Bittersweet
Email: m_shell@hotpop.com
Rating: R, probably.
Pairing: Hermione/Lavender, implied Lavender/Parvati
Spoilers: Nah, although without having read most of the books, I doubt it'll make a lot of sense.
Warnings: More angst-I'm sure you're all real surprised. Not much sex, either.
Notes: So apparently, that 3-part thing isn't going to happen. I'm not sure how many it will be, now-we'll just have to
see.
Summary: Parvati finds a boy, and Lavender goes looking for a girl. Hermione gets involved, and complications ensue.
It really shouldn't bother her, Hermione told herself fiercely. She'd known all along that it was likely to happen. And since
when had it become so important, anyway? But despite all this, despite her best intellectual rationalizations, it did
bother her. Parvati had come back from her self-imposed exile, and Lavender had returned to her with not even a
backward glance.
There had been no warning, really-Hermione had come back to the Gryffindor common room to study Arithmancy with
Lavender as usual, and had been confronted with the sight of Lavender and Parvati bending over their homework
together, glossy black hair and soft brown curls glinting in the lamplight. Neither of them noticed her entrance, and
Hermione was seized by an unaccountable sensation at the sight of their friendly intimacy. It was like an ache or a
hollowness, and Hermione had to turn away from the two. They seemed entirely unaware of her presence, so she
quietly left the room for the safe confines of the library. And that was the beginning.
Hermione had no idea whether Parvati's Ravenclaw boy was a thing of the past, or if perhaps the novelty of the new
relationship had simply worn off, but after that afternoon, Parvati was simply present during almost all the times she had
been absent. In the afternoons, when Hermione and Lavender had been studying together, Parvati was there too,
looking over Arithmancy. In the evenings, when the two had stolen away to their shared bedroom, Parvati was hanging
around, obviously wanting to be with Lavender too. When Hermione realized that Parvati was going to be around, she
simply left rather than experience the rejection she felt to be a foregone conclusion. More often than even before
Lavender's overtures, Hermione wound up in the library or out on the Quiddich field, alone or with Ron and Harry.
Neither commented on her sudden avoidance of Lavender, just as neither had mentioned it when she began to spend
her time with the other girl. For once, Hermione was grateful that her two closest friends avoided talking about anything
remotely emotional like the plague, because she doubted that she could face their questioning.
One afternoon, Hermione was sitting at her usual table in the library, but the homework she had brought was lying
unnoticed on the table. Her thoughts had drifted, despite her best efforts at denial, to the question that was always
beneath the surface of her consciousness recently. When was it that she had grown fond of Lavender? she asked
herself. At first, she had been flattered but somewhat annoyed that the other girl was seeking her out-Lavender's
studious avoidance of matters academic had hardly endeared her to Hermione, and she knew full well that it was
Parvati's desertion that had driven Lavender to her. When Lavender had shown herself to be far more dedicated to her
studies than Hermione had thought possible, she'd decided that perhaps she'd misjudged the other girl. Hermione
almost blushed as she remembered how she had responded to Lavender's first shy but urgent kisses. Despite what her
better judgement had told her, she'd let herself be blinded by desire. But she couldn't claim that she'd begun the
relationship out of love. Need, or loneliness, or her longing for soft female curves and sweet kisses-but never love.
When had this morass of ignoble urges been transmuted into something more?
Resolutely, Hermione slammed her book closed. She deserved nothing more than this, she told herself bitterly. For
deceiving herself and using Lavender, for obscuring her own motivations, she deserved to be left alone. It still hurt to
think that Lavender could forget her so easily, but she could hardly fault the other girl. Whether Parvati had any
knowledge of Lavender's crush on her, whether Parvati was attracted to girls or not, Lavender's first allegiance had
never been anywhere but with Parvati. Perhaps, Hermione thought wryly, if she reminded herself of that often enough,
she could forget what had been between them. Perhaps the bittersweet longing would fade.
chapter 4
