Well, It's Mother's Day
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: GooGoo Dolls- Better Days
What do you have to say? You expect so much from me. That's okay. I do my best to be the person I want to be. If you are not okay with that, who cares? My world is in this house right now. Every hope, every dream, seems so possible at the moment. How can I not be happy with that? Sure, there is pain on the outside of this place, and it sometimes manages it find it's way in through cracks and holes, but not today. Not today, I won't let it happen. The temporary patchwork was done yesterday, and although I have no clue how long it will last (hence the "temporary" classification) it will last through today, I am sure. Today I feel so grateful for the things I sometimes take for granted, and I can ignore that which overwhelms me on the bad days. All that is here today is me, my love, my life, my dreams, my world. Consider this entry my enormous verbal smile.

"So take these words and sing out loud, 'cause everyone is forgetting now..."

Mood:  don't ask
Such anger is wasted when finally it is put to use. the energy slips away to search for a new home. And I, I sit and wonder.... what is the point of all of this? I lost, it's gone, so what? Why care about it at all? Why not shrug and walk away like so many others have? BECAUSE I CAN'T, DAMN IT! I CAN'T JUST STOP FEELING, I CAN'T JUST STOP CARING, I DON'T WORK THAT WAY! I AM HERE AND I CARE, AND I SCREAM "FUCK YOU!" AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS BECAUSE I CARE! I FUCKING CARE AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT! And I sit here and am filled with a sad emptiness. My voice will never be heard. Those words will never be felt. They have dissolved in the acid of the cruel truth: it doesn't matter anymore.

Lost in the Music
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: STAIND- Waste
Can you hear me? You used to be able to without me saying a word. The words are out there, floating in the nothingness. Where have you gone? My words are empty, meaningless, without your ears for them to fall upon. My feelings are strong, but pointless without you to mirror them. Where are you? Do I exist to you anymore? Or am I only another face in a picture, another name on a list? I MISS YOU, OKAY? I ADMIT IT! There is a hole where you once were. I have tried to fill it, but no one is willing to be what you were to me. All of this and I apparently mean nothing to you anymore. Not enough, anyway.

"AND FUCK YOU FOR NOT HAVING THE STRENGTH IN YOUR HEART TO PULL THROUGH!"

Well Then
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Commercials
Ok so I am here. I am here and I am boooored. I am here, I am bored, and... well, I don't know. Where did everybody go? There used to be a spotlight, but there is no reason for it now. So I ask of you, will you remain, or pass away like they all do? Hmmmm. The dreams, they haunt me. Even as they fade, they do not release their hold. Paranoia sets in. What next? What next?

"And I'm afraid to be alone, afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone..."

I'm not here, you do not see me.
Mood:  down
Now Playing: The Locals-Superman
That is about it. I am not here. You do not see me. I do not exist. I do not know why it is what it is, but it is. You do not know. I do not care.

"I crossed the old bridge that I walked upon ten thousand times, lit a match and watched it burn. I could not see beyond the smoke, but still one thing remains... I feel for you."