|
In the Spring, I see old people blooming, creeping out with their walking sticks and canes, freed from their fear of cold and rain. Their steps are tentative first, then grow bolder. They are young again. |
Copyright ©2009 Ashi Shadow-8/28/09
It's not actually spring right now, but the fall is like the spring.
I saw a few old people creeping out on my way to work.
Meant "walkers" instead of walking sticks, but walking sticks came into my head instead and I decided to leave it for better meter.
Doesn't change the image much anyway.
I think original version did not have first after tentative.
Considered putting "bewildered" after creeping out.
Considered a break after "fear" or "freed from" because the line seemed too long once written.
Another possibility is to eliminate both breaks after "out" and "from."
Not sure which possibility is best.
In some fonts, the original version (which is what I've kept) looks fine with no problems.
"They are young again" has a double meaning.
Considered "feel young again."
Maybe make "They are young again."
separate Stanza?