Here Is A Little Police Humor
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police
officer during a felony trial
it went like this:
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing
the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person
matching the description of the
offender running several
blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description
of this so-called offender. Do you
trust your fellow
officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this
then officer--do you have a locker
room in the
police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation
for your daily
duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR
FELLOW OFFICERS
WITH YOUR LIFE, that
you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you
share with those
officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with
a court complex, and sometimes
defense attorneys
have been known to walk through that room . . .
With that the courtroom erupted in laughter,
and a prompt recess was called......
Murphy's Laws For Law Enforcement
#1) Court will be scheduled in the middle of your
days off.
#2) Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift.
#3) You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.
#4) Surprise inspections will only occur after you
have been in a foot pursuit through mud.
#5) The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.
#6) If you park your patrol car in the exact center
of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for direction.
#7) Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.
#8) To error is human, to forgive is against depart-
ment policy.
#9) You will find a "police discount" one day before payday.
#10) Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.
#11) You will remain in perfect health until your days off.
#12) Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to
you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.
#13) No patrol car assigned to you will be clean and never have a full tank of gas.
#14) The oldest squad car won't be retired. It will be assigned to you.
#15) Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.
#16) Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.
#17) Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related
to the sheriff.
#18) You will score no higher than fourth on a promotion exam with only three positions.
#19) If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.
#20) The speed you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been
an officer.
#21) Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.
#22) Bullet proof vests might be.
#23) Your portable radio will never fail until you are involved in a foot pursuit.
#24) Vehicle pursuits always progress from areas of low traffic density to high traffic density.
#25) Your pen will only run out of ink when you are ready to write a ticket.
#26) NCIC will be down anytime you see a car listed on a hot sheet.
#27) Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.
#28) The experience of your D.A. is inversely proportional to the importance of the case he is prosecuting.
#29) Your bullet proof vest was supplied by the lowest bidder.
#30) You receive a subpoena for a major felony case for the first day of your paid for, non-refundable vacation.
#31) In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, any impact weapon used will strike cops more times than crooks.
#32) Do unto others, but do it first.
#33) Eat right, Exercise, Die anyway.
#34) Your squad car will only break down when you are outside your beat.
#35) Waterproof boots aren't.
#36) Freebees will only arrive at the station on your days off.
#37) You are ALWAYS downwind from pepper spray.
#38) To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!
#39) The hardest job for a Hostage Negotiator is to negotiate with the crisis committee!
#40) No idea is a good idea until it becomes the Chief's idea.
#41) If your patrol car's air is out the suspect will smell worse than a wet dog.
