*Ann*

I have been repressed all of my life. I think on that now as I stare at my wall. I was always the victim of Debbie’s rage. She always beat me with her black and gold cane whenever I did something she didn’t like. She called me the little devil child. I feared Debbie everyday. I was always in my room crying and hiding from her. I always came to home to Hell.

My first day of sunshine came when I met Chris. He was a beautiful man. He still is. Chris is so good to me. He has always been there for me. Where others would’ve given up and quit, my husband held me up and stood by me. Chris has been my only friend. However from time to time, I’ve been too wrapped up in my darkness to see him at times. That is how repression had shaped me. It is hard to undo. It takes time. Something I’m too scared to even touch.

Hey you! out there in the cold

Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me

Hey you! Standing in the aisles

With itchy feet and fading smiles, can you feel me

Hey you! don't help them to bury the light

Don't give in without a fight

Hey you! out there on your own

sitting naked by the phone would you touch me

Hey you! with your ear against the wall

Waiting for someone to call out would you touch me

Hey you! would you help me to carry the stone

Open your heart, I'm coming home

I remember Hell Night perfectly. It was in the summer of 1979. I was thirteen years old at the time. The night was all over the news for months. But like everything else, it’s been blown out of proportion. So, I will tell the whole truth.

The whole tragedy started with a petty fight between Arsine and another cult leader. As the good old story goes, things grew worse and soon came the big fight. The cult and I met in an old junkyard. It was to be a duel to the death. I was excited to fight. I wanted some real blood this time. But, I would get more than I bargained for that night.

When the night was really cold, they came. They looked like the Scots from Braveheart. The other cult was out for blood. They were so many of them. But I didn’t care; I just wanted to kill. Arsine and the other leader stepped forward. They exchanged a few ugly words and the fight began.

I don’t know where all of those people came from, but thins got worse from there. Fire was soon everywhere. Stones were being thrown to either side. Someone threw a piece of burning wood at us. It would’ve hit me if Arsine hadn’t grabbed me and pushed me out of the way. I ended up twisting my ankle and being put out of action.

What I saw next took me tongue away. The two cults were fighting like two countries fighting each other. Broken glass was on the ground like snow. The real blood didn’t come until the police showed up.

A cop cat rushed forward to break up the fight. Everyone began running away. The car accidentally hit one of the guys from the other cult. He was killed instantly. That drew out the anger from both sides and they attacked the police.

The car was totaled by fire and bricks. The Special Forces and the ambulance had to be called to break things up. Only three people were dead and many were injured. I managed to lie to Debbie about why I was in the junkyard in the first place. Looking back on that night, I should have left St. Loy’s Hand when I had the chance. But I stayed with them because that was my only freedom at the time. My repression made me blind to the truth.

But it was only a fantasy

The wall was too high as you can see

No matter how he tried he could not break free

And the worms ate into his brain

Hey you! out there on the road

Always doing what you're told, can you help me

Hey you! out there beyond the wall

Breaking bottles in the hall, can you help me

Hey you! don't tell me there's no hope at all

Together we stand, divided we fall

I’ve been carrying my baggage for years. Sorrow, anger, hate, bitterness. I’ve carried it around for years. I have no tears anymore. I feel nothing now. My heart is numb.

Many times, I had wished Debbie would die. I had even seen the event played over and over again in my head. She would be lying on the hospital bed slowly dying from her bitterness. And at long last, her heart finally giving out and Debbie drawing her last breath. I knew I would be free from repression forever then.

I also wanted to torture Paris because of my guilt of taking Chris away from her. I wanted to beat her almost to death and tie her to a tall cross. The sound of her screaming always made me smile. Then, I would see Batez Luna’s face smirking at Paris and Debbie. She scares me so much.

All of my repression is why I have locked myself inside of my wall.