Ranma 1/2

Disclaimer: I don’t own Ranma, Rumiko Takahashi does. I just borrowed some of the characters. Rated: NC-17

Shades of Home

Chapter 40

Ranma arrived back at the Compound two days later. After a leisurely drive in which he solidified the ideas he’d had into what he hoped were easily implemented changes in his life.

He pulled the truck into the motor pool and tossed the keys to the same man who’d given them to him.

“Hey, hi, how are you? Here’s that truck. It’s so cool. I wish . . . in fact. Will you see if you can’t get it assigned to me permanently? I’d really appreciate it. I hate coming here every time I need a vehicle.”

“Sure, Major. I’ll see what I can do but I don’t see any reason you can’t keep it. Come back tonight and we’ll have the oil changed and the whole thing detailed for you. Sign here, please.”

Ranma obligingly signed where the man pointed. “Major? ‘Scuze me?”

The man just laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, while you were gone there’ve been some changes. You’re a real shit magnet, not only for yourself, but for others. There’s been something of a shake up. You’re wanted in the Commander’s office. Go on; they won’t bite you.”

Ranma was doubtful of that, changes were, in his experience, not good things.

When he got to Steven’s office he noticed that Doris wasn’t there at her usual desk. When he entered Steven’s office, the chair behind his desk was turned backwards to him.

“Hey Steven. I just got back and you’re already giving me a hard time? What now?”

When the chair turned around Doris was sitting in it, not Steven.

“Well. Saotome. I’m glad to see you back again. How are you? I hope you had a nice vacation. But I know you have a shit load of questions, so let me see if I can’t answer most of them now. Steven resigned as Head of Department 13; bastard dumped it all on me. He thinks he isn’t doing the job he should. He made a mistake with you and you wound up in the stockade and it really hurt him, don’t feel bad, he’s much happier as he is now. Just head of Georges. No, you are not in trouble; yes, we are looking into the dragon in China. Anything else . . . oh. You’re enlisted as a Special Advisor with the rank of Major. Salary remains the same. I’d advise you to see about investing it a little better. Anything? No. Ok, Steven wants to see you in the new dojo. I think you’ll get a nice surprise out of this. Don’t look so worried.”

~ * ~

Ranma followed Dorie to the new dojo. While he walked he told her what he’d decided and when she just nodded and said “I’ll set up a meeting with the board,” he felt slightly let down; he’d expected some kind of argument, but Dorie wasn’t Steven.

When she asked him if he had a kendo uniform, he proudly told her he had a new one.

“Why do I need a kendo uniform? I don’t usually practice kendo.”

“I know, Honey. But I think you should wear it just to humor Steven. He’s really thrilled about this and he hasn’t had much to enjoy since you went to the stockade. He still feels guilty about that.”

“Why? I slugged him, twice. I should have had more discipline than to lose my temper like that. And slapping Downs really capped the climax and you know it. What do you think Pop would have done to me? Huh?”

“I shudder to think. I really do. Your Father is FUBAR on two feet. But all that mess in the stockade was something else.”

“Yeah, you should have just beaten me and been done with it. I hate to think what the others went through while I was messing around there.”

“Jesus. I don’t believe you. Well, never mind. Go in there and change, then come to the main hall.”

Ranma started through the door, but turned back.

“I hope this doesn’t take too long. I want to see Sunny soon, real soon. I missed her bad, just calling on the phone didn’t really cut it.”

Dorie smirked at Ranma “Just go put on the uniform.”

~ * ~

Ranma stood outside the door for a moment, straightened his shoulders, then slid the shoji back. He was greeted by Sunny, who gently took his arm and lead him to a gomden. She motioned for him to kneel and, when he did, she went to kneel beside Kuno.

Ranma glanced around and was shocked to see who was there. Directly in front of him was Steven, flanked by Kuno on one side, and Ryouga on the other; Leela was on the outside next to Ryouga, and Sunny beside Kuno. Behind them, his entire Secondary Team sat, and behind them, people Ranma was sure he’d never seen in his life.

Steven cleared his throat to attract Ranma’s attention.

Then everyone bowed to Ranma. There are three ways to bow. The first is to bow low enough to touch your forehead to the floor; that is reserved for the Emperor. The second is to bend your elbows half way; which is for someone you respect greatly. The third is to bend just your neck; which is for equals. (Of course there are shadings depending on how much you respect the person you are bowing to.)

Steven bowed, as to a respected equal, then went a little lower. Ranma nearly jumped out of his skin and everyone else bowed as to a very respected senior.

