Warning: Not for the catnip deprived!
We are brought to an area within the junkyard. No, we don't know WHERE in the junkyard. (Okay, you want a location, then? All right, then. We're surrounded by junk. Does that help? No? DEAL WITH IT!!!) Sheba is seen…as usual… with a catnip mouse. Misteazer and DF are seen with a laptop computer, sitting against a pile of junk (so what else is new?), and fighting over the keyboard at times. Faline and Macavity are sitting on top of a junk pile, looking down at the fighting narrators curiously. Shiriluna, Methina, and Mistoffelees are off to the side, apparently trying to top the others magical feats. (Hey, what else are they supposed to do all day?) Mecina is CURRENTLY fighting over the Rum Tum Tugger with Bombalurina. Munkustrap is wandering around like a little lost----erhm----kitty.
DF: Well, I couldn't exactly have said "puppy", now, could I?
Misteazer: No I suppose not…excuse my spelling…it sucks…
DF: I noticed.
Misteazer: You wanna take this outside?
DF: ::gives her an odd look that says "you're an idiot":: We're outside already…GOD!!!!!!!!!
Misteazer: Oh so we are….
DF: Now give me the keyboard!!!!!
Misteazer: ::speaks really REALLY fast:: NoIwon'tit'smineyoucan'thaveit!
Munku: ::looks at her quizzically:: Come again?
Misteazer: ::takes a deep breath, aims her head at Munku and yells:: NO I WON'T! IT'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!!!!
Munku: ::backs away slowly, sweat-dropping like the scared people do in Japanese Anime:: Oooookay… We can see who has NOT had her catnip today…
Misteazer: CATNIP?!?!?!? WHERE WHERE????????
DF: ::takes keyboard:: Sheba has it…go bother her for an hour trying to get it!!!!!!!!!!
Misteazer: ::sees Sheba, squeals:: CATNIIIIIIIIPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::attacks Sheba for the mouse::
DF: ::sighs happily and holds the laptop computer high over her head with a triumphant look on her face. Out of nowhere, heavenly music pops up, focusing on the laptop's keyboard:: Finally! IT'S MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Munku: Okay… Someone ELSE needs an hour with the catnip mouse…
DF: I DO NOT! I'm a DRAGON, for cripes sake! Dragons pride themselves on not taking in the pleasures of the COMMON people. Besides, it's too small for me to play with, anyway. YOU on the other hand would be MUCH more appetizing.
Munku: ::backs away some more:: Uh oh…
DF: ::places the laptop carefully against the junk pile and looks at Munku:: Come here, my little kitty cat of delight! ::squeals happily and charges off after Munkustrap::
Voice from nowhere: Don't ask why there's a dragon in a CATS fic, it's just one of those weird things in life!
Mecina: ::unnoticed, she sneaks up to the laptop and starts to type up her summary of the, for lack of a better word, interesting events going on around the junkyard area::
Misteazer: GIVE ME THE CATNIP!
Sheba: No! It's mine! I WON'T LET YOU TAKE IT FROM ME!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Misteazer: GIVE IT TO ME! I------wait a second… This sounds familiar… Wait a minute. Where's the laptop? ::looks over to see Mecina with it:: Oh, well at least it's her. She won't try to break it or anything. ::pauses as she realizes something:: Does she even know how to type?
Munku: SAVE ME! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEE! ::runs away from DF, passes by Misto, Methina, and Shiri, meows for help, and is off::
DF: Oh no you don't! I'm not done with you yet! Besides, I think you're CUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!! ::races after him until…::
Misteazer: Jacob Brent is cuter!
DF screeches to a halt…or tries to. SOMEHOW, she manages to careen into a MASSIVE pile of junk, which Faline and Macavity happen to be inhabiting. With a yell of surprise (Faline) and annoyance (Macavity), the cats fall OFF the pile and under the junk. DF suffers a far more embarrassing fate, to say the least. An old car, as well as several boxes of junk (all of which unfortunately for the giant dragon) are open, fall on top of her. Some of the boxes contain clothes and DF's mouth can be seen with some clothes in it. (That's what comes of trying to sound indignant while there's a junk pile falling on you.)
