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Life
Death, the
celebration of Life.
Is not in itself to fear,
But instead fear the fear of Death,
As it is a far more powerful creature.
Fear, shared by all life,
Should not rule life,
Should moderate and strengthen it.
If one should not have fear,
The reaper will soon be near.
Life, created by the life.
A complex creature.
A mystery.
A paradox that we strive to understand.
One will only understand Life
Once one understands the Self,
Once one understands that answers aren't found in the Future,
But in the Past.
December
2000
Light and Dark
Light will
bring sight.
Dark will bring insight.
Light will bring good.
Dark will bring evil.
Light will bring unity.
Dark will bring solitude.
Light will bring faith.
Dark will bring wisdom.
Light will darken.
Dark will lighten.
When Light and Dark become one,
One will obtain the key
That will open up the gates to the Kingdom.
December
2000
Time
Time,
It is the relentless force,
The unstoppable force
That drives our lives
To the inevitable end.
It counts down our seconds
From the beginning
To our end.
We're all given
A small amount
Of time,
But we won't realize it,
Until we're all
Out of time.
December
2000
Shackles of Lies
Break out of the
chains,
Escape from all
the pains.
The world, full
of mystery.
The world, full
of misery.
One man craves
the fortune, one the fame.
Both fill their
lives with lies and shame.
Build themselves
in a false utopia,
Showing no signs
of phobia.
Break out of the
chains,
Escape from all
the pains.
The world, full
of muse.
The world, full
of abuse.
We cover the
ugly with the mask of beauty.
We consider this
to be our rightful duty.
Acceptance does
not come with reality,
But comes with
some false entity.
Break out of the
chains,
Escape from all
the pains.
The world, full
of great wonder.
The world, full
of endless blunder.
These shackles
of lies that keep us down,
Make us hide the
truth that can be found.
We all hold the
Key to the Kingdom,
But our deceit
covers the keyhole to freedom.
Break free from
these chains,
Escape from all
of your pains.
The world, we
fill it with poison and dreary.
The world, we
will make it into a morbid cemetery.
March 2001
Pure Temptation
Purity or
temptation?
A timeless
contemplation.
Purity for the
patient,
A people almost
ancient.
Temptation for
those with greed,
For those with
an insatiable hunger to feed.
Purity or
temptation?
Both a different
sensation.
The flame of
eternal light,
The candle that
burns in the night.
The blaze of
eternal despair,
The destruction
of souls beyond repair.
Purity or
temptation?
A heavenly
salvation,
An eternal
damnation,
A blissful
flight,
A distressful
plight,
A gleeful rise,
A gloomy demise.
Purity or
temptation?
A startling
realization.
March 2001
No More
I've listened to
your bickering,
I've heard your
gossiping,
I've taken you
blaming,
I've felt your
shaming.
All you do is
fuel the fire,
That burns for
my pyre.
All you do is
tear at my soul,
Trying to
decimate my ultimate goal.
No more.
I've let you use
me,
I've let you
abuse me,
I've let you
confuse me,
I've let you
diffuse me.
All you do is
fuel the fire,
Burning up my
deepest desire.
All you do is
tear at my soul,
Wanting for my
bell to toll.
No more.
You want me to
live in a cemetery.
You want me to
cut off my central artery.
You want me to
live in constant pain.
You want me to
cut off my central vain.
All you do is
fuel the fire,
Which only feeds
my insatiable ire.
All you do is
tear at my soul,
Tear at me until
I'm no longer whole.
No more...
March 2001
Deceit
My heart filled
with burning rage,
My mind as profound as the sage.
I carry on a loud, unheard cry.
I hear only a universal lie.
I see the world of shame and deceit,
I see these people of greed and conceit.
These people can't get past the confusion,
They can't overcome the delusion.
They make up this world of pretend.
They destroy the world that we can no longer mend.
I need to be free,
Free from this indecency.
April 2001
The Forgotten Soul
I am the soul
forgotten,
My body already in the coffin,
Decomposing and lying.
Now my soul is dying.
They never came to my grave,
They treated me like the knave.
They act like I was never born,
They leave my soul very torn.
I know lie on my second deathbed
With this pain surging through my heart and head.
I am asking why,
But I will never get a reply.
I am no longer with these men and women,
For I am the soul that was forgotten...
April 2001
Light of Darkness
I walk down my
path of life,
Full of endless darkness and strife.
I see a beacon of light signal for me,
Trying to break me from the dark, to set me free.
I envision a world free of suffering and pain.
I see a world free from this dark plane.
The light burns like the eternal light of salvation,
Guiding me out of this horrid damnation.
My heart, filled now with hope and glee,
And then full of hurt and animosity.
I now see the truth that the light does hide.
All the light will do is fill me with false pride.
I would rather walk down my chosen path of gloom,
Instead of forever resting in my deathly tomb.
April 2001
Breathe
My lips turn
blue,
My heart changes too.
You believe that this is the only way.
You wish that I were gone yesterday.
