In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Here I sit in front of my computer trying desperately to explain
the changes that took place within me, and the changes that set the stage for
me to embrace Islam. Of course
everything took place over a number of years and to mention it all would be
pointless, so I will target here the basics of those changes. Inshallah. To
begin with, it would be beneficial for me to describe my personal thoughts
about life, or human existence. I
see human needs as being broken down into four basic categories. Each category
needs to be nurtured for growth, life, or an ability to subsist. These are the
physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual constructions of the human
being. All are inter-related, and if one of them is missing the others cannot
function properly. To
be nurtured physically is what we know best. If we are not given proper
nutrition, we become malnourished, or deformed for example. Being nurtured
emotionally is also very important. This includes being loved, accepted,
listened to, respected and so on. Intellectual nourishment is also crucial.
Learning how to read and write, in addition to acquiring common sense and
problem solving skills are all basic intellectual necessities. Lack of proper development for any one
of these categories is detrimental to one’s capacity and capability to function
properly or efficiently. It
must be stressed that over-nurturing of any of the above categories will also
have negative effects. That is, when a person goes beyond what is necessary
for him, and over-satisfies himself/herself by following his/her
desires. For example, a person
being over-fed is just eating to fulfill his desires. This is detrimental to
his health. Or a person, who goes beyond his emotional needs and walks on the
road of adultery, pornography, drugs, and drinking, is just following or slave
to their desires. Also a person
can go beyond his intellectual needs and question the existence of a creator,
or invent diseases, or ask questions like, ‘who created the creator?’ Crossing
the border from fulfilling needs into fulfilling desires is not only
devastating to the human being in this life, but also makes crossing into the
eternal life of bliss virtually impossible. Of course, this is in the hands of
the Creator alone. Yes
I see, I didn’t mention spiritual nurturing. Unfortunately this aspect of human
necessity goes often ignored. If it is not ignored, it may be given the wrong
type of nurturing. Very few people worry that their children may not be getting
enough, or even some, of the right kind of spiritual nutrition. Most of us are
indeed examples of that. This includes leaving our spirits malnourished,
without morals, or evil. I’m sure
we can think of many other types of decay that can exist here. Interestingly
enough, there is no over-nurturing of the soul that can lead to bad
consequences. A person trying to satisfy his desire of communicating, loving,
and pleasing the creator through prayers cannot harm anyone, including himself.
Have you heard of anyone that gives too much charity, or is too kind and
humble, or anyone that spends too much time praying? Well, I guess that
nowadays we probably have. “He’s a fanatic,” they say. But really, what’s wrong
with that? If he is really following the Creator, and has total desire to
please the Creator, he could and would not harm himself, or others. Weren’t all
of the prophets considered fanatics in their time? Most parents try to balance the nurturing of the four categories
I’ve described above. Whichever characteristic is developed most will become
the strongest. If they are not balanced, you may have for example, a
malnourished boy who is very intelligent, or a fat girl who is emotionally
unstable. The possible combinations are many. When we look at someone who
spends time in stimulation of the soul though, you get a different effect. An over-nurtured soul prevents a person
from crossing the border, or barrier of entanglement of blindly fulfilling
their desires, whether they be physical, emotional, or intellectual. During this state the person only
satisfies those needs that are necessary for them. The desire nurtured within the human being that crosses this
spiritual border is abstinence! This is the side effect, so to speak, of
crossing the border of spirituality.
With the love and desire for one’s Creator to be pleased with him, his
spirituality becomes the strongest. The desire to please the Creator becomes
that which controls his/her behavior.
This prevents him from following his desire, or over-stimulating his
other parts. When the human concurs his blind quest to fulfill his desires, and
balances all of these necessities (i.e. physical, emotional, intellectual, and
spiritual constructions of the human being), while leaving his spiritually the
master of the human consistence, then man can live in peace and harmony with
the creation and the Creator. The
human then becomes successful in this life as well as the life in the
hereafter. I
was very fortunate that my parents nurtured me in all four categories. But like
I said earlier, it’s not only enough to be given encouragement, it also must be
the right kind of nurturing. It’s like filling the gas tank of a car with milk.
