OK GRRRR!
Mood:  irritated
GRRRR GRRRR GRRRR
GRRRR GRRRR
GRRRRUFFFF!

FUCK YOU!

Let's Do It Backwards Today! (Or Upside Down?)
Now Playing: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUFF!!!!
Blue October- Hate Me

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling Make it go away!
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered How can you do this to me?

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you



Rob Thomas-My, My, My

The light from the window is fading
You turn on the night
The sound from the avenue's calling you
Open your eyes

And when you find
You're spending your time
Wanting for words
But never speak
You tell yourself
That the things you need come slow
But inside you just don't know

My, my, my
Let your bright light shine
Let your words live on
Far beyond this life
Beyond this life

Hold on to anything
Everything's over and done
Has the fear taken over you
Tell me
Is that what you want
To make up your life

Time after time
You're falling behind
Hold on to me
Never leave
Forever be what you mean to me right now
Don't you feel better now



Evanescence-My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand though all of these years
But you still have
All of me



Motley Crue- If I Die Tomorrow

I wake up to find myself
After all these years
And where all the time has gone
Still seems so unclear
Cause there's no one else
Since i found you
I know it's been so hard
You should know

If i die tomorrow
as the minutes fade away
i can't remember
have i said all i can say
your my everything
you make me feel so alive
if i die tomorrow

it brings out the worst in me
when your not around
i miss the sound of your voice
the silence seems so loud
cause there's no one else
since i found you
i know it's been so hard
you should know

if i die tomorrow
as the minutes fade away
i can't remember
have i said all i can say
your my everything
you make me feel so alive
if i die tomorrow

i spent all my life
looking for our innocence
i've got nothing to lose
one thing to prove
i won't make the same mistakes
now i know that everything will be ok
if i die tomorrow

if i die tomorrow
as the minutes fade away
i can't remember
have i said all i can say
your my everything
you make me feel so alive
your my everything
you make me feel so alive
if i die tomorrow
if i die tomorrow



Smile Empty Soul- Finding Myself


I don't care anymore if I let you down
I believe that I need to be free
I'm so used to my life with you around
I don't know anymore....the real me

And I thought that I found myself today
And I thought that I had control
All the change in my life just fell away
For a moment I didn't need you

All these tears that I've cried
You must be tired of taking care of me but
Its what you do best and
I'm a liar cause really its what I need

And I thought that I found myself today
And I thought that I had control
All the change in my life just fell away
For a moment I didn't need you

Someone like you
Someone like me
Maybe its change that set you free
Free....

And I thought that I found myself today
And I thought that I had control
All the change in my life just fell away
For a moment I didn't need you

And I thought that I found myself today
And I thought that I had control
All the change in my life just fell away
For a moment I didn't need you



Unloco-Watching Me Slip

So I sit here alone
Trying to find my own
Way to cope with everything
That I've done wrong
So I try real hard not to see
What you've done to me
But I couldn't find my heart

And there won't be any silence till it's gone
There won't be any silence till I'm
Look away, you're watchin me as I slip away
'Cause everything I know just falls apart
Now it's me as I slip away
'Cause everything that I know just falls apart

So try real hard not to see
What you've done to me
But I couldn't find a way
Then I'll see my own (way)
To cope with everything that I've done wrong

And there won't be any silence till it's gone
There won't be any silence till I'm (gone)
Look away, you're watchin me as I slip away
'Cause everything I know just falls apart
Now it's me as I slip away
'Cause everything I know just falls and, it just, it just falls apart
'Cause I'm not enough to bring you down
I'm not enough to bring you down
I'm not enough to make you happy
I'm not enough to make you stay


Diamond Rio- One More Day

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

Chorus

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

one more day

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

Chorus2X

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
with you

one more day




Three Days Grace- Gone Forever

Don't know what's going on
Don't know what went wrong
Feels like a hundred years I
Still can't believe you're gone
So I'll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes
While these walls surround me with the story of our life

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

Now things are coming clear
And I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared
So I'll stay out all night
Get drunk and fucking fight
Until the morning comes I'll
Forget about our life

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known it could be so much better
I hope you're missing me
I hope I've made you see
That I'm gone forever

And now it's coming clear
That I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever


That's enough for now. Although I prefer older music, some of the newer lyrics aren't so bad. And I did not type them, so don't balme me for anything wrong with them.