“Saotome Ranma.”

“Hai.”

“This is an auspicious occasion.”

“Nani?”

“I am pleased, and proud, that your . . . ahem . . . parent has chosen me to make this presentation to you.”

Ranma blinked in confusion; Steven was being way too formal for his comfort.

“My . . . which parent?”

“Your Mother has requested that I make this presentation to the new head of the Saotome household. As her proxy, it gives me great honor and pleasure to present you with the Saotome family sword.”

Steven reached down beside his thigh and drew out the sword, which he held out to Ranma on the palms of his hands.

Ranma reached out and took it from Steven, carefully placing his hands just inside of Steven’s and, grasping the sword firmly, he bowed to Steven then placed the sword on the floor; bowed again and just sat for a moment looking at the sword.

“It’s really the family sword. I don’t believe it. Where did you get it? Not that I’m not grateful, I just . . .”

Steven smiled at Ranma. He was enjoying this immensely.

“Your honored mother has gone into seclusion. At Shiori Monastery. She said she is going to spend the rest of her life praying for your health and safety. She also said she wasn’t going to pray for forgiveness as she doesn’t feel you will give it to her.”

Ranma humped and looked at the sword again.

”Well, I’ll be dammed.”

Ranma picked up the sword, stood, and slid it through his obi; then he bowed to everyone and thanked them for attending the presentation.

“Ok . . . everyone . . . refreshments in the outer courtyard, enjoy.”

The room cleared as people walked out the door; stopping to congratulate Ranma. He managed to stand until they were all gone, then he clutched Sunny’s shoulder and staggered slightly

“Man, I . . . need to sit.”

“You are sitting, silly. Put your head between your knees and breathe.”

Sunny hugged Ranma and patted him on the back.

“Holy Moses in a basket. I never in my life thought Mom would come across . . .” Ranma looked at the sword stuck through his obi and clutched the hilt. “I thought she’d hate me forever. I . . . I’m speechless.”

At Ryouga’s whoop, he snarled. “Don’t get smart! Enjoy it while you can. Gomen for acting like a baka.”

The party, and that was exactly what it was, lasted long into the afternoon. Ranma put the sword on a display stand, as was expected, but he spent a lot of the party looking at it himself. He couldn’t believe Nodoka had actually given him the family sword, but there it was in his hand.

“Hey Kuno. How’s Kodachi? You have any luck?”

Kuno turned to Ranma. He looked tired and gray.

“No, not much. I had to leave her in Switzerland. I don’t think we’re going to be able to help her. I just hope she gets well enough to be let out of high security.”

“Man, that’s rough. I’m really sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”

“There is. Continue to be my friend. Oh, and I was talking to Nabiki the other day. She wants you to get in touch with her soon. We’re both worried about the state of your finances. They’re really a mess. You should do something with your savings besides hoard them like a dragon does its gold.”

“Aw man, don’t even talk about dragons right now.”

At Kuno’s odd look, Ranma shrugged, “Nothing solid yet. When I’m sure, I’ll let you have the scoop, promise.”

Steven walked up behind Ranma just then and shuddered. “Ranma, tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”

“I’m not saying anything yet, I need to get some more information and then I’ll be ready to tell all. Hey, I never saw robes like Sunny and Mai are wearing. Where did they get them?”

“Not sure; Sunny said something about them being formal robes their tribe wears.”

Ranma froze for a second then forgot about it as the entire Conroy-gumi came up and started congratulation him.

~ * ~

Ranma glowered at Doris and snarled, ”You mean to tell me I don’t have a place to rest my ass. I thought I asked--politely--for a house.”

“You did and we are in the middle of building you one. The little house on the hillside slid into the ravine two days ago. We’re working as fast as we can, but it won’t be ready for another week. You’ll just have to go back to your old room. No one else will stay with Charlie.”

“Well, I m not puttn’ up with his shit. What is his problem anyway?”

“He’s just a perfect control freak. Just ignore him.”

“Can’t.”

“Well, what are you going to do. You can’t sleep in a tree.”

“Bet?”

Ranma didn’t actually sleep in a tree but pretty near. He went to his office and slept on the floor; until the Housing coordinator found him at midnight.

“Hey! You can’t sleep on the floor. Here, you’ve got a room and that . . .”

“Will you go away and let me sleep? I can’t live with Charlie. He drives me nuts. I have two choices. Sleep here or get into a fight with that ass, and if I hit a ‘normal’ Steven will beat my ass. Something I’d rather avoid, thank you.”

