Book of Anamesis

By

Solus Aurora Borealis

How can I really know where it all began?  There has been a lot I have forgotten, a lot of things I had to come to remember.  My way back to knowing, entailed a deep and critical search for something I never really understood.  It came when I first entered this world on choice.  Forgetting all but the smallest things that seemed to be programmed into my very mind that allowed me to forget.  The blueprint was a map I could no longer read, and when I now see it in my hands it makes no sense where I knew before it had so much more meaning.  The map is crossed with roads so finely detailed an expert could not even make sense of all the finely woven points.  But we all once knew how to read the map, even if we cannot make out what it consists of now.  My book, my map, my journey, my path are part of the same thing meant to bring about Anamesis.  Deep Remembrance of who we were, are, and will be. 

I can’t say exactly it was when I began to forget things.  Most people do not remember their births in any amount of detail, I on the other hand do and it is without the aid of technology.  It was sometime after that, when my tears flowed that the lines began to blur. 

 Somewhere the colors of this world and the other place seem so much different, yet they are the same infused with the rainbow of light that fills the sky.  It may not be so much the way they looked, but how I was able to perceive them and feel them.  My senses different and expanse compared to the place I had began planning to re-enter.  Oh yes, I was there before.  Much like a travel log for the soul, we grow with our experiences.  And with that expansion, we can find new depths the awareness and senses that allow us to perceive the intricate workings of the light.  I had often felt myself full over knowledge in that place, but there was always more to learn.  It never dulled, and my eyes never grew tired.  For every page in the great library infused itself with the infinite source of the creator.  When someone came to visit me, I would entertain them and understand what new levels they were gaining with their own pursuits.  I loved being near the vast growths of nature to create balance and harmony.  There were soft pools of light for reflection, white marbled benches for contemplation, and plants that exist on the earthly plane and the higher ones.  The animals that were with me in my lifetimes, and the animals that fed my body on earth were here as well.  There was always an exchange of new peace in the light, new love and friendship, new passages to be written and discussed.  I don’t remember why I came back precisely, but I knew who I had been and that I needed to go again.  Perhaps it was this innate sense of knowing that both worlds were part of a greater plan  I remember thinking that when the wheel turns you must turn with it, and maybe I could help those who were left spinning – just a little.  There were other reasons, other things, but if I knew that I wouldn’t be where I am, and that is part of finding Anamesis. 

 Mainly though I remember a few last things before the dark womb took me once again.  I remember speaking to an angel.  He wrote out the fine details I needed to experience here, there were things already on the paper from my last journey, and things that seemed like guidelines for any voyage.  It was carefully deliberated over and studied.  I spoke to him about guaranteeing my red hair, for I really loved it in many of my lives.  It was a distinguishing characteristic you could say.  We talked about some hard things too, so hard that it would be very damaging if I wasn’t careful.  It would not be an easy ride to say the least, but few lives ever are if there is something to be gained.  Maybe though it would have been nice to experience the easy life, just once.  But I don’t remember them if I had them.  That in itself says something, what we take away with us is usually deep and impacting and highly emotional experiences of trauma and joy.  Both imprints are lasting long, long into the lives we will continue to live. 

 When I was about to go, I saw my guides walk up to me.  For a moment I felt as if I would truly be blessed in this voyage.  As they all loved me dearly, and promised to stay by my side.  I would feel a sense of loss ever that moment ended, but they are still with me even if I feel like I am alone.  Then I let them go, and walked through my forested waterside.  My favorite places, both in that world and this one.  I sat there on a bench like I had done countless times when I was about to embark on something and needed to make the final moments of reassurance I needed.  I listened to the birds, and the deer drinking out of the water.  The light dancing in the shade trees, warmth.  Ever I was loved it was here, and I felt so close to the Great Spirit.  I knew that I was a part of the flow and the journey would always contain my love for the light held in the simplicity of that love in all of nature around me.  I also knew that I needed to make my peace and resolve to remember all of it, or at least as much as I could so that when I was needed I could call on those memories and use their strength to pull me through.  The many paths I had taken before told me that was a gift of my soul, to take with me what most would forget in the womb.  That knowledge though could and did have other impacts, but sometimes believing is hard for others who have rejected acceptance.  And in the course of things fear is a great weight on all of us, it has changed the course of many things that could have just as easily been resolved with understanding and patience.  But again, that is why we come back and work things out.  It is a long journey.

