Future Days

Love comes along in funny ways at times. Clyde felt its pinch a week ago. So lonely, she thought to herself. This thought started her plan to find a mate.

First, Clyde looked through the newspapers. Best place to look? Clyde started with the Lonely Hearts Section. Ha! The Lonely Hearts Section. Seemed kind of desperate and pathetic. But, what could Clyde do? She needed some action. If she had to get it from the papers, oh well. Lonely Hearts Section it was. Clyde strained her eyes to read. Me eyes hurt!, she thought as she tried to look on at the small black letters in front of her. It had been so long since she had last read anything not related to gambling. Her search took her about five days. Her friends began to take notice.

“Loads of races happening this week?” Polly asked. Clyde just ignored her each time. By day ten, the old biddy ran into luck.

His name was Frank Kimball. Age sixty and divorced. No children. Looking for a little company. Clyde smiled at the words. Stage one complete.

Her friends began to notice that something was off about Clyde. They began to ask many questions.

“Think she’s sick?” Lewis asked.

“No,” Muriel said.

“That would surprise me!” Polly said with her fag in her mouth. The other two looked at her. Pauline shrugged.

“What?” she asked. “It’s true.” The other two didn’t speak. She had a valid point.

“So, what’s wrong with her?” Lewis asked. They all went quiet. Who could say?

Step two, contact. Clyde dialed the number in the ad. She paced around as the other line rang.

“Come on!” she mumbled. “Pick up!”

“Hello?” a man’s voice asked.

Clyde’s spirits lit up high? “Ello? Are you Frank?”

“That’s me.”

“I’m answering your ad in the Lonely Hearts section.”

“Really now?”

“Yes”

“What’s your name?”

“Clyde Wolfe.”

“Clyde?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s an odd name.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Anyway, tell me about yourself.”

“My husband left me and I’m lonely.”

“That’s it?”

Clyde chuckled. “Come down to Brit-Wales and find out!”

“Hm, good enough. When can we meet?”

“Saturday.”

“Alright.”

“See you at noon?”

“Yes, yes.”

Clyde smiled to herself. “Cheers, mate.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Both of them hung up. Clyde sat back and grinned. That settles it!, she thought. But then, the old biddy looked around the room. The pigs would be crying to see her house. Clyde frowned at her surroundings.

“’His ain’t good,” she said to herself. Time to get to work on stage three.

On Thursday, Lewis, Muriel, and Polly came by Clyde’s house. Their concern had grown to this point. Polly still didn’t look certain about this.

“Do we have to be here?” she asked.

“What other choice do we have?” Muriel asked.

“Good point…” the rich old biddy mumbled. Lewis knocked on the door again.

“Comin’!” a voice yelled. The door opened up wide. Their friend looked on at them.”

“’Ey guys!” she cheered. “’Ow are ya?”

“Good,” they all lied.

“How about you?” Muriel asked. Clyde nodded.

“Good,” she said. “You want to come in?” Her friends all nodded.

“Sure,” Lewis said. Clyde moved aside to let them in. Boy, were they in for a shock. Her whole house had been cleaned. Not a single speck of dirt in sight. Everything cleaned and put away. Her friends blinked wildly.

“Clyde!” Polly said. “What happened to your house?”

“I cleaned it,” the old biddy replied.

“You what?!?” her friends asked.

“I cleaned up my house this morning,” Clyde explained. Silence lingered over them for a long time.

“Why?” Muriel asked.

“Felt like it,” Clyde said. The friends looked really worried now. What happened to Clyde that made her want to clean her house so much?

“Where are your dogs?” Lewis asked. “You didn’t get rid of them, did you?” Clyde looked over at her with a sneer.

“No!” she snapped. “I put ‘em outside!” Her friends kept staring at her. Clyde made a face at them.

“Wot? Don’t believe me? Look out the window!” she said. The others looked out the back door as they did so. And sure enough, her dogs walked around in that small yard.

“See?” Clyde asked. Her friends nodded.

“Anyone want some tea?” Clyde asked.

“Sure…” her friends mumbled.

“Alright,” Clyde replied. She hummed to herself as she began setting up the tea. Her friends sat at the table, nervous. Oh, this wasn’t good. Not good at all. It was only going to get worse.