“Steven wouldn’t . . . Would he?”

“Yeah, he would, and I’d deserve it. If I don’t have anymore discipline than to get into a physical confrontation with some idiot, I need correction, and we can’t afford to have me, or any other of the Georges, locked up for any length of time. So. . . . well, never mind that. I’ve got a speech to make and I’m practicing on you. Sorry.”

The man gave Ranma a look that said he thought Ranma was a little off center. Then he gathered up his scattered thoughts.

“Look, I’m going to go with you and see that Charlie gets his shit straight. You have to have a proper billet. You can’t sleep in your office, damn it. Besides, it’s only for a few days. See? I’m really sorry about the mix up. It’s just . . .”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m so young. So get over it. And don’t give me the excuse that you didn’t recognize my name. I’m the only Saotome on the place. So that won’t wash.”

“Well, the sergeant that was in charge, isn’t anymore. He didn’t know who you were, so he decided that he didn’t need to follow a direct order and he gave you the room mate from hell. No one is really sure how that particular SNAFU came about, but there you are, and here we are. I’ll just have a word with Charles Forester.”

After the Housing Coordinator, who was a Lieutenant, finished dressing down the sergeant, Ranma threw his duffel on his bed and gave the man the evil eye.

“Look, we got started out on the wrong foot before. I don’t like getting in someone’s face so I let things get out of hand. So here it is . . . you will treat me with respect or I’ll hand you your head on a plate. I don’t want you in my face and I’ll stay out of yours. I got a lot of stuff to do in the next few days, so I won’t be here much. But when I am, I am going to type on the computer whenever I need to, if you need to sleep during the day, that’s fine. I won’t be here. But I’ll be here after four and if Sunny shows up, you be nice to her. Understand? And I ain’t puttin’ up with a mess. I’m not a neat freak, but I’m not having your dirty socks and underwear all over the floor.

“And I’m not your little brother, slave, or servant. I don’t polish boots, do laundry, or clean. Got it? Good.”

Ranma didn’t bother to dodge the punch Forester threw at him, he just caught the man’s fist in his hand and squeezed. When Charlie fell to his knees, Ranma let go and started unpacking like nothing happened.

“Oh, by the way. My rank is Major. Think about it.”

~ * ~

Next morning Ranma woke up to his obnoxious roomie banging drawers and slamming doors. (If he thinks that’s going to get on my nerves, he don’t know how.)

Ranma got up and started picking up the mess Charlie had left on the floor. It included a dirty t-shirt, boxers ditto, and a pair of boots.

“Hey Charlie! I picked up your mess one last time.”

“Thanks, kid. Knew you. . . .hey!”

Ranma wadded the whole mess up and tossed it into a waste can, then he wadded the can up around the clothing, boots and all; he squashed it into a ball the size of a soft ball and tossed the whole mess out the widow. Charlie’s eyes got very big. Ranma had just wadded a pair of size nine military boots and a solid steel waste can into a very small ball.

“Next time, I’m tempted to stuff you in there too. I’m going to be back by four. I don’t want a mess when I do. Got that?”

Charlie nodded vigorously.

Ranma eyed him sourly.

“There’s something else I think.”

“Scuse me?”

“You salute me and say ‘Yes, Sir’ . . . or do you want to make intimate acquaintance with a lot of potatoes?”’

“NO, Sir! Sorry, Sir!” Charlie stood at attention in nothing but boxers and socks, saluted and waited.

“Dismissed.”

Ranma left to find breakfast and Sunny.

After eating a huge breakfast and realizing that most of the support personnel recognized him, Ranma spent an hour with Sunny doing what young, in-love people do.

~ * ~

Ranma eyed his desk with disfavor. And called his secretary back.

“What the hell is all this?”

The woman huffed sourly, she wasn’t pleased with her assignment. She’d replaced the original woman, who was on leave.

“I think they’re called reports. You asked for them.”

“No, I didn’t. I asked for . . . look. . . I’m not messin’ around here. I want every report there is on anything, unidentified flying anything, from the direction of China and I want it . . .”

“Right. On your desk now. There they are.”

The Corporal pointed to the stack of files she’d dumped on Ranma’s desk.

“Oooookaaaay? And you are giving me shit because?”

“I’ve been the personal secretary of a high-powered executive and a general. Now they want me to nursemaid a kid.”

“Not necessary at all. You are relieved of your duties as of now. I got enough problems without puttin’ up with some pissed off bitch with an attitude. I got enough of my own thank you.”

