WHAT DID YOU DO FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY?
YEHUDA BUBBAHOOEY:
I THREW A PARTY AT MY PLACE! I DO IT EVERY YEAR, I CALL IT "YEHUDA'S INDEPENDENCE DAY SMORGESBORG!" THIS YEAR WAS AWESOME - I SERVED LOTS OF BEAN DIP AND ODOULS, MY BAND SOCIAL TAMPON PLAYED A BLISTERING 3 MINUTE, 20 SONG SET, AND WE WATCHED THE NEWEST ARMADILLO MAN MOVIE - "ARMADILLO MAN 27 - ARMADILLO MAN EATS A FILET-O-FISH!" IT WAS AN AWESOME MOVIE - ARMADILLO MAN GETS A COUPON FOR A FREE FILET-O-FISH, AND GOES TO MCDONALDS TO CLAIM HIS PRIZE. LITTLE DOES HE KNOW THAT A NEW, NEFARIOUS VILLIAN, THE FILET-O-FISH FIEND, WAS WAITING FOR HIM! THE FILET-O-FISH FIEND GAVE ARMADILLO MAN THE FILET-O-FISH, KNOWING THAT IF ARMADILLO MAN ATE ONE, HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO STOP EATING THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE SO YUMMY (FISH AT MCDONALDS, MAN, THAT'S TASTY STUFF!) IT WORKED, AFTER ARMADILLO MAN ATE ONE, HE ORDERED ANOTHER, AND ANOTHER, AND ANOTHER! FILET-O-FISH FIERND'S PLAN WAS TO HAVE ARMADILLO EAT SO MANY FILET-O-FISHES THAT HE WOULD EXPLODE! HOW DOES ARMADILLO MAN SURVIVE? WELL...YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO RENT THE MOVIE TO FIND OUT (IT'S AVAILABLE ON BETA FOR JUST $89.99, AND IT'S ALSO AVAIABLE ON LASERDISC FOR $359.99).
UTER BUBBAHOOEY:
PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER!
TWINKLE EARWIG:
I SAW A REAL NICE FIREWORKS SHOW FROM MY BARBER'S CHAIR, WHERE I WAS GETTING MY 10TH DAILY HAIRCUT. MAN, THE SACRIFICES I HAVE TO MAKE TO MAKE SURE I HAVE A NICE HEAD OF HAIR!
Q68Z2:
ME AND MY BROTHER MM13X DID WHAT WE DO ALMOST EVERY DAY - PROBE PEOPLE. BUT, IN THE SPIRIT OF THE 4TH OF JULY, WE USED A RED, WHITE AND BLUE PROBE!
BINGUS:
WELL, I WAS PLANNING TO GO TO YEHUDA'S INDEPENDENCE DAY SMORGESBORG, BUT JUST BEFORE I LEFT, I GOT A CALL FROM YEHUDA'S MOM, AND SHE TOLD ME HER HUSBAND HAD FINALLY CROACKED, AND WE COULD FINALLY START OUR ILLICIT LOVE AFFAIR! SO, I RUSHED OVER TO YEHUDA'S MOM'S HOUSE, BUT WHEN I GOT THERE, HER HUSBAND WAS ALIVE AND WELL! OPRAH SAID SHE THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD, BUT HE WAS REALLY JUST ASLEEP! MAN, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN WAIT FOR YEHUDA'S DAD TO CROAK. I MEAN, I'VE GOT OTHER GIRLS I COULD BE WITH! I MET THIS AWESOME GIRL THE OTHER DAY, HER NAME WAS BOCHUCK SPLEENDORK! MAN, SHE WAS A LOOKER - SHE HAD NO TEETH (SHE PULLED THEM OUT ONE DAY BECAUSE SHE WAS BORED), NO TONGUE (SHE BIT HER TONGUE ONE DAY, AND IT HURT, AND SHE ASKED A FRIEND OF HERS WHAT SHE SHOULD DO, AND HER FRIEND JOKINGLY SAID "YOU SHOULD CUT OFF YOUR TONGUE, THEN YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BITING IT ANYMORE", AND BOCHUCK ACTUALLY DID IT), NO NOSE (SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GET NOSTRIL CANCER, SO SHE HAD IT AMPUTATED DOWN AT THE AMPUTATING AMBASSADORS), NO EYES (SHE HAS TWO GLASS EYES, SHE HAD HER EYES TAKEN OUT AFTER SHE DECIDED ONE DAY TO STICK A FORK IN EACH EYE TO IMPRESS A BOY), AND NO EARS (SHE WANTED TO START HER OWN FASHION TREND, SO SHE THOUGHT HAVING NO EARS WOULD BE A GOOD WAY TO GO). MAN, I CAN'T HELP BUT FIND A WOMAN LIKE THAT VERY ATTRACTIVE.