I feel the need to add one.




3 Doors Down Ft. Bob Seger

I woke up today in London
As the plane was touching down
All I could think about was Monday
Maybe I?d be back around
If this keeps me away much longer
I don?t know what I will do
You've got to understand it?s a hard life,
that I?m going through

And when the night falls in around me
I don?t think I?ll make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way
Cuz all I think about is you

L A is getting kind of crazy
New York's getting kind of cold
I keep my head from getting lazy
I just can?t wait to get back home

And all these days I spend away
Ill make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When it?s all too much to bear

And when the night falls in around me
I don?t think I?ll make it through
Ill use your light to guide the way
Cuz all I think about is you

And all these days I spend away
Ill make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When it?s all too much to bear

And when the night falls in around me
I don?t think I?ll make it through
Use your light to guide the way

Cuz all I think about is you

Hurt has been replaced by Hate Me!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Upset Playlist
Have you ever wanted to just not exist for a little while so you didn't have to feel the way you do and everyone would just leave you alone?

I am so sick of what every day has become. I now have only this as an outlet for my extreme feelings.

I AM PISSED! SO PISSED, IN FACT, THAT EVEN THIS WILL NOT DO. SOMEONE MESS WITH ME RIGHT NOW, COME ON, I DARE YOU!

...then I realized... you don't even care anymore.

Another One Gone
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Blue October-Hate Me
The last holiday has been crossed off my list of things to look forward to. That list gets smaller everyday as I realize that some things will never happen, others will not matter anymore...
But this, this holiday, the Fourth of July, it has always had a special place in me. The last good one was... well, that doesn't matter, but it will be with me forever as the last Fourth of July. From now on I will see it as just another day, just another sigh. Just another one gone.

"With a sad heart, I say bye to you and wave, kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made..."

Well Now
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: The thumpthumpthump of my bleeding heart
Sometimes I feel so useful,
Sometimes I feel okay,
Sometimes I feel indifferent,
Sometimes I'm in your way,
Sometimes I'm feeling frightened,
And I don't know where to turn,
But my heart is full of fire,
So I sit and watch it burn.

Another Lonely One
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: Johnny Cash- I Walk The Line
Well it's night time and I'm full of energy. I want to be a fun pain in someone's ass. Or at least sit and talk about something stupid. I have no one to do this with anymore. I can't go out and do stupid shit anymore, the kind of stuff that makes people shake there heads with a smile. That would be fine if I could let it out in another way, but I can't anymore. That's gone now that those friends are, those friends who were the perfect match for this mood.

I miss them.

"As sure as night is dark and day is light, I keep you on my mind both day and night, And happiness I've known proof that it's right, Because you're mine, I walk the line, You've got a way to keep me on your side, You give me cause for love that I can't hide, For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide, Because you're mine, I walk the line..."

Are You (Going To Be) Okay?
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: My "Upset" Playlist
How can I be okay? I am not like others. I am fucking scared. I will do whatever it takes to make you feel the same way about me as I do about you. I need you.

