Cry

Laura’s black kitten heels clacked across the concrete of the pavement. Her shoes may have been worn out, but she wore them with pride. From a young age, she learned how to walk with her head high in the world. Laura really took it to heart during her college years and twenties. She headed up the stairs to her apartment after a day at the local democrat center. Laura didn’t really plan on doing much this evening. She just wanted some dinner, a bath, and go to bed with another good book.

I am so tired, Laura thought as she reached into her black leather purse for her keys. When she opened the front door, she noticed the light on her answering machine blinking away. Laura didn’t think much about it at first. Probably just Termnix calling to do an inspection or something, she thought. She walked over and hit play.

First Call:

“Hey Laura, it’s me, Chris. Baby, we really need to talk. Please call me back as soon as you can.”

Laura frowned as she rolled her eyes. Why do you always do this to me?

Next message…

“Hey Laura, it’s Daisy. You had your cell phone off, so I had to call your house phone. Anyway, tomorrow is that day. Are you going to show up this year? Please call me back as soon as you get this. Goodbye.”

Laura’s purse dropped to the floor as the machine said, “End of messages.” She looked over at the calendar on the fridge in the kitchen. Her heart sank as she realized what day it was. Tomorrow will be that day, she thought. On the fifteenth of August, her favorite uncle, Robby, hanged himself in his bedroom. Laura put her hand to her chest.

“Fifteen years, already?” she asked herself. Laura closed her eyes.

-------

Robby was her everything when she was a little girl. He pretty much raised her with her grandmother.  In fact, the name “Laura” was his idea when she was first born.

“Name that baby Laura!” he pleaded with his sister over the phone. “This one has to be named Laura.” His younger sister, the baby’s mother, finally caved in. However, the new family didn’t last as long as the family hoped. After Laura’s parents split up, Robby and his mother took the baby in.

While grandmother played the disciplinary of the house, Robby acted more like fun older brother with his niece.

“Honestly,” the grandmother complained in the kitchen while a seven-year-old Laura played in the living room next door. “You spoil that girl too much.” Robby gave her a big, goofy grin.

“Don’t be silly!” he insisted. “She’s my niece. I can do that to her if I want.” The old lady sighed as she straightened up her glasses.

“What am I going to do with the both of you?” she asked. He smiled as he shrugged at her.

“Keep us around?” he asked. His mother sighed as she shook her head.

“You both are so impossible,” she said.

“Hey, but you adore us!” Robby replied with big puppy dog eyes. The old lady made a face at him.

“Something like that,” she muttered.

------

Laura snapped open her eyes when her cell phone rang. She looked down at her purse. I bet that’s Chris calling me, she thought. Laura reached inside and flipped open her phone.

“Hello?” she asked.

“Laura, I’m so glad I caught you!” a man’s voice exclaimed on the other line. The woman rolled her eyes, sighing.

“How did I know it was you, Chris?” she asked.

“How did you know it was me?” he asked back.

“Never mind, what do you want?” Laura asked, pushing up her bangs.

“I would like to talk about us,” he said. His girlfriend puffed up her cheeks.

“Listen, this isn’t a good time,” she said. “Can’t we talk later?”

“It’s never a good time for you,” Chris complained.

“Chris…”

“Do you even love me anymore?”

Laura sighed as she pushed up her bangs again. “Do you even know what it will be tomorrow?”

“No,” Chris said, sounding confused on the other line.

“Of course you wouldn’t,” she said.

“Because you won’t talk to me like a normal girlfriend,” he argued.

“Goodbye, Chris,” Laura said in a tired voice. She hung up before he could say another word. Laura looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head. What was the point of hanging on with him? They had drifted apart for years and made no effort to repair their relationship. In fact, most of Laura’s life mirrored the dangling style of her bone with Chris. She didn’t seem to be going anymore. It seemed like she had lost the drive to give herself a better life. At age thirty-three, any chance of doing that looked dimmer. She shook her head to herself.

I’m too tired to think about anything, she thought. Laura pushed herself to her feet and walked back to her bathroom.

-------

In the old neighborhood, Laura didn’t really have any kids her age to play with. She didn’t mind it however; Robby was more than happy to play with her. He sat through her tea parties with her stuffed animals.

“Your tea is so sweet,” he complimented after taking a sip from the empty cup.

“Thank you!” the little girl chirped. “Would you like some more?”

“Absolutely!” Robby answered. A huge smile spread across the little girl’s fat cheeks as she poured him more invisible tea. Even when she got older, her uncle happily hung around his niece. Though she pretended to be annoyed with his childish behavior, Laura was actually happy to have him around.

“Will you ever get tired of me?” Robby asked her when she was fourteen years old. Laura turned to him with a smile on her face as she was heading out the door for the school bus.

“What kind of a question is that?” she asked. “You’re my favorite uncle in the world. I could never get tired of you!”

