Destiny must be the culprit. I never expected to get married. I always believed that I am not wife potential, because I was not domesticated enough, like my older sisters and my mother. In fact I was told countless times that I would never make a good wife, or find a husband because I am not lady-like and I was into competing against men, discussions in sports and politics. ( My uncles were to blame for it then….but I am very thankful!) But one Halloween weekend in 1983 , I was pursued sort of rapidly” by a “KANO”, a backpacker. He was in the restaurant, “Palayok de Oro”. He had a dinner reservation for 7:00 p.m. and was waiting for his tour guides to join with him. In the course of the evening, I was given messages by the waiter from the Kano. He was asking for my home address. I didn’t give it to him. At the end of their dinner, he introduced his tour guides to me. They were husband & wife, Eva & Boy. I then found out in the midst of our introduction, that Eva is a relative from my father’s side. In parting, the couple invited me for a family picnic the next day, sponsored by the Kano. I declined the invitation.

I thought that was the last I would hear from him. Early the next day, Eva came over at my house and asked my Mom’s permission to take me to their family picnic in Opol Beach . My Mom persuaded me to go, so I came along with the relatives and the Kano, even though I needed my sleep, ( I worked the grave yard shift). To me, I could not function without my 8-hour sleep! At the beach, I had fun. The Kano told me stories of his travels and Japan, especiallyOkinawa, Japan.
I went to work that night like a walking zombie, with no sleep! He invited me for breakfast before he flies back to Manila but I had to decline, my eyes were just tired and my eyelids were closing on me.

A week later I received a long distance phone call from the Kano. Three and 1/2 months, after Valentine's Day we got married in a civil ceremony in Tagoloan, Misamis Oriental. We honeymooned in Baguio with his tour guides, Eva and Boy tagging along.

A month later I joined him in Okinawa, Japan. There was no mentioned of living in America. He was not planning to come to his birth country, and he even planned to just buy a boat and sail all over the world. My stay in Japan, was the-getting-to-know time with him. I was having a hard time adjusting to my newfound life, like being a housewife and not working at all. I was used to working and not being housebound. I was homesick all the time! I was missing my family. Twice a year we would go home to see my family, but the visits would only last 2 weeks. My family suggested we should start having our own family...meaning I should have a baby. Well, I just could not make a baby of my own. I thought that the Kano was not able to have children, because he was not able to have kids from his previous marriages. (our marriage was his third). Christmas of 1984, while visiting my family in Cagayan de Oro, I was not feeling well, so my Mom took me to the doctor. I found out then, that I was with child. My Mom was so happy. I was happy! The Kano was happy!

After New Year, we went back home from our Christmas vacation. We were both excited about my pregnancy! But the plane ride was so rough on me, that 3 days later I had a miscarriage. We were both devastated and even cried together in the hospital. I was in a total mess! Emotionally I felt like I would not be able to make it through, with the family being so far away from me. At that time, all I ever wanted was to be with my mother. My mother wrote to me, and told me not to ever give up. She told me to pray to God.

I prayed, and He heard me! A month later, we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Four months later after a motor scooter accident, I found out I was 3 months pregnant. No wonder, when the motor scooter (moped) was about to fell on my stomach, I turn sideways to protect my front. The moped fell on my left leg instead. I didn't see the doctor right away, I waited for a week or so to get some prescription on my swollen left leg. Before the doctor could prescribe me with any medication I was asked to submit a urine sample. That was how I found out I was pregnant!

God is really good to me! The Kano was so excited! Then he decided it was time for me to meet his parents in America. Five months pregnant, he took me to America to meet his parents and sister for the very first time. I met two of the most wonderful couple, Mom Melva and Dad Tom. They embraced me to their family and I felt their love and acceptance. His parents asked him to reside permanently in America when the baby arrives. But had already made up his mind to live overseas.

During my pregnancy I was advised to be very careful because of my previous miscarriage. The Kano was not of help at all. He told he could not help me with my pregnancy because I am not a baby that needs helping. Instead, he asked my older sister Doris to stay with us in Japan to help me prepare for the baby. Our daughter was born, October 21st in the Naval Hospital in Okinawa. I had a difficult delivery. That was the time when I found out that the Kano is not the kind of husband that I would spend the rest of my life with. I felt very alone. The day I left the hospital, he told me "today is the beginning of a miserable life with you...you got your wish now...you have your daughter". He felt so bitter about not having a son! I've never known a man that could be so hurtful...I met him..and I was married to him. The next day, he forced me to go jogging with him, so I would lost the weight I gained during pregnancy. I remembered jogging with him that night, with tears rolling down my cheeks!

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Six months after Stacey was born we settled in the island of Cebu. He retired from his work in Okinawa, Japan and realized his dream of becoming a farmer. We lived in Cebu for two years. I should be a very happy woman being in Cebu among friends and relatives. But I was not! The Kano loves to party with his friends. Even bought a night club in the city, so he will have some people to talk to who speak his language. I went back to school. School was great for me. But I realized that I was not happy being around with the Kano. He was too dominant. I felt like I was walking on thin ice. We were not allowed to speak our dialect in front of him. He insisted that our daughter should not speak Pilipino. Her cousins were not allowed to see her unless they spoke English to her. I'd rather had him stay at his club all the time than nagged me day and day out. I asked for a divorce. He didn't like that at all, so he seeked for my parents help. My parents talked me out of it. I listened to my parents. I was told to tough it out and to persevere! I persevered for 10 years!

The Kano's early retirement money dwindled after so many failed business ventures in Cebu. He had to get a job again. So he announced one day, that we were leaving for America in 5 days! Three suitcases packed we headed for America. October 1987 we arrived in Mt. Vernon, WA and lived with his parents for six months. Six months later he took a job as an Architect for a private company. He only stayed with the firm for six months, and took another job in New Jersey, this time working for the government. He only kept the job for seven months, and took a job in Kodiak, Alaska. We stayed there for 2 years. I was beginning to climatized my self, and started to meet new friends. But we had to move again. We finally ended up in Puyallup, WA when Stacey started Kindergarten. The marriage was not doing very well. I focused my self on Stacey and took some college classes at night. I was in the Dean's List. I was always in the happiest mood when I was Stacey and when I was in school. I was told I was beginning to act and talk like an American woman. I was not the woman he first met in 1983. He told me I should do something else rather than watch Ophra on TV.

I filed for divorce in 1995 and was finalized in March 1996. The sanest, most bravest thing I have ever done in my life and what I learned from Ophra!

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