Thots-(March, 17th, 9:08 PM, 2003)
I have an addiction
A one and only passion
An obsession, my compulsion
Sacred actions, a religion
Needs attention, like an illness
Dumbfounding all who witness
Strong impulse to get this
Like a money-hungry empress
Sometimes confused for water
Flowing around, over each other
Moving faster, getting closer
Need it stronger, wanting more
Like an art form, soulful dance
Finding power, dizzy trance
Get the covers, lose the pants
In a state of happy romance
close together, make a wish
Weaving patterns of promise
With an embrace, we start to kiss
A dream becomes eternal bliss
What a joy to touch the face
Strange emotion, soft embrace
Enter drowzy mind erase
Never ending, steady pace
I breathe you in, I breathe me back
Many words in silence, can't keep track
Sweet scent and feeling, heart attack
Dead but alive, muscle relax
No one wants to understand it
So let this be our little secret
Always knowing we can't keep it
But still, our love will never quit
So let it fall into the sky
Create fake sun to drown each night
Hold on to it just like a kite
Until the day we make this right
-3/16/03 SilentSoldiette
god it hurts... hurts so damn much.. she wrote it. but not to me. not to me. all that love directed to someone else... the pain is beyond messure... it makes me weep... my body weeps...it cannot handle the pain in my soul. i had acctualy thought i was somewhat over the pain within my heart. she has something for me to read... heart pounds with anticpation... what could it be... we will see...*reads* someone else is drawn in by her poetry, not necicarly like i am. a girl... who loves her poetry... but dosnt want to show her identity yet. i can understand that...*sigh* the pain is back... i was stupid to think i was over it... i should die...again...
God of Nothingness: it hurts so god damn much i want to die just to end it...
Goddess of Somethingness: what are you trying to say?
God of Nothingness: i dont know.
God of Nothingness: mabie that i want to die.
God of Nothingness: mabie that i want to live
God of Nothingness: mabie that the horrible pain
within my heart is so great that i cant hardly stand to live except for one thing.
what a intresting converstation... do i really want do die? yes i think so, part of me does. but part of me wants, needs to stay here, for her. incase she needs me. i really dont know anymore, anything. except the pain is beyond anything. except i hpe its not beyond my need to be here for her. at least i think i need to be here for her. mabie she dosnt need me. im just fooling myself. no..no..no... i cant belive that, if i belive that im dead... so what... it dosnt amtter... death is a realse... a happyness... an end to the pain and the beinging of new... i do think it would hurt her though. so thats why i wont. it would hurt her. even just a little, quickly forgoten, i cannot allow her to feel pain. some cannot be avoided... but this pain i can save her from. wo i will bear the horrible pain within my heart, so that she will not feel the pain of my death.
9:24