“I’m your only uncle,” he corrected.

“Either way, I would never get tired of you!” she said.

“I love you,” Robby told her.

“I love you too,” Laura said before heading out the door.

-------

Laura stood over her bathtub as it filled up with warm running water. Last year, she avoided visiting Robby’s grave. She couldn’t reason with herself why. Maybe, she couldn’t bring herself to be reminded of losing her first real friend all over again. That would probably explain the two previous years that she avoided his grave as well. This year, it wouldn’t feel right to avoid his grave once again. Laura’s heart turned in her chest with guilt.

I am so sorry, Robby, she thought. Laura took off her clothes and climbed into the tub. She reached forward and cut off the water. It didn’t really feel like fifteen years. What was funny was that she hadn’t really thought much about Robby lately until her cousin left her that message on her answering machine. Laura pulled her knees to her chest as she could feel the tears trying to form in her eyes.

Why am I thinking about him now after all of this time? She looked at her reflection in the bath water below. She could barely see her own face in the bright lights overhead. What have I been doing with my life? When she graduated from college, Laura had a bright-looking future ahead of her. However, the economy hadn’t really been that stable in the past few years. She couldn’t really hold down a job for too long. The fresh grad either found herself over-qualified or the position would be already filled. Laura lay back in the heated water. From what she heard, her cousins weren’t doing so well either. Reality, as they all found, could be such a cruel bastard. She sighed to herself.

“There’s no point getting depressed about it all over again,” Laura muttered to herself. Tomorrow would be hard enough on her already. Luckily this year, the fifteenth fell on a Saturday. Kelly, her co-worker at the democrat center, worked her shift on the weekends. This year would be a huge solid. Still, it did little lift her mood. Laura sat up in the tub and washed herself down. I need to get some flowers tomorrow, she thought. After her bath, she headed straight for bed. Laura didn’t feel like reading tonight.

-------

Laura could never compete with her two older cousins, Daisy and Hannah. Whenever they came by to visit the funny in summertime, she felt so small next to them. Daisy wanted to be an actress when she grew up. She pretty much had to throw the happy a play when she came to visit. Daisy did everything—writing the script, designing the set and costumes, and directing. She happily roped her two younger cousins into acting and helping out. Hannah did a decent job with her lines, but Laura on the other hand, struggled on stage. She would just freeze up with her own lines and end up stuttering them out. Robby had to sneak backstage and whisper them to her. Daisy ended up being annoyed with her younger cousin.

“You suck at acting!” she snapped, hitting Laura on the head with the rolled up script.

“I’m sorry,” the younger girl whimpered. Daisy sighed in frustration.

“You are useless, you know that?” she said.

Hannah on the other hand was great with sports. She was already on the soccer team at her school. Laura couldn’t keep up with her either. She pretty much lost to every game that Hannah played with her involving a ball or running. What made things even worse was her cousins ignored her and went off to play by each other. The skating incident was the worst for Laura. When she was twelve, she had just gotten her first pair of skates. The girls decided to go roller-skating around the neighborhood. It started out great, but then Laura’s front wheel on her skate broke and she fell on the ground with a plop.

“Guys!” she cried. “I fell! Help me!” Her cousins were too far away to hear her.

“You guys!” she shouted. “Hey! Hey!” Laura put down her hand when she realized that it was no use. Disheartened, she took her broken skates and went home in tears. Robby had finished preparing their lunches when he noticed his youngest niece walking up to the front door.

“Laura, what’s the matter, sweetie?” he asked as he opened the door. “What are you doing back so early? Where are you cousins?” Laura held up her broke skates.

“Oh,” Robby muttered in a low voice. He ushered the young girl into the house. Laura flopped down in a chair at the kitchen table. Her dark brown bangs hid her teary eyes.

“They always leave me behind!” she complained.

“Do they?” Robby asked, sitting down across from her. Laura nodded her head as she sobbed.

“I’m no good,” she complained. “I can’t act and I suck at sports!” She buried her head in her arms. “I suck at everything and they hate me because of it!” Robby patted her on the head.

“That’s not too bad,” he said. Laura looked up at him with big eyes.

“What do you mean?” she whimpered.

“There must be something that you are good at,” Robby insisted.

“Like what?” she asked.

“You’ll find something in tell,” her uncle told her. To her surprise, she found her calling in high school. Because of his words, Laura started her interest in politics. She would practice her debate speeches to Robby on the night before until she was blue in the mouth. Needless to say, Laura got good at debating.

-------

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Laura reached over on the nightstand to turn off the alarm on her phone. She pulled it over to look at the clock. Seven o’clock already? Laura sat up and looked around the room. She noticed a grey stuffed monkey made of knit socks sitting on her dressed. She sneered at the little creature.