BUG:
I PAINTED MY MOOSE VERNONA LIKE AN AMERICAN FLAG. I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PAINT, SO I DECIDED TO USE CRAYONS. YOU'D THINK IT'D BE EASY TO PAINT A MOOSE WITH A CRAYON, BUT YOU'D BE WRONG!
ZEBULON BUBBAHOOEY:
I TOOK A NICE LONG NAP, BUT WHEN I WOKE UP, FOR SOME REASON BINGUS WAS IN MY HOUSE! I DON'T TRUST THAT DOLT, HE'S UP TO SOMETHING, I JUST CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT! THE OTHER DAY, THERE WAS A LETTER IN THE MAIL ADDRESSED TO OPRAH FROM BINGUS WITH HEARTS AND "XOXO" ALL OVER THE ENVELOPE. HE'S ALSO CALLED MY HOUSE ASKING FOR "SEXY MAMA OPRAH" AT LEAST TWICE A DAY. AND JUST LAST NIGHT, I SAW HIM MAKING OUT WITH A WOMAN WHO LOOKED A LOT LIKE MY WIFE! I JUST CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT, BUT HE'S UP TO SOMETHING!
THE GREAT GONAD:
EVERY FOURTH OF JULY, WE INITIATE A NEW MEMBER TO THE GREATEST CLUB SINCE UNCLE TWEEZER'S PICKLE SNIFFING CLUB - THE PUSS MOUNTAIN POSSE! WE ADDED SOMETHING NEW TO THIS YEAR'S INDUCTION CEREMONY (WHICH CONSISTS OF SOME TICKLING, THE NEW MEMBER RECITING THE SECRET OATH, SOME MORE TICKLING, ME BEATING THE NEW MEMBER WITH A FRYING PAN, AND THEN SOME MORE TICKLING) - AFTER THE LAST TICKLING, WE TICKLE THE INDUCTEE SOME MORE! IT'S GOING TO MAKE OUR CEREMONY EVEN BETTER, IF THAT WAS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!
MOTUMBO HUMADED:
EVERY INDEPENDENCE DAY, I EAT A POUND OF HOG FAT FOR EACH YEAR OLD THE USA IS. THIS YEAR, AMERICA IS 230, SO I ATE 230 POUNDS OF HOG FAT. THAT MIGHT SEEM LIKE A LOT, BUT IT'S ACTUALLY WAY LESS THAN I USUALLY EAT - MOST DAYS, I PUT AWAY 350 POUNDS OF HOG FAT, ON A GOOD DAY, I CAN HIT 400.
DINGUS:
IT WAS OKAY, I WENT TO YEHUDA'S INDEPENDENCE DAY SMORGESBORG, BUT SOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENED TO ME WHILE I WAS WALKING OVER TO YEHUDA'S - THIS WEIRD OLD WOMAN WITH NO TEETH CAME UP TO ME AND KISSED ME AND SAID "YOU'RE THE BIGGEST HUNK OF MANLINESS EVER!" SHE EVEN TOLD ME THAT AFTER HER HUSBAND DIED, SHE WOULD GIVE ME SOME HEAVY DUTY LOVIN'. WHILE I ENJOYED KISSING A WOMAN WITH NO TEETH, I DIDN'T PURSUE IT ANY FURTHER - I'M IN A VERY HAPPY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, BEEWHINNEY FRATFURTER. I MET HER AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE YEHUDA AND I DID FOR OUR RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY IN 2028 AT THE DUMP! I KNEW IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT WHEN I SAW HER PICK HER NOSE AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE!
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