Ranma walked into the secretarial pool and pointed.

“You. You think you can handle a George? Don’t nod. I can’t hear your head rattle.”

The Gunnie Ranma had pointed to was a well known disciplinary problem, but Ranma had heard from several of his friends that the main problem was, she had her ways of doing things and her bosses tended to get in her way too much.

“Yes, Sir. I can handle it.”

“Ok. Come with me.” Ranma started walking “I don’t care about how you do stuff. I’m too young and more important, too busy, to worry about it. All I care about are results. Get the job done. And fast. I won’t have time to be nice. I’m no diplomat. If I hurt your feelings let me know, I’ll probably apologize, but cry on your own time, not mine. There.”

Ranma pointed to her desk, which had not one thing on it, not a scrap of paper even.

“What do you want me to do first? Sir.”

“Get me every . . . well, the search should be in the computer. If it isn’t, I’ll transfer the parameters to you. And I want my info in searchable data bases; if you bring me a bunch of files to wade through, I’ll probably get rude.”

“Sir!” The woman saluted sharply; sat down and started down loading Ranma’s stored search parameters, shuddering slightly when she realized what he was looking for.

Three hours later Ranma looked up from his monitor. “Hey, Ryu. I was meaning to talk to you.” Ryouga sat down opposite Ranma in the guest chair, crossed his legs and started hemming and hawing. “Look Ryu. I thought we were friends. If you got something to say, spit it out. I’m busy here and I don’t have time to cater to this. I’m sorry but all hell is breaking loose and I don’t have the time.”

Ryouga sighed, it was just like Ranma to develop an attitude when he had something unpleasant to say. But he gathered up his courage and forged ahead.

“Ranma, you need to get yourself a new therapist. I specialize in post traumatic intervention, not long term therapy. I can’t treat you anymore. You’re well on your way to a full recovery from the trauma of slavery. And I see real improvement in your overall attitude. You’re getting back on your feet.”

“Well, thank goodness for small favors. I was getting ready to tell you the same thing myself. I understand that you weren’t supposed to treat me at all and I really appreciate you doing it. But you’re right, I’m getting to the point where I don’t need intervention anymore. I need support. And I’d like someone older. Father figure; all that.”

Ryouga nearly clapped his hands in joy. Ranma was getting to the point where he didn’t need him, which made him happy. (That being a therapist’s point--getting a patient to the point where they are no longer needed.)

“Sure. I already got a guy in mind. Older, settled, combat experience, tough. You’ll like him. After this mess in China is over, I’ll introduce you.”

“Great. Now if I could just get this mess into some kind of shape. Look, I’m setting up a manual, for lack of a better term. When I get done with it, it’ll be a set of rules for managing Georges. We’re being taken advantage of. They don’t tell us anything. We’re just reacting, instead of acting; we get into trouble and . . . well, I’ll let you read it. If you have any suggestions, get them to me in the next twenty four hours. Tell Kuno will you?”

“Ok. . .By the way, I appreciate you giving Bricker a chance. She’s really good, just a little opinionated. Advice unsolicited is worth . . .”

“A lot more than you think. I like her; but go ahead.”

“Give her her head and let her run. You don’t have the skills to tell her exactly how to do a job and she’ll reward you with a loyalty that outpaces the palace guard of old.”

“Her name’s Bricker? I wasn’t sure. I just hear things as they pointed her out to me as ‘avoid’. Well, I like her.”

~ * ~

Three days later Ranma was in love for the second time. “Gunny-love. Tell me you got my copies. And that list.”

“Of course I did and don’t call me Love. It’s Bricker. I don’t do the Lolita thing.”

“Huh? Oh. Well, then Sunny don’t have a reason to be jealous. Where’s Steven? I tried to see him but the ass in the Personnel office said it was need to know. Well, I need to know-- find out.”

Ranma went into his office and plopped down in the chair, put his feet up on the desk and long armed his key board. His searches were coming up with data he didn’t like and he was getting worried. The Chinese still weren’t cooperating, he couldn’t find Steven and he was meeting with the Board of Directors for a show down of monumental proportions and his roomie was as obnoxious as he could be.

“Sir.”

“Bricker. Tell me you’ve got good news. Please.”

“I found Steven. He’s in China trying to find out what the hell is going on. The Elders aren’t co-operating at all. He’s trying to get the Amazonian Council to intervene. The Village Elders answer to them but it’s slow going. “

“Damnit. Damnit.“ Ranma wanted to slam something. “I’m so tired of this shit. If I wanted red tape, I’d ‘ve been a bean counter. Son of a bitchin’ mother fucker.”