Your choking off my lifeline,
Your cutting off my air,
Your ripping out this soul of mine
And filling it with despair.
Your taking away all of my breath.
You’re bringing me to my death.
So I ask you please,
Just let me breathe.
So I beg you please,
Just let me breathe.
April 2001
The Struggle
The struggle of
it all.
The struggle to
keep from the fall.
The struggle to
be free.
The struggle
just to be.
Death becomes
the easy way out
From the
pressure of living life out.
Death becomes
the short sweet drug.
It makes us
forget the pain that we lug.
Death becomes
the ultimate temptation.
To live or not,
the greatest contemplation.
The struggle to
be patient.
The struggle for
the pleasure.
The struggle to
be meant.
The struggle for
the cure.
To feel the sun
or the dirt?
To feel the joy
or the hurt?
To feel the soft
touch or the harsh sting?
To feel the
short-lived or the everlasting?
All the choices
we juggle
Is the human
struggle.
April 24,
2001
Angel's Eyes
Your eyes so simple and soothing,
Yet so perplexing and enchanting.
Your eyes fill me with glee
As their gaze consumes me.
Your eyes full of boundless tomorrows,
I never see them with harmful sorrow.
Your eyes embraced with endless care,
Without one once of destructive despair.
Your eyes engulfed with a loving flame.
It is your eyes that keeps my heart tame.
Your eyes as precious as an emerald.
They tell a future of warmth, not cold.
Your eyes will never fade away,
As in my mind they will forever stay.
Your eyes will forever be
Pure, innocent, and free.
My angel dear,
My heart is near.
May 24, 2001
Ants
We are all but
ants,
Working and scurrying about.
Living in our underground,
Living our life out.
Hidden from the light of Chance,
Deaf to Freedom's sound.
We wander without aim.
We wander without a shout.
We wander about our mound.
We believe every word without a doubt.
Our lives have become a pointless shame.
Our spirits must be found,
For our time is almost out.
May 24, 2001
The Silent Sea
My silent
nightmares scare me awake.
A chill causing
me to stir and shake.
I see a
silhouette in the silver of the moonlight.
A ghostly figure
almost out of sight.
I can still see
her in my mind.
She was so very
considerate and kind.
Why had she been
taken?
Why am I still
shakin’?
Why can I still
hear her in my head?
God, why must
she be dead?
A life full of
happiness.
A life full of
pleasantness.
A life full of
eternal promise.
And we never
even got to share a final kiss.
I still can feel
her presences near me,
Reminding me of
the calm, cruel sea.
Why couldn’t you
have taken us both?
This is a cruel
fate that I loath.
Why did you take
away my everything?
Why did you take
away the one that meant anything?
July 28, 2001
Tear for Life
(What Are We Doing?)
I hear the
screams of the mothers crying.
I see the pains
of the children dying.
We kill our
future and hope for the best.
We all will end
in an eternal rest.
What will it
take to heal our wounds?
Why do we rape
our earthly wombs?
What can we do
to save our souls?
What can we do
to make us whole?
What are we
doing?
Pain for
pleasure, pleasure for pain.
Creating havoc
for worthless gain.
We’re completely
blinded by our powers,
It’s no wonder
why Nature cowers.
We destroy the
planet like a fly,
Not considering
the reasons why.
We cut down what
gets in our path.
We’ll torment,
then laugh and laugh.
What are we
doing?
I feel the pain
of the helpless soul.
I’m starting to
lose all self-control.
The tears are
rolling down my cheek.
Why must
humanity be so bleak?
Our history is
being written in crimson,
As we make this
place our hellish prison.
As we continue
with this agonizing grief
I will never
breathe my sigh of relief.
August 7,
2001
Short and Sweet
When it comes
down to it,
Life is a miss
or a hit.
Our cards are
dealt
And Fate's our
apt dealer.
Our anguish is
felt
And Death’s our
pain-killer.
August 17,
2001
Final Teardrop
Eyes watered,
about to fall.
Hardly able to
even crawl.
Silent voice,
screaming soul.
Spirit becomes a
swallow hole.
Pain and Dreary,
Are all that
fill me.
Suffering and
Sorrow,
Waits for
tomorrow.
Mind of dark
art,
Corroding all
heart.
Scars will never
show,
The wounds only
grow.
The tear drops.
The life stops.
August 23,
2001
Life’s Worth
This is my soul
crying.
This is my
spirit dying.
These are my
tears cascading.
This is my life
fading.
I can't get over
this feeling of guilt.
It's like a
parasite causing me to wilt.
Will the
suffering stop eating away at me,
Or will it
finally just end up killing me?
This is my body
shaking.
This is my heart
aching.
These are my
eyes watering.
This is my life
withering.
I’ve got no
where to go to,
Not even for my
last adieu.
Why can’t I stop
this rage from paining?
Is my life only
worth its baning?
This is my soul
crying.
This is my
spirit dying.
These are my
tears cascading.
This is my life
alone and fading.
August 23.
2001
Internecine Soul
Inside me is a
creature of illusions.