In the end it doesn’t get you where you need to go. Spiritually, I was never satisfied,
and always confused: Three Gods in one, and that kind of thing. I also had many friends that were of
different religions when I was growing up. I often pondered how, with one God,
there were so many religions. That’s right, you read it correctly; I
instinctively believed in the existence of only one God. I often imagined as a
child if there were three gods they would fight, and one day we would wake up
and all the trees would be gone. The losing god would have to remove his
creation. I also used to wonder if I had been born to someone else’s mother and
father, then I couldn’t I have been a Jew? This type of reflection led me to the conclusion that there was
only one God, and of course only one God meant only one religion. I didn’t know
which of these religions was correct. I knew the people had played with God’s
words and broken off into different sects. I was scared that if I followed the
wrong religion that I would be doomed. This is when I stopped going to church,
and decided not to lie or steal and be good until I would meet my Lord. I stayed in this condition until I met a Muslim woman, Asma. At
that time I hadn’t heard about Islam; I thought that she had a funny name, but
really didn’t make much of it. We soon became friends. To tell you the truth, she wasn’t
really practicing Islam, but some women who did would come and visit her
often. They would try to talk to
me, but I already believed that Islam was a religion that worshipped a human being. I thought Muhammad PBUH was their
god. I told them that I liked
them, but I also told them to never discuss their beliefs with me. I guess this is where I can conclude
that I never really chose to be a Muslim. Islam chose me. Initially, I hated Islam. During that time one of my close friends had converted to Islam.
I often told her she was crazy, and asked her about that thing she started to
wear on head, etc. I also made fun of her buying meat that had been slaughtered
Islamically? She boldly ignored me and didn’t engage in any arguments. She
never said one word to me in her own defense. She just continued practicing and changing little by little. A short time before this I had been told by another woman, when
I asked to see the Qur’an, that I couldn’t touch it because I didn’t believe. This
angered me, which led to my purchase of the Qur’an, and other Islamic books. I
would work all day and read all night. Between reading the miraculous knowledge
that is contained within the Qur’an and the changes I saw in my friend, I began
to believe that the Holy Qur’an truly was revelation. Upon believing this,
naturally I had to conclude that Muhammad PBUH was indeed a prophet. After that everything fell into place
like dominoes, except for one little problem: my pride! I was too proud to tell my Muslim friends, especially after the
way I had treated them, that I also believed in Allah. I kept it secret for
many years. I kept on studying the Qur’an, and my other Islamic books. I
started to feel very guilty. I knew that although I wasn’t doing anything bad,
I wasn’t doing any worship to benefit my soul either. I was in limbo, until my
chance finally came when another of my close friends called and told me that
some religious men had just left her house, and that she had embraced Islam.
She was so happy. I told her if they came again to her, to give them my phone
number. When they visited her again, she gave them my phone number, and from
there they introduced me to the women in the community. I started my study of
Islam and now I understand all the things that confused me as a child. I am
complete, and happy. Of course I could never properly explain these feelings I have
now. It would be like describing snow to someone who lives in the desert. Now
as far as my physical being goes, Islam instructs me how to satisfy
all me needs, without crossing the border into excessive desire. Emotional needs are also well
structured and there are instructions within Islam about how to prevent oneself
from crossing the barrier. All my intellectual needs are also met. All my needs
are now satisfied, without indulging myself and without my desires becoming my
master. Now my spirituality is the master of my desires, and that, which gives
me direction. I bear
witness that there is no god besides Allah, and that prophet Muhammad is the
messenger of Allah. May Allah guide all of mankind and put us all on the
straight path. And may Allah, The
Exalted keep me as a "Souladvisor". Ameen! Here I sit
By: Souladvisor