A Mary Sue in Rivendell

by Mizalaye

Alaina sighed.  School is so boring!  Mr. Wilson, her Biology teacher, was droning on about DNA or RNA or something like that, but Alaina was not even bothering to pretend she was paying attention.  As she waited for the bell to ring and set her free from school, she daydreamed about elves and rangers and hobbits – but mostly elves.  Legolas was her favorite character from the Lord of the Rings movies.  She’d never read the books; she figured they couldn’t be nearly as good as the amazing movies, despite the fact that the movies were based on them.

Finally, the bell rang.  Somehow, Mr. Wilson had managed not to notice that one of his students had daydreamed all the way through his lecture, so he dismissed the class, after assigning twenty pages of reading for homework.

Alaina hurried down the hall to her locker, but, of course, being the popular and gorgeous girl that she was, she didn’t look like she was hurrying.  She simply moved faster than usual, without breaking her usual nonchalant saunter.

After grabbing her biology book and her purse, Alaina continued her saunter out of the building and down the sidewalk toward her house.

A slight hum caught Alaina’s ear.  Looking around, she saw a necklace lying on the ground.  She picked it up and gasped dramatically in awe.  Intricate engravings covered the gleaming silver of the necklace with pictures of flowers and vines and creatures Alaina had never seen before.  But, despite the fairly detailed description she had just given it, Alaina barely noticed the silver.  Her attention was drawn to the jewel.  Dangling from the silver was a white gem nearly the diameter of a baseball that managed to glitter with all the colors of the rainbow, and held a fire within itself, even though both of those things are impossible in a white gem.

Amazed, as were her readers, that nobody had seen this necklace and picked it up before, Alaina looked around for someone who looked like they might have dropped it.  But, of course, nobody was running around yelling, “my necklace, my necklace!” and so, having finished her attempt at integrity, Alaina muttered, “Finders, keepers,” and clasped the glowing, humming necklace around her neck.

Instantly, the world around her melted away, and Alaina fell into blackness.

*************************************************************

When Alaina awoke, she found herself in a grove of trees she didn’t recognize.

“Where am I?” she asked softy.  Slowly, she stood, trying to gain her bearings.

“Greetings, m’lady.”  A passing elf bowed slightly.

Alaina nodded in response before her mind processed what it was seeing – an elf!  But that meant…  Alaina gasped.  “I’m in Middle Earth!” she cried.

Of course, nobody heard her.

Coincidentally, directly beside her was a small pond.  Alaina bent over it to see if her lipstick had been smudged when she fell.  What she saw made her gasp in total shock, though it shouldn’t come as much of a shock to her readers.

Alaina was an elf.  And not just any elf – a gorgeous elf-maiden!

(Prepare for really long description.  If you skip this paragraph, you won’t miss much…trust me.)  Alaina’s usually shoulder-length, thick, chocolate-brown hair now flowed smoothly past her waist.   The sides were swept away from her face in small, intricate braids much like those that Legolas wore, though more feminine.  Her ears, now elegantly pointed in true elven style, peeked out from between the braids.  Her formerly pale blue eyes were now a mixture of the deepest blue, the purest silver, and the most royal of purples, with tiny flecks of gold.  They shone from within as if two fires flickered in their mysterious depths.  And, as she stared, the colors began to whirl in a hypnotizing spiral.  Alaina quickly looked away from her eyes’ reflection, saving herself from being put under her own spell.  Her gown, for it was too exquisite to be called merely a dress, was a shimmering white, embroidered with gold and silver and what had to be mithril, the most precious metal of them all.  It clung to Alaina’s slim and regal figure in all the right places, making her look even more beautiful than she ever thought possible.  A gold belt encrusted with precious jewels of all kinds was wrapped around her waist, and bracelets made of woven gold and silver shone from her wrists.  But the most beautiful of all her adornments was the necklace she had put on in her other life, for it still glowed from its place against her throat. 

“My lady?”

Alaina turned to see an elven servant standing behind her.  “Yes?” she answered in perfect Elvish and a suddenly cultured voice.

“Have you come to attend the Council, m’lady?” the servant asked.

Ignoring the facts that, first, she didn’t know Elvish and, therefore, shouldn’t be having this conversation; second, Elrond’s Council was a secret council, so his servants, even if they knew about it, wouldn’t wander around inviting people; and, third, she had absolutely no business at the council, Alaina replied, “Of course.”

“This way, m’lady.”

Grinning from ear to ear in a very non-elven manner, Alaina followed the servant right to the edge of the Council area – which looked just like it had in the movie.  “Thank you,” she murmured politely as the servant wandered away.

Standing in the bushes just out of sight from the council members, Alaina debated her next move.  If she simply walked out now, they would question her as to who she was.  But, she mused, if I wait until the time is right, burst out and demand to accompany the Fellowship, who would stop me?  After all, they can’t possibly turn down a gorgeous female!  Looking down, Alaina saw an ever-so-conveniently-placed bow, inlaid with ivory and silver, to match her gown, and matching arrows.  Alaina grinned.  Especially an armed gorgeous female!

Then, Legolas walked in.

Instantly, all Alaina’s senses homed in on the Prince of Mirkwood.  There he was, right in front of her, the elf of her dreams!  Sighing, she watched his every fluid motion – until he seated himself, back to Alaina.  She growled.  Settle down, she ordered herself.  You’ll get to watch him all you want, once you’ve become the tenth member of the Fellowship.

Then, the Council began, and Alaina stopped watching Legolas and simply watched the Council unfold, exactly as it had in the movie.

Finally, her time came.

Legolas stepped forward.  “You have my bow.”

“And mine!”  With that cry, Alaina stepped into full view of the Council.

“Who are you?” Lord Elrond asked sternly.

The name came to Alaina at once.  “My name is Alainarvanimailre, and I wish to go with the Ringbearer to protect him.  I am skilled with a bow, and posses powers of foresight that can aid the Fellowship on its Quest.”  Giving Elrond her best dazzling smile, she waited for his agreement.

Elrond, however, seemed less than impressed.  “You are not an elf of Rivendell.”

“No, Lord Elrond.  I am…” Alaina thought quickly.  “I am a Lothlórien elf and have journeyed this long way to join this Fellowship.”  That should do it.

A dangerous gleam stole into Elrond’s eyes.  “No elf of Lothlórien journeyed to this Council.  The lady Galadriel herself informed me that none would be coming.  Did you disobey her orders, or are you not who you seem?”

Alaina refused to allow herself to panic.  “My true homeland should not matter.  What matters is my skill and knowledge.  I demand to be allowed to accompany the Ringbearer!”

“One final chance.  Who are you, truly?” Elrond asked.

“I am Alainarvanimailre, and…”

Alaina never finished. 

“Alainarvaina…whoever you are, you have been caught trespassing and attempting to stick your nose in where it is not wanted,” Lord Elrond intoned.  “For that crime, you are sentenced to die.”  Then, he looked around.  “Does anyone have a weapon handy?”

Despite the fact that none of the participants of the Council were armed, Legolas took advantage of the multiple plotholes that always accompanied a Mary Sue and whipped out his bow.  An elven arrow flew through the air.

The Mary Sue crumpled to the ground.

And readers everywhere cheered loudly at her demise.

 

Epilogue:  Alaina reappeared in her own world, none the worse for wear, and continued home, where she had cookies and milk and continued daydreaming harmlessly.

 

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