Inside me I find
endless conclusions.
Scrambled
thoughts, vacant feelings,
Constricted
emotions, twisted dealings.
Anxiety builds
up in a moment’s notice,
But not for
reasons of fear or bliss,
For reasons
unknown to me,
Reasons that I
cannot see.
My heart plays
my own requiem,
But with notes
that I can’t fathom.
Cumbersome
dreams of mortality
Awaken me from
this reality.
My spine chilled
to the core
Listening to
disheartening lore.
Fire inside
reducing me to ashes
As my body
steadily blanches.
Silent voices
whispering to me in my head
Telling me that
I’m not dying, but already dead.
September 29,
2001
Bottled Feeling, Deadly
Dealing
In that spot my
heart let her slip away.
In that spot my
mind will forever stay.
Gone from my
life in a sudden flash,
Me standing
there feeling the harsh lash.
How could have I
lost her all that fast?
That day will
haunt me ‘til my life has passed.
My heart in
forever paining,
My eyes
constantly raining,
My soul is
pained and aching,
My body saddened
and shaking.
Why didn’t I
tell you that I loved you?
Why did I think
that you knew?
This is
something I shouldn’t have assumed.
Now my heart
will forever be doomed.
I have lost my
life and have nothing else to live for.
Dispose of this
body as I don’t need it anymore.
My heart frozen
in time,
My eyes almost
blind,
My soul lies
there almost dead,
My body
paralyzed from end to end.
All I do is just
stay there and brood.
No one can lift
me from this dark mood.
I am growing
deeper into insanity.
My absence will
be the best for humanity.
As my lights are
now going rapidly dim,
I ask myself,
why I let you go with him.
My angel, my
life taken from me.
In that moment,
I ceased to be.
October 6,
2001
I Want To Go
You make me feel
so dumb.
You make my body
numb.
You think that
my mind stands still,
While I prepare
for my kill.
You destroy my
every hope.
I have no way
left to cope.
Take me by the
hand.
Make me
understand.
Free the blood
from my veins.
Show me my life
is a stain.
I don’t care if
I go.
I can’t stand to
be so low.
Please just make
my end,
For once just be
a friend.
Please just let
me go.
I want to go.
I need to go.
Just let me go
away.
I cannot stay.
You say I’m
worthless.
You say I’m
pointless.
You say I’m
useless.
You say I’m
meaningless.
I’d say you’re
wrong,
But no point to
be strong.
It’s almost
done.
I’m almost gone.
Please just let
me go.
I want to go.
I need to go.
Just let me go
away.
I cannot stay.
My time is near.
I can sense it
dear.
No more shames.
No more games.
I’m going away.
I cannot stay.
Goodnight my
dear.
Don’t worry,
I’ll be near.
October 7,
2001
Melancholic Depression
Black becomes
the colour of choice.
Sombre is the
tone set in my voice.
Spaced out into
the dark, deep abyss,
Thinking of the
things I no longer miss.
Silently staring
at my own reflection.
Quietly planning
my bodily dissection.
The child inside
me is on his last drop of existence.
My body is doing
whatever it wants without resistance.
I don’t care if
my soul has fallen,
This life is
just way too sullen.
Smiling wryly
from ear to ear,
Watching my
dreams go down in tears.
This is my life,
my impression,
This is my
melancholic depression.
October 9,
2001
Revival
Silent serenity,
Care-free life
we made.
Harsh reality,
Care-free life
we spade.
Perfect danger,
Running from the
fear.
Screaming
stranger,
Can’t get into
the clear.
Denied dreams,
A future trying
to obtain.
Dried stream,
A life trying to
sustain.
Shattered
family,
No place left to
go.
Disgruntled
enemies,
Nothing left to
show.
Barren Earth,
Nothing left on
this land.
Global birth,
We were made of
this sand.
Endless pain,
Ruthless
punishment and torture.
Bloody stain,
Polluted plans
set into the future.
Blooming flower,
Under all the
wreckage and debris.
Undying power,
It grows back
stronger and free.
October 11,
2001
Mirage of Tranquility
Silence in
screams,
Nothing is what
is seems,
Waiting in calm
anxiety,
Trying to
understand society.
Dreams of
nightmares resurface,
Ambitions arise
of tender malice,
Stuck in this
beautiful pain forever,
Body and soul
being severed.
Everything comes
tumbling down.
Everything
collapses in an instance.
Your soul, your
spirit is nowhere to be found.
Your body
becomes lost in the distance.
Let it be…
Healthy in
disease,
Nothing comes
with ease,
Watching the
angels scheme,
The earth
inherited with pitiful esteem.
Conjuring up
mendacious illusions,
Relying on these
lovely delusions.
Elegies sung
with heavenly praise,
Bodies fall and
spirits raise.
Everything comes
tumbling down.
Everything
collapses in an instance.
Your mind, your
thoughts deafened by the sound.
Your body
sheltered in full resistance.
Let it be…
Surrounded by
incoherent babbling.
Surrounded by
trivial squabbling.