Misteazer: Mecina, get away from the keyboard!
Mecina: ::pouts:: Oh… I don't wanna! Come on, Misteazer. Lemme stay with the keyboard!
Misteazer: Go see Tugger!
Mecina: I CAN'T! Bombi's got him now. ::looks somewhat deflated as she points to Bombi---erhm---"getting it on" with Tugger::
Misteazer: Okay. I did NOT need to see that… Stop them!
Mecina: I can't… ::gets a mischievous look on her face:: Maybe just one more time. ::grins wickedly and takes off in the direction of Tugger and Bombi, calling:: Oh TUGGY!!!!!
Tugger: ::looks very surprised and runs away:: No! I've got too many queens after me…. Damn it, why did I have to be the cute one?!
Misteazer: ::getting REALLY annoyed:: JACOB BRENT IS CUTER!
Macavity: ::gets up out of the junk just in time to hear Misteazer's comment:: Oh please. ::rolls his eyes::
Faline: ::gets up out of the junk, and accidentally pushes all of it onto Macavity::
Macavity: ::once again gets up out of the junk and glares at Faline::
Faline: ::flashes him an innocent look:: What?
Macavity: Don't try innocent with me. It's not what we evil types handle, m'dear.
Faline: ::thinks about it for a moment:: Oh. You're right. My bad…
DF: ::surges up out of the junk. The car goes flying, heading in the direction of the magical cats.::
Shiri: Um… guys…
Misto and Methina: ::in the middle of ATTEMPTING a new trick:: What?
Shiri: ::points to flying car:: Bogie at 12 o'clock!
Misto and Methina: Huh?
Shiri: ::shrieks:: FLYING CAR!
Misto and Methina: Oh! ::they disappear::
Shiri: ::starts grumbling about how they always make HER do all the hard work and she concentrates as the neat-o turquoise crescent moon on her back starts to glow. Nifty turquoise beam shoots out of it, catching the car, and she places it down somewhere out of harms way::
Misto and Methina: ::re-appear, now that the danger has passed::
Shiri: Oh you two ALWAYS make me do all the work, don'tcha?
Misto: Shiri…
Methina: Give it a rest.
Shiri: ::looks REALLY pissed:: Why I oughta… ::lunges at Methina and the two of them get into a catfight. Literally. AND Methina gets pinned down beneath both of Shiri's front paws.::
Misto: Girls…
Methina and Shiri: WHAT?!
Misto: Ooookay. Never mind… Continue then… ::The girls do. Misto sighs and goes to find Munku::
Methina: Where are ya going?
Misto: To find Munkustrap. He's the only one I can be sure of who is currently sane at the moment…
Methina: Honey! ::jumps up, sending Shiri flying off of her, and races after her sweet black-and-white Tuxedo Cat----I mean Misto::
Misteazer: DF… What's with the Sailor Moon reference?
DF: ::just laughs maniacally::
Misteazer: Okay. I'm NOT gonna ask… ::sighs and mumbles something about Methina being a damn lucky kitty because SHE gets Misto, then perks up because she remembers that she gets Jacob afterwards.::
DF: ::finds old copy of Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats and squeals in delight:: Oooooo…light reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::starts reading and starts quoting it left and right::
Macavity and Faline: ::sneak up behind her, carrying a hammer, and clobber DF with it::
DF: ::gasps and falls unconscious::
Misteazer: One narrator down…I get keyboard…HEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::takes keyboard, and starts typing:: I wonder if I can make Misto love me instead…nah, then there would be no place for Jacob!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll keep it the way it is!!!!!!!!!!!!
A TV news Announcer enters the junkyard, unseen to everyone else except the reader.