“Sir. I’ll see what I can do about getting you more information. I think you should work on your presentation.”

“Yeah? And when am I goin’ to get a chance to present? You haven’t been able to get me an appointment with even half the board. I’d like to know why we have a board in the first place.”

“Because we’re multinational. We have a man from each service represented by more than six percent of our total enlistment. To make sure that all the nationalities are protected.”

“Oh. Well, it’s causing more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Yes, and when you point that out, I’m sure it will actually help. These men are interested in the well being of all the men in the Department. I’ve got connections and they say that when the Board was informed that one of the punishments you could have been given was a flogging, they nearly went spastic.”

Ranma eyed the Gunnie and smiled. “Thanks, that really helps me out a lot. Gunnie, you’re beautiful.”

The Gunnnie grunted and headed for her desk, intending to get Ranma his meeting as soon as possible. They needed to get all this cleared up before things in China got too hot. She managed to get it organized for the following afternoon.

~ * ~

“Hello, I’m Saotome Ranma and before you get started . . . Yes, I’m all of seventeen. Yes, I’m the best you’ve got; and yes, I’m tired of puttin’ up with your shit. I’ve tried to do it your way and I even understand why you do some of the things you do but here it is in a nut shell.

“You can’t handle me. No way, no how, not ever. I handle myself and I do a fair job of it. I haven’t killed anyone by accident yet and I’m in good control of my temper, most of the time.

“Have any of you read the file I sent to you? Not one of you. Ok, I’m going to get a soda and that’ll take just long enough for you to read.”

Ranma looked over the nine men and shook his head, he just hoped this worked. Too many Captains and not enough privates made for no army.

“I mean business. You need me. I don’t need you. All you do is give me grief, pain, and aggravation. I can just as easy set up a dojo and teach. You can’t touch me, or Ryouga or Kuno.” At one mans autocratic smirk, “Oh, please. Ryouga and I can live off the land for the rest of our lives easily. Kuno has old money. Real old. I think he’s related to the emperor. Read--I’ll be back.”

Ranma drank soda and worried. He didn’t want to leave the Compound but he would. He wasn’t a child to be told to sit in a corner and be quiet until he was called. He was a martial artist, he was putting his life on the line for no other reason than he was needed. And he was going to be in charge or he was going to be gone.

“Ok, gentlemen. You’ve read the prospectus. I don’t need an argument. If you want to know why something is in the rule book: ask. If you want to argue with me? Don’t bother. I am, however, open to suggestion.”

Of the nine men there; four got up and started out the door. Each one wished Ranma good luck, shook his hand and left. Ranma just waited for an explanation.

One man stood up, “Of the nine of us, we are the representatives with the most men in the Department. The Board is unwieldy. You’ve pointed that out quite well. So we cut the ‘dead wood’; not that those men are not competent, they are, they just have the fewest men in the command and a lot more on the table. So now we ask questions.”

“Shoot! Just don’t miss.”

“Ok, we understand that you want a more active part in planning missions and seem to think that there is some way for us to force countries to let us barge in and take over things at will.”

Another man spoke up. “That’s not possible. Each country has territorial autonomy. That means that we can’t just wander in and shoot up everything.”

“Hum. I didn’t think of that. But that still leaves us in the same mess. If a country don’t cooperate, we’re left cleaning up after something big and nasty.”

“We can refuse to do anything when they do call, but then things get completely out of hand and we have an even bigger mess to deal with.”

“Well, I think they ought to get punished somehow. Make them pay for the . . . extermination? We gotta call it something elegant so they respect us. I’m not an Orkin man.”

“No, you certainly are not. I see why you are considered the best of the New Georges. You thought up that name, didn’t you. I was always fond of the term exterminator, but you’re right, it sounds too much like a common bug swatter.”

“Yeah.” Ranma looked around, he didn’t understand why Steven had such a hard time with them. They seemed reasonable enough, he was sure there would be some sticking points but he thought if he fought hard enough and had his arguments well-thought out he’d come out mostly successfully. “Why did Steven have such a hard time with you guys? Ya all seem fairly reasonable so far.”

“Well, we’d tell Steven something and he’d just ‘yes sir’ at us and go do it. He never argued with us or gave us good reasons for doing something different.”

“Hmmm. Well, Steven was raised a slave and never really learned how to argue effectively, he was brought up to obey unquestioningly. You’ll find I’m a contentious little bastard and the first word out of my mouth is invariably ‘why.’ ”

“Steven was . . .that’s impossible. That’s out . . .”