War rages on and
where will you be?
Hate tears
through and where will you be?
Earth painted in
crimson and what will you do?
Souls cry and
scream for help and what do you do?
You let it be.
You let it be.
You just let it
be.
You let…it…be…
October 17,
2001
Vow to an Angel
My enticing
love,
Truly an angel
from above,
When thou art
around
Nothing shall
keep me down.
I will walk
through the fields of war
Just to let our
hearts soar.
Through the
small and in extremis,
To be with thee
for the ideal bliss.
I shall fight
for thee 'til the end,
'Til every drop
of my blood, sweat, and tears are spent.
Through episodes
of melancholy and mope,
Your heart warms
me with the Phoenix's hope.
Battling past
every demon sent,
My love for thee
remains fervent.
For even when I
shall die,
My love for thee
shall never shy.
October 24,
2001
The Cycle
Lying around,
gazing skyward.
Thinking of
nothing past or forward.
The Sun melts
into the Earth
As the Moon
begins its routine birth.
Peace and
serenity assumes their position,
Embraced in this
silent condition.
All feelings and
emotions are of pleasure.
A wish is cast
for this to last forever.
Nothing can end
this beautiful bliss,
Except for
waking up into the truthful abyss.
Realization that
time cannot stand still
Creates
sensations of a blood-freezing chill.
This life may
not be infinite,
But one thing is
definite,
We will begin
again into a new life,
Maybe even one
without any strife,
But all in all,
The Sun will
continue to rise and fall.
October 26,
2001
Deception
The people you
thought you knew.
The souls that
you misconstrue.
You pour your heart into them.
They treat you
as second-rate.
They use you for
their bait.
You give your body to protect them.
They snicker at
you behind your back.
They drive the
nail through your heart’s crack.
You share your soul with them.
You gave them it
all, but for what?
For them to take
a knife to your throat and cut?
You gave your life to her,
But things never were what they were.
October 29,
2001
Can You?
Can you feel the
sweat dripping down your brow?
Can you find
yourself asking what, why, how?
Can you feel
your blood boil and heart pound?
Can you hear the
thump, thump, thump sound?
Can you feel the
adrenaline rush in your veins?
Can you use the
unearthly energy for the gain?
Can you feel
your knees buckle and your feet shake?
Can you take the
head, heart, and body aches?
Can you feel
what it is like to be loved by me?
Can you wish to
smile in bliss for eternity?
November 2,
2001
Lost Desire
It sounds
strange, but I envy the dead.
They don’t have
to deal with the problems in my head.
My world is
crashing down all around
And from the
debris, nothing can be found.
Each new pain is
like an arrow striking me,
Even though I
break it off, the tip stays in me.
Burning fire,
Built-up ire,
Dying admire,
Lost desire.
Known bodies
falling from disease.
Lost loves
bringing me to my knees.
Families cut me
off, wave me out.
Friends come by
only to scream and shout.
I wish for faith
and pray for hop.
How is it that
I’m unable to cope?
Burning fire,
Built-up ire,
Dying admire,
Lost desire.
I’ve grown tired
of searching for a cure.
The years have
only made me more unsure.
When is it
over? When will it end?
When will the
wounds finally mend?
I lie down,
close my eyes, and begin to weep.
Bliss surging
through me as I will finally sleep.
Burning fire,
Built-up ire,
Dying admire,
Lost desire.
November 9,
2001
Falling Apart
The people you
knew
Coming up to you
Putting a bullet
in your heart
Tearing you
totally apart.
What have you
done to deserve this?
What do you do
to avoid this?
What do you do?
‘Cause you’ll
never be missed.
Falling apart.
Tearing up my
soul.
Where am I
going?
I’ve lost all
control.
I beggin’ on my
knees,
Come on baby,
please
End my misery.
I’m walking
without reason
Through this
cold season
I don’t care
where I’m going
I don’t care
what I do
I don’t care
about much anymore
Now that I’ve
lost you.
I’m falling…
I’m falling
apart.
November 11,
2001
Grey Skies
Coming in
through the skies of grey.
Having one of
the most terrible days.
Turning the
corner and finding you,
It felt like the
sunlight breaking through.
Exchanging
smiles and hypnotic glances,
Losing any fear
to take any chances.
We walk.
We laugh.
We smile.
We gaze.
You hold my
hand. I feel warm.
You study my
eyes. I feel secure.
All this becomes
the calm before the storm.
You drag my
heart through unbearable torture.
You take aim to
my heart and spear it.
You leave me a
withered, broken spirit.
I sit.
I weep.
I mourn.
I stare.
Do you’re
friends really care for you all that much?
Would they
sacrifice themselves for your life?
Would they take
the bullet or even budge?
I would have
gone through infinite despair and strife.
I was tucked
into my cold death bed,
But you only
listened to what they said.
The regenerative
Sun now has blackened
And grey clouds
linger with me every second.
November 19,
2001
Twisted Fate
The wispy clouds
surround the Moon.
My angel should
be back soon.
This was always
our favourite time.