The Announcer: We interrupt this fic for a special news bulletin. Unfortunately for our-----erhm-----interesting group of people in this fic (and one of our love-struck narrators at this time), they are unaware of the magical properties of the laptop that Misteazer is now in possession of. See, when Shiri went flying, her crescent moon lit up and somehow cursed the keyboard. (Dum dum da! ::dramatic emphasis::) Now, whatever anyone types on this keyboard will magically occur in reality. No, Misteazer, you canNOT make Misto fall in love with you, otherwise the balance of nature will be somewhat screwed up… I think. Jacob, on the other hand, might feel VERY put out because he lost one of his fans to a cat! And now back to our regularly scheduled fic. ::bows and leaves as action once again resumes::
Shiri: ::looks somewhat dizzy, mainly because she, like her creator, got slammed into a junk pile, so she's not exactly at her peak at the moment:: EVIL METHINA! When I find her, I'm gonna… ::starts to walk away, then realizes that's NOT exactly a good idea, considering the dizzy-ness:: Ooookay. Maybe not… ::sits down and curls up to watch Sheba play with her catnip mouse::
Sheba: ::tears the catnip mouse into a million pieces:: I'VE CONQUERED THE MOUSE!!!!!!!! FEAR ME!!!!!!! HEAR ME ROAR….MEOW!!!!!!!
Mac: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sheba: Make me!!!!!!!!!!
Mac: ::advances on Sheba, looking VERY evil::
Sheba: ::screeches and hides behind the unconscious DF::
Faline: ::looks at the keyboard that Misteazer is holding:: What's this thing?
Misteazer: It's a laptop computer. See? ::she types "Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer crash into a junk pile.":: This is called a…
Mungo and Rumple: 'EY!!!!! ::SMASH!::
Munku and Misto AND Methina: ::race back to the group::
Misteazer: What happened?
Munku: Oh, just the usual…
Methina: ::overly excited:: 'Jerrie and Teazer just crashed into a junk pile!
Misteazer: Gee, there seems to be a LOT of that going on tonight.
Misto: So what else is new? ::looks around:: Hey, where's Shiri?
Misteazer: Oh she's over there… I think she's taking a nap or something… ::gestures to the apparently sleeping Moon-Kitty::
Misto: Oh. Okay.
Mungo and Rumple: ::very faint, probably because they're under a LOT of junk right now:: Ow…
Faline: ::gets an evil look on her face and types "Misto shoots of some lightning and it hits the junk pile near Sheba!"::
Misto: ::raises his paws and fires off some lightning with a VERY confused look on his face:: SHEBA! LOOK OUT!
Sheba: Huh? ::sees the toppling junk pile:: EEEP! ::runs away, but DF is ONCE AGAIN covered in junk::
DF: Huh? ::gets up out from the junk:: What the----
Misteazer: What do you think you were doing, Misto? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TRY TO HURT MY KITTY?!
Misto: Hey! I didn't do it!
Shiri: Yes you did, you silly Tuxedo Cat you! Your lightning hit the junk pile!
Misto: I didn't intentionally do it! It did it on it's own!
Methina: Hmm… That's weird…
Faline: ::gets a demonic look and types "Mecina FINALLY catches playboy----I mean Tugger---- and the two of them are 'occupied' for awhile."::
Mecina and Tugger: ::race onto the scene. Mecina lets out a growl and pounces on Tugger, catching him finally. Tugger gets a VERY sappy grin on his face and leads Mecina away, Mecina looking VERY happy about it the whole damn time.::
Bombi: ::enters:: Anyone seen Tugger?
DF: Ya just missed him. He just left with Mecina.
Bombi: WHAT?! Which way did they go?
Sheba: ::gestures:: Off thataway.