 As I sat there in the light, I got up to do what my plan said.  And knew that I would come back, eventually.  I came to the garden, my friends all letting me go so that I wouldn’t be so heartbroken when I didn’t find them waiting on earth for me.  Though that separation hurts more now than it did then.  The garden is a wonderful place though; it is where some of the most amazing souls spend their time.  There is a certain place though we all stop before we go.  In the center, it is worked like a maze.  Though it is no puzzle but a tunnel to our final destination.  There, in the sunlight I saw someone waiting for me.  His hands upturned to a butterfly dancing in the breeze.  The floral scents lightly encasing, with the hum of bees working the gardens magic all around me.  He smiled at me, and I knew he had many faces, and many names though his energy is always the same.  And it comes to me in the guise of the rainbow, his spirit perhaps one of the highest and I knew that he came to earth more than any of us.  Though not necessarily to work as we do, but in another manner all his own.  The concept of male and female were blurred and although he appeared to me as one he is also the other.  Gender is a matter of dualities, and although they exist on earth on two extremes it can also be plainly washed away as technicality of preference.  He had very blue eyes, something that speaks in a language all its own.  The love emanating from his sparkling smile lifted my growing sense of what lay ahead of me.  He spoke to me then with his thin features, the long brown hair on his shoulders shining in the sun.  His hands gestured me to a welcoming embrace.  I can no longer hear the words as clear as they once were, but to know my religious choices now and the life I lived there are no different in the reflection.  I took his hands and gently we conversed.  Roses bloomed a myriad of colors, the life carried on, and I heard the song of all that the world contained from the source.  He said finally, that the world is much different as you know, things will become faster, more extreme.  He showed me visions of my family, my work, and the world.  I remember watching in a mirror, my mother as she married my father.  My older sister toddling, and the house they had moved into.  I could feel my mother’s emotions, and too I understood what lay ahead in the same sense.   I told him I was sure.  There is more, but they are my things too deep to write or understand except in general blur of emotions that can never seem to be penned.  I remember walking through this trellis of flowers away from him.  On occasion I still see him, the same as he was then to me.  Though the messages are different, the guidelines to a fast paced future when I seem to be standing still.  And I am happy to see those fleeting faces, for they still carry the same grace and warmth they promise to hold when I am back among the fullness that it offered me.

 Darkness.  Deep red and blues.  Slow awareness.  Pulsing rush of emotions.  A window into my mother’s eyes.  A sleepy time of growth and deprivation, though I am not alone.  I have my mother and she is my world, the creator and bearer of life.  I miss them, and I stretch the confines of my small space.  I suck my thumb, feeling alone even in the thoughts of her.  I am hugged closer as I grow, willing every cell to multiply and be healthy.  I hear things and watch where I am going, but I shut my eyes and sleep often.  I am nourished by my cord and sense a light from the dark womb.   I see a new house, smooth stairway of wood paneling.  I feel it in my mother’s fingertips.  She is choosing where I will grow up.  The old house carries fear; some have not gone home in the old halls of that farm.  The white rooms still carrying an imprint.  A doggie watches over my sister and mother, though he too has passed.  I see memories from her, where she grew up and she is reflecting on the same values.  It is very warm in the summer as I grow.  I can sense restlessness and want to kick as it becomes time.  My organs and limbs have formed fully and I just seem to know, something that was built into the plan.  The room is sticky, it is hard to stay here.  I see a way clearing now, she is in pain.  The light, go forward toward the light it is the only way.  I am alone and scared, being torn from her.  I cleave to her though I yearn to be out.  I am going to see her through my own eyes.  I am coming…

 How to remember what else came after I saw the light of earth again, coming into this world I saw faces rearing above me and I felt again the things that feel here when we are separated from the womb of the loving grace.  But at the same time, it was very traumatic so much so that after a time I began to believe in only this world because I did not know any other.  But I was reminded constantly of that fantasy I can barely scrape the surface of.  I felt the energies and saw the memories of the unseen world above us.  I saw the search for my spirituality driving me back towards recollection of all that I needed to hold on to as a valuable asset to understanding why I chose to come back.

 A warm summer night, driving through the fog like a parting veil.  A thought was penetrating my mind, to begin writing.  A book perhaps on my life, I wasn’t sure.  I had already developed a love for poetry and prose, though I knew that they were passions I always had.  They were words I could not speak to any other, but the Gods I began calling upon.  There were hidden things, now requiring a key to unlock ...