To sit and stare
at this round mime.
I don’t know
where she has gone,
But she has been
gone for all so long.
I’m waiting
under our engraved tree
For you to
return home to me.
A messenger
delivers me some horrid news.
News that leaves
me alone and confused.
Someone has
stripped you of your life.
My blood curdles
with an everlasting strife.
I swear an oath
to seek for vengeance
For this demon
and his descendents.
Even if I happen
to pass away
My spirit will
haunt him everyday.
I wander back to
our hill.
Under our tree,
where time stands still.
I sit here and
feel your majestic soul.
It’s all that’s
keeping me under control.
If the stars
truly control our fate,
Then this is a
fate I truly hate.
A tear comes
streaming down my face.
I will never
forget your beautiful embrace.
I will forever
love you, my angel.
November 22,
2001
Desertion
I sit, I stare
Up at the
midnight air.
I think, I
wonder
What it is I
ponder?
I wish, I pray
My mind does not
go astray.
I'm alone, I'm
empty.
Why do they all
resent me?
November 26,
2001
Drowning Angel
Your life is so
torn up.
Your soul is so
beat up.
Misery follows
your every footstep.
No moments with
pleasure,
Only times of
torture,
Follow you like
the shadows of your soul.
You will always
remain in my heart.
You’re my
drowning Angel.
You’re the
beautiful embrace.
You’re my
drowning Angel.
You’re the smile
on my face.
You’re my
drowning Angel.
Hold your breath
no more.
You’re my
drowning Angel.
I will bring you
back to shore.
These voices
direct you astray.
Don’t listen to
what they say.
You will find
your soul hidden within.
Let time play
out your course,
‘Cause they will
feel remorse,
For the pains
they have caused your soul.
You will always
be a part of my heart.
You will always
be a part of my heart.
You’re my
drowning Angel.
You’re the
beautiful embrace.
You’re my
drowning Angel.
You’re the smile
on my face.
You’re my
drowning Angel.
Hold your breath
no more.
You’re my
drowning Angel.
I will bring you
back to shore.
My drowning
Angel,
The clouds are
coming down.
My drowning
Angel,
Your heavens
will be found.
December 17,
2001
Broken Wings
You’re broken,
you’re beaten,
You’re battered,
you’re bleedin’.
But who really
cares? Who really gives a damn?
You’re worked to
the bone
Just to make it
on your own.
But who really
cares? Who really gives a damn?
I do angel, I
truly understand.
You’re the fuel
to my fire,
You’re my
burning desire.
I cannot bear to
lose you.
My soul is here
to save you.
They dragged you
from fear to rage to hate.
They’ve taken
the food from off your plate.
But do they
really care? Do they really give a damn?
You’re losing
your strength; they’re stealing your soul.
You’ve lost all
your faith and gone is your self-control.
But do they
really care? Do they really give a damn?
Do they really
care?
Do they really
give a damn?
I do angel, I
truly understand.
You’re the fuel
to my fire,
You’re my
burning desire.
I cannot bear to
lose you.
My soul is here
to save you.
The bones will
heal.
The wounds will
seal.
You will find
your soul.
You will be
whole.
You have the
potential within you
To make all your
dreams come true.
I believe in
you.
You need to
believe in you.
January 5,
2002
Soulless Creature
The child of
innocence lying at your feet.
You stand there
ready to smile, not weep.
The sadistic
look comes over your face
Like the Black
Angel over the land of grace.
You figure that
your problems have been fixed
Now that your
child travels down the River Styx.
The bloody
dagger drops from your hand.
The body not
being stabbed now, but the land.
How does one
even go through with this?
Do you get a
feeling of ecstasy or bliss?
The child born
of the Winter Solstice,
She couldn’t
even crawl away from this.
One of a
disturbed mind.
One of a
sickening kind.
Baptized in the
sea of fire,
Filled with a
revolting ire.
You are the
odious preacher,
You are the
soulless creature.
Now you search
for your second helping.
Looking for the
weak, the vulnerable being.
You’re craving
for the blood, the screams.
This is the
ultimate drug of your dreams.
How many more
will fall to your illness?
How many lives
will fall before the sickness?
Behind you lies
the corpse of your loving wife,
Clutching your
son—another victim of the strife.
Now you look at
daughter’s cold, bloodshot eyes.
A smile emerges
as you remember their dying sighs.
Merciless being
of hate.
Death is what
you celebrate.
Baptized in the
sea of fire,
Filled with a
revolting ire.
You are the
odious preacher,
You are the
soulless creature.
Your eyes can
now see
And you are
finally free.
January 8,
2002
Reunited
My soul is
troubled with pain and anguish,
From harsh
reality I can’t distinguish.
I hear a crow
calling to take me away,
To a new world,
out of mine of dismay.
I sit here
waiting for him to come,
As my hands and
feet start to go numb.
I could feel the
crimson liquid begin to pour,
As I stare at
the height I was standing on before.
The fall took
only mere seconds to end,
Yet the memories
took a lifetime to mend.
