Better alone than badly accompanied (I think)
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: Ruminations
So it's final. I wrote the G-Man today and said that I needed some space. I un-invited him to my birthday party (the first time in my life that I have had to do that to someone and it felt AWFUL). I told him that I didn't want to see him for at least a month. And right now I have SO much respect for smokers who try to quit smoking because frankly, even though he wasn't my boyfriend, it's like this craving to be in touch with him.

G-Man, do you read this blog? Do you know how much fun it was to go biking with you, that you were the perfect travel companion because you're the same height as me, you kept me calm? Do you know what it means to know that I will definitely be biking by myself next summer if the A-Team don't come along?

Maybe you won't read this and it's all right to confess here that I thought we would grow old together, ride our bikes together not necessarily forever, but that you would come with me to Vietnam in 2008 and that riding with you would be a maybe-forever thing.

I thought that that was my advantage. That your ex didn't ride and I couldn't ride enough.

But the truth is that I know now that all the bike rides in the world, all the sunsets seen from the saddle don't make for love. If you do read this, I want you to know that riding with you was good. And I'm sorry for whatever reason it was why you couldn't love me. I tried. And now I have to go riding into the sunset alone.