"The December Writing"

                      

1
i am marco van...well, that's my name in this world to be recognized as an individual and avoid confusion, too. i wonder if i have no name, what will people call me? i prefer to be called "blue wind". it sounds refreshing like morning dew. there are many questions that surrounds me that i prefer and not prefer answering. i don't know why but i believe my brain isn't all knowing, oh well, let it be that way because that's the way it is.
am i a religious man or a charismatic natural leader? am i looking for truth in life or just enjoy living it? am i a taoist or a transcendentalist? am i good or a bad man? these questions just swirl around me like a train with a loud noise saying, "WHAT?"
I prefer not to answer. I love this moment and don't want to lose it. I'll just go and see what is "cool" (for the lack of proper word besides "harmonious" or "fair"). cool to everybody, every type of people and every type of weather. observation, and proper understanding are the key. calmness and peace of mind should be the trigger.
i hope that one day i can live independently and free so that i can plant apple seeds and pluck them when the fruits are ripe. are apples hard to plant? don't know. are apples delicious? definitely.
 

2
another day on another time. here i am, sitting and writing to freshen up my brain and forget the nicotine odor haunting around the computer room. I woke up at the wrong side of my bed, not a fresh start. Good will told me to stop doing it yet i never listen. If he were another person, he will pull my ear, drag me to the restroom and preach me a lot of things because he knows what's right and wrong, he is much superior that i am. he is part of me, after all. he is, also, me. It was destined for all human beings and all the creations of this world to have an inherited wisdom deep inside. It is not intellectual and not intelligence. It cannot be achieved by rigorious religious services because it is there, deep inside us. we just have to search for it like a submarine searching for the sunken Titanic. We just need to listen very well, listen and listen, nothing else. It talks to me, I listen. This "voice" is known by some psychologists as the Super Ego, to Christians as the "Holy Spirit", to the Greeks as "Logos" or reason, to the Chinese as the "Teh", to Ralph Waldo Emerson as "(inner)God", to Henry David Thoreau as "Genius", to Benjamin Holf as "inner nature" and to me as "THE ME".
It tells me what's the right action, the right time, the right opportunity. Whatever this is, it can be relied on. It's wisdom, listen to it.
 

3
I was running across the snowy fields, the heavenly gate revealed itself, saying "Winter life is good." I smiled back at that golden cloud that never smiles but always happily shining upon me. I watched her passed by my head, the frosted looking snowy clouds.
I fell flat in my back, watching her go while her breathing touches my face, I never disagreed because I love her. I love her name even more. It was cold and fun and white as ever before. The heavens watches me smile back with gladness, glad to see her again. I'll see her more until I fly away from my home.
 

written by marco van