SPORKING: Probably The Best Pastime Ever.
Some fools believe that Sporking is the act of poking someone with a plastic utensil of the same name. Others think of a sexual act. Dictionary.com doesn't even have a definition for Sporking, suggesting instead that one search for lame words like "spoking" or "spooking" or "specking." How is one supposed to learn what it is to truly Spork a farb without having to assault them with cutlery (not a bad idea) or becoming dangerously intimate (usually a bad idea)? Our very own Shiv has been so kind as to clarify the word, act, and lifestyle for you. Read on, children, and take heed.
Sporking, in essence, is spotting a farb, moving in, and pointing or making a face designating said farb. Extra points are awarded for actually posing with the farb's knowledge, and pulling a "Spork face."
Sporking must be creative. At large events the sheer number of farbs will make the average fat old guy just plain boring. You must find outstanding examples of farbitude. Good hunting grounds are primarily the Confederate camp, since Jethro, Cooter and Flabby Phil naturally gravitate to Rebeldom. Why bother actually picking up a book when you can insist that all John E. Rebs wore whatever they want? Apparently they don't know that the Confederacy adopted and published a whole book of military regulations. Artillery and cavalry camps are best of all.
If you still need some clarification, look at these:
This, junior Sporkers, is a Farb.
Not farbs. May be Sporked for fun, or in the spirit of Irony that seems to be so popular with the young folks these days.
The second method is giving the offender The Farbfinger. While some believe this tactic to be less daring and thus more appropriate for amateurs, it looks far more suspicious and is easier for people to spot. Exercise with caution!
Step 3: Execute! Take the damn picture already, before you blow your cover!
Example of a posed shot at the Cedar Creek ball. The guy in civilian clothing is acting as our undercover operative.
Example of a spontaneous shot. In the opinion of the webmaster, these are more fun. Also an example of relaxed personal authenticity of the Sporker while at a social event.
Giving The Farbfinger.
NOTE: While personal authenticity may be relaxed when at a Ball or at the Sutler's Row without compromising the effect of your Spork, keep it respectable! I mean, you're running around with a non-daguerrotype camera though a field of tents, trashcans, Johnny-On-The-Spots, and elephant ears weilded by manic children. Wear your glasses or what have you, but remember who you are representing. Sporks out of period clothing are a different realm of endeavour. In fact, Scot B. himself might be the only one allowed to pull those off. Stop biting his style, man.
