From atop the Saturn V launch pad gantry the ocean fanned out in an azure dream. We were packed into the capsule like baby birds in their nest. I gazed up through the window of our capsule and saw the moon pale as a ghost in the ethereal sky, so I knew we were pointed the right way. My wife was squeezed between me and Gordon. I felt butterflies in my stomach as my wife, Rochelle, reached over and patted my chest through my space suit with her gloved left hand. The reality of where I was and where we were going dawned in my mind. This wasn’t a training session and we were on our way to the moon. The rocket we were atop felt alive and had the precision of a watch. Its systems all had to coordinate exactly or else this would be a short ride.

     The final systems checks had been completed and the rocket was on complete internal power now. Count down was seconds away from ending when I felt the mighty giant begin to shake as the engines powered up. I glanced out the window and watched the launch tower recede as Rochelle gave me a thumb’s up.

     We were at four G’s and passing over the Canary Islands. I felt the shudders as the stages dropped away into the ocean. My mind left the present as I remembered Rochelle and me in astronaut training. She always told me that we were meant to be in space together. We dreamed of a time when space colonies would orbit the earth. Rochelle wanted us to be married in space, but, we were married on Earth in a Unitarian Church in New Orleans. When I looked into her eyes as we took our vows, I felt a surrender and peace. It was as though I’d finally found the rock upon which to stand in life. Her smile spoke volumes of her undying love. Part of me wanted us to leave the astronaut corps and settle down in a small town and raise a family. The dangers of space travel could end our lives and if I lost her it would crush me.

     My mind drifted back to the present. Our command module, the Gaia, had entered earth orbit, so we went through our check list of operations to perform. We approached the lunar module for docking, which looked like a spider lost in the infinity of space hovering above the clouds of earth where I longed to return.

     Our path took us over North Africa and the night, where below in the sea of darkness I could see lights glowing far away in the Sahara Desert. These were the fires of nomads whose travels took them on vast journeys through the desert. I realized there were humans down there like me and wondered at how they would probably find my life very strange.

     We fired the trans-lunar injection burn, and I realized now that we were really headed for the moon. This was no training exercise. As we reached speeds faster than any humans before the moon missions had I felt a lump in my throat. We had shed our space suits now, so I floated over the Rochelle and she hugged me with a smile so ecstatic I could feel the warmth of it deep down. We kissed as Gordon smiled watching us.

     Gordon said, “Excuse me. Sorry if I’m interrupting you two.” We looked over at him and laughed, while Rochelle proceeded to caress my scalp, as I massaged her back. Gordon looked out the window saying, “I’ll give you two some privacy,” as he stared out the window into space.  

     Rochelle reached around and grabbed me on the bottom, and said, “Say sailor, want to have some fun?”

     Gordon said, “Jeez, you two. We’ve got work to do.” As Gordon was the mission commander we had no choice but to comply.

     The earth became smaller and smaller out of our window and I never got bored as I gazed at it while daydreaming of our splash down in the Pacific Ocean. Rochelle and I tried to stay out of mischief for the sake of Gordon. As I looked across the vastness of dark at the blue and white orb I realized that everything I ever knew and everyone was there. This was a sobering reality along with the realization that we were so far from home. Rochelle and I crouched holding each other, our faces touching and gazing out the window at the big blue marble of earth. It was a serious moment for us and deep down I wondered if we would ever make it home. It was bad medicine to prophesy doom and it even seemed a little insane to think such thoughts, so I kept them to myself.

     Rochelle whispered, “Jim, I can’t wait to go home.” I nodded and kissed her on the forehead as she assumed a fetal position in my arms, her head resting on my chest.

     The following days were busy with work keeping our little ecosystem alive, as the moon grew and grew ahead of us in the window.

     As we inserted the spacecraft into lunar orbit, the scene below was straight out of 2001: a space odyssey. The place looked barren and hostile to life, yet the time had come for our visit to this desolate planet. Gordon was to stay in the command module. Rochelle and I were to descend in the lunar module and live three days on this bleak and inhospitable place.

     We entered the lunar module with Rochelle to be the commander for our team, as she was in our marriage. As we drifted away from Gaia, we gazed at the space ship, shining in the bright sunlight.

     I said to Rochelle, “Hey commander what next?”

     She giggled saying, “I always did wear the pants in this marriage.”

     The lunar surface grew closer and closer as we descended. Rochelle guided the lunar module, “Ariadne,“ with the skilled precision of a seasoned pilot. With a thump she announced gleefully,” The Ariadne has landed!”

     The mission control flight director said, “You got a bunch of folks about to jump out of their seats down here.”

     Rochelle was to egress first, so I said, “Ladies first.”

     She slapped me on the chest saying, “Cut it out.” I watched her climb nimbly down the ladder and step foot on the gray surface. She said,” This is one small step for woman; One giant leap for woman kind.”