Bombi: ::lets out an indignant noise and hurries off after Tugger and Mecina::
Faline: ::once again gets an evil look on her face
and types "Macavity falls in love with DF. Misto transforms into that Jacob
Brent guy that Misteazer is in love with and he starts hitting on Misteazer."::
Macavity: ::eyes DF:: Hello…DF!!!!!! You're lookin' mighty fine…
DF: What the hell????? ::shrugs:: Oh well, I don't mind!!! ::they walk off, paw in paw::
Faline: ::starts laughing hysterically::
Misto: ::morphs into Jacob Brent!!::
Misteazer: ::squeals and starts chasing him around the junkyard!::
Faline: ::is on her side laughing at the sight Misteazer 'trying to get it on' with JB! Then she attacks the keyboard again and says "Methina and Munkustrap and EVERYONE ELSE, except me, starts singing 'Shout!'::
Methina: ::bursts into song:: NOW WAIT A MINUTE!!!
Munku: ::keeps up with the song:: You know you make me wanna…
All: ::stop what they're doing to sing:: SHOUT!!!!!!!!! Munku and Methina: ::keep singing:: Kick my heels up and…
All: SHOUT!!!!!!!!
Faline: ::types "stops singing this really annoying song and resumes what they were doing prior!"
All: :: …just what Faline typed::
Methina: Wait a minute…don't say anything Munku…Faline do me a favor…
Faline: NO!!!!!!! Why should I?????
Methina: Because I know how to get Mac out of his little "trance"
Faline: So do I!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Methina: You do????
Faline: Yeah, didn't you hear what that announcer said a couple paragraphs ago?
Methina: That was for the reader's purposes only!
Faline: I'll lie and be a reader for now!
Methina: Like I was saying…can you undo all this… I miss my sweetie!
Faline: Sure I can…but I don't wanna! ::picks up laptop and runs away::
Methina and Munku: ::chase after and funky chase music comes on out of nowhere…pretty cool huh?? Everyone stops to listen to the music…and the chase resumes::
Faline: ::streaks by Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer::
Mungo: ::STILL under the junk:: Um…
Rumple: Can we get a little 'elp 'ere?
Faline: Can't right now! I've got 2 Jellicles after me and they want this laptop!!!!! ::races away::
Mungo: ::after she's gone:: Eh?
Misto (who is currently Jacob Brent): ::runs in, still being chased by Misteazer::
Misteazer: Hey! Come back here!!!!!!!
JB: What did I do to deserve this? I didn't know any of my fans would chase me around a junkyard! ACK!!!!!!!!!!
Misteazer: WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIT! I JUST WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH!!!!!!!!!
Misto and Methina: ::tear across the junk, unknowingly jumping on Mungo's and Rumple's heads::
Mungo and Rumple: Ow…
Mecina: ::runs in:: Help!!!!
Bombi: ::chases her:: COME BACK HERE!!!! TUGGER'S MINE! ALL MINE!
Mecina: No he's not! He doesn't have your name on him!
Bombi: I don't care! Well, you don't either, but THE TOM'S MIIIIIIINE!
DF: ::head pops off on the side of the screen:: You
might be wondering where Tugger is right now. Well, he's currently hiding
in that washing machine over there. Well, Macavity has come to his senses
and is also joining the chase. Except… well… he's floating now. ::looks
at the readers:: What? He can! Me, I'm sleeping! Okay, I'm not. I'm ALSO
pursuing the laptop. FAYE! GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::tears across
the junkyard::
Macavity: ::lazily floats by on top of the screen. He waves to the audience, grinning, and then floats off::
Bustopher Jones: ::smacks a golf ball with his teaspoon, looks up to see the LOOOONG chain of people in chase:: Um… Could one of you find my golf ball, please?
Methina: ::gets an idea and disappears::
Faline: ::keeps running::
Methina: ::reappears above Faline:: BONZAIIIIIIIII! ::lands on top of Faline::
Faline: Hey!!!!!!!!!
Laptop: ::goes flying into the arms of Jacob Brent::
JB: Huh? ::looks at the laptop in his hands:: What the-----?
Munku: ::runs up to JB:: Excuse me, Jacob Brent or Misto or whoever you are… That laptop… We kinda need it…
JB: Talking cats and crazed fans… Sure… ::hands Munku the laptop and looks behind him to see Misteazer in hot pursuit:: Yipes!
