40% Chance of Rain:

Winter break ended. Yes, that meant back to the status quo. I didn’t want to go back. I loved this new place with your grandfather. But, reality said otherwise. I began to hate reality now. Still, your grandfather and I had to endure it.

I left for school that morning in January of ’84. And who should I find waiting for me at the end of my drive? None other than Jim Henderson himself. I smiled as I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“Jimmy!” I exclaimed. “What are you doing here? Somebody could see us!” Jim looked around before giving me that goofy grin of his. (It makes me want to hit him at times.)

“Nobody saw a thing,” he said. “I’m just a normal guy waiting for his girlfriend.”

“A normal black guy waiting for his white girlfriend,” I corrected. “Jim what were you thinking?!?” He lightly shushed me.

“I know,” your grandfather said softly. “I just want to make it last before you turn Ice Queen on me.” I made a face at him.

“Ice Queen?!?” I nearly shouted. “I do not!”

“You do, a little bit…” he said. I frowned as I hit him on the arm.

“Ow,” he mumbled as he rubbed away the pain.

“I didn’t hit you that hard!” I shot back. “Pansy!”

“See?” your grandfather pointed out. “Ice Queen!”

“Booo!” I said. We just broke into laughter. Then, grim reality set in again. Jim and I went quiet.

“Ready to get this over with?” he asked. I frowned at him.

“Like we have choice?” I asked. We began out grim walk to school. Halfway there, we broke off and went our separate ways to school.

That morning was awful. I felt so out of place now. I didn’t seem to know how to interact with my friends now. They all seemed so air-headed and swallow. The more I listened to them talk, the more I grew to hate them. What the hell did I see in them? Was I like them before I met Jim? I shuddered in disgust. I hate that even to this day.

“Something wrong, Star?” Melissa asked me in that annoying voice. It took my all not to scream at her to shut up. Instead, I forced myself to breath heavily.

“Nothing,” I said with clenched teeth. “Just a headache, that’s all.” She reached forward to touch my shoulder. I flinched away from her.

“Don’t touch me!” I barked. Then, I stormed off as fast as I could.

“Starlette!” Patty cried. “Where are you going?”

“Away from all of you!” I shouted as I began to run. I had to get away from those tarts. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here in front of your, Frida. I would be in prison.

Anyway, I raced outside. I suddenly felt down. I looked all around me for a moment. I found myself in the school yard. The snow over Christmas break was still here. I held my sweater closer to my body. Should have gotten my winter gear. I wanted to go back inside and get my coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. But, that would mean facing those tarts again.

I stood there debating about what to do next when I heard laughing in the distance. I slowly looked up from my cold. “That sounds like… Jim!” I thought. I looked around for the source. My attention turned behind me. There was Jim and his crowd of “too cool for school” pals. They stood under the dead oak tree, smoking, talking, and laughing. Yes, Frida, your grandfather smoked. Like a chimney he did. I tried to get him to stop. That was one of my top three things on my “Fix Jim” list. Never did get to it because of the two. I’ll get back to those later on in the story. Let’s get back to my last train of thought here.

I ducked under the shelter for a better view. Yep, that was Jim and his buddies alright. I could smell the liquor, cigarettes, and after shave on your grandfather from where I was standing. (Funny thing, I used to hate that smell in high school. But now, I miss it so much.) I strained to listen in closely to what those boys were talking. The Tool Cool for School crew were all talking in Ebonics. That used to make me so mad! Your grandfather spoke so properly. I could never grasp why he had to butcher the English language with his friends. Grrr, it was so frustrating!

I watched as your grandfather lit up another cigarette. “That light looks so warm…” I thought. It was then I realized, I wanted to really be a part of his world. The rebellion made Jim that much sexier. I belonged with the Too Cool for School gang, not with tarts inside. From then on, I tried to get deeper into Jim’s world. Of course, it cost me. Everything comes with a price. I didn’t bother to think about any of that. I was really that crazy for your grandfather. But, I wonder now, was that really a good thing?

1984