"I'll give you all that I am. And I breathe when you breathe, let me stand where you stand, with all that I am..." (Rob Thomas-All That I Am)

"And I will go down with this ship. I won't put my hands up and surrender, there will be no white flag above my door, I'm in love and always will be..." (Dido-White Flag)

"SO I sit here alone, trying to find my own way to cope with everything that I've done wrong, so I try real hard not to see what you've done to me, but I couldn't find my heart..." (Unloco-Watching me Slip)

"Sometimes I lie awake in bed, thinking about the things you said, so lost for words, so lost to tell you how I feel, so terrified of changing what I thought was real..." (Unloco-Texas)

"It seems to me that you know just what to say, but words are only words, can you show my something else? Can you swear to me that you'll always be this way? Show me how you feel more than ever baby. I don't wanna be lonely no more, I don't want to have to pay for this, I don't wannt know the lover at my door is just a heartache on my list, and I don't wanna be angry no more..." (Rob Thomas-Lonely No More)

"How will I get through tomorrow, if I can't make it through today, how will I get through tomorrow when today is in my way?" (MxPx-Today Is In My Way)

"Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome and I don't see you right when you're gone away. You've gone away, you don't feel me here anymore..." (Seether-Broken)

"Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find, maybe it's too far away, or maybe I'm just blind. Maybe I'm just blind. So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong, hold me when I'm scared, and love me when I'm gone, everything I am, and everything in me wants to be the one you wanted me to be. I'll never let you down, even if I could, I'd give up everything if only for your good. So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong, Hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there, so love me when I'm gone. Love me when I'm gone..." (3 Doors Down-When I'm Gone)

(hereIam)
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Rob Thomas- My, My, My,
I'm scared. I don't want to be scared. I look in the mirror and don't even recognize the person standing there. I know it's because I'm in love. I know that is why I am filled with fear. I know that the fear is what makes me lash out, makes me angry, makes me hurt, makes me wonder, makes me weak. Where is the strength of the person I once was? Will I ever stop being scared long enough to find it? That's what I miss the most. Not the clothes, not the attitude, not the attention I got from guys, just knowing that no matter what happens I will be okay. I want it back. I know I won't have it until I know that no matter what I will have him. That is not easy to see right now and I am only making it worse by being weak. But it is a circle I am trapped in and I don't know how to break it, I don't know how to pretend to be okay long enough to make it okay. I don't know how to get rid of the fear that I am buried in. I don't know what to do.

"Has the fear taken over you? Tell me, is that what you want to make up your life?"

Well...
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Banging from upstairs
Grrrr, five kids up there. Five kids set out to drive me crazy. Boing boing, clank, boom, thud. I want to SCREAM, "STOP IT, JUST STOP IT! I HAVE A KID DOWN HERE WHO IS TRYING TO SLEEP AND I HAVE WORK TO DO!" Reading is almost impossible. I look at the page as I begin it, thud thud, bang bang, boom, boingboingboingboingboingboingboingboingboingboingboingboingboing. Then look at where I am, second paragraph of a page, look at the number... same page. Look at the first paragraph, don't remember it at all. Didn't sink in. Try to start all over again, but there's the boom boom boom, clank clank, oh, and can't forget the gigantic THUD! Then crying as my baby awakens. I think, If I just leave him alone and am completely silent, maybe... I hear him playing with his toys and there's the thud thud again. I can tell he's up now, he sounds wide awake, but I refuse to give in. He WILL fall asleep. A brief moment of silence... do I dare hold hope? Do I dare hope that maybe, just maybe.... THUD!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!

Listen
Now Playing: Audioslave- Doesn't Remind Me
There is one thing that saves me from losing my head when he is awake. I whisper it so softly that sometimes I cannot hear it myself. It helps me because it doesn't remind me of anything. I hear no one's voice when it comes to mind. It has no connection to anyone. It is simply there.

Hurt.

When my anxiety hits, it is the only thing that keeps me calm while he's awake. When he sleeps, it is not enough. I have to talk to someone, but I have no one now. This is the closest thing I have. Although it is a partial distraction, thoughts, feelings, panic, it all seeps in, only more slowly, not as strong. When I have nothing left to say, it hits full force again. It did not used to be so. When I had someone to talk to, it completely faded away. I am afraid.

"The things that I've loved the things that I've lost, The things I've held sacred that I've dropped, I won't lie no more you can bet, I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget..."

