A punk and a country music fan are being held hostage and both are going to be shot. Before they are shot they are asked for one last request before they die. The country music lover says, "I would like to listen to `Achy Breaky Heart' fifty times in a row." The punk says "Shoot me first."

The Abomination Joke:

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum chum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure I love to drink.

Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequilla, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!

Guy: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it!

Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?

Guy: Wow...that's....awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack,Roulette, Poker, Slots, whateva... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?

Guy: Are you kidding? I Love drugs! You don't mean...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is Drug Day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!

Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: No.....

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're gonna hate Fridays.

Ok.There's 3 guys sitting at a bar. A mod, a punk, and a skin. They each order a pint and as they are drinkin their pints along buzzes a fly. The fly lands in the mod's pint and the mod quickly flicks the fly away. The fly is persistant and returns, this time landing in the punk's pint. The punk could care less, and drinks the fly down w/ his beer. Now, along buzzes another fly. This fly takes a fancy to the skins pint and decideds to land in it. The skin quickly scoops the fly up, looks it dead in the face, and yells "Spit it out you bastard!".

classroom of kids go on a fieldtrip to the zoo. The teacher says to her class "Okay, I'll buy an ice cream for whoever can name all the animals". Now, ice cream is like gold to these kids, especially little Johnny. As they get to the first animal (which is a lion) the teacher askes "who can name this one?". Little Johnny is the first to raise his hand and happily says "I know! That's a lion!". The teacher tells him he is right and they continue through the zoo. The next animal the come to is a penguin. The teacher again askes and little Johnny is again the first to raise his hand and gets it right. The next animal they come to is a monkey. The teacher askes and little Johnny is again the first to get it right. This continues all the way through the zoo and they finally get to the last animal which is a bear. The teacher says "Come on, this is an easy one". But none of the kids raise their hands, not even little Johnny. "The teacher says "Okay, i'll give ya a hint. When your father wakes up in the morning he says "I'm as hungry as a ----!". Little Johnny is quick to raise his hand and says "Wow! It's a motherfucker! A real live motherfucker!".

alright all y'all favorites THA LIGHTBULB JOKES!!

Q:what do you call a gutterpunk without a girlfriend