Gonna Make You a Star

Camera on.

A young man stands in front of the lens and hit record.

Young Man:

Hello, York! I am your host, Tommy Braxton. Today, I will be touring the countryside of Brit-Wales! Not much is known about this place. The people here just keep to themselves and go about their daily lives. But what is it really like here? What makes these people tick? What do they think and dream?

The young man straightened up his tie.

Young Man:

I aim to find out.

The young man gave a little salute.

Young Man:

Wish me luck!

First stop into town.

The young man walks down the street.

Young Man:

This is the town. Looks like something out of an old English fairy tale. Cobblestone walkways. Stores out of a toy store. Nice weather out.

The young man paused when he noticed that he had stepped into something on the path. He looked down against his better judgment. Hello dog crap! He tried hard to be professional.

Young Man:

Well, it’s almost perfect. There are some kinks, but overall, it’s very nice.

The camera turns to the café.

Young Man:

This looks like a nice little place. Let’s take a look inside.

The young man walks up to the door and walks inside.

Tucker stands at the counter polishing a glass. The four old biddies eat at their table. Muriel slips on her tea. Tucker looks up and sees the camera.

Tucker

Hey! What are you doing?

Young man steps forward.

I’m Tommy Braxton. I’m shooting a documentary about Brit-Wales in the countryside.

Tucker:

Why you come in here the cameras?

Tommy:

They are just here to film everything. Don’t mind us.

Clyde pops up and makes faces at the camera as she waves.

Clyde:

‘Ey ma!

Pauline smacks her in the head.

Clyde:

Ow!

Pauline:

Stop acting like an idiot!

Clyde:

‘Hat hurt!

Tommy:

So, what’s the special here today?

Tucker:

Well, there’s Shepherd’s Pie with mashed veg.

Tommy:

I see.

Lewis:

The scones and tea are good here too.

Muriel:

And the sweets! Oh yes, the sweets!

Tucker:

So, what will it be today?

Tommy:

Let’s see…

Clyde:

‘He stew’s good too!

Muriel:

Same with the meat pies!

Lewis:

The pudding is divine too. Best I ever had!

Tommy:

Well now…

Tucker:

The pickled veg is also good.

Muriel:

So is the cheesecake.

Lewis:

And the meat pies! Don’t forget about them too!

Clyde:

And the minced meat!

Tommy:

Uh… Uh…

Pauline waves her hand to stop them all.

Pauline:

Come on now. Don’t confuse the man!

Tucker:

So, what will it be?

Tommy:

Uh… Uh…

Suddenly, the door flies open. Annie storms out in a rage. She rings the dry dish rag in her hands.

Annie:

Tucker!!! What the hell is going on out there?!? Keep it down!

She looks and sees the camera.

Annie:

Who the hell are you?

Tommy steps forward.

Tommy:

Excuse me, miss. I’m shooting a documentary about life in the countryside of Brit-Wales. And I figured that I would stop in…

Annie storms forward glaring at him.

Annie:

Not in here, you won’t! Get out! GET OUT!

She throws a salt shaker and dirty mug at the host and camera crew, sending them running away as fast as they can.

Tommy stands outside, panting.

Tommy:

Whoa! The people here sure spirited for a quiet town. It makes me wonder what other characters live here in this vast countryside.

Young Girl’s Voice:

Excuse me, do you have the time on you? I have to get to the market when it opens. I don’t want to be caught up in the rush.

Tommy:

Huh?

The camera turns to Clover standing behind them just inches away.

Commercial Break

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