My love, I had
lost you once before,
But I wish to
lose you nevermore.
The angel of my
nightmare, demon of my dream.
You made my life
into an ecstatic scream.
Only a short
travel now keeps us apart
From being
together, heart to heart.
I can hear that
black bird calling for me
And He will
bring us back to forever be.
January 17, 2002
Saviour
The pills lie by
my bed.
All these
thoughts in my head.
A razor awaits
on the sink.
My mind so
cluttered, can’t think.
A fall from a
cliff won’t take too long.
I can already
hear the funeral song.
My friends, my
family don’t notice a thing,
Yet my own
requiem is all that I sing.
I hide myself
behind closed doors.
They’ve never
seen the pains and sores.
I dream of the
many ways to die…
Then I think of
your eyes.
Such beauty,
they make me strive,
Strive to stay
alive.
You’re the only
thing keeping me sane,
Keeping me
alive.
You mean
everything to me.
You are my life.
They belittle my
thoughts, my desires.
I need to burn
in the blazing fires.
(Keep me
strong.)
They have walked
all over my beliefs.
Freedom of this
world would be a great relief.
(Keep my faith.)
They have
already crucified my soul,
Why not take my
body to make it whole?
(Keep me alive.)
You are my
strength.
You are my fire.
You are my
faith.
You are my
desire.
You are my
sanity.
You are my life.
January 22, 2002
Beautiful World
A world of mad
confusions.
Visions of
satisfying delusions.
Games played on
the Devil’s field.
Truth stopped by
selective shields.
Material items
used to find religion.
Temptations
drive to foolish decisions.
Churches beg for
more money to lie.
Homeless on the
cold streets slowly die.
Every life is
for sale, new or used.
Greed, Money,
and Sex are the gods of new.
A beautiful
black, haze-filled sky.
There is very
little left to destroy.
Open your eyes.
Take a look at
your toxic dreams.
Open your ears.
Listen to your
Earth’s horrid screams.
Open your mind.
Think of all
your irrational deeds.
Open your soul.
Feel the pain of
your devastating creed.
January 29, 2002
A Glance Within
She is a soul
despaired.
Grey skies of
gloom are cast overhead.
Agony controls
her world,
And anguish
controls her desires.
Her eyes of pain
shed no more tears
While her life
is still astray.
By her bed she
sees a shimmering salvation,
A blade that can
get her away from the dreary.
She thinks,
‘What if I were to make a cut
And let the life
flow out from me?
Why doesn’t my
family see my problems?
Why don’t my
friends figure it out?
Why must my life
be filled with doubt?’
A glance in the
mirror fills her with hope.
She looks at her
eyes and realizes
That there is
still an angel of life within.
February 6, 2002
Stranger
I’m your living
nightmare.
I’m the one who
makes you scream.
I’m your
greatest scare.
You’ll never
wake from this hellish dream.
I’m the end of
your confidence.
I’ll bring you
to extinction.
I’m the
destruction of your existence.
Your pains and
joy have no distinction.
I’m the pain
bleeding from your heart.
I’m the hell
torturing your soul.
I’m the one
haunting you from the start.
Soon you’ll be
living in the six-foot hole.
I’m the one that
stands next to you.
I’m the one that
mimics every motion.
I’m the one that
stares back at you.
I’m the one that
feels every emotion.
I’m the one that
fills your life with doubt.
I’m the one that
has always despised you.
I’m the one that
you can’t live without.
‘Cause I’m the
one reflected back at you.
February 22, 2002
Repression
A black smile’s
painted on my face
Hiding what I
feel inside.
My dying heart’s
in disgrace
And I don’t know
what’s left to hide.
Painful memories
destroying me,
A wishful past
long gone.
Regretful
moments haunting me
And I’m still
trying to be strong.
Crawling back
between the rocks,
Dreading another
repressing day.
Emotions are
under chain and lock
And I’ve lost my
life, I’ve lost my way.
A soul striving,
crying, dying in me,
Sealed away in
this sheltered hut.
My shattered
eyes trying to see,
But only ‘til I
close them shut.
Gyratory
A bloody end to
your bloody beginning.
You’re just a
fool caught in the Game.
A doubted truth
is what you’re admitting
And hoping that
it will buy you some fame.
Places of utter
pain and undying horror
Anxiously await
your hastened arrival.
This Game you
started will soon be over
And you won’t
even have the chance for survival.
The “life”
you’ve built will then soon crumble,
While you try to
look for your structured shelter.
The Babylon
you’ve created will quickly tumble
And your realm
of reality will hastily welter.
You’ll feel the
drug of veracity.
You will
experience the pains that you give.
Grief and Agony
will show their tenacity.
The Life you
make is the Life you live.
March 16, 2002
Angel with Skeletal
Wings
An angel with
skeletal wings
Held up only by
rotten strings.
Hands together,
praying to your Lord.
Struggling on
each and every word.
Hoping the winds
will not break
The strings that
keep your life at stake.
A soul entangled
in the barbed-wire encasement
Of a body in
dire need of replacement.
