jj jackman know ye not - index
in the presence of a master 9/27/02 you just don’t know that you’re in the presence of a master well sometimes its kinda hard to tell i mean your int’rests well your int’rists just don’t seem to ... well for example, following my sister through the Met she was driven ... i couldn’t wait to get out of this fucking public place i mean i could feel the place about to explode at any second and all these people who can you trust? then she insisted nicely Jay i’ve got to at least see these three exhibits and at least be able to comment on the respective works with some sort of familiarity why don’t you take notes at least oh i'd like to, but i won't ‘cause i know that you prefer the Village (and you’ll only be five fucking hours in this fucking museum) ((i thought quietly to myself in a mad internal panic)) and then i saw the light at first it was the light on a certain face ... but I hate anything that has to do with medicine and especially teaching medical colleges and the title “The Gross Clinic” dissecting humans like legitimizing porn or the static model in the Charcoal 102 class i turned away in disgust ... why are so many people into healing themselves? and why are so many fucking people so fucking sick?! but the light, the lighting, the contrast brought me back to the same senses that draw me to the spoken word ... the ciaro scuro ... it was as if a light bulb was being stretched through the canvas from behind in the form of a bald gray winged visage you see Jay, she said, in 50 year old excitement with her raspy exuberant voice ... you see, Jay, not too many people know that it takes years to light a face like that ... Thomas Eakins was into the craft ... you’d like Sargeant too ... but I don’t like the John Singers at the Met you see he was into the payroll and he painted mostly somewhat jaded aristocrats and his good stuff just isn’t here (how the fuck do you know what i like?!!) (i huffled to myself) i like the old dude in the knoll with the naked nymphs!!! wait! well now i see it! but i mean how can anybody light a face like that and why are all the other figures so out of focus well you saw my stuff Jay right? ... i can’t light faces like that ... you know i was holding Ricky and painting us in a mirror (you can’t use photographs) especially where a mirror is involved and he moves too much and that pain in my neck is bothering me and i never know when Glen will call me for supper or when Becki will need a ride... how do you get him to stay for a second ... i mean, i wouldn’t, at his age at least Jay I’ve been painting him since he was born 8 years ago oh wow i never realized it, i mean, your stuff is as good as those nearly completed figures you don’t understand she said i can’t get from the vague to lighted figures that you saw and i’ve been at it for thirty years you see i can’t get from what i do now to the lighting on that face so we moved along in the gallery from one room to the next and nothing really moved me until we got to another medical scene, “The Agnew Clinic” ... now i like this one i said!! she said ... i’ve never seen it except in books!! i can’t believe the lighting on the face of the older guy i mean i like the way Eakins lights the girl attendant too the older guy is Dr Agnew, ... and you can’t talk that loud in a museum! she whispered softly it’s fucking unbelievable! the rest of it looks unfinished in comparison you see Jay, that’s where i am what do you mean? no no no i like your stuff Sarah ... don’t knock yourself i mean Gauguin’s works weren’t as far along as your works and even his colors were disappointing and there were tons more people there in his room than here in this room no Jay you can’t believe how terrible it is ... you see where i am ... i can’t get to that lighting well it’s obviously time i mean Eakins would have had to have lived at least twenty more life times to light the rest of the figures as well as he highlighted Dr Whomever i suppose that’s Dr Agnew, Jay but, look at all this other fucking garbage, i said, as i turned around in the room he wasted most of his fucking precious time and so do i and so do you hey Sarah look, look, look you gotta see this ... when you walk all the way over here there’s another thing on the shelf in the tub no it’s the same thing as the one you see on this side Jay oh yeh!!! you’re right ... but the whole scene looks like nothing when you’re right up against the wall! shit Sarah we’re in the presence of a master and i was in a hurry to get out a here!the Met exhibit of Thomas Eakins circa 9/2002