February 16, 2003

Dear Tammy,

It has been 9 months today that you ended your
life. Sometimes it seems much longer, and other
times it seems as though you are still just a
phone call away. I will never forget our last
phone call, and I especially will never forget the
phone call that we had the night before you shot
yourself. How could I have been so blind? You gave
me many clues that night, yet I never once thought
that you would take your own life. I am thankful
for the "love ya" at the end of that conversation,
I just hope that you knew that I loved you too.
You were more like a sister than a friend. I miss
you so much.

Taylor is a true hero, she has done wonderful, you
raised a beautiful daughter, and with what you
gave her in your eight years together, she will
grow up to be someone we will all be proud of. I
am sure that her Grandparent's are taking great
care of her, and of course spoiling her. I hate
that we had to loose Taylor too. It was very
heartbreaking when she left, although her and
Amanda do keep in touch. I have to tell you that
my pool is alot more work to keep clean now, it
was so easy when those girls were using it all of
the time.

I do my best to keep in touch with Rich, he's been
having a tough time since you left us. He went
through your clothes awhile back, and I am sure
that you would be happy to know that Amber is
wearing alot of them. Sometimes it's tough to see
her in your clothes, at the same time it's a nice
reminder of you.

You really have me into angels now, it's my new
thing, you were always the one who collected
angels, now I am getting into that. I keep your
picture on my entertainment center along with a
couple of poems about you and two angels as well
as the candles that you gave to me.

Oh, Tammy, I wish that you would've picked up the
phone and called me instead of picking up that
damn gun! I live with such guilt everyday,
because I truly believe that you gave me hints of
your thoughts, and I do think that I could have
stopped you. It is a hell of a thing to live with.
Just know in your heart that I love you and miss
you dearly, and if I could change things, I would.
Please forgive me for not picking up on the signs
of suicide.

There has been alot going on lately with Melissa,
and oh how I wish you were here. She has been
depressed for three months, I am trying to get
her help, the meds just don't seem to be working yet.

Tammy, please watch over us, as we all love and
miss you. Not a day has gone by that I haven't
thought of you in these past 9 months.

I love you my friend, rest with the angels.

Love always,
Beth