't been easy.  I sued a church that I once
attended because I thought they were mishandling the
finances and bullying the people.  Suing a church can
definitely get you blacklisted!  Fortunately, I am
usually flourishing in the church I now attend.  I say
"usually" because I do have my moments...

My pastor has been very helpful in that - he obviously
loves Jesus, he's obviously not perfect nor does he
pretend to be, and he doesn't feel the need to be the
Grand Poobah of Christendom.  And I can disagree with
him and wow he doesn't take it like I'm challenging
his authority or manhood or whatever!  The church
members are pretty cool too though I'm sure some of
them scratch their heads about me.  C'est la vie.

Besides, now I have a different thing about "church".
I try to have an attitude of "Lord, what can I do for
You...where do you want me to serve..."  And I shut up
long enough for Him to tell me a thing or two.
Well...I try to shut up!  But...I don't have that
anxious "I must work myself to death" thing that I had
in cobu.  And I've learned how to say "no".

Anyway...I could go on but I'm at my in-laws' house
hogging their computer. So I'm signing off and I'm
going to go be social now!

- Dee