Funeral Hop

8/13/10

Dear Diary:

My friend, Reenie French, is weird. She’s between my family and me. Sane, but she has her moments. This week is a perfect example. Reenie has a weird obsession with funerals. She won’t go to a wedding, but it’s a funeral, she’s like, “What time?” She likes them so much that she’ll *actually* look in the obituaries to the find some to go to just for that day. Reenie even tries to drag me along with her. We have become “funeral-hoppers” as Reenie happily calls us. And I will tell you why! The food! That’s right! You heard me right! Reenie French goes to funerals for the food. It all started when her father died when she was ten years old. Many people brought her mom and her plenty of food. Reenie enjoyed all of the food and the attention. From then on, she decided to go to every wake and funeral and wake to score some food. I just happened to get mixed up in her crazy plan. Okay, let me back up some on this one. I will tell you all about Reenie French.

Reenie and I go WAY back! She and I grew up together in Okinawa, Japan. She’s pretty much the opposite of me. Curvy, black-haired, straight, loud, and a little crazy by nature. But yet, she’s always been there for me. I don’t know what I would do without her. But like I said before, Reenie’s weird! This week again is a perfect example of that!

Reenie decided to take me “funeral-hopping” with her. I tried to resist, but she wouldn’t hear it at all.

“Come on, girl!” my crazy friend called out. “You need to get out of that house before they all drive you to suicide!”

“But I have to work on my script!” I pleaded with her.

“That can wait!” Reenie called out. “I can’t pass up a good funeral! Let’s go!” Then, she dragged me out of bed and forced me to get dressed. That went on for the whole week. Basically, every day went like this:

Monday:

Funeral number one. Deceased: Abe Kyu. He died at seventy-two. Beloved father and grandfather. Two children and eight grandchildren. He lived a quiet life. Kyu also was a nice mild-mannered man. His daughter and son-in-law are in charge of the whole thing. Reenie and I pretended to be mutual friends of the deceased. To be honest, I felt guilty about doing this. I just stuck out like a sore thumb. (How on earth would this guy even know any blond-haired Americans living in Okinawa?) I just hoped that we wouldn’t get busted. Amazingly, we didn’t get caught. Everyone had their attention on the deceased. I held my breath the whole time just in case. Afterwards, we helped ourselves to the food and went home. I got to two pages of my script today.

Tuesday:

Funeral number two. Deceased: Ito Amaya. She died at fifty-eight. Widowed with ten kids. Thirty-eight grandkids. Seven great-grandkids. Many friends as well. Again, Reenie and I pretended to be friends of the deceased. Once again, I feel out of place. But, Reenie doesn’t care at all. She’s just here for the food. I just stay quiet and keep low. We stayed for the food and made our escape. I didn’t get any work done on my script today. Too tired. Passed out on my bed from the long day.

Wednesday:

Funeral numbers three through seven. All kids in car wrecks. Their names escape me at the moment. So many young kids and teenagers there. I have never felt so old before in my life.

“Reenie,” I whispered to my crazy friend. “There are so many kids here!”

“I know,” she whispered back to me. Some high school girls turned around and shushed us. Reenie gave them her evil eye. They turned right around to the front. I kept down and quiet as usual at these funerals that we crash. Talking will get us busted. “Keep quiet for the food,” Reenie constantly reminded me. I did so reluctantly. I can’t leave. She’s got the keys to the car. So, I’m stuck here. Funeral went on as planned. Reenie and I stayed for the food and left unnoticed. Didn’t get to work on my script. Too tired from all of that food. Passed out on my bed. Got woken up by parents fighting in kitchen. Couldn’t sleep anymore after that.

Thursday:

Funerals back to back. Slept mostly in the car of the day because of parents fighting last night. Didn’t pay any attention during the funerals because I was so tired. Reenie had to nudge me awake several times. I think I ended up snoring at one of them. At that one, I think we were almost asked to leave. I ended up walking to bathroom to rinse off my face. I spent the rest of the day in the car sleeping. Reenie ate for herself and brought me some food back from inside. Didn’t get any work on my script. In fact, Toby and Reenie had to carry me into the house to bed as I found out from Reenie the next morning.

Friday:

Just one funeral today. The name escapes me at the moment. All I know it was an old man. A really rich old man at that one! Everyone that came to his funeral got a thousand yen. Reenie loved the deal on that one. “Money and meal,” she whispered to me. “I like this!” I kept quiet and low. I did agree with her somewhat. It is nice to get a little money now and then. Reenie kept a close eye on me this time. She didn’t want to have to try and wake me up again.

“I can’t have you falling asleep like yesterday!” Reenie warned me in the car. “You almost got us thrown out yesterday. I was lucky to tell them that you suffer from jetlag this morning!” I looked at her oddly on that one.

“You did?” I asked her. “Why not tell them about my parents fighting all night the night before?” Reenie snorted at me on that one.

“Would you?” she asked me as if the answer was a stupidly easy one. I didn’t have to think about that at all.

“Good point,” I replied.

“Exactly,” she said to me. “Now no sleeping or you’ll have to wait in the car, you got me?” I looked at her oddly again.

“What are you my mother?” I asked her sharply.

“Do I look like a slutty drunk who thinks about killing my cheating husband repeatedly?” Reenie asked me outright.

“No,” I said back.

“There you go!” she called. “Now let’s go!” We went into the temple. The same results as before from the past few days. We ate and left. This time, I was in prolific writing mood. I have now gotten halfway through my script. All while tuning out my parents’ fighting. I would have done more, but it got late and I ran out of gas. Oh well, I still have more time during my visit. I hope…

Saturday:

Again, a full day of back to back funerals. All beginning at six in the morning may I add. Reenie must have gone crazy last night. I just want at least one day to just stay home. But, my friend refuses to hear it. Plus, she’s got the keys. So, I’m stuck here. But looking back on of our funeral-hopping trips, I realize that it could be worse. At least I’m not being dragged out to a club to attract men with Rachel and mom. Or getting holy water dumped on me by Grandma. Or being forced to “get to know” men better that Grandma picked out. Or cruising for chick with dad, Toby, and Grandpa. At least Reenie doesn’t even try to impress me at all. So, it could be worse if my family was here with us as well.

Remembering all of that helped me get through the long day of sorrow and food. I just need to keep reminding myself of that in order to survive the whole day! Oh same as Tuesday and the rest of the week. Ate food, but didn’t get to work on script.

Sunday:

One more funeral for the week. As I sat there in the temple of an old man’s funeral, I began to reflect on different things. What’s my funeral going to be like? Will I have funeral-hoppers there too? How will I be remembered? Will people miss me when I die? How deep will my footprints be in this world? Those questions have haunted me ever since that funeral today. So much so, that I couldn’t focus on script.

That was the highlight of this week. My script is still not finished and I still have to work on my family. But right now, need sleep. Today’s funeral took too long and I’m stuffed. Good night! Zzzzz!

DEH

Party of the Dead