Jesse and Chester are shibby at the moment, please leave your shibby at the beep, shibby!- their answering machine
"Special treats" is code for sex- Jesse
Dude, where's my car?- Jesse
Where's your car, dude?- Chester
Dude, where's my car?- Jesse
Where's your car, dude?- Chester
Dude, where's my car?- Jesse
Where's your car, dude?- Chester
Lady at the drive thru: Chinese Foooood, how may I help you?
Jesse: yeah I'd like to place an order
Lady: what would you like?
Jesse: yeah I'd like uh, 3 orders of garlic chicken
Lady: and then?
Jesse: and then 3 orders of white rice
Lady: and then?
Jesse: and then...oh hey, you guys want soup?
Chester: sure
Jesse: yeah, 3 orders of wonton soup
Lady: and then?
Jesse: oh, uh some fortune cookies too
Lady: and then?
Jesse: uh, actually I think that's about it
Lady: and then?
Jesse: no, that's it
Lady: and then?
Jesse: no and then, that's all I want
Lady: and then?
Jesse: and then, nothing else cuz I'm done ordering k?
Lady: and then?
Jesse: no, see all I want is the 3 orders of the garlic chicken and the 3 orders of the white rice
Lady: and then?
Chester: and the soup dude
Jesse: oh, and the wonton soup
Lady: and then?
Nelson: and the cookies fortune
Jesse: and the fortune cookies, yeah so it's just the uh, it's the chicken, the rice, the soup and the fortune cookies and that's it
Lady: and then?
Jesse: and then you can put it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand cuz I'm ready to eat
Lady: and then?
Jesse: I refuse to play your chinese food mind games
Lady: and then?
Jesse: no, no and then
Lady: and then?
Jesse: NO AND THEN!
Lady: and then?
Jesse: NO AND THEN!
Lady: and then?
Jesse: NO AND THEN!
Lady: and then?
Jesse: NO AND THEN!
Lady: and then?
Jesse: no, no and then!
Lady: and then?
Jesse: ya know you're really starting to piss me off lady
Lady: and then?
Jesse: and then, I'm gonna come in there and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass if you say 'and then' again!
*silence*
Lady: and then, and then, and then, and then, and then!
*Jesse starts punching the box and Nelson drives away*
Lady: and then?...
ah dude, you're a dude!-Jesse
I got 3 words: anger management!- Jesse
Jesse: Dude, you got a tattoo
Chester: So did you dude.....dude, what does my tattoo say?
Jesse: Sweet! what about mine?
Chester: Dude! what does mine say?
Jesse: Sweet! what about mine?
Chester: Dude! what does mine say?
Jesse: Sweet! what about mine?
Chester: Dude! what does mine say?
Jesse: Sweet...what about mine?
Chester: Dude...what does mine say?
Jesse: Sweet...what about mine?
Chester: Dude...what does mine say?
Jesse: Sweet, what about mine?
Chester: Dude, WHAT DOES MINE SAY?
Jesse: SWEET!
*they start hitting each other*
Tailor: IDIOTS! your tattoo says dude, your tattoo says sweet, got it?
Keeper of the Continuim Transfunctioner: But the universe...
Jesse: screw the universe
Keeper: screw the universe?
Jesse: I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach
Chester: maybe you should go sit on the toilet
Jesse: nice outfits
Zoltan guy: they're not outfits, they're interstellar jumpsuits
Chester: a barn?
Jesse: is it red?
Chester: no
Jesse: then it's not a barn!
Chester: this is creepy
Jesse: it's like a country music video
Jesse: dude, its a llama
Chester: it's not a llama, it's an ostrich
stupid llamas!- Jesse
Chester: I saw this thing about ostriches on the Discovery Channel...
Jesse: dude, they're llamas!
Pierre: once you have seen these, you are never quite the same
Jesse and Chester: ok
Mark: tell me about it, I used to model
Don't hose me!...maybe later- Mark
Jesse: we'll go over to the twin's house
Chester: and then?
Jesse: and then we'll give them their anniversary gifts
Chester: and then?
Jesse: and then we'll apologize for trashing their house
Chester: and then?
Jesse: and then we get our special treats
Chester: and then?
Jesse: dude, that's really annoying
I am fun loving...without my clothes- Mark