Look down at the
ignorant fools who watch you.
Know that if the
strings snap, no one will catch you.
Black halos
surround your innocent eyes.
Your voice
silenced from your cries.
Stop trying to
fly away, to fly free.
Open your sleepy
eyes and start to see.
You are just an
angel, an angel with skeletal wings.
Your life will
forever hang by these rotting strings.
April 20, 2002
Warmth
Standing by you
again,
I feel the
warmth engulfing me.
Memories flood
my mind
Of a time that
has now passed by.
A sudden shock
split us,
That woke the
old demons in me,
Left me in my
corner brooding
Of ways to
stitch the painful wounds.
Regret flows in
my veins
And like a
toxin, it plagues me.
Each time I
passed you by,
Words in heart
couldn’t reach my tongue.
Standing by you
again,
I saw the same
pains in your eyes.
An unknown
connection
Seemed to
connect us at the heart.
I wonder in my
mind
Will our souls
stand or fall apart?
That warmth
still radiates,
It’s what drew
me in from the start.
April 28, 2002
Slain Desire
Painful days do
haunt me still.
I just can’t
seem to sort things out.
Nothing I do is
my own will.
I can’t speak—I
can’t shout.
Nobody to help
me as I fall.
Crashing into
hard cement.
I don’t want to
have it all,
Just the Angel
innocent.
Tears stock up,
await to drop.
My throat clogs
up and I can’t swallow.
I reach for an
unreachable top.
This path that
strays I must follow.
Everything I
wanted was you
But this dream
was brashly maimed.
My heart will
always beat for you,
Even though it
has been slain.
April 29, 2002
Better Off Dead
Cold and dying
all alone.
No place at all
to call home.
Using a stone
for a pillow.
Pockets bare,
empty, hollow.
Nothing at all
to worry about.
No cares for
bills, for being stout.
Better off dead?
Not
yet…
Fucked in the
head?
Not
yet…
Crawling off to
the street corner.
Setting up to
meet a donor.
Selling
makeshift crucifixes
Of twigs to get
your fixes.
Shooting up with
whatever
The needle can
devour.
Better off dead?
Not
yet…
Fucked in the
head?
Not
yet…
Blood wallowing
in disease
For the body to
be pleased.
Beautiful mind
going to waste
Without
hesitation, just haste.
Nothing left to
salvage, to save.
There is no one
to dig the grave.
Better off dead?
Already…
Fucked in the
head?
Already…
April 29, 2002
Suicidal Encouragement
All your life is
Is a compilment
of
Dead cells.
Nothing’s
living.
It’s all just
Decaying.
Give the worms
A tasty feast.
Go ahead, jump,
dive,
hang,
slit.
We’re all
waiting
For it.
What? You don’t
want to
Anymore?
You were just
joking?
You are such a
coward.
Here,
Follow my lead.
I’ll show you
how.
May 3, 2002
Torn Apart
Timely
destructions are near.
They're what
tear us apart.
We're split in
two by fear.
A stake driven
into our heart.
We can't cling
to the past forever.
Our life — our
soul will be severed.
Always remember
that you are my cure—
You're what
makes my heart endure
This agony
called sadness—
This disease
called loneliness.
Only one
person’s left in the mirror.
Where to go —
where to start?
And even though
I’m not here,
Our love is what
your life will impart.
We can't cling
to the past forever.
Our life — our
soul will be severed.
Always remember
that you are my cure—
You're what
makes my heart endure
This agony
called sadness—
This disease
called loneliness.
It’s like being
impaled by a spear,
I know, it’s
been done to my heart.
I wish I could
wipe away your tear,
But our love
will remain timeless art.
May 5, 2002
Guardian
You came to me,
not me to you.
An angel
everyone wants to touch.
Stalked without
even doing much.
Drawing every
demon near,
Causing you to
tremble in fear.
What is it that
they see in you?
Could it be your
spirited eyes?
Could it be your
innocent sighs?
Could it be your
loving face?
Could it be your
endless grace?
I don’t know,
but I’ll be with you
Each time you
begin to cry—
Every time
you’re told a lie—
Each time they
give you pain—
Every time you
feel shame.
You’ll run to me
to protect you.
I will stop them
all.
I will make them
fall.
I will never
tell you ‘never’.
I shall protect
you forever.
Because
sometimes angels need guardians too.
May 6, 2002
Hooks
Ten thousand
tiny hooks dig into my skin
Tearing at my
soul that’s dying within.
I’m trying to
fight this pain,
But it just
won’t go away
And everyone
around me is driving me insane.
And they keep
pulling me in every which way.
I feel like I’m
dying
But
I’m still breathing.
I feel like I’m
crying
But
I’m not tearing.
Maybe a quick
requiem will soothe my troubled soul.
Maybe an OD of
Valium will keep me in control.
Why do they
pester me?
What is it they
crave?
I keep pushing
my depressive problems down in me,
But it’s not my
problems that send me to the grave,
It’s everyone
else’s
That
cause me to ache.