Friday morning. Clyde walked by a shop when something caught her eye. Her appearance looked rather… She sneered at her clothes, hair, and skin. No guy would want to go out with her in that state. Time for the final stage.

At the Sunny Plum Café, Tucker noticed the long faces of his favorite old biddies. Curious, he cleared his throat. The old women looked up at him.

“What’s the problem?” Tucker asked. “Where’s the Clyde?” Lewis shrugged at him.

“We don’t know,” she said.

“She’s been acting strange lately,” Muriel added on. Now, Tucker had a deeper interest.

“Strange, how?” he asked. Right then, the door jingled open. Everyone looked up and lost the ability to talk.

“Tucker! The dishwasher’s busted again! Come and take a…” Annie yelled as she walked into the café. She too looked and lost all of her words. Clyde walked into the Sunny Plum looking like a proper lady. She had on a clean light blue dress to her knees and fresh white stockings with new black shoes. They had never seen her hair look so wavy and red before. She even had on make-up. Clyde turned to her friends with a smile.

“Hello everyone,” she said. “How is everyone?” They still couldn’t speak. Polly blinked.

“What did you say?” she asked.

“Is there a problem?” their friend asked. Muriel shook her head.

“No, no!” she said quickly. “Everything is just fine!” She looked at all of the others. “Right?” she asked. The ladies and the couple nodded.

“Yeah, yeah!” they were quick to say. Clyde gave them a little smile.

“Anyway, I can’t stay long,” she said. “I’m just going to pick up my tea and leave.” Annie nodded her head.

“S-Sure! Right this way!” she said. They walked over to the counter and did business. Tucker and the old biddies watched as Clyde paid up and left. They all stared on, blinking.

“What was that all about?” Annie asked.

“No idea…” Lewis mumbled.

Saturday finally came. Clyde waited by the train station for her date. She paced around the platform and fixed her hair as she waited. The old woman glanced at the clock. Almost noon now. She took in a deep breath to relax. The train finally pulled up on time. Clyde looked out among the crowds of people. Look for a man in a brown suit with white lilies, she thought. She kept looking as the number of people started to die down. At last, there he was. Frank walked off of the train in his Sunday best brown suit with white lilies in his hand. Clyde grinned to herself. Found him!, she thought. The old lady stuck her hand up in the air. Her date spotted her and made his way. Clyde stood up straight.

“Hello,” Frank greeted her.

“Hey,” Clyde said with a little blush. He handed her the flowers.

“Why thank you,” Clyde murmured. “So, where do you want to go first?” Frank gave her a charming smile.

“You can show me around the town,” he offered. Clyde gave him a little smile.

“I can surely do that,” she said. The old woman took him by the arm and led him out of the train station. The date turned out to be going smoothly. They took a walk around the park, saw a movie, and had lunch together. All running nicely, until Clyde walked him over to her house.

“Want me to make you some tea?” she offered.

“Sure,” he replied. Frank sat down at the table as his date prepared the tea. He took a quick look around the place.

“So when do you want to leave?” he asked. Clyde looked around in the cabinet.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“When can we live this dump and go back to my home?”

Clyde paused and turned to him. “E-E-Excuse me?”

Frank gave her a shrug. “You know, when can we leave and get married?”

“Whoa! Whoa there! Who said anything about marriage?”

“I just figured…”

“Figured what?”

“I just thought that’s what you wanted.”

Clyde quickly shook her head. “No, no, no!”

Frank made an odd face at her. “Then… what did you want?”

“Sex.”

Her date look offended. “Excuse me?”

“Well, yeah. Isn’t that what you want?”

“No!”

Clyde gave him a puzzled look. “Then what do you want?”

“A wife.”

“What?”

“I only put that ad in the Lonely Hearts Section to find a wife.”

“I don’t want to get married again!” Clyde shouted. “My last husband ran off with a hooker!”

“I can see why,” Frank mumbled. Clyde cut him a sharp look.

“What did you say?!?” she snapped.

“I can see why!” her date almost shouted at her. Needless to say, the date didn’t go well from there. Oh well, back to the drawing board for another date.

Future Days

listube - free online on-demand music player