10% Chance of Rain:

So out dates began. We started in secret. Once again, Frieda, old times. Our circles wouldn’t understand. We, or rather I, still couldn’t piece it together. I was new to it all. I had never had a black boyfriend before. Heck, I never had a boyfriend before, period! So, it was a double first. *Sigh* It’s so hard that I, the great Starlette, Daily, couldn’t get a date. Shocker, I know. And I was really popular. So why was it so hard? Well, the right guy hadn’t came along. Until I met your grandfather.

Even that carried its own problems. You see, everyone at school was judgmental. Even though the civil rights is the South was established, there were still some codes to follow. Whites with whites, blacks with blacks and so on and so far. Jim and I were breaking that code. He was happy to do so. I, on the other hand, not so much. I still wanted to hide in the old norms. I felt safer there. Too bad Jim didn’t see it that way.

On October 5th, Jim kept trying to hang out with me. I kept trying to shy away from him. That rascal would try to wave at me while I was at my lockers. I tried to duck away from him. I attempted to avoid him in public. Jim just wouldn’t take a hint. Didn’t he care about what people think? I sure did. My friends followed the code religiously. They expected me to do the same. I wanted to live up to their expectations, but I loved your grandfather so much. Could I even have it both ways? That rascal didn’t think so. He kept trying to follow me. All just like before the party. At first, I thought Jim took it as a game. However, I was proved wrong.

Three days before Halloween, your grandfather confronted me on the school lawn after my cheerleading practice. He didn’t look happy to see me. I looked at him confused.

“Jim!” I exclaimed. “What are you doing here?” He didn’t speak at first. Your grandfather glared at me coldly. I shuddered at his look. Uh-oh. This doesn’t look good.

“Jim,” I said again. “What’s the matter?”

“Parking lot, now!” he said like a drill instructor. The way he said it scared the living shit out of me. This was serious. I nodded at your grandfather.

“Okay…” I said. I followed him out to the parking lot. He whipped around to me once we were alone.

“What’s the deal?” he snapped. I looked at him blankly.

“What do you mean?” I asked. He glared at me, angrily.

“Don’t lie to me,” he hissed. “Why do you keep trying to avoid me?”

“Oh…” I said as I looked down at my feet. “That… uh, well…” I felt my face being lifted upwards to meet his. The stern look in his eyes scared me so.

“I thought you were in with me!” he barked.

“I am!” I shouted back.

“Then why are you avoiding me?” he questioned. I looked away as I bit my lip. How could I answer that? I did love him, but… Jim glared.

“Aw, what?” he asked. “Afraid of them?” I nodded at him.

“Yes!” I blurted out. “I hide behind the code to be safe! I’m scared, Jim! I’m scared, Jim!” Your grandfather looked at me, puzzled.

“Star-love,” he said. “But don’t you love me?” I nodded at him with tears in my eyes.

“I do!” I wailed. “But… I’m… I’m… I’m just scared!” I broke down crying. Jim took pity on me.

“Shhh! It’s okay, come here,” he whispered. Your grandfather took me into his arms and held me. I just cried on his shoulder. Such a strong boy. I didn’t deserve him at times. He was just that good to me. But in truth, we needed each other so badly. We just didn’t see how much just yet. But different circumstances forced us to our eyes to the love and strength within each other.

1983