Misteazer: I JUST WANT YOU TO SIGN MY LAPTOP!!!!!!!
JB: Can't. I gave it to that cat… ::looks at Munku:: Ya know, you remind me of Michael Gruber…
Munku: Look, JB, I don't have time to chat right now, but we gotta get you back to Misto phase. METHINA! I GOT IT!!!!!!
Mac: ::soars in and snatches the laptop from Munku:: No… I have it.
Misteazer: ::Grabs the laptop from Mac:: NOOOOO, I have it! JACOB! I WANT YOU TO SIGN THE LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JB: Oh, really?
Methina: Wouldn't it better for him to sign something that would last a bit longer than the laptop?
Misteazer: Well, yeah, but then, I could save his autograph on my hard drive and love it forever.
Methina: What if the hard drive crashed?
Misteazer: Oh yeah… Forgot about that…
Methina: ::pulls out a picture of Jacob out of nowhere::
Misteazer: ::squeals with joy::
Methina: ::then supplies a pen::
Misteazer: ::grabs them from Methina and holds them out to
Jacob:: Please? ::puppy dog look::
JB: ::sighs:: I'm a sucker for the puppy dog look. Man… ::takes the picture and the pen:: Who do I make this out to?
Misteazer: Me… Misteazer.
JB: Okay… That makes a little more sense than me… ::uncaps the pen and writes, speaking as he does:: To Misteazer
Misteazer: ::dictates:: You are really awesome and I love you!
JB: ::gives her a look, but writes it anyway:: You are really awesome-----and I love you. ::mentally he adds: Despite the fact you chased me around forever, but hey. I won't hold that against you… Will I?:: Love… Jacob. ::hands it to her:: There you are.
Misteazer: ::squeals with delight and faints::
JB: Oooookay…
Munku: ::types " Jacob Brent morphs into Mistoffelees…like in the video!!!!!::
Jacob Brent: ::morphs into Misto…like in the video::
Methina: ::squeals with delight and jumps into Misto's arms…awe, how sweet!!!!! Mungo and Rumple: CAN SOMEBODY 'ELP US PLEASE!!!!!!!
Munku: Okay. Ya know, I should probably be angry at you because of that, but I'm not gonna. I gotta stop Mecina first. THEN I'll be angry with you. ::types "Mecina stops chasing Tugger around the junkyard."::
Mecina: ::stops chasing Tugger::
Tugger: Whew…
Munku: ::gets a devilish grin on his face, totally NOT like Munku at all, and adds "TUGGER chases Mecina around the junkyard now."::
Tugger: MECINA! ::starts chasing Mecina around and Mecina stares at him::
Mecina: OOOO GOODY! Now I've got Tugger after me! This day couldn't get any better than this! Yay! ::does not see the junk pile in front of her and she crashes into it::
Methina: HAH HAH!
Tugger: NOOO! Mecina! ::plunges in after her to get her out and, in the process, heroic music pops out of nowhere and instantly fades because Tugger got his fur-ruff stuck on a washing machine door:: Ow… Help? Please?
Everyone: ::looks at each other and shake their heads:: Nah. ::they all start to walk off, leaving Tugger stuck on the door and Mecina's tail in his mouth.
Tugger: Come on, guys… Help me out here… PLEASE?!
DF: Okay, Misteazer, next time I choose where we write this sort of fic…
Misteazer: But you chose to write this HERE, remember?
DF: Was I asking you?
Misteazer: Yeah…
Shiri: Actually, DF, you were-----
DF: Shut up.
Shiri: Okay… Maybe I will.
Faline and Macavity slink away into the darkness. Shiri, DF, Sheba, Methina, Misto, Bombi, Demeter, and Munku walk away as darkness envelops the screen. Tugger, Mecina, Mungojerrie, and Rumpleteazer are all heard shouting for help very faintly.
END OF THE INSANITY (I think)
Misteazer: CATNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!
NOW it's the end