     The flight director said, “It’s about time; well over due.”

     Rochelle radioed, “You can say that again.”

     I followed her and we stood on the powdery surface arm in arm as I gazed up at the earth, so tiny I could block it with my thumb. I radioed to earth , ”I know this may sound corny, but man this place is far out.” We planted the American flag and stood back saluting, with me in a quiet, meditative mood. I stared out over the distant hills at the depths of space and wanted to remember this moment so I could tell others when I returned.

     We unloaded the lunar rover with Rochelle taking the driver’s seat as usual. She put her into gear and we went cruising across the desolate plains with dust flying all over us. We reached the rim of a crater, parked, and took pictures of each other. We collected loads of

rocks while wandering around. We had a moment of silence when we

just drifted into our own solitary inner worlds.

     The day came to launch back homeward and we entered the space craft, first her then me. I stood on the ladder, gazing at this place I’d called home for the past three days. I would miss it, yet I was more than ready to return to earth. Rochelle initiated the ignition sequence, but there was only silence. She tried again and again.

     Rochelle radioed Houston, “Houston, we’ve got a problem.” I sat in stunned silence, as Rochelle and I talked back and fourth trouble shooting every possible problem. My mind ran wild with primal fear such as I’d never known. We worked feverishly for hours running through every possible hypothesis and testing each one, yet still the Ariadne remained stationary.

     Rochelle suddenly pivoted and grabbed me in a bear hug saying, “Jim I’m scared.”

     I replied, “We’ll find a way honey. We’ve got the best minds in our world working on it.” Rochelle and I kept on developing theories about the problem and attempting every solution we could imagine. Rochelle looked at me with resignation in her eyes.

     She said, “Jim I don’t want to die here.”

     I laid my hand on her face wiping away her tears. I said, “We’ll find a way.” She touched my lips with her fingers. I pressed them to my lips and kissed them. 

     She said, “Jim if this is our last time alive, I want to make it count.” We turned off our radios, and for the following hour Houston and Gordon heard only silence from us. Misty eyed, Rochelle unzipped my coverall trousers. Bewitched by the moon and my betrothed, so near, so palpable, I surrendered to her in the trembling moment of desire. I felt her body so warm and enticing in my arms. The spicy sensation of her caress intoxicated me. We would go sweetly into that darkest night.

     Rochelle sat naked on the floor clasping her upturned knee in her hands. She looked so soft and vulnerable bathed in the solar luminescence streaming from the window.  Her nude form cast in the sunlight, seemed so fragile and delicate. I broke the silence saying, “Honey, let’s not throw in the towel yet.  We have several hours of oxygen left.  People on earth are working round the clock to help us.”

     Rochelle replied, “Oh come on Jim. You know as well as I do we don’t have a chance in hell. Save your breath.”

     I countered, “Rochelle, you aren’t the type to give up. I’ve always known you as a fighter.”

     Rochelle changed the subject saying, “Jim you’re in denial. But I do sincerely appreciate your encouragement. Look at you, so handsome and manly, sitting next to me in the nude. This is your finest hour my gentle one. I know your heart is full of love for me. I need your strength right now, to face what is about to happen. Let’s do a toast Jim, to all that might have been.”
     We raised our water containers, and touched them. I replied, “To all that was.”  In the afterglow of our final libations, I turned the radio back on.    

     The flight controller said, “You had us folks worried sick. What happened?”     

     I replied, “We had a transmitter malfunction. It’s fixed now.”   

     The flight director responded, “Guys we’ve been working with the simulators on this, and we think we may have found a solution.”  Teary eyed, Rochelle, looked up at me with a tentative smile of hope. She clasped her hands together raising them, as in prayer. I enfolded her prayer hands in mine. The fix required me to do another EVA. I had to egress the Ariadne and work on the wires on the outside.

     I returned and Rochelle commenced the ignition sequence again. This time we felt a rumble and the module flew upward like a hawk, soaring into the endless expanse of space.

     I watched Gaia illuminated in a slivery shine. It was the happiest day I’d experienced since standing on the altar with Rochelle.

     We rendezvoused with Gaia and entered giving Gordon high fives and Rochelle even kissed him. We watched the Ariadne, which was almost our tomb, drift away into the black ocean around it. I wondered what death was like, whether it would it be an ending or a beginning of something new and in-comprehensible?

     As the earth grew larger ahead, I felt the pulse of life in my arteries. Our arms around each other’s waists, Rochelle and I gazed ahead at the milky blue marble adrift in the ancient and vast cosmos. I looked into her eyes as she looked ahead. There was a mystery there which I would never fathom or try to circumscribe. It was as boundless as the 

infinite sea in which we’d set sail.