“Aww shaddup. You idiots never read a report in your lives, did ya? Ya gotta have a synopsis. Pissy, lazy . . . ya otta be shamed a’ yurselves. Shit.”

Ranma stopped talking and took a deep breath. These men were busy and a synopsis made sense, unless it was cleaned up too much.

“I’m sorry.” The General who seemed to have been voted spokesman pinched the bridge of his nose. “None of us understood a word you just said. My Japanese is good but that was beyond my skills.”

“That’s because when I get upset I talk like a rice farmer. Hick from the sticks. Sorry. There’s a lot you don’t know that you should. I . . . Steven was born a slave and was a gladiator for the first part of his life. He’s a good fighter but not so good at paper work, and prioritizing orders really gave him hell. He tried to make everybody happy and follow all orders. I’m astonished he didn’t have a stroke or nervous breakdown.”

“I see. He’s quit and turned it all over to Doris. I hope it works out better. We really can’t afford to lose even one of you. And that leads to one thing that is really bothering me. In this rule book there are some harsh punishments. I don’t understand. How . . . I’m . . .”

Ranma held up his hand, he knew exactly what was bothering the man.

“The book was written in the late forties. Here in Japan we have a different view of corporal punishment. It’s not that unusual. Most schools have provisions for it and I personally don’t see a problem. As long as it’s kept for severe infractions of rules and is overseen properly.”

“It’s not humane. It’s . . . “

Ranma just looked at the man for a moment, then said. “Singapore. You can get a cane across your butt for spitting gum on the street. My other argument is closer to home. While I spent 25 miserable days in the stockade there were 37 incursions; twenty were handled by Grunts, but the other seventeen were handled by Steven, Ryoga, and Kuno. That’s five apiece, with a couple of extras thrown in for good measure. And I’m just sitting on my butt showin’ off for the common horde and worryin’ myself sick. I’d rather take a beatin’, it’s over quicker and I’m back in action. We can’t afford for a George to be out of action for that long. Besides . . . well, never mind. Ask your next question.”

“How can you just stand there and say you’d rather be whipped. It’s . . . You’re too young to understand what you’re saying.”

Ranma had been expecting this and just slipped his shirt over his shoulders and showed them that he did know what he was talking about.

“If one of you pukes, I’m smackin’ ya. I don’t understand how strong men like you can throw a fit and a bunch of Americans hardly blinked.”

“Those are some scars . . . I think it’s because we have a good idea of how painful the wounds were. Those Americans were either ignorant or had really strong stomachs.”

“Ok, back to the subject at hand. I don’t like pain. It’s the body’s way of tellin’ you not to do something. When I said beat, I meant exactly that, not whip, that’s something else entirely. A couple of swats across the butt never killed anyone. They don’t call it the seat of learning for nothing. But I think you’ve been reading the old rule book. I wrote a new one. It’s a lot more lenient and there are only a few things that I think are worthy of corporal punishment. Striking a ‘normal’ is high on the list, insubordination isn’t there at all. Physical assaults on others are the only offenses that I think need severe punishment. We all lose our tempers from time to time and corporal punishment reminds us that we can cause more pain in a second than we intended.”

Ranma watched as each man shuffled through the files he’d provided and each one seemed to be thinking but, as he watched, he got the feeling that things weren’t going as well as he wanted.

“Ok, now we come to the sticking point. You are only seventeen. I don’t feel that we can put a seventeen-year-old in a position of command. You need to follow orders and let those older and wiser than you make the decisions. You understand that you aren’t going to be let to run over adults who know more than you do. Don’t you?”

Ranma didn’t even see the looks of horror on the faces of the rest of the men. He calmly, quietly, flipped out completely.

“I don’t think you understand. I risk my life every time I go out. Those scars on my shoulder and back weren’t gotten playing patty cake. If you push me, I’m gone. All I have to do is call Social Services and Children’s Protective Agency and I’ve got a nice new home with people who will probably fall all over me. Think about it. I don’t need you, but you need me, and don’t you forget it. I want to be reasonable, but you don’t see welcome tattooed on me, do you? I’ll fight for my rights and I got ‘em. I got more rights than you want me to think I do. I may be only seventeen but you saw me as man enough to spend ninety days in a stockade full of grown men, in full transport chains whenever I was out of my cell. So you can’t have it both ways, either I’m a full-fledged member of the team or I’m out. Either, or, gentlemen.”