“What are you looking at?” she asked. Laura climbed out of bed and pushed the stuffed animal back before heading into the bathroom to set ready. In the shower, she ran back the day in her head. I need to pick up flowers, go see Robby’s grave, and then go home. The five hours drive would be enough to clear her head. Maybe she would be so teary when she got to the graveyard. Laura planned to meet her cousins around noon. She took in one more breath. I won’t run away from this.

She cut off the shower and stepped out. Another memory filled her head as she got dressed.

------

The stuffed monkey was a present from her dad. Her father, the man who barely came to visit her, came by for a visit when she was six years old out of the blue. She didn’t want to see him even then. Her grandmother wasn’t too happy about seeing her ex-son-in-law.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded on the first day he showed up. The man shrugged at her innocently.

“I just came here to see my daughter,” he said.

“After six years?!” the grandmother snapped. Robby touched her on the arm.

“It’s okay,” he said. “He just wants to visit with her.” The grandmother frowned.

“Fine, whatever,” she muttered. Laura’s father stayed with them that whole weekend. He tried to bond with the little girl, but she seemed so cold towards him.

“Why are you so angry at me, sweetie?” he asked.

“You’re not my daddy!” Laura shouted.

“Sweetheart,” her father said, reaching out for her arm. Laura swatted him away.

“No!” she screamed. The little girl ran back into the house. She hid in her room for the rest of the afternoon until there came a knock on her door. Laura snorted.

“Go away!” she shouted.

“It’s only me,” Robby said on the other side of the door.

“What is it?” the little girl asked. Robby opened the door and went inside.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked. The little girl didn’t even look up. Her uncle frowned.

“Okay…” he mumbled to himself. Robby looked around a saw the stuffed grey knit monkey tossed aside on the floor. The longer he looked at its black button eyes and red stitched mouth, the more he began to plot. It didn’t take long for an idea to cross his mind. Laura turned around when she felt something soft tap her in the back. The stuffed monkey came within inches of her face.

“Hey!” Robby said in a high-pitched, funny voice. “How are you doing?” Laura stared at it before turning away rather bitter.

“What’s wrong?” the monkey asked. “I just want to be your friend.” Robby turned the monkey’s head left and right. “Hey, did you know?” he began again. “Your daddy picked me out of all my friends to come and play with you. How lucky am I?” Laura narrowed her eyes at the little creature.

“Why did he and mommy leave me?” she asked. Robby hadn’t expected that question. He had no choice but to answer it the best way that he could.

“Well, some people have problems and can’t get along,” the monkey spoke out of character. “They didn’t want you in the middle of them and let you be happy. They still love you.”

“What about you?” Laura asked.

“I love you very much,” Robby said. She took the little monkey by the hands.

“Be my friend?” she asked.

“Of course,” her uncle answered. The little girl never let go of “Sock Monkey” ever since.

-------

Laura left the flower shop with a bouquet of white lilies. The fresh smell did little to chase away the sadness. She had to make herself get in the car and drive away. The cloudy day outside looked like it would rain at any second. Laura looked at the clock in the car. I only have about three and a half hours to get there, she thought. She took a minute to gather herself together and begin the drive.

Laura couldn’t stand the news on her radio, so she changed the station. An old comedian’s voice filled the car. Laura couldn’t help but smile. She couldn’t remember his name, but Robby liked him so much. He even worked on his impression of me. Laura turned the corner, giggling. If only I can remember that guy’s name, she thought.

---------

Chris fit into her memories of Robby as well. She met that boy when she was only thirteen. He was visiting his mother for the summer. He and Laura seemed to hit it off very well. His black ten-speed bicycle pushed her to want a bicycle of her own. Chris and Laura acted like a married couple during the summers. They would be really close at one point and then the next they would be fighting. Robby was there to listen to her complain about the boy every time things went sour. Her uncle put up her hands after she finished.

“So, what do you want me to do?” he asked. “You want me to beat up this kid?” Laura frowned at him.

“Oh, what? You’re just going to beat up on a defenseless kid?” she asked.

“Okay, okay,” her uncle said. “I’ll just talk to him, but you have to problem me something.” His niece raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” she asked.

“Please don’t be so hard on Chris,” he said. “You might have to marry him one day.” Laura tried up her ear at such a remark.

“Yeah, right!” she brushed off. She had no idea how right Robby would.

-------

Laura parked her car in the parking lot of the cemetery. She put her hand to her forehead and fought back her tears. Don’t do this now, she thought. You can do this! Don’t break down crying now! Just go up there to his grave and lay down the flowers. Come on, Daisy and Hannah are waiting for you there! Stop running away all the time, damn it! Laura lifted her head and wiped her eyes.

“I will not run away again,” she told herself. Laura grabbed the bouquet and exited her car to meet up with her cousins at their uncle’s grave.

Your Love is Gonna Drown