These selfish
bastards
Keeping me awake.
Why does
everyone think I want to share their pains?
Why do they feel
as if I care for their losses and gains?
Don’t you get it
that I can’t solve your life?
Don’t you
understand that I don’t want your strife?
Just lock
yourselves up inside your own cells.
Just let me fall
asleep in my own nightmarish hells.
Detach your
selfish hooks from my bleeding skin
And stop
absorbing the half-dead soul lying within.
May 28, 2002
It’s Time for My Life
I’m standing on
life’s fragile edge.
Go ahead, push
me over the edge.
‘Cuz I don’t
care anymore.
This world has
become a bore.
Just beware that
if you do shove,
I’ll take you
and all you love.
No more sympathy
seeps from me.
It’s time for me
to let you see
That I’m tired
of hearing everyone’s cries
While I have to
cover-up mine with lies.
I will no longer
be the supporting crutch
That’s holding
up all the people that I touch.
It’s time for me
to live me life
And time to heal
all the wounds from the knife.
No one really
knows who or what I am,
But I don’t
think they really give a damn.
Well it’s my
time to show them all,
That what hides
behind this stone wall
Is a soul
entangled with its own pains—
A soul being
choked off by all the chains.
I can’t be
waiting for someone to save me
‘Cuz there’s
nobody who even knows me.
It’s time to end
this strife.
It’s time to
start me life.
June 6, 2002
Above
I’m sitting out
in the night
Staring out at
the stars in sight.
Thinking —
wishing someone else is out there
Also engaging
into this celestial stare.
Where’s the one
I know?
Will she ever
show?
Where’s the one
I love?
Is she up above?
I hope to God
she’s near
Because I need
her here.
I don’t know
where you are,
But you are my
guiding star.
I’ll always
watch this sky.
I will find
where you lie.
Where’s the one
I know?
Will she ever
show?
Where’s the one
I love?
Is she up above?
I hope to God
she’s near
Because I need
her here.
I will find the
angel that I truly love,
Whether I have
to search below or above.
June 18, 2002
Water
The flow of Life
will be your cause of death,
As the water
continues to consume your breath.
Your angelic
wings still pull you deeper
As you come
faced with the Reaper.
You’re drowning
into the cold, desolate water
As I stand here
and witness how you falter.
Your spirited
eyes slowly turn lifeless,
Yet I feel no
sorrow — no sadness.
The pain-filled
tears pouring from your scared eyes
Only add to your
watery demise.
You reach for my
hand to save you from this,
But your
betrayals are all I reminisce.
Why should I go
out of my way to save
One who’s
relentlessly tried digging my grave?
That angelic
façade can no longer help you,
As your
life-decimating life will be soon through.
Your gasping
lungs are running out of room.
This life as you
knew it will no longer resume.
July 31, 2002
Valhalla
The darkened
seas below my feet.
The blackened
skies up above.
An invisible
horizon where they meet.
A silence as
serene as love.
A hazed moon
peeking through.
Sporadic bolts
breaking sky.
Nothing but an
onyx view,
As light seems
to shy.
Whispering winds
give no sound,
But their words
welcome me home.
No other soul
can be found,
Yet I am no
longer alone.
August 18, 2002
Spirit’s Journeys
So many
frightened beings dying in the shadows,
As the starved
mouth of death pleasingly swallows.
These victims
fall to Time’s ill-fated burdens
And the River of
Life leaves behind dried-up endurance.
There’s no
escape and no chance left for survival,
As Life bows
before its everlasting rival.
As does the Lady
Moon forever wax and wane,
This old life
will end only to live once again.
The seed of the
dead plant starts its new life
To grow even
more before embracing the Scythe.
This spiritual
cycle goes on evermore,
Until the
enlightened spirit can grow no more.
Once the
spirit’s countless journeys are complete,
The aged soul
can rest without ever facing defeat.
October 3, 2002
Angel of Sin
Beauty with the
halo and the devilled horns.
Marked by the
Beast and scarred by the crown of thorns.
Swimming in the
world of her dreamy mind.
Wanting to help
every injured spirit she can find.
Indulging into
wild, savoury temptations
Of Ecstasy’s
quick, delightful sensations.
Lusty blood
flows in her ravenous veins
With a
compassionate heart in the back lanes.
Rooted into a
darkened, shadowy Hell,
While Heaven’s
the place where her sweet branches dwell.
A sultry siren
that nobody can control.
Her sexy body
hiding a sensuous soul.
After forever
searching around
The deceptive
labyrinth within,
My guild — my
love has at last been found
In the form of
this angel…of sin.
October 9, 2002
Start Anew
Head down,
Resting,
Forgetting.
Memories of pain
Play over again
And again.
Wanting to—
To start anew—
To not remember
you.
Lying here
Letting Grief’s
scavengers
Pick at my
bones.
A sombre song
Plays over and
over
And over
In my head.
Take away…
Take away my
troubles—
My sadness.
Make me forget
My life with
her.
Let me start
anew.
October 10, 2002
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