“Wait, wait. I remember sanctioning a ninety-day sentence, but that was for a grown man . . . struck his superior officer and a visiting agent from the US. Not some . . .”

“Don’t you dare say it. The only ones who get away with calling me kid are my secondary team and Steven. To you, I’m Saotome. Watch it.”

Several of the men were flipping through the report and suddenly the room was full of noise as three of the five started shouting at the other two and each other.

Ranma brought his hand down on the table so hard it sagged.

“Shut the fucking hell up, fucking idiots. Baka! Shimatta! Baka yamero yo, you made a mistake and daisho! Inochi wa! Masaka I’m puttin’ up with you all out of control like a bunch of chickens. Nan dai yo egg in your fuckin beer?”

Ranma’s mix of Japanese and English, plus his accent, made him almost incomprehensible but the force with which he brought his fist down on the table made up for it.

Breathing hard he waited for the men to either shut up or, at least, get it together.

“I’m not messin’ around with you. I enlisted, but you gave me the waiver. So I get the authority and respect I need to do the job or I go back to high school and open a dojo when I grow up. . . assholes.”

“We just realized exactly what we have done. It’s a blow. We were deceived by Downs. And you. . . you’re only seventeen and . . . damn it. It seems that you have more sense at your age than we do”

“Yeah, well, you’ve got a good excuse, I guess.” Ranma managed to get his temper under control before he did more than crack a table.

“Oh, and what would that be?”

“Answer me a question. What is a camel?”

“I don’t understand, what . . . it’s a Bactrian.”

“I’m not sure about that; but it’s a horse designed by committee.”

At the stricken expressions around the table, Ranma couldn’t do anything but let his naturally good nature take over, he burst out laughing and nearly fell over.

After more discussion that, thankfully, went much better than the first attempt, it was decided that all the Georges would be designated Special Agents and would be in charge of their secondary teams and the Coordinators would be used to keep things on line. Every effort would be made to get countries at risk to agree to allow teams in their borders without going through customs and that each of the younger Georges would be given rank equivalent to their responsibilities.

“Yeah, that’s all well and good but I’m enlisted already. What about that? You guys made me a major. Make up your minds, either I’m a agent or a major, ya can’t have it both ways. Can you?”

“Yes, we can. You’re a special agent with the rank of Major. Get over it, Saotome, you’re a smart man, use all the tools we give you.”

“Ok, but I’m also a tired man. If there are no other items on the table I’ll call a recess, or shall I close the meeting?”

“I think we should close the meeting. I don’t see any other business at present. All in favor?”

All said Aye and the meeting closed.

~ * ~

Vignette

Tokyo University Extension Admissions Office:

“Look here, this one is taking a lot of weird classes; Chartography, Myths and Legends, Finance 101, Sume-e. . . not a hard science in the lot. I’d better . . .”

“Leave well enough alone. That’s Saotome. He’s a George and--I hear-- a real bear when he wants to be.”

“I don’t care, he can’t. . .”

“Yeah? If he wants to take advanced basket weaving and pseudo religions of Mesopotamia, I wouldn’t mess with it. Not safe.”

“Sure.”

“Yeah, I hear his glare could strip paint.”

~ * ~

“Hey Gunnie, you find out anything more for me?”

“Yeah, I did, and you aren’t going to be happy. Major Saotome, there is surely a dragon in China. We’ve got visual conformation by a reliable source. Damn it.”

“And the reliable source is . . . “

“Steven. He’s done an infiltration. No one knows he’s there. He slipped in under their radar and avoided the Council of Elders. He’ll be back tomorrow.”

Ranma sighed, he’d been afraid of this but with Steven’s visual conformation, he could start making some kind of plan. He knew he’d need Ryouga and Kuno and who was going to be in command was anyone’s guess. Maybe they would have to draw straws.

“I’m going to go to my room and get cleaned up. I have a date. While you’re causing trouble see how they’re coming on my house. Put as much pressure as you can on someone. Please. I’m gonna kill that ass yet.”

Gunnie Bricker smirked at Ranma, she’d been party to several practical jokes on bad room mates and had given Ranma some pointers.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Boss.”

Ranma got an arrested look in his eyes, then smirked at the Gunnie.

~ * ~

“Well, helllloooooo beautiful!”

Ranma looked over his shoulder and smirked. He’d washed his hair and was kneeling in the middle of his bed combing it out. His hentai roommate was standing in the door with his mouth open in shock.

