An Encouraging Word: Dealing With Difficult People (continued from the front page)

This revised edition continues the coverage of strategies for dealing with ten behaviors representing people at their worst from the 1994 edition and updates it with suggestions about how to handle people misbehaving on e-mail and cell phones.

The ten unwanted behaviors are categorized with descriptive labels for the perpetrators: "The Tank … The Sniper … The Grenade … The Know-It-All … The Think-They-Know-It-All … The Yes Person …" etc.

The text examines possible motives for these unwanted behaviors by focusing on four intents that communication may try to achieve. The communications become problematic when these intents are not fulfilled and when people become frustrated with this interference. The four intents include: "Get the task done, Get the task right, Get along with people, and Get appreciation from people."

Brinkman and Kirschner provide both general and targeted suggestions for dealing with difficult behaviors. For example, to prevent or reduce conflict, we naturally tend to blend with others to establish rapport. When dealing with difficult behavior, we can consciously choose blending by mirroring the other person's posture, facial expressions, pace and volume of speech, or side with their goal or need to signal that we are "in sync" with them, even though we may disagree with part of their behavior or message.

The book advances the likelihood of more successful communications with difficult people (or rather their difficult behaviors) by zeroing in on the ten categories, the Tank to the Whiner, and giving us case studies and very specific actions for addressing each case.

For example, with the Tank, who tends toward verbal attack, the aim of our coping communication is to command respect by using assertive behavior. The detailed nuances of the suggested actions are what make this book helpful. We are instructed how to hold our ground, interrupt the attack, assertively defend, and move to a more satisfactory conclusion. A story is given in each segment to illustrate successful application of communicating more effectively with each type of difficult behavior.

In Part 4, "Communication in a Digital Age," Kirschner and Brinkman discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using the phone and e-mail and tips for communication when visual or auditory clues are absent.

Dealing With People You Can't Stand is a good addition to any worker's book shelf whether you routinely or just occasionally run into these difficult behaviors or want to update your skills in communicating effectively using e-mail and the telephone.