0.0
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: 3 Doors Down- Changes
I can't let it get the best of me. It's trying though, and it's trying hard. I am trying to stay calm. Maybe my upset playlist will help? It does when I am pissed or hurting for a reason. I have no one to talk to now. I am alone. I don't know how to deal with this alone. I want to cry, I want so badly to cry, but I really have no reason to. Oh god how am I going to get through this?

"I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs, There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb. I try to hold this under control, They can't help me 'cause no one knows, Now I'm going through changes, changes, God, I feel so frustrated lately, When I get suffocated, save me, Now I'm going through changes, changes, I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone, Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone, I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn, I feel like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world, I try to hold this under control they can't help me 'cause no one knows..."

Shhhhh!
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Johnny Cash- Hurt
I have no one. I know that sounds mean, but look at me right now. I am completely alone. My child is asleep, I can feel angry lasers shooting through walls at my head from every angle. As of this moment I am alone.

I feel weak. I feel weak because I have no where to run to be okay. I have no one to talk to who will bring a smile to my face. I am in the midst of a huge ball of anger with no path out. I am not okay. I don't know when I will be again. Never, if I am forever alone.

Is it so much to ask? Is it so much to ask to be able to have someone who appreciates me when no one else does? To have someone who is there for me no matter what? To have a real friend? It seems to be.

"Everyone I know goes away in the end. And you could have it all, my empire of dirt..."

K
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: zzzzzzzzzzzzz
sigh

Suppressed By All My Childish Fears
Now Playing: Evanescence- My Immortal
I'm so tired of all of this. I cannot handle it anymore. I'm ready to scream.

Can't we stand to just be happy?
Don't we know how to be okay?
EVery time that it starts working,
We seem to sabotage our way.

I'm so tired of being sick,
I'm so sick of being tired,
I just want to be okay,
Without needing to be wired,
I'm so sick of all the fighting,
I'm so tired of being down,
How long until it all collapses?
How long until your not around?

"These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just so much that time cannot erase, when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears, and I held you hand through all of these years, but you still have all of me."

IsThisTheOne?
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Smile Empty Soul- Finding Myself
Hey you out there, I'm still here.

"I'm so used to my life with you around, I don't know anymore the real me. And I thought that I found myself today, and I thought that I had control, all the change in my life just fell away, for a moment I didn't need you. All these tears that I've cried, you must be tired of taking care of me but it's what you do best and I'm a liar 'cause really it's what I need. And I thought that I found myself today, and I thought that I had control, all the chains in my life just fell away, for a moment I didn't need you..."

AHA!
Mood:  sharp
Now Playing: Trapt- Lost in a Portrait
I have figured it out! I really am not here! Because if I were here, wouldn't things be different? So somewhere I am sitting looking at a picture of myself and thinking "what if" and this is the result. So what now?

"I'm lost in a portrait, in a picture of me, this can't be happening to me..."

@$^#&*$@
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: MxPx
"I'm gettin older day by day, ain't got time to get to everything. Hold on tight, enjoy the ride, life is short, so live it wisely..." -My Mom Still Cleans My Room

"Emotion is my middle name, I lay in bed, listen to the rain, put happy thoughts into my head, but I find instead the hurting words you said..." -Middlename

Hmmmm
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: 3 Doors Down- When I'm Gone
Well excitement is scary. You're like bouncing off the walls hitting your head on the ceiling never touching the ground when suddenly reality hits and its PHPPPPPPPPPPPPPP....
So yeah. I'm still here and still these people have not noticed. Or do not care? And some damn country songs seem to fit, but I don't want them to, I'm sick of that crap and I don't want it to apply to my life but I can't help it! It's there and I'm here, it exists and I exist and although I try to avoid it, it sneaks up on me and I turn around and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

"Hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong, hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone, everything I am and everything in me, wants to be the one you wanted me to be..."