Ranma, or rather Ranko, slid off the bed, walked to Charlie and smiled seductively, leaned over and smelled him. Wrinkling her nose, she sniffed softly, then she slowly licked his face from chin to cheekbone.

“See what you miss when you piss off your room mate? Stinky.” Ranko sauntered out the door, pig tail and ass swaying.

Ryouga, Kuno and Sunny, watching from the tree outside the window, nearly fell out of said tree as they all laughed their asses off.

“That’ll fix him.”

“Ranma is soo nasty.”

“Well it was funny as hell.”

Sunny smirked. “He may be a stubborn ass at times, but you’ve got to admit he can be really sadistic when he wants to.”

~ * ~

Ranma changed on the way down the hall. Several men did double and triple takes, wondering if they were going crazy.

He wandered around the compound just taking it easy and trying to let the information he’d gathered digest for a while, he often found that instead of forcing things, if he just thought about something else, his answer would just kind of present itself.

Ranma saw a bunch of men just lounging around underneath a tree and he heard the name Charlie. So he sat down and started listening in

“I feel sorry for the poor schmuck that’s rooming with him now. That idiot will run him ragged, he’s the biggest slob I ever saw.”

“Yeah. He left his boxers in my cooler.”

Ranma shook his head (Eewew. He is a slob!)

“Hey, you’re Saotome the George. I saw about you in orientation. Too bad all they did was tell everyone to watch out for you.”

Ranma grinned at the man “I’m probably twice as bad as they let on.”

“Yeah right, you’re too young to be a bad ass.”

Ranma gave the man his best puppy-dog eyes look and whined, “I’m hurt, really hurt. Bad ass. Oh my”

As all the men around started laughing, Ranma straightened up, remarking “I’m only a bad ass when I need to be. I’d rather get along and save the fighting for the incursions. Just don’t fuck with me and everything will be all right.”

“Ok. I’m the same way you are. I’m a SEAL.” Someone in the back of the crowd made ork, ork, noises. “Yeah, yeah, right. And you swim like a rock; pipe down. Anyway, I’d rather not fight with a comrade. I heard you had some trouble like that around here. But I’ve never seen it.”

“Yeah, because the only lucky bastard they want to fight with is a George.”

“Huh? Well, that’s just stupid. I like my head where it is. I don’t need it shoved up my ass. You’ve got a rep as a good joe, but one that’ll take only so much, then all hell breaks loose. Sounds like a plan to me.”

“Thanks. It seems to be working. What’s that thing?”

Ranma pointed to the cylinder the man had been idly toying with.

“This is a Super Compression Air Tank. SCAT’s are nice. Here, take a closer look.”

Ranma took the thing and examined it. It was just a silvery cylinder about five inches long and maybe two around with a mouth piece in the middle of it.

“What’s it for?”

“It’s an air tank. Like a SCUBA unit only really small. Only holds about twenty minutes air and you can’t go very deep, but it’s good for infiltration and such. Be kinda careful with it though. A real sharp knock on a sharp edge and it’ll take off like a rocket.”

Ranma handed the SCAT back to the man, remarking that it was a handy looking thing, if you were a SEAL.

“Thanks for the info. Never know what might come in handy sometime.”

He turned just in time to catch a flying body. Sunny had seen him and, forgetting to be careful, just jumped at him with a joyous squeal.

“Ranma Ranma Ranma! I’m so glad did you put up your sword I’ve been looking for you since we saw you through the window you jerk that was mean but so funny and Ryouya nearly fell out of the tree and the only reason he didn’t was that Kuno grabbed him and I wish you wouldn’t mmmmmmm!”

Ranma kissed Sunny to shut her up for two seconds, he kissed her until she ran out of breath, then pulled away to look at her as she panted, trying to get her wind back.

“Sunny. I’m so sorry I didn’t have more time for you yesterday, that was a better ‘hello’ I hope. I put my sword in my office on a stand. Charlie is really gettin’ on my nerves but I think that last stunt will at least keep him away from me. And what have you heard from Shuba, I know you’ve been nagging at him to tell you what Steven found out.”

Ranma bent to kiss Sunny again but cat calls and shouts of ‘get a room’ ‘come up for air’ and ‘Yay x-rated’ brought them back to their surroundings.

“Animals. Can’t a guy kiss his girl without you hentai goin’ nuts? Come on Sunny, let’s get outa here and find some privacy”

Ranma mock glared around then took Sunny’s hand and walked off; both teens laughing.

~ * ~

FUBAR Fucked up beyond all recognition/repair

SNAFU Situation normal--all fucked up.